10 Steps on How to Deal With a Break-Up Like a Boss <3

This is my first hand experience and found it helped massively..

My story is we fell madly in love and were together nearly a year. Planned marriage, kids, went on holidays and was building a future. We argued about petty things due to misunderstandings and his anger issues, had some "space".He came back wanting to work with me, told me he wants us so much and is still madly in love with me. we had 2 misunderstandings 2 days later. I wanted to work through it and he dumped me by email (I kid you not). I was heartbroken, confused and couldn't understand why he was walking away from us so easily...

So here's what I did and my gosh I'm so glad I did.....

10 Steps on How to Deal With a Break-Up Like a Boss <3

1. Your reply/response to the breakup.

DO NOT CALL HIM..you will end end crying and pleading so don't do it. Send him a text back instead telling him that you were true to him and love him but tell him that you will not stop him from walking away. (You do not need to be nasty, just be honest. BUT DO NOT BEG OR ask why he's breaking up with you, this is the wrong time to ask him why he's doing it).

2. Sort our belongings ASAP.

I done mine by text immediately after the break up response saying that I just want my stuff and will arrange for it to be dropped off.

I know your probably thinking but why so soon.. I'll tell you why. He has made this decision to end it with you, clinging to his/your belongs will only delay the process. You now take the reigns, If this is what he wants then you cannot control that but you can control how this break up pans out. Getting your belongings traded ASAP will show him that you really will not wait around for him/wait for your things or to give him his.

3. Getting your belongings/the trade off.

It is up to you how you do this.. you can eigther trade face to face by arranging a time or leave it with a flatmate/ friend to give it to him.

I chose face to face a few days after the breakup. I took a friend with me for moral support, someone he knew of but wasn't family or a mutual friend. We traded stuff and I told his mum how I felt, I was polite and courteous.

10 Steps on How to Deal With a Break-Up Like a Boss <3

4. Why he broke up with you.

If he hadn't told you already in step 1 then now is good to have the convo to see where he's at. I got my answers face to face when I dropped his stuff.

BE HONEST, Its okay to cry a little and it's okay to ask why he broke up with you. It's okay to tell him you love him and that you don't want this break up.

DO NOT beg, try to convince him, shout or say anything spiteful. I simply said I love and don't want this but I will not stop you from walking away. And that I cannot pine for someone who cannot love me completely, THEN say goodbye and walk away.

5. Damn, I still have some of his stuff that I found in a draw/cupboard.

Do not call him, text it to tell him you forgot some stuff. Arrange a time when he is not home to give to his mum/flatmate or when he can get it from yours. IF YOU CAN AVOID SEEING HIM THEN AVOID.

If the flat mate/ mum wants to talk about it then fine...just don't slate him off, don't get too emotional..just tell them you still love him and that you made some mistakes in the relationship as did he.That you'll continue to grow And you hoped it was different but that's how it is. (REMMEBER: THEY ARE BIASED because they are his friends and family. (No need to lie..they will know your lying but just be real but strong). OR if he lives alone etc then just dropping his stuff/ getting yours will be sufficient.

6. Delete him off Facebook.

Yes, even if you want him back. Unfriend him, because he'll delete your relationship status of you 2 anyway, if not bow he'll do it slyly in the next few days. Think about it....your not longer in a relationship status with him because he's deleted it and your still friends with him on Facebook. Plus why should he get to see all your pictures etc. DO NOT Delete his close friends from your friends list if you want him back... IF YOU don't want him back then go ahead and delete them all.

BUT WAIT....How will he see how I've changed, how well I'm doing without him? Set a few posts of you with friends etc as public but do not overdo it. He WILL snoop at one point or eventually ask a friend how your doing, they will check your facebook/Instagram to snoop. It's human nature to be curious.

10 Steps on How to Deal With a Break-Up Like a Boss <3

7. The no contact.

I've read up on the 30 day no contact rule..yada yada yada. If you were dumped and had the break up talk this is pointless.. completely pointless.

Why would you contact someone after 30, 40 or even 60 days who doesn't want to be with you. You contacting them after X amount of days is still chasing... It's still pleading and lowers your value in their eyes regardless of if you play the "cool" thinking of you, memory lane or "I'm doing great" text. NO CHASING.

Unless you have something to apologise for then go ahead, but apologise for that thing and that thing only.

REMEMBER: This person did not relise your high value when they broke up with you so why give them the satisfaction of chasing them. KNOW YOUR VALUE.

8. Stick to your guns.

If you chase him then you've gone back on your word of not chasing him. If you haven't screamed or pleaded then why do it now..

It lowers your value in his eyes even more and will make you feel crappy.

Over 80% of women will shout, be spiteful, be petty or plead/beg after a break up.

Do not prove to him that his decision was the right one by being "the crazy ex girlfriend". (80% of women after a break up..Im very guilty of this in the past). If you do then he'll be thinking "I knew she'd be like this, I definitely made the right decision in breaking up with her".

9. Actually do something.

(GIVE IT 2 WEEKS AFTER THE BREAK UP).

WEEK 1- Cry in bed watching Bridget Jones for the first week, let it all out. Then reconnect with lost friends and spend time with your family. It's okay to hurt, let it all out now rather than later.

WEEK 2- You said you wanted to go to yoga?then Go. Want to get into shape? Then go to the gym. DO something for you. Feeling sad? Listen to some motivational music/read an empowering book.

10. Do not contact him

This must continue even if he's contacted you. If he has then let him sweat it out for a few more days. REMEMBER: He didn't consider you when he left you, he didn't want to work it out before. So why give him the opportunity straight away to get you back?

If he hasn't contacted you then just carry on. At least you don't have any regrets of your actions, nothing to apologise for. Nothing to think damn, I wish I done that different.

I promise you, be that ex who walked away like a woman. The one that went "okay, you don't know what you have but I know my value". BE that ex girlfriend who is ungettable, one day, maybe months or years from now he will look back and think damn, I her let go..what an idiot and it will probably be too late.

*THE WHOLE POINT*

The whole point of this is because you cannot make an ex or anyone do something they don't want to do no matter how hard you try. You cannot make them love you and stay with you. BUT YOU CAN DECIDE WHAT YOU DO. You can decide how you handle it, you can maintain your value and not do what he expects to get attention and confirmation that his decision was the correct one.

This isn't a guide, it's first hand experience and the above was very hard to do. But I feel so good in myself that I did it this way and ready to heal completely with my value in tact and my head held high. SHINE BRIGHT, YOU ARE WONDERFUL! X</p>


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Loulouchuchu is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Good post
    I dated a girl for a year and a half. She suddenly broke up with me-and tried to instantly turn it into Friendship. I was polite but refused to see her-told her it would be awkward. She pestered me sending texts and emails. I never initiated and occasionally would reply "no thanks" her invitations to do something.
    After about 8 weeks she wanted to go to a sci fi film I had been waiting to come out. She HATES Sci Fi so I knew it was a desperate offer to reconnect. I went out to the film, we went back to her place to "talk". I told her that I wasn't interested in just a friendship and got up and left. A week later she came over and told me she wanted me back. No contact and polite aloofness absolutely worked.
    3 mos. later she broke up with me again-and again, abruptly, no warning. She has started pestering a little bit to see me, to be "friends". This time I haven't responded at all-i just ignore her. I adore her but will not accept a lesser relationship than I deserve.
    But the no contact rule (and no begging, bartering, whatever) does work! What you posted here was a girl version-and not that different-of the guy version. Good advice.

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  • Excellent Take, the crux of which is not making it into a long, drawn out process. I absolutely agree.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • The guy who broke up with me said mean things to me and he broke up with me in a sweet manner and my dad said that the guy played me but I find it hard to believe. So I wanted to ask you since you seem like a really wise person should I block him on my Snapchat even though he said that we are friends? He never contacts me or anything but I just want to be able to ask him how college goes for him. by the way this was my first breakup and it really hurt me. I might have been used as some senior dare or to get his ex jealous I don’t know

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    • Your too young to care.. honestly. that's not being patronising, it's just boys at his age assuming he's of a similar age do silly things. Boys at a young age play odd mind games to gain control in the world (in this case... you). My opinion.. dont be friends with him, the sooner you learn this the better. Ex's and friends cannot be until a decent amount of time has passed. If say delete him. But don't be nasty or petty... eventually he won't matter.

    • Nope, completely erase him from your life. He doesn't deserve you or you don't deserve him being able to feel superior to you because he dumped you.

    • He was 18 about to graduate and go to college

  • WOW! :O I AM SOOOOOO GLAD I FOUND THIS MYTAKE!! I am going through a very simular relationship right now. We didn't break up as yet but tbh... I am starting to have thoughts of doing so because i'm just SO FED UP with the relationship problems. And this is VERY helpful in helping me to deal with it like a boss when that time comes. **THANK YOU GREATLY FOR WRITING THIS!!** :)

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    • No worries 😊... I'll be honest it's hard and I'm starting to heal but by doing this I think that it's let me heal quicker without any regrets on my actions. Be strong x

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What Guys Said 27

  • This is good stuff, although I wouldn't delete and ex from social media unless it was a nasty breakup (maybe I have just been lucky, but I haven't had those). It is important to get your mind of your ex if the split isn't amicable.

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  • Sounds opposite to facing it head on. Then again I never want to leave on non speaking terms. Most of my pervious relationships still have frequent interact. The others are limited to phone calls when needed. Although I understand some relationships end badly and abruptly.

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  • With divorce the break up is not that much of a big deal really. People break up everyday and it is a part of life so deal with it. The worst part is the aftermath. Losing everything you have ever owned or most of it to your ex is never good and then comes child support. When it has been costing say $50 a week to feed your child and then all of a sudden $250 a week is demanded via child support payments that is some BS that is not only hard to cope with but it can be financially crippling.

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    • Remember that child support does not only pay for food, but clothing, school supplies, and what it costs in utilities each month for 1 person, plus child care if needed.

  • Hopefully I never have to worry about this now that I'm married but good points nonetheless.

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  • "He WILL snoop at one point or eventually ask a friend how your doing"

    Lol fat chance. We don't care and wouldn't even remember to do it even if we wanted to.

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    • Speaking for yourself only by the way. 0ver 85% of men have admitted to "checking up" on their ex through Facebook out of curiosity at one point post break up if they don't know what she's up to...
      Several studies conducted in 2017 and February 2018. FACT. Look it up... 😊

    • I've never done it

  • We all need to find a way to move on :)
    Whatever the process as long as we get through. Nice Take.

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  • What if the ex still keeps emailing you and you haven't reply in over 2 months.
    Will they ever stop?

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    • Was it you or her emailing.. bit more detail please?

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    • I dont talk to her. She emails me and talks to nobody. I dont open emails for her to see a read receipt.

    • I see them in the trash folder and empty trash thats all that happens.

  • I don’t know how a guy would handle this. I was wondering if a guy could use these same steps when they break up with someone.

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    • Yes they can but with slight adaptation.. need so. e tips? Give me some details and I'll try to help

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    • It's the same then. But I recommend that you don't sleep around or 'rebound' with another girl. It will only prolong your recovery as you will have to deal with those emotions eventually and rebounding only puts a temporary plaster on your bruised ego. It's okay to hurt, confide in a friend or family member. Each week gets easier, unfortunately the aftermath of a break up has the same healing process. This my take was just how to deal with the initial breakup. I'll be honest with you... i shifted my priorities after 2 weeks post break up and relised that I put a lot of who I am and my dreams aside for a slice of happiness with my ex... I say, F*&× that. I'm now saving for a new life in Australia where my dreams can be made. Make this break up about you and do what will make you happy.. I've achieved the most in my life when my heart had been broken because it was my mission to love and re-find myself. Look after you now x

    • Thank you.

  • Wow, you discovered the water.

    After a breakup the key is 0 contact, and activities to keep distracted

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  • Yes.. I agree. It happened with the first wife. We tried to sort things , so she left leaving me with 4 daughters ...

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What Girls Said 12

  • Wow okay. from where to start. Basically it's a very good take. I wish I saw this earlier. My ex broke up with me a year ago and omg I did the completely opposite of all !!! I am so stupid. and yes by now he thinks I am a good person but I acted crazy and he doesn't want to even talk to me because he is afraid I will act bad start accusing etc. Truth is he is a very bad person and I will never forget what he did to me. And yes after one year I still think of him and I'm miserable and he knows. As I said I did the completely opposite of all the above and I terribly regret. I contacted him many times and we talked for many months. this made it harder for me to forget about him. Hmmm now it is late to forget him? I did it all wrong. how to continue from now a year after the break up?

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    • If I was you I'd do this.. send him a text. Keep it easy and about him, no emotion. For example " I've just been to this great Italian place. I remember how much you like italian. You should definitely try it some time" to open up friendly line of communication. Then just talk to him like you would a friend.

      2. DO NOT talk about the past relationship, the break or how you feel. Just pretend he's a friend for now. Like starting completely new.
      Talk about the great things that you've both been up to in the past year.

      3. If you show any needy/desperate or crazy behaviour including blaming he will retreat back for good.

      4. Baby steps at this stage. Don't think of it as a game plan.. it's not.. NO GAME PLAN. It's you getting to know someone who you haven't seen in a year. a lot has changed, he might have changed. Find out who he is now first before you even decide if you want to reconcile x

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    • I kept the woonds open thinking he might come back. As usually. All women make the same mistake. Really it took you two years? wow☹I can't handle this for another year. You have any tips to share? I stopped talking to him. I did it on my own and you know what pushed me? I told him a friend of mine was at hospital he had a serious accident and his reply was "don't say to me please. I don't want to get depression and listen to drama ". After this I realised how terrible he is and I said to myself this is it. I am done trying. This happened a month ago by the way. Like a stupid person I chase him and tried to be his friend for maybe 7 8 months. And I knew about the women he had sex with. He didn't tell me but I knew from other sources. Can you imagine how much I made myself suffer? Knowing about the women he had sex with all this time. I opened the wounds myself. And what bothers me more isn't that he broke up with me. Its his dishonesty and his behaviour after.

    • He could handle things better. I could forgive everything if he was nice and come and apologise. But he was an ass. And from his new comment now I realised how terrible he is. He claimed he did all these without thinking. Now I'm starting to believe he wanted to these and wanted me to chase him for him to gain validation that a pretty girl chased him. He says to his friends lies. huge lies about how much i wanted him and he as trying to be nice and explain to me he didn't want anything more while in fact he was the one who pushed me for things. You are right. I don't understand why he did these and what was my fault and I pay like this. Why I had to meet him. They say bad is followed by good. I'm still waiting for something good to happen after one year. It's hard. moving on and forgetting is hard. I don't know how to do this. I didn't do a good job till now. by the way he was my first and he used me for sex lying he wanted a relatioship. 😊how nice

  • every separation is a new beginning. hope you will be happy your new life :)

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  • I need this

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  • Nice take

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  • Aw nice take!

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  • I need this up my wall asap

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  • Nice mytake

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  • Going through this now, thank you!

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  • Thanks for sharing.

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  • Amazing advice. But how would you react if you happen to cross path with him?

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