Why do you think anyone can compare the male and female experiences? And why does it matter?

[OlderAndWiser]

I read questions, usually from younger users, asking penetrating questions like:

"Who's better? Men or women?" or "Who has stronger orgasms? Men or women?" or "Who cheats more? Men or women?" There are a few little problems with these questions.

1. Who could know?

If you are a man, you know what an orgasm feels like for a guy, but you have no idea how an orgasm feels for a woman, so how could you possibly make that comparison? If you are a lady, you know what an orgasm feels like for a lady, but you have no idea how an orgasm feels for a man, so how could you possibly make that comparison? Lest anyone say "ask a transgender," just note that a transgender who was born male may have something that looks like female equipment now but that doesn't mean that they know how an orgasm feels for a woman who was born female.

So . . . who could you possibly ask who would actually be in a position to have had the experiences that would allow them to offer a legitimate opinion?

2. Why does it matter?

Suppose you knew that women have stronger orgasms; what could you do with that information? Start the Occupy Bed movement and insist on equal rights? Tell your woman to work harder for you?

What is important is for you to know yourself and to avoid comparisons to other people. It doesn't really help you to know that 42% of men have a penis longer than yours. What matters is that you learn to be an attentive lover and that you choose your partners carefully . . . whether you are hung like a horse or hung like a Lilliputian.

3. Why are you asking?

When you ask, "Who is smarter: men or women?" where do you think that question will take you? Are you one of those MFTOCEM (Men Fixin' Their Own Coffee Every Morning) guys who just wants to hate on women? What's that accomplish? If you don't like the opposite gender, just leave them alone. Your need to perpetually engage in skirmishes just looks childish.

[idkwtftoputhere]

I know right, what's the point of fueling a stupid war between the sexes? All that does is complicate shit and I like my shit to be as uncomplicated as possible.

[Anonymous]

Pride. Pride and envy feeds these comparisons and broadens the gap between the genders

[OlderAndWiser]

10-4, brother!

[roxyreigns]

"Lest anyone say "ask a transgender," just note that a transgender who was born male may have something that looks like female equipment now but that doesn't mean that they know how an orgasm feels for a woman who was born female."

it's the same tissue, the same body parts, the same nerves - a post hrt, post srs transgender person isn't particularly meaningfully biologically distinct from any given cis woman, beyond the absence of a uterus and ovaries (which, already, procedures are being worked on to rectify this).

but if we put that aside and we're just asking about a question of "which genitals give which experiences", it'd be much faster to ask intersex people, many of whom can give us an answer for penis orgasms and vaginal orgasms.

most of the social experience differences between men and women - which is, essentially, the main thing that makes men's lives and women's lives different - can be answered by any given transgender person anyway who can pass well enough that they don't go through a much different, and altogether worse experience.

[OlderAndWiser]

Transgender surgery does not make a male into a female who cannot be distinguished from natural females, or vice versa. A male who becomes a female through surgery typically complains of feeling like a female trapped in a male body. Why would you expect that person to have had typical male physical experiences prior to their surgical reassignment?

An intersex person is not both male and female. They have sexual anatomy which presents varying combinations of typical male and typical female morphology. To think that these people have both typical male and typical female experiences is naive and misguided.

Again, believing that a transgender female had typical male social experiences prior to surgical reassignment is simply wrong. If such a person had typical male experiences and completely normal male anatomy, it is unlikely that they would have undergone surgery.

If you have any research that contradicts my conclusions, I would be happy to review it.

[roxyreigns]

"A male who becomes a female through surgery typically complains of feeling like a female trapped in a male body." not quite. after surgery and hrt, transgender people feel precisely the opposite of this - that's the point. hrt has a particularly radical impact on the body. but also transgender women pretty much never say that cliched phrase.

true, transgender women don't necessarily have typical male experiences as such, and i think it's really important to be aware of that in general, but at the same time, their experiences vary, and many of them certainly have plenty of insight into the way, for example, guys are like when they think they're just with guys that your average woman doesn't have. the same of course goes for trans men, perhaps more so since they have a much easier time passing.

i wrote a mytake about this complicated topic, particularly with regard to whether intersex people are both male and female here: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a23537-what-makes-men-women-different which should have some of the research you wanted.

[Kalseum]

1. The nerves and muscles responsible for the sexual response, along with all genital tissue, is the same in both sexes, but it is formed into different structures. I think if it like two different sculptures made out of the same type of clay. This means that there is an fairly high chance that orgasms feel very similar or even identical for men and women. Sure everyone can feel them differently, and even each orgasm for one person may feel different than the other, but generally speaking, it's very likely that the sexual response (including orgasm) to feel the same for both.

2. Several studies have shown that people could not tell the difference between male and female descriptions of orgasm.

3. Men and women react in very similar ways to orgasm. I'm not going to go into too much detail, but you probably know what I mean.

4. It would make sense for the sexual response to feel the same, because it serves as an extremely reliable pair-bonding mechanism based on empathy. I think most people will understand this part of my explaination, but sadly I've seen tons of bullshit about this topic all over the internet that thdev NNN j

Sttdout cvcf

[karahiri]

I think those questions sometimes stem from genuine curiosity. Other times, it's just poorly masked bitterness. I agree with the gist of your post- hope people read this!

[ThisDudeHere]

What does it matter if people ask questions? All that matters that by asking them someone becomes more informed than they were before that. As they say there is no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid answers.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. You cannot become better informed by asking questions which have no valid answers.

2. I never said that a question was "stupid." I suggested that the fact that the question is being asked suggests certain things about the attitude of the person asking the question. I am going beyond the question and looking at the motivation. However, if you enjoy asking questions which have no valid answers and are upset because you wee challenged, then you may stand upon your assertion that there are no stupid questions. (However, when I see a question on G@G that asks something like, "Would you rather have your face glued to a dead whore's ass for 6 hours every day or be required to eat your grandmother's turds?," I think that IS a stupid question.)

[ThisDudeHere]

You actually do gain something out of it - you find out that the question has no valid answers.

[OlderAndWiser]

You don't need to asks those questions anymore, because I already explained that there I no valid answer. Next! :)

[ThisDudeHere]

Tell that to everyone who won't read this then.

[Azara]

Nicely done. right to the point and very good point it is. without being offensive or prejudiced.. showing by example. thanks:)

[Anonymous]

Why does it matter? Because we have been utterly brainwashed for decades to believe women have it soooooooo haaaaarrrrrd, and men's lives are a piece o' cake, which is complete bullshit. People see the world through very feminized, gynocentric lenses. That needs to change, and the only way it will change is by vetting all the entrenched bullshit perceptions people have, which means discussing them.

[OlderAndWiser]

I'm guessing that you fix your own coffee every morning.

[Opinion Owner]

Sometimes; depends whether my wife or I get up first.

[OlderAndWiser]

Getting that angry about what you perceive to be an issue doesn't make anyone else change their opinions or attitudes; it only makes you an angry young man.

[Opinion Owner]

You are complacent, which is sad. Is that what happens when you get old?

[OlderAndWiser]

No, but I do engage in far less name calling.

[Mesonfielde]

"" Because we have been utterly brainwashed for decades to believe women have it soooooooo haaaaarrrrrd""

At maximum you were "brainwashed" for 2 decades at most. The problem that currently exists for us is something that affects both sexes.

[pavlove]

Just gonna' say it and I don't care if it's cruel.

I feel bad for this guy's wife.

[OlderAndWiser]

@pavlove I'll second that motion!

[juliaanita]

agreed with everything:)

[takumii]

"Your need to perpetually engage in skirmishes just looks childish."

So It's perfectly fine to ask these that question, If I think I am a child, and still growing?

[OlderAndWiser]

? Your question is unintelligible.

[takumii]

If I think I am a child and still in the process of growing up, it's okay for me to ask "Who is smarter : Men or women?"

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, but the wise answer asks you to think about why you are raising the question, to reflect on your own attitudes; the wise answer does not confirm or validate any attitudes you may have that will be maladaptive when you reach maturity.

[takumii]

Went up.. up and over the head.

[OlderAndWiser]

If I misapprehended your question, perhaps you should ask again, with clarity.

[Miss_Behave]

Excellent my take! That's EXACTLY how I feel every time I see those types of questions!!!

[angelling]

Totally agree with this take. We all need to stop comparing and especially stop asking "who has it harder?" it's not helping any of us.

[Anonymous]

Agreed with everything but how come you have the pic of the famous transvestite singer?

[OlderAndWiser]

It visually relates to the idea that you would need to be both a male and a female to be able to compare things like "who has stronger orgasms men or women?"

[Opinion Owner]

Hmm, I do get how the male sex would experience a female orgasm unless he is intersex but ok,

[OlderAndWiser]

The point is that NO ONE ever experiences orgasms as a natural male would AND as a natural female would. Therefore, trying to make such comparisons I nothing more than an exercise in futility.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol, ok I'm a pretty literal person. I get it now.. lol

[Anonymous]

Actually transgender women feel orgasms similar if not exactly the same to women as they have the same hormones.

[OlderAndWiser]

And how would you now that? Does that mean if I subject myself to hormone therapy for a few weeks and changed my hormones to female normal levels, that I would know what it feels like to be a woman?

[Elis678]

I don't think so. It just doesn't take some hormones to be like the opposite sex. We're more than just hormones.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Elis678 I understand that point completely, and I was trying to get the opinion owner to see that. A transgender "female" can't feel an orgasm the same way that a natural female feels an orgasm because they don't have the same equipment, regardless of how many hormones you pump into them.

[Opinion Owner]

Whats the difference between a natural women and a transgender women who has undergone surgery that allows the natural women to experiance an orgasm that the transgender women wouldnt?

[OlderAndWiser]

Transgender surgery attempts to produce organs which will be the functional equivalent of target gender, but is is just an approximation. A female who tries to become a male will have something that is supposed to function like a penis but she does not have a prostate gland, she has fake testicles, etc. Google transgender penis and you can read as much detail as you would like.

[xxcchhllaauu]

Because it does matter stop lying

[OlderAndWiser]

Your pain is obvious. . . but that doesn't mean that I am telling lies. Expressing your pain with such venom does not help you to have a happier life in the future. YOU are responsible for what happens in your life, regardless of how angrily you reply to this statement.

[THEALIster]

Thank you @MyTakeOwner