The heartache of relationship breakups


The heartache of relationship breakups

Bedtime is the worst, craving her touch and comforting feel.

Waking from broken sleep feeling forlorn and alone with this song haunting me.

It is worse on days on occasion; New Years day would have been our 25 year wedding anniversary if our marriage hadn't of ended in its 23rd year.

I rang her, talking freely for two hours, laughing, immersing in each other. Wanting her to invite me back, or asking her too. My natural directness stymied by knowing it would never be forthcoming and deep down acknowledging the sands of time had run out on our union.

The split was coming after honestly admitting we would always love each other but were no longer in love. We could exist on this by embracing memories, desperately hoping they would be the reality once more. But, knowing the magic between two resembles lightning in a bottle, rare, fleeting, once gone, never returning. Staying together, living in hope only ends in feeling quiet desperation with us both too passionate as individuals and respectful towards each other to chance this.

As amicable as a breakup gets with this in a surreal manner making it so hard. For it makes you question the why, and your part in it, racking your brain for the reasons but never finding them. If it had of been because of a betrayal such as cheating, or the like, the short-term pain would have been palpable but the long term holds not so gripping.

In the direct aftermath, I felt in a daze, completely devastated on a level like I was about to die as a result of a broken heart. Always betraying my real feelings when friends or loved one asked how I was, being so 'male' in my response by saying I was 'fine.'

Cowardly running away into seclusion, fleeing our Wales and Irish homes by taking a teaching contract in Australia. Letting down my three children, losing their respect as they were as much in need of their father to reconcile their grief over their parents splitting. Failing in a personal vow made, to never do anything to leave my kids damaged.

Looking back, they were the innocent victims forced to carry crosses like kids always do during break ups.

The now still about escaping the past. Fully reconciling the grief, trying to live once more and rather than merely surviving trying to embrace the pursuit of happiness by putting her legacy in proper context. Appreciating the place she had in my life, but no longer letting it impact and govern me in the now.

My goal in 2016, and beyond.

The heartache of relationship breakups
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  • Sandrino
    My first love cheated on me multiple times. She was literally the biggest love I've ever had. She did nothing but cheat on me though, she would switch between me and her first love. So that was a losing battle, and i knew it. I still fought though. Nowadays though, she gave him an STD and was cheating on him so they broke up. Now she's dating someone new and i bet he doesn't even know. It really sucks loving a cruel woman. It does..
    • Sandrino

      I used to cry myself to sleep every single night. Used to find things in stores that she had that reminded me of her. It was so crazy, i never had felt such a terrible feeling in my life, and i didn't know what to do. But now i have adapted to this generation of people. I have given up. So now i play the same game everyone else plays, until of course someone shows me that there is still good in this world..

    • Sandrino

      Sorry. This shit gets me in the feels..

  • Phoenix98
    Ehh it is what it is, pain reminds we are still alive, it's part of who we are, eventually the pain numbs and just becomes part of you and you learn to live with it, or if your lucky enough you can get closure like you did and no longer have to live like that, or course sometimes you have no choice and I am of course talk about pain other then the pain of love though that is easily one of it's worst forms.

    Love is a double edged sword it can cut you as well as heal you with it's slashing motion, erode you or build you up like water against the rocks, and it can make you feel on top of the world, or put you beneath it.
  • douride2
    It must be so hard being this far from your children especially at this time of year.
    • yes, it is harsh, but in life you create your own reality