This is my first hand experience and found it helped massively..
My story is we fell madly in love and were together nearly a year. Planned marriage, kids, went on holidays and was building a future. We argued about petty things due to misunderstandings and his anger issues, had some "space".He came back wanting to work with me, told me he wants us so much and is still madly in love with me. we had 2 misunderstandings 2 days later. I wanted to work through it and he dumped me by email (I kid you not). I was heartbroken, confused and couldn't understand why he was walking away from us so easily...
So here's what I did and my gosh I'm so glad I did.....
1. Your reply/response to the breakup.
DO NOT CALL HIM..you will end end crying and pleading so don't do it. Send him a text back instead telling him that you were true to him and love him but tell him that you will not stop him from walking away. (You do not need to be nasty, just be honest. BUT DO NOT BEG OR ask why he's breaking up with you, this is the wrong time to ask him why he's doing it).
2. Sort our belongings ASAP.
I done mine by text immediately after the break up response saying that I just want my stuff and will arrange for it to be dropped off.
I know your probably thinking but why so soon.. I'll tell you why. He has made this decision to end it with you, clinging to his/your belongs will only delay the process. You now take the reigns, If this is what he wants then you cannot control that but you can control how this break up pans out. Getting your belongings traded ASAP will show him that you really will not wait around for him/wait for your things or to give him his.
3. Getting your belongings/the trade off.
It is up to you how you do this.. you can eigther trade face to face by arranging a time or leave it with a flatmate/ friend to give it to him.
I chose face to face a few days after the breakup. I took a friend with me for moral support, someone he knew of but wasn't family or a mutual friend. We traded stuff and I told his mum how I felt, I was polite and courteous.
4. Why he broke up with you.
If he hadn't told you already in step 1 then now is good to have the convo to see where he's at. I got my answers face to face when I dropped his stuff.
BE HONEST, Its okay to cry a little and it's okay to ask why he broke up with you. It's okay to tell him you love him and that you don't want this break up.
DO NOT beg, try to convince him, shout or say anything spiteful. I simply said I love and don't want this but I will not stop you from walking away. And that I cannot pine for someone who cannot love me completely, THEN say goodbye and walk away.
5. Damn, I still have some of his stuff that I found in a draw/cupboard.
Do not call him, text it to tell him you forgot some stuff. Arrange a time when he is not home to give to his mum/flatmate or when he can get it from yours. IF YOU CAN AVOID SEEING HIM THEN AVOID.
If the flat mate/ mum wants to talk about it then fine...just don't slate him off, don't get too emotional..just tell them you still love him and that you made some mistakes in the relationship as did he.That you'll continue to grow And you hoped it was different but that's how it is. (REMMEBER: THEY ARE BIASED because they are his friends and family. (No need to lie..they will know your lying but just be real but strong). OR if he lives alone etc then just dropping his stuff/ getting yours will be sufficient.
6. Delete him off Facebook.
Yes, even if you want him back. Unfriend him, because he'll delete your relationship status of you 2 anyway, if not bow he'll do it slyly in the next few days. Think about it....your not longer in a relationship status with him because he's deleted it and your still friends with him on Facebook. Plus why should he get to see all your pictures etc. DO NOT Delete his close friends from your friends list if you want him back... IF YOU don't want him back then go ahead and delete them all.
BUT WAIT....How will he see how I've changed, how well I'm doing without him? Set a few posts of you with friends etc as public but do not overdo it. He WILL snoop at one point or eventually ask a friend how your doing, they will check your facebook/Instagram to snoop. It's human nature to be curious.
7. The no contact.
I've read up on the 30 day no contact rule..yada yada yada. If you were dumped and had the break up talk this is pointless.. completely pointless.
Why would you contact someone after 30, 40 or even 60 days who doesn't want to be with you. You contacting them after X amount of days is still chasing... It's still pleading and lowers your value in their eyes regardless of if you play the "cool" thinking of you, memory lane or "I'm doing great" text. NO CHASING.
Unless you have something to apologise for then go ahead, but apologise for that thing and that thing only.
REMEMBER: This person did not relise your high value when they broke up with you so why give them the satisfaction of chasing them. KNOW YOUR VALUE.
8. Stick to your guns.
If you chase him then you've gone back on your word of not chasing him. If you haven't screamed or pleaded then why do it now..
It lowers your value in his eyes even more and will make you feel crappy.
Over 80% of women will shout, be spiteful, be petty or plead/beg after a break up.
Do not prove to him that his decision was the right one by being "the crazy ex girlfriend". (80% of women after a break up..Im very guilty of this in the past). If you do then he'll be thinking "I knew she'd be like this, I definitely made the right decision in breaking up with her".
9. Actually do something.
(GIVE IT 2 WEEKS AFTER THE BREAK UP).
WEEK 1- Cry in bed watching Bridget Jones for the first week, let it all out. Then reconnect with lost friends and spend time with your family. It's okay to hurt, let it all out now rather than later.
WEEK 2- You said you wanted to go to yoga?then Go. Want to get into shape? Then go to the gym. DO something for you. Feeling sad? Listen to some motivational music/read an empowering book.
10. Do not contact him
This must continue even if he's contacted you. If he has then let him sweat it out for a few more days. REMEMBER: He didn't consider you when he left you, he didn't want to work it out before. So why give him the opportunity straight away to get you back?
If he hasn't contacted you then just carry on. At least you don't have any regrets of your actions, nothing to apologise for. Nothing to think damn, I wish I done that different.
I promise you, be that ex who walked away like a woman. The one that went "okay, you don't know what you have but I know my value". BE that ex girlfriend who is ungettable, one day, maybe months or years from now he will look back and think damn, I her let go..what an idiot and it will probably be too late.
*THE WHOLE POINT*
The whole point of this is because you cannot make an ex or anyone do something they don't want to do no matter how hard you try. You cannot make them love you and stay with you. BUT YOU CAN DECIDE WHAT YOU DO. You can decide how you handle it, you can maintain your value and not do what he expects to get attention and confirmation that his decision was the correct one.
This isn't a guide, it's first hand experience and the above was very hard to do. But I feel so good in myself that I did it this way and ready to heal completely with my value in tact and my head held high. SHINE BRIGHT, YOU ARE WONDERFUL! X</p>