How Do You Let Go of That Long Term Lover That Broke Your Heart?

How Do You Let Go of That Long Term Lover That Broke Your Heart?

We all have had times in our lives where we have met someone, fell in love with them, and then it all blew up in our faces; and the reason for this catastrophic end could be a multiplicity of reasons... they cheated, they ghosted you, they ran away, etc. When I say they, I feel like both males and females have all done this. The only reason I know this to be a solid fact is because I've both ran away, and been run away from. We typically all struggle with some personal doubts within ourselves when these things happen.

Was it Something I Said/Did?

Let me break that ideology for you right there....unless you broke into their house and killed a pet or assaulted/legitimately stalked them...The failure lies in some form of either miscommunicated feelings, or lack thereof. I feel like as humans we often allow our own insecurities to reflect onto those we love, and thus face things within relationships like too much action (rushing things) or inaction (letting things pass by that needed action), and false belief of the intentions of your significant other. And I think the most important component of moving forward in your life after you're left holding the emotional bags of yet another shattered relationship, is realizing that, some things are just not meant to work out...first and foremost. I've found that most of these relationships tend to fail because we have forgotten to simply talk to each other about what it is we want for fear of being judged or left prematurely...when the way you should be thinking about it is that either way, if a person cannot accept simple communication of wants/needs, then it's probably better that they leave your life before you become emotionally invested. Come to peace with the fact that typically both parties share blame, if any, to a failed relationship and realize that you don't need to carry the weight of it as religiously as most of us tend to do.

How Do Know When to Give Up V.S. Keep Fighting

This is always a tricky one, and one that I'm struggling with now. How exactly, do we know when it's time to stop fighting for the ones we love/loved, and move on with our lives. I've found the simple answer to this is: If the prospect of being with them no longer brings fond memories, or makes you happy, then it's probably time to let it go. No matter how much you may love them. I gave up on what I feel, has been the greatest, most passionate love of my life simply because I just couldn't bear the thought of being with him because I know I'd always have the fear of walking on egg-shells to avoid him running away or regretting being with me. This is not to say that's how he felt, because quite the contrary, he felt the opposite, and I simply couldn't see that because I was in my own head about things that made me upset, and I couldn't simply just enjoy our time together without creating something out of nothing. Understanding that now, was probably one of the most enlightening things in my 24 years of life, I think. Being able to understand that sometimes, or most of the time, we can't see past our own noses, because of fears we create, and become even more fearful when those perpetuated fears come to fruition. As for the flip side...You will always know when you should keep fighting...always. It's just something you can feel in your heart and soul.

None of it is easy to accept or process in the beginning, but having been a person who had a person of 7 years disappear into thin air because she just couldn't BE THERE due to my own fears and insecurities, I feel happy and sad at the same time. It's never easy to fall in love, and its never easy to watch that love die before your eyes. I think what's important to realize within your relationships with yourself and others is that we are all waging our own wars in our own minds, and when we enter into the mind of another, it may feel like a vacation because it's a different war to fight than the one you constantly have had to battle and win or lose on your own...but it gets old having to fight someone else's battles, and we need to be able to extend a hand to help fight them together and not be on the extreme end of either side bearing it all, or not at all. If you're fighting this storm in you, know that whatever decision you make, it was the right one, and no matter what your peers around you may have to contribute to the matter, we as individuals have to live with the choices we make, and the company we's gonna be alright, the right choice was always the one that you were going to make.

Listening To: Somewhere in Between by Token

How Do You Let Go of That Long Term Lover That Broke Your Heart?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • jessicarosen
    Move on. There's more to life than dwelling on the past. Go find the next adventure!
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Absolutely! :)

    • Thank you for the MHO.

  • AdrenaLynx
    'More fish in the sea'
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • seabear2020
    I've tried moving on for five years. I went through her phone to find something to help. I did and it's helping but I'm also in a lot of pain. Focusing on myself helps and everything falls into place but it's hard to distance when you're trying to be friends for the sake of a child.
    • Anonymous

      Aw. That made my heart hurt. :,( Its like that sometimes... like you said, focusing on yourself always helps.

  • St0nedxKilla
    It takes time to move on. More maybe if the fact that you accept going separate ways to better yourself/themselves. But deep down you don’t just stop loving someone. It always lingers. Unless you grow hatred. But I don’t think you would want to do that unless they have wronged you.
  • Hamsteroids
    Sometimes you never do let go. You can move on and continue to live your life normally and happily, but if the impact they had on you was significant, you may never let go. They will still always be a part of you
  • My strategy: Exes feed on you being miserable and derive pleasure from your suffering. Don't give them any of that and block them everywhere. Out of sight, out of mind. Forgotten history. Dead!

    Rise up and show the world who's the boss in your life: You ✊
  • Hoomless87
    I met my wife and she was 110% better than the women I was in love with previously. I was in a dark place before I met my wife and I have always said," She saved me from myself."
  • jojouzumaki
    you must stopped fighting for the one you love.

    relationship are 2 people against the problem, not one another.
    • Aitch

      That’s not how it always works

    • in your opinion, how does it works?

    • Aitch

      Sometimes the problem can be your partner

  • itstheimpossiblekid
    Say to myself "shit happens, you die" and get fucked up
  • JohnAlaska43
    Distance yourself from the person. Find your freedom. Find something you enjoy in life and make new hobbies.
  • selfdestruction
    You don’t let go of that which you love. You learn to move past the loss.
  • KeniKeni
    I found someone else. That's how you know that not all hope is lost.
  • Confidenceoverload
    Let go and remind yourself “You either move with the world or the world moves without you”
  • SexyAshh
    Learn your worth and move on
    • Anonymous

      That goes without saying lol.

  • Nikkiyogi79
    With time friends and Ben & Jerry.
  • Guitar97
    I say bye.
  • HereIbe
    Whiskey, cigars, pussy.
  • Fuentes
    You fuck
  • iornman
    Good one
  • Xander27
  • Anonymous
    I only had one serious relationship so far and this is exactly what happened. She thought I didn’t love her anymore, whereas I was just broken, tired and full of stuff because I moved to another city to study etc.
    I couldn’t communicate with her because she almost never listened on the phone, always hung up when she misunderstood me, and I couldn’t even figure out what she is missing. She started testing, manipulating and fooling with me in order to see if I do love her or not, which only caused further problems because she kept breaking me more while doing so. One day I just had enough and we broke up.
    • zaffy69

      I'm scared of this to happen to me since I'm in a long distance relationship and I'm the type to not show much affection not because I don't love enough but because it's who I am

    • Anonymous

      Don’t be scared. You already know that communication is the key. Make sure you listen to him and make sure you get the right message across when you guys have conflicts.
      I’m also the type, who doesn’t show much affection, when I feel bad myself or when I’m broken. You could at least let him know that you been having a bad day, so that he doesn’t think otherwise.

  • Anonymous
    I would be heart broken for weeks but why I tend to be sad again is that they date my bestfriend when she knows it hurt me but oh well.