Well I can't remember what older actor it was who said it but rejection is not easy to take at any age. I believe that. When it doesn't work out and you were nothing but good to them its hard to figure out for sure. She probably won't stop. Her juicing can give you stomach issues beside the wine. So decide if you can live with it or not.
I broke up with my girlfriend because my old crush kept staring at me again and i felt like i like that bitch more and it felt like i was cheating i even asked her to stop looking and then i broke up with her she now has amnesia and dosent even remember me i guess thats for the good
You call her a whino, but you're doing all the whining... You're pointing fingers at her, remember for every finger you point at someone three point right back at you!!!
You're more the problem than she is, you said you've been in these relationships before, you must enjoy the Drama...
Work on yourself, get professional help before getting into another Disastrous Relationship, just to save the other person their time and energy!!! If what you say is true, You keep picking Drama and that's vthe way you want it, how else do you look so good to everyone else then next to a trainwreck?
I understand early dementia but I don't think that is the problem. I did psychiatric evaluations in an emergency room for 5 years before I started law school so I feel fairly confident about this.
@Rissyanne You just had the conversation with OaW that I would have had. When I read his post, I thought this could be early onset dementia (the hoarding, the losing jobs, the denial). Like you, my mom has dementia (not early onset) and like you, I have been reading everything I can to figure out to deal with her effectively and not lose my mind in the process.
It is heartbreaking to read the stories of people that are going through this with their partner. A parent, it sucks but it is kind of expected... the nature cycle of life and all that. But the wifes/husbands that have to deal with their partner, it breaks my heart. Truly sucks.
To OaW, I saw your response to Rissyanne so I see that you have considered dementia but do not think it is that.
I am sorry this is happening to you, OaW but even if she quits drinking, I am not sure that is going to change her personality all that much. A drunk asshole usually just turns into a sober asshole when they quit... usually.
But I am sorry you have to do this all over again. That sucks.
And I do not get it, in my book, you are quite the catch. Hang in there and let us know what happens after May 15th.
@lizziepooh03 I appreciate your very kind words. Her drinking aggravates her GI problems, causes most of our arguments, and makes me want to leave her at home when I have a social engagement. I do realize that - sober - she will still have BPD, but I have seen her sober for a few weeks and I think the level of symptoms then was much more tolerable.
I have given up on finding the perfect mate but I have also realized that I am not the perfect catch for anyone, either.
Dude. You are a good guy. You made the right decision. You have a right not to be drained your whole life. You will find someone right for you. I know. Trust me.
You're describing the typical woman. That's just the way they are - the invent their own problems. Of which there are always many. It's part of their victim mentality. They are just SURE it's somebody's fault.
"She also spent ten years living in Nicaragua and claims that she adopted her drinking habits from Nicaraguan culture".
Um, yeah, we are like the Ireland of Latin America, the drinking culture is dominant, sadly...
You pass through a lot. I can relate to it. The decision you made is wise. When words don't match with actions there is something wrong, in a romantic relationship and any other type of relation.
Life is too precious, find the happiness you are looking for.
"She is 1/4 Mohican but claims the culture that supports her drinking is Sicilian culture; she was married to a second generation Sicilian-American for 32 years" As someone who IS a Sicilian American. The only time our culture supports drinking a shitload is when you are with friends and or family. If you are spending time with people you care about and care about you, then its considered culturally appropriate to get shitfaced and drink copious amounts of wine. Alone not so much
Hell the day before Easter when my mom's cousins husband walks in the door (they are both MUCH closer in age to me than my mom, she and he are like ten years older than me) he asks id anyone wants to do Tequila with him, I spent most of that day drunk on a mix of Tequila, Wine, and Beer, and I ate what must have been half my bodyweight on smoked BBQ Brisket. Its a celebratory thing on holidays or when you have people over you are slightly encouraged to both drink and eat to your hearts content, its a cultural thing
Like when I was in Chicago for Thanksgiving my cousins (who aren't of Italian Descent at all) who are from the area ordered Chicago style 'Pizza' at a restaurant and I was just like, I don't care what you say, that ain't pizza
The endoscopy cost about $2,600 (self-pay price.) I am not affluent but I have the money, she needs the endoscopy, and when I share my life with someone else, I am not selfish about such things. If I needed something that she could do for me, I know she would do it. . . and that is a part of what makes breaking up with her difficult: she has a good heart.
She has only had two glasses of wine ion the past 7 days so I am very cautiously optimistic.
I ask because I am wondering if there are enough guys like you out there who are okay with spending that much money on a woman even if they aren't married. Would you say that the love is what made you make that investment?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
29Opinion
Well I can't remember what older actor it was who said it but rejection is not easy to take at any age. I believe that. When it doesn't work out and you were nothing but good to them its hard to figure out for sure. She probably won't stop. Her juicing can give you stomach issues beside the wine. So decide if you can live with it or not.
It sucks, but you're right, you won't get her to change. For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing.
I broke up with my girlfriend because my old crush kept staring at me again and i felt like i like that bitch more and it felt like i was cheating i even asked her to stop looking and then i broke up with her she now has amnesia and dosent even remember me i guess thats for the good
You call her a whino, but you're doing all the whining... You're pointing
fingers at her, remember for every finger you point at someone three point right back at you!!!
You're more the problem than she is, you said you've been in these relationships before, you must enjoy the Drama...
Work on yourself, get professional help before getting into another Disastrous Relationship, just to save the other person their time and energy!!! If what you say is true, You keep picking Drama and that's vthe way you want it, how else do you look so good to everyone else then next to a trainwreck?
Do you have BPD?
What?
How old is this woman? She actually sounds like she could have some dementia
She is 57 years young.
She could still be in the early stages. Since my mother has dementia I’ve read and watched every thing I could. I’m not joking with you.
I understand early dementia but I don't think that is the problem. I did psychiatric evaluations in an emergency room for 5 years before I started law school so I feel fairly confident about this.
@Rissyanne You just had the conversation with OaW that I would have had. When I read his post, I thought this could be early onset dementia (the hoarding, the losing jobs, the denial). Like you, my mom has dementia (not early onset) and like you, I have been reading everything I can to figure out to deal with her effectively and not lose my mind in the process.
It is heartbreaking to read the stories of people that are going through this with their partner. A parent, it sucks but it is kind of expected... the nature cycle of life and all that. But the wifes/husbands that have to deal with their partner, it breaks my heart. Truly sucks.
To OaW, I saw your response to Rissyanne so I see that you have considered dementia but do not think it is that.
I am sorry this is happening to you, OaW but even if she quits drinking, I am not sure that is going to change her personality all that much. A drunk asshole usually just turns into a sober asshole when they quit... usually.
But I am sorry you have to do this all over again. That sucks.
And I do not get it, in my book, you are quite the catch. Hang in there and let us know what happens after May 15th.
I wish you well my friend.
@lizziepooh03 I appreciate your very kind words. Her drinking aggravates her GI problems, causes most of our arguments, and makes me want to leave her at home when I have a social engagement. I do realize that - sober - she will still have BPD, but I have seen her sober for a few weeks and I think the level of symptoms then was much more tolerable.
I have given up on finding the perfect mate but I have also realized that I am not the perfect catch for anyone, either.
I hope it works out well for you, OaW, however, it ends up working out.
I wish you all the best. :)
@lizziepooh03 I have Crohn’s disease. Which is much worse than her gi problem. And it doesn’t make her paranoid
Hang in there, you made the right decision.
It seems like you invested a lot of time, energy and emotion into her.
I had a similar experience with my ex-girlfriend, but instead of alcoholism and BPD, it was her career obsession and narcissism.
Don't ever go back to her, she sounds like a broken woman. At your age, you should seek a woman who is at peace with herself.
interesting. itll just make you more olderer and wiserer
You learn more from your mistakes, so I assume that you are correct!
Dude. You are a good guy. You made the right decision. You have a right not to be drained your whole life. You will find someone right for you. I know. Trust me.
You're describing the typical woman. That's just the way they are - the invent their own problems. Of which there are always many. It's part of their victim mentality. They are just SURE it's somebody's fault.
I facepalmed myself about a dozen times reading that. Very sad.
I'm sorry for you both, like you said there are no winners in this. However, I do think you're making the right decision with the ultimatum.
"She also spent ten years living in Nicaragua and claims that she adopted her drinking habits from Nicaraguan culture".
Um, yeah, we are like the Ireland of Latin America, the drinking culture is dominant, sadly...
You pass through a lot. I can relate to it. The decision you made is wise. When words don't match with actions there is something wrong, in a romantic relationship and any other type of relation.
Life is too precious, find the happiness you are looking for.
"She is 1/4 Mohican but claims the culture that supports her drinking is Sicilian culture; she was married to a second generation Sicilian-American for 32 years"
As someone who IS a Sicilian American.
The only time our culture supports drinking a shitload is when you are with friends and or family.
If you are spending time with people you care about and care about you, then its considered culturally appropriate to get shitfaced and drink copious amounts of wine.
Alone not so much
Hell the day before Easter when my mom's cousins husband walks in the door (they are both MUCH closer in age to me than my mom, she and he are like ten years older than me) he asks id anyone wants to do Tequila with him, I spent most of that day drunk on a mix of Tequila, Wine, and Beer, and I ate what must have been half my bodyweight on smoked BBQ Brisket.
Its a celebratory thing on holidays or when you have people over you are slightly encouraged to both drink and eat to your hearts content, its a cultural thing
I never bought into the cultural excuse.
She has had two glasses of wine in the past 10 days.
Wait two glasses of wine total?
Or like two each day?
But this cultural thing only works if she is having good friends over every day
No, she was drinking alone. And she is not Sicilian. She was married to a second generation Sicilian-American for 32 years.
She has had a total of two glasses of wine in the past 10 days.
Yeah then as a Sicilian-American myself (like my great grandfather was an actual gangster who came from Sicily) I call bullshit
Not as much as I call Bullshit on Chicago Style Pizza. That shit just ain't Pizza
I'm wid ya!
Like when I was in Chicago for Thanksgiving my cousins (who aren't of Italian Descent at all) who are from the area ordered Chicago style 'Pizza' at a restaurant and I was just like, I don't care what you say, that ain't pizza
And it's way too much bread for my tastes!
Just curious, how much did her endoscopy cost and why were you willing to spend that much money on her?
The endoscopy cost about $2,600 (self-pay price.) I am not affluent but I have the money, she needs the endoscopy, and when I share my life with someone else, I am not selfish about such things. If I needed something that she could do for me, I know she would do it. . . and that is a part of what makes breaking up with her difficult: she has a good heart.
She has only had two glasses of wine ion the past 7 days so I am very cautiously optimistic.
I ask because I am wondering if there are enough guys like you out there who are okay with spending that much money on a woman even if they aren't married. Would you say that the love is what made you make that investment?
Yes, if I am in love, I do not think about legal relationships at all. I treat a partner in a relationship as I would if we were married.
@ I treat a partner in a relationship as I would if we were married.
Beautiful words!
@Cheryl_Sim That's the best way to find out how you would work as a married couple: act as if you are married!
Her gastritis has completely resolved and she has not had anything to drink in the past 5 weeks.
@OlderAndWiser That's great to hear!
Yeah that sucks but she really has a problem and isn’t dealing with it and in turn is going to lose you because of it
Sounds like you perfectly described my ex. You have to break up with her and move on, for your own sake.
Its not easy at all never let any one take you down
Sometimes it really do be like that though.
That must’ve been a tough conversation
I've had to do it. Once was in college, girl I was dating was into drugs way too much.