Getting Past a Relationship

In light of recent events I feel very compelled to pass along some knowledge I wish someone told me a couple months ago. I know at times it may be very difficult to open yourself up to change, but just read this with an open mind.

What if I told you that you've been handling your breakups all wrong?

I'm sure that you're intrigued. The fact is that most humans are drawn towards relationships, and desire to spend their time with a significant other. But unfortunately most of these relationships are not going to end with a lifetime of happiness.

Breakups are tough- but they're an often unavoidable part of relationships. I can tell you one thing for certain, separating from a boyfriend or girlfriend is always going to hurt on some level, especially if they were the ones who ended it. I've recently gone through this situation, and now I'm finally able to identify what made it so hard for me.

I spent so much time in my relationship idolizing her, and building her status in my head, that afterwards it was hard to find a fault in her.

It's true. During our relationship I chose to focus on her good characteristics, and love her for who she was. Now I'm not saying that was the problem. The problem was that after the relationship ended, I still thought of her the same way.

The real culprit was my stubbornness.

I initially found it so hard to get over my girlfriend because I still believed that she was a near perfect person. I still wanted to believe that she was as nice and understanding as she'd always been. But the reality is that people change ... a lot. I started looking back at my relationship and I opened my eyes to how she didn't me treat as nice as she should've, and I saw how I was initializing everything.

(This visual is an interpretation of how our relationship was)

When we're in relationships we often are blind to what's happening, or how we really are feeling. We get so caught up in the moment, and not wanting to let go, that we forget what we wanted all along.

I'm not near perfect, and I know that. But my real mistake when it comes to relationships is that

I stop looking out for myself

and instead care more about my girlfriend's well being than my own. I know that some will argue that being too considerate isn't a bad trait, and I'd agree if we're talking about a true love. But for now while I'm still looking for my partner, the best thing I can do is make sure I'm keeping myself happy.


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  • You know, I think this is pretty accurate. Anyone who isn't over a relationship by three months is doing things to purposely keep themselves in misery. I think that a lot of people sort of romanticize about being with someone and being in love even if the actual relationship just before the break was absolute hell.

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