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How to properly approach a girl is is probably one of the biggest problems for single guys. Either a guy is too shy and doesn't know how to approach a beautiful woman, or the guy thinks he's "the man" and tries to put his mack on some girl. The problem with both of sides of the spectrum, that in all honesty, it's not the correct way to pick up a good girl. Sure, a guy being all smooth with a girl might pick up some floosy at a bar, but if you want a keeper, she won't fall for the stupid gimmicks.
So you might be asking, "I see this beautiful woman all the time at the gym, and I don't know how to approach," or "there is a cute girl at school or work and I don't know what to say." Here are some proper ways to approach a girl, and some sure-fire ways to make your approach more powerful and convincing, even if you don't know what you're going to say.
Lose the pickup line
When you think of approaching a woman, the first thing that immediately comes to every guy's mind is a pickup line. We think, "What clever and charming thing can I say or ask, that will just make the woman just want to get to know me." We all think, "If she would only give me a chance, and try to get to know me, that's all I really want." We think that if we could just say something smooth, it will open a door for further conversation.
But what guys don't realize that it's not WHAT you say that is important, but it's HOW you approach. Research shows that talking and conversation is 90% body language and only 10% is the actual words we say. So what we need to do is not try and find some creative or smooth pickup line to try get us in the door. So the question that most guys is, "How do I approach that beautiful woman?"
Be confident
If I can stress anything to a single guy looking for a girl, I would stress a lot of things, but a huge one is to be confident. This is probably the biggest problem with most guys. The problem is, is that most guys, including me sometimes, put really beautiful girls on a pedestal. We think, "Wow she is absolutely amazing. There is no way she'd ever go for a guy like me. She is totally out of my league." So what we do, is basically quit, before we even give it a shot. We pull ourselves out of the game, before we even step on the field.
But what we need to realize, is that that amazingly beautiful girl, is really just a girl. She's no different then any other girl. She's really just a person with different hair, nose, eye, lips, and cheekbone features. That's really what makes her different. We need to get out of the mindset that we aren't good enough. What you need to realize is that luckily for us, girls don't place as much importance on looks as guys. Although they do care about looks a little bit, it's not as much as guys. It's more about who you are and what you are about. This gives us all a chance, even if we weren't born with the best looks.
Instead of worrying about what you're going to say, concentrate on how you you approach and talk to her. Most women put more importance on how you carry yourself. They don't care as much as what you say, as long as you seem confident. If you approach a woman like you have no business talking to her, that she's way out of your league, she will sense the weakness, and agree with you. But when you approach a woman, stand up straight with confidence and keep eye contact as you approach her.
Approach her as if she was just a normal girl that you wanted to talk to or hang out with. Be confident, but don't be cocky. What's the difference? Confidence is knowing you CAN do something, while cockiness is thinking you DESERVE it.
Be different
Chances are, if she's a girl, then there have been countless guys that have tried to hit on her. So you need to be different then most of those other guys. Most women, when they see a guy approaching, are waiting for the guy to try some lame pickup line that the guy thinks is "totally smooth." When I say be different, I don't mean in a weird or bad way. You want to be someone that she's like, that guy is different from other guys, in a good way of course.
In the mind of a woman, playing it safe equals boring! You need to spark her interest by being a bit disagreeable. For example, if you get into a conversation about summer movies and she says that a certain movie was the best movie. Instead of being agreeable, look her right in the eye with confidence and tell her that she is so wrong. That this other movie was superior. Then proceed to tell her why you think so. This will create a fun, friendly, flirtatious verbal sparring, which will create a spark in her brain. She will realize that you are not a pushover like most men and attraction will start to form in her head. You want to maintain some tension.
Flirting with women is all about gathering information, so the better listener you are, the better your chances. When you call her, you will have more things to talk about. Before calling a woman, think about everything she said and then pick the most juicy topic or opinion and challenge her with it. For example, going back to the example of the movie, maybe text her the next day: "I was thinking You + I need to re-watch that movie. You are so wrong. Name the time + place + I'll bring the DVD." She will immediately respond to the challenge and text you back.
That, my friend, is the secret of re-creating the tension that you shared with her. Plus, you are being totally unlike every other guy who waits three days to call her and schedule a predictable dinner date.
Be yourself
This is really important. Don't try to be someone that you're not. Don't lie or exaggerate. Because if you do get to know the girl and she gets to know you, chances are, she will find out the truth, and you don't need that. Now if you own a 9 foot ant farm in your living room, you might not necessarily want to share that at first. You don't have to give all of your details about yourself in the beginning. You don't want to scare her off.
You want to be interesting and exciting. Girls don't want boring, they want adventure and excitement. Now if this isn't you, maybe tell her about something you want to try like sky diving or a motorcycle or something. You don't want to lie to them or give them a false impression, but at the same time, you don't want to bore them, or make them think you are lame.
Don't hesitate
This is my biggest problem. We see a beautiful girl, and in our mind we start this debate. "Should I talk to her? She looks busy. She's really beautiful. I don't know what to say. I don't want to bug her. If I don't talk to her, who knows what might have happened." And we go back and forth on it. And what happens? We don't talk to her, and we never see her again. If you hesitate, you might as well go home. Don't sit and debate whether you should talk to her.
If she's cute, pretend you're sucked into a tractor beam and just walk right over. Walk with confidence. Stand up straight and walk over slowly. Make sure your posture is looking strong and not slumped over. Keep eye contact as you approach. Do not hesitate. A lot of guys will kind of linger in the background before they approach a girl. But when they finally approach she is quick to turn her back. The reason is that they did not exude confidence. Most women know who is watching them.
Dress nice
This is very important to a girl. This is something that unless you have a girl teach you, or you have some kind of advice, you will miss on this point. Dress is really important to girls. They want a guy with style. This doesn't mean you need to spend 100 dollars on a pair of jeans. But if you approach a girl in a t-shirt and some sandals, it doesn't matter how confident your walk, she will think of you as every other guy that has tried to approach her.
Wear some nice jeans and a semi casual shirt. Shoes are very important too. Tennis shoes are not acceptable with a nice shirt and jeans. There are plenty of shoes that are nice and not too dressy. If you need a new wardrobe, maybe use this to your advantage when approaching a woman. Tell her that you really need some clothes and you're not gay, so your style isn't as good, and you need some help picking out some clothes. What girl wouldn't want to go shopping and pick out clothes? Just make sure you bring a big credit card.
Talk about what she wants
There are lots of things that us guys like. We like football, UFC, boxing, or whatever else. But for most girls, they could really care less about March Madness or the Super Bowl. So when talking to a girl, talk about what she likes. You want her to be interested in the conversation. You want her to do the majority of the talking. We know that you're interested in yourself. But if a girl thinks you're only interested in yourself because you talk all the time, then chances are, she won't want to talk again.
But if you ask her questions, and find out about herself and her likes, then chances are, she will like that you're a good listener and want to talk again. Listen carefully to what she says. You ALWAYS get brownie points for remembering small details. But find out what she likes, and talk about that. Maybe tell her that you've never really gotten or understood what the big deal is about whatever, and ask her why she's into it.
Seal the deal
When I say seal the deal, I don't mean it in informal way. But if you're going to talk to the girl, and she seems nice and you want to get to know her better, then say so. Ask for her phone number to go out another time to get to know her better. Tell her that you need some more friends that are girls. Tell her you need someone to go see a chick flick with, or to take you shopping for cool clothes.
Now you might not just want her as a friend, but that's OK. When you say that you need a friend that is a girl, it makes her wonder why you just want her as a friend. It gets her to thinking again. Plus, if you find out more about her and you don't want to pursue her, then you can at least see her as a friend. But when you go fishing, you don't just put some bait on the end of the string and let the fish just eat the bait and swim away. No, you always put a hook on the end of the line to catch the fish.
Same thing with talking with a girl. If you talk to her, and she doesn't seem your type, then you part ways, no big deal. But if she seems cool, then ask for her phone number so you can continue the conversation again, or whatever. You went up and talked to her. If you don't get a phone number or are going to see her again, then there is no point in talking to her in the first place.
If you get her phone number, and you're going to set up a date, make sure you be specific. Don't call and be like, "um... I was wondering if you'd like to... um... go do something." Be specific and to the point when you call her. Ask her if she likes Chinese, you know this great Chinese restaurant. Or if she's ever been to this one place. Girls really hate deciding. They don't like making choices. Girls like guys who can and will make a choice. Also be specific with the days. If it won't work for her, then ask about another day, or what day she has off.
If you see her regularly, take it slow
If you see a girl all the time at work or school or the gym or whatever, this is a huge advantage for you. You don't have to try and get everything done all at once. You can see her, and just make a simple comment about her hair, or eyes, or whatever being pretty or standing out or something. And then you just walk away. What this does is be like, "Where did that come from?" and "Why didn't he stay and talk?" What this does is make her ask some questions about you. It give you a mysterious side, which is what women love. If a girl knows everything about you, then it takes all the fun out of it. She needs to have some kind of mystery about you. Next time you see her, you can say, "Hey, you're that girl with the pretty eyes," or whatever you commented on before. And then walk away again.
Of course while you're doing this, you need to be confident and smile at her confidently. If you say, "you're pretty," and run away like a shy school girl, it's not going to work. She will think that you're shy and not confident, and that's definitely a turn off for a girl. But if you're confident when you say it, she's going to wonder why you you didn't try to hit on her or pick her up. But after you do this for a cpl times, then it is easy to start a conversation with her one day. Now you don't have to necessarily do it this way, but I believe it definitely gives you the advantage, because it gets her thinking about you and asking questions about you.
Don't take rejection personally
This is absolutely crucial. The biggest reason why guys don't approach girls, is because they don't want to get rejected. This is the reason why I never dated a girl in high school, or asked any girl to a dance, because I didn't want to get rejected. Fear is the thing that kills more people. Death can only kill us once, but fear can kill us over and over again. What we need to realize, is that we don't find every girl attractive. If we find a girl attractive, we find her attractive. If we don't, we don't. We can't control that. It's the same thing with girls. They find some guys attractive, while others they don't.
We also need to realize that there will be some girls that we like, that don't like us, and there will be some girls that like us, but we don't feel the same for them. So we need to not take rejection personal. We need to change the way we view rejection. If a girl rejects us, then she's just missing out on the chance to meet a really cool guy. It's her loss not mine. Now we don't mean that in a jerk way, but we need to stop feeling sorry for ourselves. Think of it this way. If you go out and ask 20 hot girls out for a date today, and 19 reject you, but 1 says yes, what does that mean? It means you have a date with a hot girl. Who cares if the other 19 reject you. Falling down is ok. But not getting back up, or not even playing is not ok. It's ok to get rejected. Every guy gets rejected at least once.
So you might be asking, "I see this beautiful woman all the time at the gym, and I don't know how to approach," or "there is a cute girl at school or work and I don't know what to say." Here are some proper ways to approach a girl, and some sure-fire ways to make your approach more powerful and convincing, even if you don't know what you're going to say.
Lose the pickup line
When you think of approaching a woman, the first thing that immediately comes to every guy's mind is a pickup line. We think, "What clever and charming thing can I say or ask, that will just make the woman just want to get to know me." We all think, "If she would only give me a chance, and try to get to know me, that's all I really want." We think that if we could just say something smooth, it will open a door for further conversation.
"It's not WHAT you say that is important, but it's HOW you approach."
But what guys don't realize that it's not WHAT you say that is important, but it's HOW you approach. Research shows that talking and conversation is 90% body language and only 10% is the actual words we say. So what we need to do is not try and find some creative or smooth pickup line to try get us in the door. So the question that most guys is, "How do I approach that beautiful woman?"
Be confident
If I can stress anything to a single guy looking for a girl, I would stress a lot of things, but a huge one is to be confident. This is probably the biggest problem with most guys. The problem is, is that most guys, including me sometimes, put really beautiful girls on a pedestal. We think, "Wow she is absolutely amazing. There is no way she'd ever go for a guy like me. She is totally out of my league." So what we do, is basically quit, before we even give it a shot. We pull ourselves out of the game, before we even step on the field.
But what we need to realize, is that that amazingly beautiful girl, is really just a girl. She's no different then any other girl. She's really just a person with different hair, nose, eye, lips, and cheekbone features. That's really what makes her different. We need to get out of the mindset that we aren't good enough. What you need to realize is that luckily for us, girls don't place as much importance on looks as guys. Although they do care about looks a little bit, it's not as much as guys. It's more about who you are and what you are about. This gives us all a chance, even if we weren't born with the best looks.
Instead of worrying about what you're going to say, concentrate on how you you approach and talk to her. Most women put more importance on how you carry yourself. They don't care as much as what you say, as long as you seem confident. If you approach a woman like you have no business talking to her, that she's way out of your league, she will sense the weakness, and agree with you. But when you approach a woman, stand up straight with confidence and keep eye contact as you approach her.
Approach her as if she was just a normal girl that you wanted to talk to or hang out with. Be confident, but don't be cocky. What's the difference? Confidence is knowing you CAN do something, while cockiness is thinking you DESERVE it.
Be different
Chances are, if she's a girl, then there have been countless guys that have tried to hit on her. So you need to be different then most of those other guys. Most women, when they see a guy approaching, are waiting for the guy to try some lame pickup line that the guy thinks is "totally smooth." When I say be different, I don't mean in a weird or bad way. You want to be someone that she's like, that guy is different from other guys, in a good way of course.
"Don't be quick to agree with everything she says."Don't sit there and give her a ton of compliments. Don't be quick to agree with everything she says. If a girl is beautiful, she's used to guys always complimenting her a lot, and always agreeing with everything she says. Now I'm not saying be a jerk, and disagree with everything she says, or call her ugly or anything like that. But if you disagree with her, it does a couple things:
- First, what it does is show that you're not sucking up to her.
- It also shows that you have a mind of your own and you're confident enough to let her know so.
- What you need to realize is that she's probably been approached many times, she already knows what you're going to say. But if you mix it up, and throw some curve-balls, she notices that there is something different with you. And that's the absolute best thing that you can have. If she has questions about you in her mind, then she's going to want to try and figure things out, which is to your advantage.
In the mind of a woman, playing it safe equals boring! You need to spark her interest by being a bit disagreeable. For example, if you get into a conversation about summer movies and she says that a certain movie was the best movie. Instead of being agreeable, look her right in the eye with confidence and tell her that she is so wrong. That this other movie was superior. Then proceed to tell her why you think so. This will create a fun, friendly, flirtatious verbal sparring, which will create a spark in her brain. She will realize that you are not a pushover like most men and attraction will start to form in her head. You want to maintain some tension.
Flirting with women is all about gathering information, so the better listener you are, the better your chances. When you call her, you will have more things to talk about. Before calling a woman, think about everything she said and then pick the most juicy topic or opinion and challenge her with it. For example, going back to the example of the movie, maybe text her the next day: "I was thinking You + I need to re-watch that movie. You are so wrong. Name the time + place + I'll bring the DVD." She will immediately respond to the challenge and text you back.
That, my friend, is the secret of re-creating the tension that you shared with her. Plus, you are being totally unlike every other guy who waits three days to call her and schedule a predictable dinner date.
Be yourself
This is really important. Don't try to be someone that you're not. Don't lie or exaggerate. Because if you do get to know the girl and she gets to know you, chances are, she will find out the truth, and you don't need that. Now if you own a 9 foot ant farm in your living room, you might not necessarily want to share that at first. You don't have to give all of your details about yourself in the beginning. You don't want to scare her off.
You want to be interesting and exciting. Girls don't want boring, they want adventure and excitement. Now if this isn't you, maybe tell her about something you want to try like sky diving or a motorcycle or something. You don't want to lie to them or give them a false impression, but at the same time, you don't want to bore them, or make them think you are lame.
Don't hesitate
This is my biggest problem. We see a beautiful girl, and in our mind we start this debate. "Should I talk to her? She looks busy. She's really beautiful. I don't know what to say. I don't want to bug her. If I don't talk to her, who knows what might have happened." And we go back and forth on it. And what happens? We don't talk to her, and we never see her again. If you hesitate, you might as well go home. Don't sit and debate whether you should talk to her.
If she's cute, pretend you're sucked into a tractor beam and just walk right over. Walk with confidence. Stand up straight and walk over slowly. Make sure your posture is looking strong and not slumped over. Keep eye contact as you approach. Do not hesitate. A lot of guys will kind of linger in the background before they approach a girl. But when they finally approach she is quick to turn her back. The reason is that they did not exude confidence. Most women know who is watching them.
Dress nice
This is very important to a girl. This is something that unless you have a girl teach you, or you have some kind of advice, you will miss on this point. Dress is really important to girls. They want a guy with style. This doesn't mean you need to spend 100 dollars on a pair of jeans. But if you approach a girl in a t-shirt and some sandals, it doesn't matter how confident your walk, she will think of you as every other guy that has tried to approach her.
Wear some nice jeans and a semi casual shirt. Shoes are very important too. Tennis shoes are not acceptable with a nice shirt and jeans. There are plenty of shoes that are nice and not too dressy. If you need a new wardrobe, maybe use this to your advantage when approaching a woman. Tell her that you really need some clothes and you're not gay, so your style isn't as good, and you need some help picking out some clothes. What girl wouldn't want to go shopping and pick out clothes? Just make sure you bring a big credit card.
Talk about what she wants
There are lots of things that us guys like. We like football, UFC, boxing, or whatever else. But for most girls, they could really care less about March Madness or the Super Bowl. So when talking to a girl, talk about what she likes. You want her to be interested in the conversation. You want her to do the majority of the talking. We know that you're interested in yourself. But if a girl thinks you're only interested in yourself because you talk all the time, then chances are, she won't want to talk again.
"You want her to be interested in the conversation. You want her to do the majority of the talking."
But if you ask her questions, and find out about herself and her likes, then chances are, she will like that you're a good listener and want to talk again. Listen carefully to what she says. You ALWAYS get brownie points for remembering small details. But find out what she likes, and talk about that. Maybe tell her that you've never really gotten or understood what the big deal is about whatever, and ask her why she's into it.
Seal the deal
When I say seal the deal, I don't mean it in informal way. But if you're going to talk to the girl, and she seems nice and you want to get to know her better, then say so. Ask for her phone number to go out another time to get to know her better. Tell her that you need some more friends that are girls. Tell her you need someone to go see a chick flick with, or to take you shopping for cool clothes.
Now you might not just want her as a friend, but that's OK. When you say that you need a friend that is a girl, it makes her wonder why you just want her as a friend. It gets her to thinking again. Plus, if you find out more about her and you don't want to pursue her, then you can at least see her as a friend. But when you go fishing, you don't just put some bait on the end of the string and let the fish just eat the bait and swim away. No, you always put a hook on the end of the line to catch the fish.
Same thing with talking with a girl. If you talk to her, and she doesn't seem your type, then you part ways, no big deal. But if she seems cool, then ask for her phone number so you can continue the conversation again, or whatever. You went up and talked to her. If you don't get a phone number or are going to see her again, then there is no point in talking to her in the first place.
If you get her phone number, and you're going to set up a date, make sure you be specific. Don't call and be like, "um... I was wondering if you'd like to... um... go do something." Be specific and to the point when you call her. Ask her if she likes Chinese, you know this great Chinese restaurant. Or if she's ever been to this one place. Girls really hate deciding. They don't like making choices. Girls like guys who can and will make a choice. Also be specific with the days. If it won't work for her, then ask about another day, or what day she has off.
"If a girl knows everything about you, then it takes all the fun out of it."If she seems to be always busy, and doesn't know when she will reschedule, then chances are she might have changed her mind, and she doesn't want to hang out. So what you do, is ask, is there a time when you will have free time? If she doesn't know, just say, "I really thought you were interesting when I talked to you, and would like to get to know you better. But it appears you're really busy which is cool. I don't want to bug you anymore, so if you want, I can give you my number in case you get un-busy and want to hang out." And then throw her number away. If she really wants to hang out with you, she will call. If not, then don't worry about it. But if you continue to bug her, then it just pushes her farther away.
If you see her regularly, take it slow
If you see a girl all the time at work or school or the gym or whatever, this is a huge advantage for you. You don't have to try and get everything done all at once. You can see her, and just make a simple comment about her hair, or eyes, or whatever being pretty or standing out or something. And then you just walk away. What this does is be like, "Where did that come from?" and "Why didn't he stay and talk?" What this does is make her ask some questions about you. It give you a mysterious side, which is what women love. If a girl knows everything about you, then it takes all the fun out of it. She needs to have some kind of mystery about you. Next time you see her, you can say, "Hey, you're that girl with the pretty eyes," or whatever you commented on before. And then walk away again.
Of course while you're doing this, you need to be confident and smile at her confidently. If you say, "you're pretty," and run away like a shy school girl, it's not going to work. She will think that you're shy and not confident, and that's definitely a turn off for a girl. But if you're confident when you say it, she's going to wonder why you you didn't try to hit on her or pick her up. But after you do this for a cpl times, then it is easy to start a conversation with her one day. Now you don't have to necessarily do it this way, but I believe it definitely gives you the advantage, because it gets her thinking about you and asking questions about you.
Don't take rejection personally
This is absolutely crucial. The biggest reason why guys don't approach girls, is because they don't want to get rejected. This is the reason why I never dated a girl in high school, or asked any girl to a dance, because I didn't want to get rejected. Fear is the thing that kills more people. Death can only kill us once, but fear can kill us over and over again. What we need to realize, is that we don't find every girl attractive. If we find a girl attractive, we find her attractive. If we don't, we don't. We can't control that. It's the same thing with girls. They find some guys attractive, while others they don't.
We also need to realize that there will be some girls that we like, that don't like us, and there will be some girls that like us, but we don't feel the same for them. So we need to not take rejection personal. We need to change the way we view rejection. If a girl rejects us, then she's just missing out on the chance to meet a really cool guy. It's her loss not mine. Now we don't mean that in a jerk way, but we need to stop feeling sorry for ourselves. Think of it this way. If you go out and ask 20 hot girls out for a date today, and 19 reject you, but 1 says yes, what does that mean? It means you have a date with a hot girl. Who cares if the other 19 reject you. Falling down is ok. But not getting back up, or not even playing is not ok. It's ok to get rejected. Every guy gets rejected at least once.
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