Dear Me, a Break Up Isn't the End of the World

Dear me, a break up isn't the end of the world.Dear Me,

It seems like you found each other at the right time whenever you first met. Things seemed to being going pretty well. Before you knew it, the both of you were falling for each other until one day, he just stopped. It took a number of months but you got him where you wanted him, you dated and now it's over.

It's going to be painful, that's normal

I understand the first thing you feel is that the whole world is ending, but it isn't. One of your friends told you probably the best piece of advice, "You had a life before him and you'll have one after". That night you stayed up listening to break up songs before he even broke up with you, because you felt it was coming. After it happened, it wasn't as bad as you envisioned, but you still felt sad and that's okay.

It hurts to see him

Whenever he's talking and laughing with other people, a part of you seems to die. How is he okay after leaving someone he loved? So many things go through your head and for those few minutes, you get that feeling in your stomach. That feeling of not being able to live without him. Not being able to be okay without him. How it isn't fair that everyone else gets to enjoy him. The worse part is probably when he goes on his way without greeting you or saying good-bye. You're just another person to him. Someone who has no importance. But you can't let that bring you down or make you stoop to his level. He was someone you cared about, someone you still do and you're above that.

You don't understand why nobody else sees the pain you're in

Everyone else around you, including your friends seem to be having such a great time. Talking to your ex as if he didn't just break your chest. How can they even be okay with him after what he did to you? Sometimes you'll question if they're really your friends. It hurts when they joke about him around you, or when they bring up another girl that he would be "perfect" with. It's almost as if they don't care.

It's hard to imagine yourself in the future

Before your goals were different. You could see yourself moving closer to him, the both of you moving in and just having a great life. Everything you were driven by is suddenly gone. Do you still want to pursue that job position? Losing that extra 10 pounds doesn't seem ideal anymore or just getting up everyday. Everything you wanted to achieve either goes out the window or is put on the back burner.

You're dreading the day he finds someone else

Even though it hasn't happened, even though he is no longer yours, you still fear the day he finds someone new. You can already imagine it, hearing him talk about this other girl. The way he'll smile. How happy he'll be.

Being single feels odd

You're one person again. Nobody else attached to your name. No more Clyde to your Bonnie or Romeo to your Juliet. It's just you. You're all alone. Your name doesn't even sound right after all the times he's said it.

Did he ever love me? How did he just walk away?

Why am I the only one hurting? If he loved me as much as he claimed, how come he's okay? How could he just leave like that? You begin questioning everything he told you. The reasons he loved you. Even every time he said those three words. People don't just fall out of love, even when things were going bad, I didn't stop loving him but he stopped loving me. Did he ever really love me?

You'll begin to discover who you are again

Being in a relationship can take away from who you are as a person, at least in your case it did. You'll slowly begin to find your taste in music again, what you like and what you are and aren't okay with.

It might take some time to get back out on the market

The idea of finding someone new and falling in love seems like a nightmare. What if it's the same situation all over again? You can't seem to let your walls down and at times, you're not sure if you want to.

You begin to question if there's something wrong with you

Why can't you make relationships work? Why does everyone leave too soon? Am I even capable of being loved?

You hope that one day he'll miss you

A part of you wants him to miss you. Even as he was breaking up with you, you had hoped it hurt him as much as it hurt you. When he's sad, you secretly hope it's because of you. One day you want him to miss you, but the reality is that he most likely will not.

Love takes on a new meaning

You begin to be even more afraid of love. Everything you feared about it proved to be true with this last relationship, now love as a whole no longer feels safe. You wonder if there ever will be anyone out there to love you and make you feel whole again.

Conclusion:

With time perspectives will begin changing for you. You won't feel as sad and love no will no longer feel like something you can't achieve. Just because a few guys couldn't handle your needs and stick around to love you, doesn't mean somebody else won't. A few years ago after your very first heart break, your best friend told you something that stuck with you through every heart break and break up that came after, "You're a strong person. You'll get through it". It may take a few weeks, months or even a year, but eventually the pain will fade and you'll find someone new to give love a new meaning. Someone to hold you when you cry. To be there when you need them. Someone who doesn't make you feel at fault for everything that's wrong with you. As of now, take things slow and focus on healing. It takes a few seconds to meet someone and fall in love with them, but it takes a lot longer to forget them and move on. Sometimes we never move on, but we do learn how to cope and I know you can and will.

Love,

Yourself


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It hurts yes. Consider the Q I asked a while back?

    Would rather have had a break up experience, or never have dated, hooked up or been intimate with anyone?

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    • Sometimes I honestly wish we never dated. Other times I'm okay with the fact that we did, but then I start to think about our future and how it's going to be hanging around him since we were friends before this.

      It's hard because he's okay. He's hanging out with his new friends and enjoying himself while I'm just here trying to heal.

    • Show All
    • Thanks for the MHO!

    • Mhm! No problem.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Ahhhh, i wish someone told me this when I had my heart broken not to long ago. I was in the same position as you actually, didn't think i'd get over it.. but here i am not giving a shit anymore :P

    life moves on in the end. Weather we like it or not that train is going to leave the platform and it's up to us to catch it or not. :)

    KEEP your head high. The first thing my mother told me when i faced disappointment. Still works. You take care of yourself. And i won't tell you that you'll get over it soon enough because i hated hearing that --.-- it was damn annoying.

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    • It does get annoying mainly because it's hard to believe. Last night he started dating someone new, and all though I'm moving on from him emotionally, it still hurt.

      Thank you for your input!

    • Aww I know what you mean. How did y'all break up if you don't mind me asking? My ex broke up with me over phone and that was before he ghosted me and let me Figure it out on my own.

      Tell me about it. People were always like," you're young and have so much to live for in life. " or don't waste your time on someone like him!" I understood it was their way of giving me motivation but it was like they didn't comprehend the pain. Like they were rushing me... And I know it hurts right now but one of these days you'll be just like me. Not caring at all and he'll be crying. Because honey they're not a lot of mature 17 y/o gals like you =)

    • Gosh, that is such a douche bag move. I don't get people like that. He broke up with me over message. Before that he kind of ghosted me as well. It was quick because he wanted to get it over with. Right after he texted our one friend and said he broke up with me and he was the one who stayed up that night talking to me. The guy hasn't even talked to me since. This all happened almost a week ago.

      The dude doesn't know what he wants. He's constantly jumping from person to person. This new relationship he's in started so quickly, it'll either crash and burn or last. But who knows. He stunted me anyway, I could have been with someone on another level that he has yet to reach, but I stayed because I loved him. He just didn't love me. That's the thing that sucks about being mature and your partner acting like a typical 18 year old.

      Thanks for the compliment by the way!

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 6

  • Story of my crush :(, especially the last point...

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    • Story of my life... since my firs broken heart in the 3rd grade... i have never truly recovered.

  • I guess I'm way easier after breakups.

    When I break up ''gently'', I'm just OK to move on. Of course, I'm not in a relationship anymore with someone I love, but I know that, if I move on, someone will come by who I will love like I did with my past partner.

    When I break up because she cheated on me, or betrayed me, my brain will just turn from ''I love you with all my dear heart'', to ''You betrayed me. You ***'' and basically all my feelings for her are gone.

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  • you break up , you move on. it's life. things happen for a reason

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    • It took this relationship to teach me that. Before I was so afraid of breaking up with him, it put my stomach in knots. I stayed up nights crying and feeling sick over it, but after it ended, it didn't feel as bad as I thought.

      Yes, I miss him at times and I want to know what he's up to, but like you said, break ups happen and you move on.

  • Yes. I also wrote a My Take recently on how a break up might be a positive experience.

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  • FFS why is everyone making sound like breaking up is so painful and so life shattering, so you dated someone and didn't see yourself with them long term after getting used to life with them? wow big deal, move on and find someone else.

    sometimes i feel iam kinda broken for not feeling anything of what others usually feel when dating and breaking up, but you know what maybes thats better than being pathetic because some attractive girl hurt me.

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    • You can either consider yourself lucky for not going through pain during a break up. They do hurt they and just because YOU don't hurt, doesn't mean nobody else is allowed to. Of course it's going to hurt when someone you love no longer wants to be with you.

      There's a different between getting rejected by a pretty girl and having your heart broken by your S/O.

  • Is your heart broken and you experience it?

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    • To a degree, yes. My heart is broken. At the moment I'm looking for things to mend it back together which is throwing me into a cycle of looking for someone new to occupy me.

What Girls Said 6

  • it really depends; compared to most people i know, i'e had relatively 'easy' breakups... except for the one time i was actually in love with the person i was dating. and that was bad.

    it's important to be gentle with yourself during a difficult time; surround yourself with people and things that make you happy, and practicing self-care will guide you through the grieving process.

    it's beautiful watching yourself heal.

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  • This take speaks to me so much right now :( i actually can't read it as it hurts to much.

    This line hit me though
    "People don't just fall out of love, even when things were going bad, I didn't stop loving him but he stopped loving me. Did he ever really love me?"

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    • I'm really sorry to hear that. I don't understand why people stop loving their S/O. There was this quote that I came across that read something like; "You don't stop loving someone. You either always will or you never did in the first place".

      When my boyfriend broke up with me, he didn't even care that it was causing me pain. I told him straight away how badly it was hurting me and he just didn't care. I'm okay but thinking about it still hurts. And it will for a while, for the both of us but we'll get over it and find someone who won't hurt us.

  • There hasn't been any steps of those that I hadn't went through, and there hasn't been a day i spent without at least some tears and pain by the end of the day. Ya in the past I always wished if he missed me because I was still wondering if he loved me, but now i'm more comfortable because i'm sure he didn't and he's married now which now makes sure that there is NO come back in anyway not even a contact. One day I will be happy but not a fake happiness ! A real happiness by someone who will be real with me but with a stronger personality and a more mature mind.

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  • I understand what u felt but life must go on, and I have a wise quote for u :

    "If something is destined for you, never in million years it will be for somebody else."

    So, just believe everything in your life its happenes for a reason even it was good or bad, wake up girl and keep going on, your life is still longer and you will see another things which is make u feel more and mode be grateful, what happened in the past was the best lessons for you to face your future with your big-hearted.

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    • I agree with that quote! This relationship taught me a lot. It put me through a lot as well, it wasn't healthy and everyone was telling me that, I just didn't realize how bad it was. I'm glad it's over now. It's for the better. For the both of us.

    • Damn I wish I can find someone who I really like and is a relationship virgin like myself lol

  • I know how you feel. My ex ditched me and left me waiting all night for our date. It could be worse?

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  • yeah, breakups are rough. just stay busy and go no contact. it never really gets better but you start realizing that it happened for a reason and yyou learned a lot from your ex. just move on and be the awesome independent woman that you are. if a person can't see that they truly are an idiot

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