Confusion about racial preference!

[zombiebabe]

As most of you have noticed A LOT of questions on GAG regarding race like : "I am a guy/girl from __race, will girls/guys from____race be attracted to me?" or "I am aguy/girl from_____race i would like to only date girls/guys from___race. Is that wrong"? or "As a guy/girl from___race i find myself attracted to people of the same race" ,etc....But they are sometimes seen as being racist but its not necessarily the case (even if i may agree that sometimes there can be very offensive posts)...some of them are concerned with racial preference

What's the difference between racial preference and racism?

In my honest opinion i think that racial preference is when there's no harm in preferring and /not being attracted to a majority of certain people.One should not feel obligated to date people to whom he/she is not attracted to as long as it is not done in a disrespectful way. One the other hand, racism is when a particular race think that its superior to any other races.Each races are different from each other and have different features..EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT!

Well, everyone has a racial preference when it comes to dating.

What's your opinion on this GAGers?

[Starrk]

Nice take and I'm happy you did it because I have a bone to pick with the people who don't understand what a preference mean.

One thing I wish people would understand about preference is that having a preference doesn't mean you are supposed to remain exclusive to such preference. A preference is if I say, "I prefer butter pecan ice cream over all the other ice creams, BUT I wouldn't turn down vanilla, chocolate or strawberry ice cream if they were given to me ".

Racial preference is supposed to be similar to the ice cream analogy, but apparently some people don't understand this. For some reason people get racial preference confused with being racially exclusive. Me personally, I prefer Latina/Black girls, but just because I prefer those type of girls doesn't mean I'll immediately turn down every single White/Asian girl who approach me.

Being racially exclusive though is pretty racist because it usually comes off like this; "I won't/would never date him because he's Black/Asian/White". Saying you would NEVER date someone simply because of their race is not a preference but is outright prejudice.

[UnknownXYZ]

Wonderful answer. "Saying you would NEVER date someone simply because of their race is not a preference but is outright prejudice." Even so, I begin to question why would anyone prefer one race to another in the first place. It sounds alright to exactly roll off the answer with 'just a preference' but it seems when you start to investigate deep down why they are having these preferences, it tends to stem from over-generalizations and stereotypes.

[alecz]

@UnknownXYZ I have never seen anyone put it exactly like this. Great response.

[Starrk]

@UnknownXYZ

Exactly. Since the line the between preference and prejudice is very blurred, people tend to hide their prejudice under the disguise of being a preference and that is such an insult to all of our intelligence, because you can easily see under that disguise. It's like some of these people think we were born 2 hours ago.

And you are so right about the stereotype. Most if not all the people who avoid a particular race in both dating and association does so because of the negative stereotypes perpetrated against that group. I seriously believe it has nothing to do with not being attracted to that particular group, because let's be honest, in a world where there is over a billion Asian, Whites and Blacks, these people are telling me that they haven't laid their eyes on at least one attracted person from each group. I call BS.

[UnknownXYZ]

@alecz Thank you and Coyote, I call BS too.

[jwhit]

I agree with you 100%

[WalterRadio]

"Saying you would NEVER date someone simply because of their race is not a preference but is outright prejudice."

Not at all. Saying someone can't sit next to you in a movie theater because of his race is prejudiced. Saying your son or daughter can't date someone because of his race is prejudiced. Saying your friend's wife can't come into your house because of her race is prejudiced.

When one dates interracially, one dates interculturally. As much as we Americans are stratified by income, in that a $250k/yr black family has more in common with a $250k white family than with a $50k/yr black family, there is a leap that has to be made in a relationship with someone who isn't just like you. I have had close friends and intimate relations with people of another race for all of my adult life. I understand how that is not for everyone and some people may wish to not consider it. And that is ok.

[Starrk]

@WalterRadio

What I was trying to say and what you are trying to say are two totally different things. Refusing to date someone because of differences in culture is fine and dandy, but refusing to date someone simply because of the phenotype of that person is a different story. Race and culture do sometime overlap, but not all the time and to make such generalization simply by looking at the person and not knowing anything about them would/could be a very fallacious thing to assume.

There's a difference between not wanting to date someone (especially after you got to know them) because of differences in belief/traditions/values. It's an entirely different story to completely reject an entire race simply because they belong to that particular race without any other reasoning.

[alecz]

@WalterRadio

"When one dates interracially, one dates interculturally."

This is exactly why what you are saying is racist. You think that a person's culture an behaviors has something to do with what they look like and this just doesn't make sense. I suppose you are one of the people who would talk about 'black' and 'white' ways of life or 'acting white' or 'acting black.' This just simply isn't true. I've seen so much diversity it is not even funny. So called 'white people' who love anime and 'k-pop' and guess what, the top consumers of rap are not 'black people' they're white. I know so many 'black people' who don't even listen to it. This is why I just don't believe this race thing; it doesn't make sense.

[vishna]

I have no racial preference. But, I won't leave my answer at simply that. Even though I'm straight, I'm most awe struck by beautiful women with tan skin and dark flowing hair. And though I find women of every single ethnicity to be fantastically gorgeous, when I think of the ideal beauty, I imagine someone with tan skin and dark hair. So, I could have a girl crush preference.

That being said, a lot of times, 90% of the time, when people say they have a preference, it really means they are excluding. There's a huge difference between being awestruck by white women vs only dating white women because poc's are out of the question. That is nothing but racist. And often preference and racism go hand in hand.

[alecz]

I think your take is very interesting. I disagree with some of what you said but I think it's good that people are actually even talking about race and trying to clear the air.

You read my Take and commented and I'm happy you liked it.

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a22081-race-v-s-facts

In my take I tried to show that 'race' isn't a scientific idea and that it really doesn't make much sense. What I think about 'racial preference' comes from that idea. If races aren't real what do we mean by 'racial preference?' If there aren't really any 'white' people what do we mean when we say "i prefer a white girl?" You are just referring to those false and racist racial theories which aren't true in the first place.

There is a difference between having a 'racial preference' and having a preference based on physical features. If I say "I have a preference for blonde girls?" All I'm saying is I have a thing for blonde hair, not that I date blonde's exclusively, not that I find brunettes unattractive. It's just a way of saying I have a particular liking. If I said I don't date brunettes period that would be a different thing and most people wouldn't think "it's just a preference." Since there are no real races but different physical features we can say things like "I prefer dark skin" which would include anyone who has dark skin be they 'East Indian, African, any dark skinned Native (I mean that in a cultural way) etc. This wouldn't mean you don't date light skinned; just that you really like dark skin. You could also say you like monolid eyes which might include some Scandinavians, only some Asians, since not everyone from Asia has monolid eyes and some Africans such as the Khoisans.

What I just described is preferring a physical feature. Race based dating doesn't do this, so it's not about physical features. There is no way that race based dating cannot be racist. Saying that you only find 'blacks' attractive is literally saying that for more than 4 Billion people in this world and 85% of the people in America who you have never met, you can't find one attractive person with a good personality. Exclusive race dating just sounds odd. If you think about what I said you'll notice I never said who you should or shouldn't date, and the questions you are trying to answer wouldn't even come up it would be perfectly fine for you to be dark have a preference for light skin but this doesn't mean you date light skinned exclusively. Very much like a blonde liking 'tall dark and handsome.' but doesn't hate blonde dudes.

[UnknownXYZ]

Beautiful response. I read your myTake before and I agree wholeheartedly.

[alecz]

@UnknownXYZ Thank you and I'm happy you liked it.

[WalterRadio]

I have dated every "race". Race is insufficient to describe a group. Asian is the least descriptive. Ex: Malays, Tamils, and Japanese are physically, linguistically, and culturally different. Asia is a place, it is neither a race nor a culture.

Then there is African-American. Unless you were born in Africa, you aren't African-American. I've dated three African-Americans. One was from Kenya, one from Ethiopia, and one from Tanzania. A 4th if you count a Moroccan. There is as much difference between a Kenyan and an Ethiopian as there is between a Thai and a Chinese. Africa is a place.

Thanks to the Roman Empire and Charlemagne and his descendants, Europeans and white Americans are not as distinct.

Blacks in America tend to be similar because they are mostly descended from the people near one area of Africa and mostly have a bit of European.

I find the main barrier to inter"racial" dating to be culture. I can't stand ghetto or hip hop. Any woman who displays that isn't going to get the time of day from me. I find smart, sweet, and funny attractive, especially on someone slim and petite, so it is no surprise that some "Asians" are over represented and others won't get the time of day from me.

I do have a first preference: Half Filipino and half Germanic/Anglo. Most beautiful women in the world.

[SakuraChii]

I do think that a preference can come into racism in some situations. For example, someone could see themselves as higher than Indian people and find them disgusting so they are not attracted to them for those reasons or you could just have someone who is lets say, more attracted to monolids/fold which a lot of Asians have, I don't see that as racist but the latter is. It can also be taken wrongly if someone were to say, " I don't date black people because they are stupid and thugs" or "I only date Asian women because they are submissive and don't talk back" either way can be seen as racist because it's a generlization. I've seen people state certain things about certain races, yet claim that they are not racist when they are attracted to a certain race for what they think they are/act like instead of being attracted to physical features which you can't help.

[zombiebabe]

i know what you mean and yea sometimes its all about racism >:(

[GirlScout]

I do have racial preference, and I know some people do think that is a form of racism but as you said, we all have our own preferences. Races do have particular characteristics a lot of the time - there is no denying that, and some of those will not be appealing to everyone.

I have racial preference. It's my prerogative if I choose not to enter into a romantic relationship with someone I don't feel physically attractive.

Racism is the judgement of someone based purely on the colour of their skin. Having prejudices based on racial sterotyping. Generalising entire races and pigeon holing them, not fancying people with certain features is just down to personal preference, same as a hair colour.

Nice take Zombie :) :) :)

[zombiebabe]

thanks for your opinion :)

[Paris13]

As you and many know on GAG, @zombiebabe, I married a Muslim out in Egypt, and being I was never prejudice, I had no problem in mixing in with his religion or culture.
However, I have a cousin who married a black man out in Georgia, and her family as no problem with this.
I do not frown on anyone who chooses to be with anyone, black or white or whatever race.
Good luck. xx

[zombiebabe]

thanks for your opinion

[Paris13]

Oh, so welcome, @zombiebabe, any time, and Great take as always!:)) xxo

[zombiebabe]

thanks

[Paris13]

So welcome!:)) xxoo

[iamyourneighbor]

Cool you married an Egyptian Muslim so are you Muslim now?

[Paris13]

@iamyourneighbor No I am still a Christan and very proud of it. xxoo

[LiveFreeorDieHard]

Agree completely. I think different races have different features and some may like and some may dislike those features. I honestly think that most people like people who are similar though. If you look at marriage rates and other statistics, most people like their own race of girls or guys. Everyone tries to make it seem like everyone is going to be mixed in the future, not true at all. Actually, since most people like their own it won't happen. But what you said was good. You like what you like, it has nothing to do with racism or self hatred. But you need to do it in a way that doesn't insult other groups.

[zombiebabe]

am glad you agree with my point of view

[godfatherfan]

exactly. I am really only attracted to white women or some lets call them Spanish types. I have never been attracted to black women, I am not attracted to Asian women. That doesn't mean I have any issue with being friendly toward anyone. my son dated a black girl... if that makes him happy, more power to it. I am not going to be forced into being unhappy because uneducated people don't understand the difference.

[zombiebabe]

i understand that

[Lolomon]

Well "race" isn't real. but ethnicity is. So is having a preference to someone of a certain ethnicity? NO! Its dumb to think it is. If you don't like the facial features, culture... etc that's your right. I hate how people try to shame people and call them racist or phobic by not being attracted to a certain group. People need to stop being so self conscious , love themselves and eventually someone will love them too... this PC society and I so illogical thinking needs to end

[zombiebabe]

true

[jwhit]

I personally don't have a racial preference, I've found woman of all races to be attractive. A lot of it has to do with your upbringing. If you were constantly feed bs about how terrible other races were for having certain physical features (whether it be eye fold, pale/dark skin, coarse/straight etc) then you're more likely not gonna date those races (there are exceptions as some people like to go against their parents wishes). Also growing up in a predominantly (insert race) area doesn't effect your preference either. I grew up around mostly blacks most of my life, but once I started playing volleyball in HS and interacted with other races then I began to take interest in them.

[iamyourneighbor]

I think racial preference becomes a problem when the person thinks the race they choose is superior than others and treat he races they don't like with disrespect. That's when the line is crossed. Also racial preference becomes wrong when the person has unrealistic expectations of what the race is supposed to be like

[zombiebabe]

that's true

[iamyourneighbor]

*the

[SilenRose]

BINGO!

[Northeast106]

Race is a feature like any other. Height, looks, body shape, etc. The dating world isn't fair or politically correct, everyone has what they are looking for in a partner. People just need thicker skin, and to accept the fact that no matter what you are, not everyone will want to be with you.

[zombiebabe]

true

[GreatnessPersonified]

Preference is a emotional thing, and as such, needs no logic. When someone tries to use logic to explain it, it sounds shallow, forced or even racist.

I'm a black man, I like black women, why? Because they make my dick hard.
That's all the reason I need. That's all the reason ANYONE needs.

[GreatnessPersonified]

Also, from the video, they seem to see dating and marriage to be the same.
It's not!!
A man would screw any chick from any race but his own, then settle down and marry a woman from his own race/culture.
Why?
Because similar tastes beats all.

[Riggers]

Great take.

But, Im just busy pissing myself laughing at all the girls downvoting guys comments because they don't find their particular race attractive haha.

Man oh man... Look at all the guys who said they dont find black girls attractive personally. Shit, They got disliked to hell 0_o

Sort of goes against the entire point of the take xD

[zombiebabe]

lol ikr!

[TripleAce]

Well it's a grey zone

Preferences are ok but eventually they can become into segregation, division and slowly but surely turn into feeling your above certain races --> which is in fact the definition of rasicm like you mentioned

by default if you prefer one thing over another, it can be argued that the one you choose is superior to the other in some form or way, or you wouldn't choose it.

But then again it's still everyone's right to choose who they date.

[zombiebabe]

true

[0112358]

I think one of the positives I've gotten from GaG over time is that if you read with your eyes open yes, some people do have preferences. Sure, that sucks.

But if you're race _____ wondering if guys/girls of race _____ are interested in you, the answer is almost certainly a good half to 2/3 are. Some of them probably like your group best and are afraid you won't like them.

So go for it.

[zombiebabe]

yup!

[angelling]

Racial preference is fine as long as they are not being disrespectful. For instance I often hear "I don't date black girls because they are all ______" this is just wrong. But to say "I'm just not attracted to them" that's fine. It's ok as long as you're not stereotyping or putting an entire race down/glorifying one race over another because of your own personal preference.

[zombiebabe]

so true!

[schnipdip]

I am only attracted to Asian women... And I'm white. I love their facial features and I love when someone has something to share with me so I can learn from them. I don't feel like I can learn anything new from a white girl. - her family, traditions, culture are exactly like mine. I don't feel comfortable dating myself.

[stubbsy]

I think religion makes multi cultural marriages difficult and at times, impossible due to ones belief which gets handed down to the next generation who are refused permission to date outside their cultural boundaries, but for me, I would happily date or marry anyone I find attractive and returns the bond. I don't have a preference, but I do insist that a bond is noticed because fixed marriages in my eyes is forced upon people with out the respect shown as to what they want, but that's just me, x

[Broswater]

Its a matter of personal taste. I don't find myself attracted to black, indian or Asian girls. But caucasian or latina girls make my blood boil.

[zombiebabe]

to each their own

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Thanks for sharing this MyTake :D i do agree with you on this one
in many ways i have relatives of mixed races and I'm open to
date any race i believe God made us all equal.

[zombiebabe]

yessss we are all equal!!