You Are Forgiven, Not Forgotten...

[zulfiqarali]

Its a million dollar question that "Can anyone move over his/her X? " and its very common reply "Yes" with time the wounds healed up. Really? Is it simple to move over or forget a time period from time line of your life and enjoy rest of the life with nothing really happened. Things get changed, emotions and behaviors get changed due to the pain and bad experiences. We do look new people keeping past experience, then how one could say that he/she moved on over his/her past? This is the way we learn from our pasts. Correct our wrong doing and do stuff to avoid previous experiences.

I think, its not possible or logical. In any stage of life, we do remember those who betray us or hurt us in any way. Indeed, we may lost the pain and connection with the Mr./Ms X but its not moving over but it is simply "out of sight, out of mind" thing. Change in environment, change in social circle and even change in routine life may effect your relationships and could change your best friends. Long distance relationships are good example of this.

The only answer of this is to accept your mistakes and admit the past and keep it with you with open heart and mind. its human nature that we not accept our mistakes easily and quickly. We keep making excuses for our mistakes. This not resolve anything and we keep trying to undo and go back to the point where things started.

We try to find escape ways for ourselves not to admit the issues and past failures. Being or continue as friend is one of those escape routes. Friendship is a relationship in which a person trust another being, share feelings and enjoy/grief together. Here is the question. Do a person betray u or hurt you can remain eligible to be your friend? Will you able to share your feeling and enjoy happy moments with him/her when once you are hurt and your feelings were compromised upon anything? I think, the answer is "No". The truth is we are so much in our "Xs" that we want to them to feel like ourselves for them, but it is never be true because if this should be the case then they not left at first place. There is always a way to resolve issues and paths to compromise but when one decided to leave above being together then how he/she can feel same as you do?

Thus, the logical and better way to get over a breakup is to accept it and analyze selves, not to repeat mistakes and show our weaknesses again. Blind trust, assumptions and keep hope for better response hurt things. Its better to discuss things with partner and share reservations at the right time instead keep them in heart. Keeping self respect and protected boundary for selves, so that no one cross these boundaries and if one do, we aware of our course of actions to realize him/her that it is not fair and unacceptable.

If Love is for-giveness then it should be from both ends not one sided game...

you are welcome to disagree and prove me wrong...

[Anonymous]

I forgave both my exes and it made me feel better. It was especially hard to forgive my last ex since she ghosted me with no warning after 9 months of dating.

But I think it’s tougher for guys to forgive ESPECIALLY when women never apologize to us or forgive us for our screw ups. There was actually a study done about this that guys who forgive have a higher level of depression vs women who do so. It falls into the “nice guy” travesty. I’m wondering if I was wrong to
forgive my last ex. But at the same time I have no idea how to legally get revenge.

[zulfiqarali]

No you did right. you ended your own punishment and leave on faith... forgiveness is very hard to give but who able to do so get the peace... These are those people who are right at first place and did nothing wrong with their partner but still suffered...

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I guess it falls into the whole respect issue. With my second to last ex I sent her a final email where I owned up to what I did wrong, what she really did wrong and ultimately forgave her and wished her luck. I did feel better that I got to ventilate about what she did, but also said I’m moving on and never contacting her again.

My last ex I told briefly that’s “I forgive you” when I ran into her into at a gym after not seeing her months.

Problem is neither one of these women ever responded back and apologized. I can’t expect them to, but it would have been nice for closure.

Here’s the study I’m talking about thescienceexplorer.com/.../forgiveness-has-different-psychological-effects-men-and-women

[zulfiqarali]

You have done with you part, sooner or later they may realize what they did. Sometimes closures are different for different people. May be they not want to face you because of their guilt and running away is their closure. may be they not at same level of maturity as you are. you have done your part. you should get peace...

[Opinion Owner]

Good point. thanks man.

[zulfiqarali]

My pleasure

[Blonde401]

I’ve forgiven because it does me no good to carry that around forever. I haven’t forgotten. And it still affects me so badly that I struggle in my day to day life. I will never forget.

[zulfiqarali]

You should not punish yourself... If you are right and honest then you will see how your X will suffer.. Just relax and calm and if you believe in Justice, leave on time... sooner or later your X will see the consequences...

[Blonde401]

I don’t believe in justice though.

[zulfiqarali]

So you think their is no return of good or bad deeds?

[Blonde401]

Nope. Life isn’t fair, nobody gets their just desserts.

[zulfiqarali]

You are too young to be disappointed.. hope for the best

[Blonde401]

I’m really not that young. Im close to the 30 and everyone keeps telling me once a woman is 30 she’s worthless anyway.

[zulfiqarali]

you should laugh on such people. have you listen the songs "i am alive" by Celine Dion and Nickelback - If Today Was Your Last Day... list to it. You not need anyone or to prove your worth to anyone... God made you complete human and very normal... Find your happiness within you.. and if some one is there for you, he will find find you even you past 40... do not loose hope.. stay blessed and happy amen

[Blonde401]

Don’t believe in god. So... yeah that’s pointless.

[zulfiqarali]

Just believe in you. U not need anyone to feel good.. be positive... I pray for you...

[Guy13]

Good take... can't argue with it.

[Jjpayne]

Relationships are tricky things. People think that they are all hearts and passionate love but they are compromise. They are working together and getting through the bad stuff. Yes, relationships can be bad. How can love be bad? It is under the wedding vows. For better or for worse, till death do us part. This is not Romeo and Juliet, this is the stuff that takes courage, patience, and perseverance. Believe it or not, it takes a strong will to hold together a relationship. From both ends. I say this for the readers. To you, thank you. I believe people need to read this stuff and be ready to approach each relationship with the attention it requires. Men are imperfect and women need to see that. Men don't always smile and give roses. We have our struggles too. However, for us men we have to willing to admit our faults and be willing to patience and supportive of our SO's as well. Great Post!

[zulfiqarali]

Thanks

[Gedaria]

In some respects it's worse than someone dieing. When a person dies its final plus extremely painful. But divorce is like having a sound that you keep scratching and never heals. My first wife was never happy us being married after 4 daughters 13 years all she wanted was a son so she started looking for someone to give her what she wanted sadly never did. One problem I did got close to someone to get a little affection is went mad. We divorced it still hurts after all these years and powerless to sort it
Getting back to the wound I still keep scratching it !!!

[zulfiqarali]

if you believe in faith then leave it on time... what you did wrong ask forgiveness and make peace.. time never went back neither its only your fault. You are answerable to what u did, make it right and realizing you did something wrong is first step...

[Gedaria]

True,, I agree and tried all of that but she wanted out before I cheated. I found out later she use to go dancing to pick up men bring them back to the house while the kids were upstairs asleep. This is when I am away working when at home she always had an excuse not to get together. In fact the last daughter I got so paranoid I had a paternity test done to make sure she was mine. The last 4 years were terrible that is why I fell it wasn't planned and only happened once fuelled by booze. There is no excuse but thankfully I got the girls wife went walk about...

[zulfiqarali]

I guess it's over now and u will be careful in future..

[Ellie-V]

Totally possible to get over somebody if they hurt you. An ex cheated and now we're cool. I'm not "friends" with him, only because he wasn't exactly a friend in the first place. But yeah, forgive and forget. That's me, personally. I would care more if i had given myself to him sexually, but i didn't and i'm glad, so at the end if the day... I didn't really lose anything XD

[seekingadvice90]

But isn't the fact that he truly isn't forgotten and is on your mind when the subject of X comes up proving the point of the post?

[Ellie-V]

@seekingadvice90 I said he is forgiven. And he is not on my mind until i'm interacting with him in some way. And like i said, this is just applying to me personally.

[rebel4]

I feel like a weirdo, if i keep in touch with him its easier to not care because his behavior makes me realize that he still does not care. A part of me wants to become his best friend and see him suffer , which is not good, not good at all. But yeah i forgive but don't forget so that mistake is never happening again.

[Ellie-V]

@rebel4 Don't feel weird.

[somewheresomeway]

@rebel4 I can relate to that exactly. With boy my exes I felt better about the break up when I saw them in person or talked to them on the phone. My last ex (who ghosted w/ no warning after 9 months of dating) has gained 20lbs and got fake tits. She looks like a pathetic whore.

I only run into her probably once every couple months because we both work out the same gym. But we both travel a lot too. But when I do see her I suddenly think "she looks like crap" and the fantasy image of her in my head is destroyed.

[somewheresomeway]

*with both

[Foreveryeah100]

no i disagree you can move on and fully love another person if your ex hurt you so badly either by mutiple cheatings or abuse etc that u just can't see them in the same way again, the idolising you set up on them fades away to reveal their true colours and then the feelings fade till there's nothing there anymore.

[Bellagypsy]

If you are looking for true happiness, you need to forgive. Erase all your worries, you will not forget it but you need to forgive to have a peaceful mind.. we need to live in present not in past so you can move on and think clearly.. then you'll attract positive aura, the blessings will come, hate and pain will fade

[Bfly004]

I guess it just depends on the extent of the pain they put you through. Deeper Wounds take longer to heal

[zulfiqarali]

Yes its true...

[wildkid360]

I would agree w/u on that but still evn tho the couples are broken and no longr datng they still do bcom good friends and sometimes for people it is ezy to forgive but hard to forget bc of so much hurt that has caused it in the first place but people r diffrnt and they cope differently with it

[Logorithim]

I'd agree with this. I don't forget any of my exes, but I am not angry at any of them, so I've definitely moved on.

[bubble_tea]

I guess your X is happy that she won't be forgotten then.. or did I misunderstand your take?

[zulfiqarali]

Yes.. you misunderstood...

[bubble_tea]

I'm sorry...

[zulfiqarali]

No problem, but what is your point?

[bubble_tea]

I don't have a point. I wanted to understand your take.

[zulfiqarali]

It's simply mean you showed kindness and affection to a wrong person.. this is your mistake but in future u will ware of such people and will not repeat this mistake again.. what they did it's thier problem and they will face consequences of their bad deeds...

[bubble_tea]

Thanks for explaining! I get it now.. and I completely agree!

[zulfiqarali]

My pleasure

[Anonymous]

https://youtu.be/IfsPf7gIp7Q

[1nittol3arn]

I just look at it as, we tried it... It didn't work... oh well, keep going

[Anonymous]

To be honest, I have not forgiven or forgotten my ex-fiance. Her guilt and shame has kept from coming any where near me. I know this because mutual friends tell me. That was many years ago...

[hammeronfire]

in time yes but for some people it will take longer than others. everything gets better in time

[Shakeenah]

I'm FORGIVEN but he has to mean and he not going to do the same thing

[zulfiqarali]

You should really care of self.. if you are right then leave it on faith... Its law "what you reap is what you sow"

[Anonymous]

What's the point of forgiving if you can't forget someone? Move on

[JimRSmith]

Depends on the circumstances and the individuals.

[Anonymous]

. Im a single virgin, what do I need to forgive?

[zulfiqarali]

Nothing but understand and learn from others mistakes...

[RedRobin]

Nice take

[zulfiqarali]

Thanks

[Anonymous]

I think it’s possible

[zulfiqarali]

Thats great.. how?