Break-ups suck... even after it becomes routine

[LostandFound__x]

Yes, I feel like break-ups have become a routine thing for myself. And I'm talking about friendships too, not just relationships.

I think what really makes it suck, is the grief that comes with knowing we invested so much time and effort into a bond we had with someone, just for it to quite honestly...die.

It's like grieving a person for real.

People say that you really discover who you are in your 20s, and I can't agree more.

You start growing into the person you're meant to be, (and I'm not glorifying things, some of us tend to grow into kinda shitty people!), but as you start learning what your needs, boundaries and desires are people will come in and out of your life.

Sometimes that includes your childhood best friend, or the guy that you thought you'd have a lasting relationship with.

In terms of it becoming routine, I've developed this kind of emotional resilience now where I won't cry and beg the person to stay in my life.

I instantly accept things for what they are, probably still cry myself to sleep that night, be sad for a little bit (depending on the significance of the relationship), and then go on with my life focussing on my priorities.

Today, I was hit with yet another disappointment and I guess this is my way of accepting the situation for what it is.

Will I cry tonight? Probably...but I am moving forward because I'm on the path to what I want my life to look like --- and more importantly --- what I deserve my life to be like.

This is a free space, so feel free to express your thoughts, talk about an experience you had that left a mark on you, or anything really! :)

[lightbulb27]

You are right, and it kinda goes with death... it's a loss. Some people/personalities do this better than others. The more sensitive, emotional ones... it hurts and lasts more as we ruminate.

I think this speaks to connection, attachment styles, personality. There is something in this for you to learn about yourself.

I think if you can get to where you focus on "anything that is good" and accept and appreciate what you've had, that is better, rather than trying to hold onto things. You don't get to keep anything in this world, and that's a tough lesson.

the development of all this in your brain may go back to early childhood development, so explore that for damage... trust issues and such.

In hindsight, I've failed so many times to communicate well and conclude relationships right and it bothers me. I dont' like separation, I've got some flaws there that could use inspection and repair. I respect an uncle whom came to my family.. visited, after knowing him years, such a great guy, and he said he was moving on and wouldn't see him again. My father got it... his wife was nuts, a difficult case. He ended the relationship with all of us... as he was divorcing his wife and moving on. I really respected him for that and wish I had that strength in me all my life. grrrrrr.

I think ghosting needs to be cancel cultured immediately with therapy for all those damaged. Maybe we need to have a national day of forgiveness and reconciliation?

I think communication needs taught in after school along with proper social ettiquette. We used to have a column "Mrs. Manners". we need to bring that back x10.

Its a start.

[jennifer_bloom]

I knew a guy who did Christian evangelism at school and he told me the first few weeks of preaching the bible were hard cause the rejections and dirty looks made him feel bad but eventually he got adapted to the rejection and it did not bother him anymore. Like I was talking to a guy online and the first few times he seemed to withdrawal I was upset with increasingly less concern with each withdrawal and now when he goes offline or does not interact, I just view it as if a pigeon left my lake front walk way. It's not like a husband dying on me, I've adapted to being separated from him. Most traditional people say you should marry the first person you date, or at least the very traditional believe that, but I think social rejection builds your independence and helps you cope with real or imagined isolation.

[LostandFound__x]

I also think that the conservative outlook on marrying the first person you date is one of the worst things to do.

[Tephra]

I have had to cut out 4 friends within 6 months because of their toxic behaviour, but also their disrespect towards me. I thought that was what "friendship" was, but I saw how they treated others compared to me, and I knew it was wrong. I had a talk with them about their behaviour and they realised it. They all never contacted me again, and I was disappointed. But at the same time, I have so much more room for other activities I wish to implement now!

This post is a bit of a blur and spurt of the moment because the last person who left was this week. Haven't spoken to them for awhile, but life seems peaceful now :)

[LostandFound__x]

Ah we’re really going through the same thing lol. I guess it sucks but it’s low-key a blessing.

[Tephra]

Definitely! You make more room in your life for people that genuinely care about you. Its hard to find people who match your interests, mindset and care about you, but once you find them it is a blessing :)

[LostandFound__x]

Very true!

[provokeesmokee]

Great takes! I agree.
My mid-late 20s were filled with leaving behind a bad ex, old friends who didn't fit with who I was becoming, and finally going no contact with my abusive family.

It was a few years of feeling absolutely alone and like I wouldn't be able to build up a new friend group.

But I kept on focusing on me, getting myself healed from abuse and decades of limiting beliefs. I'm still working on it, but I've been able to make a whole new and better fitting group of friends.

[LostandFound__x]

Thank you and it’s lovely to hear that you’ve managed to come out of it so positively!

[ArrowheadSW]

Breakups can be sad, but at other times, very liberating. There was a lady who I dated for 3 years, and when it ended between us, it was so liberating that it was like "celebrating" for the next few months. We went on later to be good friends but never dated again. Other times, it could be very sad. Thinking back when I was in my late 30's, I was dating a new lady whose personality I really liked. She was good looking and loved sex. I thought there was some long-term potential there. Then suddenly it was over and I got no reason. I found out later she had reconciled with an ex while we were dating.

[exitseven]

I get it. However I was on the outs with my best friend for a few years right after high school 3 or 4 years went by and we were able to become friends again. Like typical guys we never talked about what was going on between us. We just sort of went in different directions and after we grew up a little we became friends again.

[LostandFound__x]

That’s so nice!!!

[exitseven]

It just shows that things can change.

[LostandFound__x]

For sure

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Break ups show the real face of people you thought you knew.

They teach you a lot.

Most importantly they teach that love doesn’t exist. It’s a beautiful illusion, like a God.

The only real love there exists - is loving yourself.

[LostandFound__x]

I realised you never really know someone until you set a boundary or say no!

[Tecilla]

Love does exist, and God's love is pure unconditional love that humans often fail to have.

[DarkWinterNights]

I really regret drifting away from my childhood best friend. We were inseparable until my senior year in high school. One day he stopped calling to hang out and I didn’t initiate since I was going through one of my extreme introverted phases. Basically ended a 12 year friendship overnight. I’ve since lost a lot of friendships, included everyone I knew from school. But my close friends, I make time for. Not going to make that mistake again.

[LostandFound__x]

Yeah... I think most of us go through a phase where we 'break-up' with a childhood best friend and those are the worst kind of break ups because they really hurt.

I tried to reach out to one but sadly she wasn't on the same page as me. I still miss her sometimes but I like to focus on the good memories we shared and I accept things for what they are now.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i love the feeling of just accepting it and moving on. I’ve had a lot of breakups but very few shook me. The only ones that seem to hurt is if i’ve unknowingly been lied to constantly and then found out the truth elsewhere. Those shake me up. But the rest, mehh

[stepyo99]

The fact that you have dated and broken up with so many men that it's become a routine is a big problem. I have no idea if you have poor judgement and keep pursuing shitty guys or are yourself a shitty person, but either way, turning relationships into disposable commodities is a terrible mindset.

[MementoMori777]

well if you have real emotions for those people, i wouldn't expect it to get easier, it just means you got a pure heart in relationships and thats good but if you constantly run into bad men then maybe there's red flags you haven't picked up early

[LostandFound__x]

Sometimes things just don't work out because people are looking for or expecting different things I guess.

[MementoMori777]

yea that's quite common nowadays but there's always someone you click with, the key is to not give up 💯🙂

[LostandFound__x]

Yup!

[ByCureChris9669]

I think there is nothing wrong with moving on from people. Sometimes we outgrow them, or they were never beneficial to our life to begin with. I have honestly found this out myself, and am struggling quite a bit. Hopefully I can find someone? Do you actually mind talking about it? Follow me if its okay! :)

We just need to surround ourselves with support systems, and people who value us. The fact is sometimes that value changes, or that value was never there.

[LostandFound__x]

I agree! And sure.

[strateguy632]

you could look at now loss, or remember the good parts, that you wanted, until the day of separation

[LostandFound__x]

This is something my mum said to me once. I love looking at things that way!

[TonyMetal___86]

Who's making the sweet princess rapunzel cries? You're only allowed to cry tears of happiness 😌

I have to find a way to climb this tower to see the rapunzel princess and her magical hair 😄

[LostandFound__x]

Haha awww!! That’s so sweet

[TonyMetal___86]

😊😊

[Kaamraj]

The perception of breakup is completely different in males and females as females initiate most of the break ups. When you are constantly inundated with a plethora of endless choice it's difficult to value the one you have or have just lost.

[errornotfound]

I personally have only gone through one in my whole life, and weird as it may sound, I didn't really have a reaction, it was kind of just like, "Oh no. So anyways"

[RingOfFire]

All of life is a learning experience about relationships. I am still learning new things in my late 60s. The trouble is that once you learn it all you die and it's too late to put all that hard earned knowledge to work.

Ignorance is bliss. But when it comes to relationships your window of ignorance... in your teens and 20s is all too short.

As the saying goes "Too bad youth is wasted on the young."

[Anonymous]

Some relationships are like leather jackets.
You had a certain self image when you wore it, and although it's still a great jacket and it might still fit, eventually it's just not who you are anymore

[Fireguy17]

yeppers.
All that time energy and money shot right down the toilet, however, to be successful you need to keep trying.

[jshm2]

To be honest, reads like you are the common problem in your relationships, and you're attracted to drama.

[LostandFound__x]

I’m just transparent about how I deal with things. I don’t lie about being okay and moving on easily.

[LiamJHayden]

I have never felt that way. If one of us is that unhappy, it is unfair to the other person to waste his or her time by prolonging it.