Here is why (most) men never get over a break up!

[OrdinaryGentleman]

The only thing to really add is...

The best connection on why men would have a harder time with a break up is because there is no emotional support. If you show off your emotional/sensitive side to your family most likely they'll tell you to stop whining and man up. If you show your self to a female friend they will tell you how unattractive you're acting (and that's if they're frank with you). And guy friends don't even know what to do in a situation is right in front of them. Hopefully, there are a few friends that are willing to talk about the situation of a break up with full support with no awkwardness or uncomfortably.

Compare that to a women who are given full support with almost everyone and not be looked down upon by showing their sensitive side.

[LightsOff]

If your family tells you to stop whining, you have a shit family (unless the breakup is all you talk about 24/7 and you actually ARE whining and not just venting for a bit).

If your female friends tell you that you're unattractive for opening up and wanting to talk about your bad experiences, they're shit friends.

If a guy friend of mine came to ME for support after a break up, I would invite him to my place, make him a bacon sandwich and give him a bucket of ice cream as dessert. I'd intently listen to everything he has to say, and comfort him, pat him on the back, hug him. Then we could watch something on netflix until it's time for him to go home.

If your family and friends react that way, you need to find a better support system. There are people out there who are more than willing to help you and listen to your problems, and I'm not just talking about professionals.

[Dandeus]

Can we skip the breakup business and just go straight to bacon sandwiches and tubs of ice cream? That sounds like good times for all.

[LightsOff]

Haha sorry @Dandeus my famous bacon sandwiches are only made on special occasions. And when I make tomato soup. :P

[Anonymous]

Such an unbelievable crock of shit...

Whiny puss bags may never get over a break up, but don't dare call those knob-ends "men". It's a god-damned insult to Y-chromosomes the world over.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

How can you be this stupid, plus you go anon because you are too afraid to fess up to your own crap #butthurt

[ShayanMortazavi]

Agreed Opinion Owner

[OrdinaryGentleman]

@ShayanMortazavi maybe you should go anon next time, might serve you better, you could learn a little from your husband here.

[Opinion Owner]

If we needed any more proof of the childish idiocy of the Take Owner, he resorts to a gay joke, as if anyone in this day and age should be wounded by that accusation.

Pathetic.

[cinderelli]

testosterone overload yo!!!

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Lol right and the mark of of a man is someone who doesn't have a lot of time on his hands is to go around... making fun of others like a child, going anonymous because they can't take heat, and coming up with the dumbest references... please continue I will enjoy a read.

[sdistotallyme]

I'm going to play the devils advocate here and agree that he has the right attitude a man should PUBLICLY show. BUT behind the scenes a man should mourn and confide to close friends/help in SECRET. Old saying "never let them see you sweat". To save face and keep respect that's best way to handle. Sucks, but it's the cold hard truth. This is coming from a "sensitive" nice guy by the way.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

@sdistotallyme ok you seem far more reasonable. I agree some of it should be pushed down but not to the point where you become mentally unstable, lashing out at things and such. Of course somethings can be released in exercise but you also have to remember to not forget your emotions. Pretending like they aren't there only breeds hatred in the place of love... some people don't realize that until it is too late... what do you think of this?

[Anonymous]

when I was in my early/mid 20s I was progressive nice guy wimp who tell everybody about my relationship problems and pain from break ups. Admittedly I was a real pu$$y. I got a little smarter in my late 20s and learned to man up a bit. However I know my past behavior didn't help my rep. Unfortunately people do remember your old bullshit.

I'm now 34 and I had a serious break up about year and 3 months ago. The girl dumped me after a year relationship but I kind of wanted her too. She was an awesome girl but the physical spark just wasn't there. It wasn't fair to her that I didn't give her the attention she deserved. So I understood/respected her decision. Initially I was relieved but about 3 weeks later I discovered I had a HPV infection that I most likely got from her. That threw me for a FUCKING LOOP. However this time I was very quiet and compartmentalized about the severe pain was going through. It did impact my focus and job performance though. I told only a select few people about my issues (support group, close friend, counselor and a catholic priest). I did not ramble on facebook or with my casual friends about my issues. I did my best to take it like a man. When I did tell my casual friends the news (about the break up) they responded "oh man I'm sorry" and I would respond with false bravado..."for what?".

Fast forward to today. I had slept with 3 other girls since... and I was honest about the HPV thing and none of them cared (they are vaccinated). I do have some lingering love/hate feelings for my ex. There are days when I completely forget about her and there are other days everything hits me like a sludge hammer. I reached out to her time to time (months in between) and I could only get cold/curt responses. She moved on quick. I didn't. I was just shocked she was able to cut off our deep friendship so easily. When I was dating her she was absolutely fanatical about me... for an entire year. The 180 shocked me.

Anyway it is true that breakups impact men harder then women. Not only because we ventilate differently but also because it's harder for us to find new mates. Also an openly heartbroken man is VERY unacttractive to a women. Either consciously or subconsciously women view him as weak. Ladies don't have this problem as bad though.

[Anonymous]

I think that it is equal to both genders the pain and suffer of getting the heart broken. The difference will be in how to deal with it, and because each person is different, dealing with it is different in some way.

I have always thought that the worst a person can do is to hurt someone else or still insisting and denying making other persons suffer and hurt them in the process.

The behaviours mentioned could be for the next thing; society has taught that men should bottle their emotions, to man up in every difficulty and that showing feelings are for weak, while women are allowed to do it 'cause "they are the weak gender".

Ironically, the "weak gender" can be stronger because expressing emotions can make someone grow up emotionally by feeling and getting used to feelings and emotions.

Maybe this shouldn't be based on genders, maybe it should be based in where and how someone has been raised up: if one has been with people who says that showing emotions is for weak, he/she is going to bottle them, but if one has been raised in a place where they show not to be ashamed of what you feel, then one can express it with no problems.

I know women who can bottle her emotions because of fear of showing weakness masquerading with anger and rage, and men who even though they don't cry and wimp, they can express what they feel with no problems.

[RexCatholicissimus]

I personally think this is not really the reason, though it may have some truth I think some of you guys bitch way too much about the "everyone will call me a pussy for showing emotion" thing.

Like, it doesn't really happen, let's be 100% honest. And if you do? Well then you've just got poor friends/parents, I'm afraid.

I'd say the REAL reason is because dudes typically aren't as able to get into relationships as women, I mean how much do you think the average guy gets hit on weekly? MONTHLY? Three times, maybe? Compare that to most women who end up getting hit on fairly regularly, even if they're nothing special, lookswise.

So I guess for a lot of guys if you get in a relationship then it ends, you've effectively lost what could have been a good thing and now have to start that whole gruelling process of actually finding a girl who's interested in you (which believe me, if you're an average is far easier said than done).

[PrincessTashaaaa]

Yes. This.

[SaintRichie23]

I like the myTake, as well as the video. Can't say I would be on the majority side of that study though.

For me, relationships are a way of seeing how two people would be compatible for one another. If at some point one or the other feels like they aren't compatible for whatever reason and break up, then that's that. The connection isn't there, it wouldn't work out, that's why we stopped being in an intimate relationship.

If I broke my phone, and it was beyond repair, I wouldn't want to spend time and energy putting in effort to see if I could still make it work. You take the data on it, put it on a hard-drive, and then go out and get a new one.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Thats just it though... if you broke your phone you want to repair it. Besides love is different then a broken phone.

[SaintRichie23]

I literally just said that I wouldn't do that. Again, I would be upset about a relationship for maybe a week or less, and then I'm moving right along. The connection wasn't there - plain and simple - so there is no point mulling over something that didn't work out. I brush it off, and move on.

I suppose a better analogy would be that Elizabeth Browning went through over 15 drafts of "How Do I Love Thee?" before getting a finished product. She wasn't attached to her first draft, she re-wrote it over 15 more times with drastic variations between each. Dwelling on the past never gets you far. If that isn't good enough either well -shrugs- its just supposed to be an illustration to convey an idea.

[tenchu11]

I remember when my roommates girl friend cheated on him and he just broke it off I took him out to a tavern.
Me: I'm sorry I don't know what to donor say... not really something us guys know what to do... so beers on me.
Him: I'm so fucking stupid I trusted her and she got drunk with all her guy friends how stupid could she be?
Me:(wanting to call her a dumb whore but knew it just hurt the situation) yeah, sorry bro. You'll get over it.

I felt bad but yeah that's as much support as I knew to give

[Azara]

I think guys over estimate the kind of support men get... It really depends on your friends. Some guys are super insightful and really compassionate and are there for their friends... and some women don't take feelings seriously and think if you can't immediately let go and move on you're weak.

I've only seen this contrast between how women and men handle their friends break ups on TV and in movies. I've end r seen it I'll. friends generally don't like it when friends wallow in any kind of negative mood not in the United States anyhow bc emotions are not respected here it's the Land of the rugged individual. And solve problems through aggression and domination. Instead of intellectual prowess organization and compassion. That's why so many people are shallow ignorant assholes or suicidal.

[Anonymous]

Definitely. Not only that, but our society has been trained to always blame the man for the break up. Its our fault, even if she cheated somehow. So women get unconditional love and support while we get blamed and called, pigs, and assholes, because like so many other things modern society automatically blmes men.

[Anonymous]

Nice take. I actually read an article about a year or so ago that explained the same thing. I did my research after that because it's an interesting topic, and read some of those scientific studies also. I have to say I agree not just because it's a study but because I've seen it happen.
It's funny how people here say they don't agree because 1. Of course they drag the equality bullshit even in a study where evidence shows otherwise. 2. THEY themselves "experienced" differently. So your one experience trumps the hundreds if not thousands of surveys and interviews conducted in those studies? 😏 people are funny.

[Anonymous]

I know men who move on and start dating someone else within days or weeks, so I just can't believe them. I don't believe they care about the break up at all, they just throw away the newly-ex like they never had anything special and continue to date another.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

... So then you are blinded by hurt right now?

[Opinion Owner]

Dunno. I kinda have a trust issue with love from the beginning.

[g3a9j7]

Men move on to other women to help forget which doesn't always work. It doesn't mean they are over their ex.

[lovethoughts]

Yes, they move on quickly initially (while they are feeling numb and angry), but IF they were really emotionally invested then it often takes men a very long time to fully recover.

Me and an ex broke up after 8 years together, and I started dating someone else within a few weeks (because I was stupid, and that ended very quickly). But a year on, I was still hurting and wished the breakup hadn't happened. My Ex was totally over it.

[Opinion Owner]

@g3a9j7 So what do you do after the realisation?

[Opinion Owner]

@lovethoughts 8 years, wow. So how long did you -actually- need before moving on?

[Anonymous]

Omg, I've used all these statistics at one point or another and made inferences from the data as well which apparently, according to video, researchers seem to have verified. I love the feeling when suddenly everything falls into place just like I say. Feels good mang.

Actually the one thing I'd like to mention is "the biological reason" women get over relationships so quick is because they need the resources because, like they said, the cost of reproduction was high. So my assertion is that relative to men, women are more over-eager to invest in relationships as well as quicker to bail from one. They needed to be attached to a male for protection and provisions so they can't be hanging on to the past.

Men have their own biological reason for their tendencies which I'm not going to rant about. I'll wait for the next video. :P

[FatherJack]

I've always got over breakups within a couple of days at the most , always had the mindset of " It's over , forget her , move on " It's very true what commenters have put , men are looked down on by " society " & it is ALWAYS the fault of the man & we are very much on our own in life , we have only ourselves for support in most cases.

[sdistotallyme]

proud of you for being a tough guy.

[FatherJack]

@sdistotallyme Not claiming to be a " tough guy " , but you HAVE to develop a hard heart if you are a guy , no one gives a shit about guys , you should know that by now , women have well developed support networks ( they form much closer friendships for one example ) by our very nature , most men stand alone... yes it's shit sometimes , but c'est la vie !!

[NatashaJ]

I see so many people saying if you move on after a break up you never care or etc. My last breakup I was heart broken but a month and I was over ready to move on because I stop caring. That doesn't mean I never cared it just means I don't care anymore.

[thisGUYknows]

Good video. Everyone is different. Yes there are guys who move on like they're changing pants, but others take months or years. But I think in both cases what is true is the lack of the male support system. Guys generally don't like hearing about girl problems beyond a few sentences. Girls typically get to vent while guys gotta toughen up and not say too much or else they get a label put on them.

[vishna]

I can't say exactly how my exes felt after the break-up. But I think closure was harder for them because they always had questions after or wanted to get back together. And a solid support team aides the person. Reflecting back, yeah I'm awesome to date and leave em wanting more, but they were in situations where 1) they didn't have a lot of supportive friends and 2) they were expected to just get over it

[Anonymous]

Well in my case, he was the one who lied and cheated so I guess this doesn't apply to all men. Thing is, after it all, he still wanted people to pity him and even REASON with his actions since he felt like I was ignoring him. Really if I was THAT bad why didn't you just break it off.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

And that is a case where the man couldn't make up his mind

[9mfeo]

Don't you think it's sad that men can never show their vulnerable side in our culture? Don't you think it needs to change? This is what we're talking about when we say we want to dismantle gender roles.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Who is we in this case?

[9mfeo]

Feminists.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Well... I am not really game to turn this into a shitstorm but whatever... Used to believe in feminism... but I can't after it was taken over by hard core morons with nothing better to do just like MGTOW. So I am now an egalitarian just like most nowadays, which supports both sides... feminism is old and outdated... started off great but now it is no longer something most strive for... and no its core-values do not support men.

[9mfeo]

Call it whatever you want bro, but if you're working for the same thing, it's semantics.

[PrincessTashaaaa]

Really? Men have emotions and feelings other than hungry and horny? They can love?
News to me.

[TouchTheSky]

Normal for you if you search the perfect guy ln a bar with whiskey in hand we done

[OrdinaryGentleman]

surprised how many girls actually believe this BS, must all be recent breakupee's... how hard is it to think that guys and girls operate the same way with thoughts and emotions?

[driel]

dang that's cold, sucks to be this cynical about life

[PrincessTashaaaa]

Of course I'm being sarcastic. I'm in a relationship with a good guy myself. But guys like mine are very, very rare.
I know a woman with two children. Her husband left her because she had a large ovarian cyst and didn't want to have sex. I know a woman who escaped domestic violence, and men still ask her, 'What did YOU do?'. I know a woman who is seriously depressed because her husband won't tone down his porn watching for her. I actually know a few women with that last problem. And, I've had many male friends and I know how they talk about women.
My guy would never do any of those things. But like I said, he's very rare and I'm lucky to have him.
@TouchTheSky @driel

[Anonymous]

Girls also do not like to show off our sensitive sides. If we do, then guys think that we like them and sometimes is not the case. Some people prefer to keep their emotions hidden instead for protection.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Wish everyone would just understand that in order to build lasting and happy relationships they must let go of the barriers. I am not one to say that since I have barriers, but an observation that the people happiest are the ones who are simply free.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah

[OpenWine]

Due to that video I could call myself the definition of depression, already got out of every break up in 3 months max but need psychological treatment.
The first girl that in some kind broke up with me (not at all but just went away) took me almost 3 if not longer to forget, so I was depressed for more than 2,5 years? Right now I'm feeling fine if I reduce the fact that my parents are both sad/mad and almost influencing my mood

[ShayanMortazavi]

Dude, you're a man. Grow some testicles and get over it.

[OpenWine]

Over what?

[HandsomeRaj]

VERY CORRECT there but again the 'man up' part has it's own reasons but that's another topic.

I'd still say that there should be support but judicious :) - there are reasons for that again :)