I cried my a** off and I felt really weak, that's how I knew I really had strong feelings for this guy, but unfortunately his heart was never mine. I had to deal with it somehow and the lessons I've learned are many but simple. Hopefully it will help you if you recently broke up with someone you really really really cared about...
Lesson 1. Look at Yourself / Assess what went wrong
I've analyzed, thought about, and even criticized myself for why this didn't work out as planned. I tend to be really hard on myself, but that isn't the way to do it. It hurts already the fact that this you love this person, but seeing what mistakes were made and correcting them will ensure personal growth. A relationship requires work, and that takes TWO individuals to do that, not just one, as was the way it was in my relationship.
Lesson 2. Take it as it is
Accepting the fact it was over wasn't easy, however I kept sometimes thinking about how much fun he was, how happy he made me feel, things like that, it made me want to come back. Yes, I'd think of how cozy I was in his arms or how he made me smile. But No, I had to accept the fact it was over. I confess I thought about him a lot, but I was only playing games with myself by thinking ONLY about the GOOD.
"Getting your ass as far away as possible from your ex is the best solution!"
Yes. This was very counter-productive to my daydreams of getting back to the happy times with my now ex-boyfriend. But I know this for a fact, if we're physically together, we'll get back together. Especially with all the emotions I'd feel seeing him face to face, I most likely will start to cry like a baby. So getting your ass as far away as possible is the best solution.
That solves the problems of any remote possibility of accidentally bumping into each other. I'd say the odds are 0.000000000001% that I would see him ever again...
Lesson 4. Let it out
Now as a girl who is normally quiet, rational and calm. The pain this guy caused me in my situation was hurting my body; I cried and didn't even eat for a while. But I'm here, so I made it. I had a lot of anger in me for all the S*#t I went through, and I couldn't stop crying sometimes.
So I started to do something about. I went and signed up for the nearest Tae Kwon Do class and every time I punched the punching bag, I'd think of him and his new girlfriend apparently who he'd gotten a few weeks after we broke up...I'd punch the s*#t out of that bag and feel better. This of course, after my mourning period and it was real good for my serotonin levels ;)
Lesson 5. Writing, Watching a Funny Movie, and other things
If you're not artsy, it's ok, it's just that somethings are best not even said to friends of course. Writing, for me, was a way I could find out more about how the problem occurred, why I was feeling the way I was feeling, and how I can change to prevent certain things from happening again. Personally, writing is a way of expression, I also like to draw, and often express my emotions through the art I create. Well, I guess it could be writing or something, just anything, to take your mind off of the pain. Watching a movie, go out with friends, and other stuff. I know if I was still thinking of him the way I did a while back, it would be weird.
Lesson 6. Deal with the Hate
There are a lot of nasty break ups out there. It never was easy for me in terms of break ups despite the fact I don't cry in public. The guys who broke up with me weren't decent enough to do it to my face. And not to mention the break up, the crap I had to go through was HORRIBLE. I tend to be very emotional. So for that guy who cheated on me with his new girlfriend (supposedly new), like I went through a phase of wondering what I was worth (which is sad) and comparing myself to her (which is even more sad because cheating is cheating; he's a d*h bag)as you can imagine, I didn't want to be a man-hater, so I dealt with the hate.
Deal with it. It's like poison surging through your veins if it gets out of control. I hated him and now I'm over it. Like I said, I took up martial arts classes, now I can beat his ass and look hot at the same time.
Lesson 7. Get rid of the Junk
So there are a lot of memories between us, we'd gone out for 3 years and my room was just the same like it was when I met him. I didn't want to be reminded, especially after what circumstances were found out (re: new girlfriend). It's the time of a new start, a fresh start, so clean up all the junk in you room, place, whatever because I think it's a symbol that you want to move on, plus it keeps the mind busy for awhile. I still have some love letters he wrote me, but I've either donated my stuffed animals or recycled most of the stuff. It's symbolic of the end and a new better beginning.
Lesson 8. Keep what makes you warm on a Wintery Night
For the days I feel lonely, I guess I could spend the whole day calling him a f*#$%*g d@#$* bag or worse, but there are happy memories amongst the marred ones. I think when I think positively about the times we laughed together and he held me close to him, it's nice; I think I should be grateful that at least I have those happy memories, sometimes it might not be that elaborately wonderful of a memory, but it's good so that bitterness doesn't consume you. As I said, no one wants to be a man hater if they can help it.
Lesson 9. Letting Go. The Closure.
Sometimes people wait for closure from their partners. I admit I was waiting for it because he was the one who cheated on me, but it's better to think and know I gave myself that closure. Closure is something that I made for myself. I didn't feel like he had the entitlement to creating an closure for me since he caused me so much pain. The thoughts of him will cease to cause grief, these thoughts of him will dwindle and I let go to start something new for myself. I healed gradually by keeping busy.
Closure is something that no one can create for you in the end, they can help you if you let them, but ultimately being independent about this aspect will demonstrate your own inner strength.
So here I am still standing ;) I've endured the pain and I can move on. This was my first break up and from it, It's made me a stronger person...I can move onto better things (not necessarily a new boyfriend), but I have my punching bag here and a pair of boxing gloves if something or someone makes me mad ;>
I hope this helps.