We all have had times in our lives where we have met someone, fell in love with them, and then it all blew up in our faces; and the reason for this catastrophic end could be a multiplicity of reasons... they cheated, they ghosted you, they ran away, etc. When I say they, I feel like both males and females have all done this. The only reason I know this to be a solid fact is because I've both ran away, and been run away from. We typically all struggle with some personal doubts within ourselves when these things happen.
Was it Something I Said/Did?
Let me break that ideology for you right there....unless you broke into their house and killed a pet or assaulted/legitimately stalked them...The failure lies in some form of either miscommunicated feelings, or lack thereof. I feel like as humans we often allow our own insecurities to reflect onto those we love, and thus face things within relationships like too much action (rushing things) or inaction (letting things pass by that needed action), and false belief of the intentions of your significant other. And I think the most important component of moving forward in your life after you're left holding the emotional bags of yet another shattered relationship, is realizing that, some things are just not meant to work out...first and foremost. I've found that most of these relationships tend to fail because we have forgotten to simply talk to each other about what it is we want for fear of being judged or left prematurely...when the way you should be thinking about it is that either way, if a person cannot accept simple communication of wants/needs, then it's probably better that they leave your life before you become emotionally invested. Come to peace with the fact that typically both parties share blame, if any, to a failed relationship and realize that you don't need to carry the weight of it as religiously as most of us tend to do.
How Do Know When to Give Up V.S. Keep Fighting
This is always a tricky one, and one that I'm struggling with now. How exactly, do we know when it's time to stop fighting for the ones we love/loved, and move on with our lives. I've found the simple answer to this is: If the prospect of being with them no longer brings fond memories, or makes you happy, then it's probably time to let it go. No matter how much you may love them. I gave up on what I feel, has been the greatest, most passionate love of my life simply because I just couldn't bear the thought of being with him because I know I'd always have the fear of walking on egg-shells to avoid him running away or regretting being with me. This is not to say that's how he felt, because quite the contrary, he felt the opposite, and I simply couldn't see that because I was in my own head about things that made me upset, and I couldn't simply just enjoy our time together without creating something out of nothing. Understanding that now, was probably one of the most enlightening things in my 24 years of life, I think. Being able to understand that sometimes, or most of the time, we can't see past our own noses, because of fears we create, and become even more fearful when those perpetuated fears come to fruition. As for the flip side...You will always know when you should keep fighting...always. It's just something you can feel in your heart and soul.
None of it is easy to accept or process in the beginning, but having been a person who had a person of 7 years disappear into thin air because she just couldn't BE THERE due to my own fears and insecurities, I feel happy and sad at the same time. It's never easy to fall in love, and its never easy to watch that love die before your eyes. I think what's important to realize within your relationships with yourself and others is that we are all waging our own wars in our own minds, and when we enter into the mind of another, it may feel like a vacation because it's a different war to fight than the one you constantly have had to battle and win or lose on your own...but it gets old having to fight someone else's battles, and we need to be able to extend a hand to help fight them together and not be on the extreme end of either side bearing it all, or not at all. If you're fighting this storm in you, know that whatever decision you make, it was the right one, and no matter what your peers around you may have to contribute to the matter, we as individuals have to live with the choices we make, and the company we keep...so...just know...it's gonna be alright, the right choice was always the one that you were going to make.
Listening To: Somewhere in Between by Token