Break Up & My Mended Heart

Currently, the pieces of my heart that have been broken last year have been put together with the glue, tape, and whatever else I could find around.

I cried my a** off and I felt really weak, that's how I knew I really had strong feelings for this guy, but unfortunately his heart was never mine. I had to deal with it somehow and the lessons I've learned are many but simple. Hopefully it will help you if you recently broke up with someone you really really really cared about...

Lesson 1. Look at Yourself / Assess what went wrong

I've analyzed, thought about, and even criticized myself for why this didn't work out as planned. I tend to be really hard on myself, but that isn't the way to do it. It hurts already the fact that this you love this person, but seeing what mistakes were made and correcting them will ensure personal growth. A relationship requires work, and that takes TWO individuals to do that, not just one, as was the way it was in my relationship.

Lesson 2. Take it as it is

Accepting the fact it was over wasn't easy, however I kept sometimes thinking about how much fun he was, how happy he made me feel, things like that, it made me want to come back. Yes, I'd think of how cozy I was in his arms or how he made me smile. But No, I had to accept the fact it was over. I confess I thought about him a lot, but I was only playing games with myself by thinking ONLY about the GOOD.
"Getting your ass as far away as possible from your ex is the best solution!"
Lesson 3. Get your ass far far away from them

Yes. This was very counter-productive to my daydreams of getting back to the happy times with my now ex-boyfriend. But I know this for a fact, if we're physically together, we'll get back together. Especially with all the emotions I'd feel seeing him face to face, I most likely will start to cry like a baby. So getting your ass as far away as possible is the best solution.

That solves the problems of any remote possibility of accidentally bumping into each other. I'd say the odds are 0.000000000001% that I would see him ever again...

Lesson 4. Let it out

Now as a girl who is normally quiet, rational and calm. The pain this guy caused me in my situation was hurting my body; I cried and didn't even eat for a while. But I'm here, so I made it. I had a lot of anger in me for all the S*#t I went through, and I couldn't stop crying sometimes.

So I started to do something about. I went and signed up for the nearest Tae Kwon Do class and every time I punched the punching bag, I'd think of him and his new girlfriend apparently who he'd gotten a few weeks after we broke up...I'd punch the s*#t out of that bag and feel better. This of course, after my mourning period and it was real good for my serotonin levels ;)

Lesson 5. Writing, Watching a Funny Movie, and other things

If you're not artsy, it's ok, it's just that somethings are best not even said to friends of course. Writing, for me, was a way I could find out more about how the problem occurred, why I was feeling the way I was feeling, and how I can change to prevent certain things from happening again. Personally, writing is a way of expression, I also like to draw, and often express my emotions through the art I create. Well, I guess it could be writing or something, just anything, to take your mind off of the pain. Watching a movie, go out with friends, and other stuff. I know if I was still thinking of him the way I did a while back, it would be weird.

Lesson 6. Deal with the Hate

There are a lot of nasty break ups out there. It never was easy for me in terms of break ups despite the fact I don't cry in public. The guys who broke up with me weren't decent enough to do it to my face. And not to mention the break up, the crap I had to go through was HORRIBLE. I tend to be very emotional. So for that guy who cheated on me with his new girlfriend (supposedly new), like I went through a phase of wondering what I was worth (which is sad) and comparing myself to her (which is even more sad because cheating is cheating; he's a d*&#h bag)as you can imagine, I didn't want to be a man-hater, so I dealt with the hate.

Deal with it. It's like poison surging through your veins if it gets out of control. I hated him and now I'm over it. Like I said, I took up martial arts classes, now I can beat his ass and look hot at the same time.

Lesson 7. Get rid of the Junk

So there are a lot of memories between us, we'd gone out for 3 years and my room was just the same like it was when I met him. I didn't want to be reminded, especially after what circumstances were found out (re: new girlfriend). It's the time of a new start, a fresh start, so clean up all the junk in you room, place, whatever because I think it's a symbol that you want to move on, plus it keeps the mind busy for awhile. I still have some love letters he wrote me, but I've either donated my stuffed animals or recycled most of the stuff. It's symbolic of the end and a new better beginning.

Lesson 8. Keep what makes you warm on a Wintery Night

For the days I feel lonely, I guess I could spend the whole day calling him a f*#$%*g d@#$* bag or worse, but there are happy memories amongst the marred ones. I think when I think positively about the times we laughed together and he held me close to him, it's nice; I think I should be grateful that at least I have those happy memories, sometimes it might not be that elaborately wonderful of a memory, but it's good so that bitterness doesn't consume you. As I said, no one wants to be a man hater if they can help it.

Gogus olculeri

Lesson 9. Letting Go. The Closure.

Sometimes people wait for closure from their partners. I admit I was waiting for it because he was the one who cheated on me, but it's better to think and know I gave myself that closure. Closure is something that I made for myself. I didn't feel like he had the entitlement to creating an closure for me since he caused me so much pain. The thoughts of him will cease to cause grief, these thoughts of him will dwindle and I let go to start something new for myself. I healed gradually by keeping busy.

Closure is something that no one can create for you in the end, they can help you if you let them, but ultimately being independent about this aspect will demonstrate your own inner strength.

So here I am still standing ;) I've endured the pain and I can move on. This was my first break up and from it, It's made me a stronger person...I can move onto better things (not necessarily a new boyfriend), but I have my punching bag here and a pair of boxing gloves if something or someone makes me mad ;>

I hope this helps.
Break Up & My Mended Heart
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Reeses-pieces777
    Like I said, about almost a year, maybe earlier. I still think about him sometimes. Why are you ashamed? It takes time and then you heal. I did hate my ex boyfriend for moving on so soon but it might be that she might be rebound if he moves on so soon and the good thing is I have more time to myself anyways. Even around the 6 month mark, I kept thinking about how it would be to get back with him (I know I'm silly) but everyone is different. I would want to move on to fast because then I wouldn't be able
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • dfg456
    That's great, I've done marital arts for over 10 years and I find that my mind is the clearest after training myself. I also seem to forget about relationships (intimate and regular friends) as quickly as my socks get thrown out so that's doubled edged for me.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • breath182
    " Like I said, I took up martial arts classes, now I can beat his ass and look hot at the same time" This sentence made me LOL. I like this article a lot because its ALL TRUE! :) Its good to know there are other girls out there who experienced a similar occurance of a relationship gone bad.
  • Reeses-pieces777
    It's really is. I like the combination moves the best, depending on what stream of hapkido you are familiar (you said 10 years, wow that's a long time). In our dojo, we did a lot of kicks/offense tactics despite hapkido being mostly a defensive type of martial arts ;*)

    lol that's funny because my ex took karate. Don't worry I'm looking j/k ;*)
  • XXXHCOfeverXXX
    Thank you so much. I just broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago and I am having a really hard time getting over him. He's planning on going out with my best friend. That makes it worse3, but when I remember what a bad boyfriend he was, it makes me feel better to know she's making the wrong choice.
  • Reeses-pieces777
    Awww, thanks! My dad put me in hapkido when I was in elementary school, I kind of forgot about it and only made it to a green belt. But I've always been interested in persuing martial arts on the side. Love it. I highly recommend it, tho I would only use it for defense. Gym is pretty good too, lots of hot guys lol j/k hehehe ;*)
  • Reeses-pieces777
    To thoroughly think things through. Honestly, it hurt the first time I heard he had another girl so soon after. The funny thing is he contacted me a year, or about a year later. I wish things had worked out but it's beyond me. Trust me, just surround yourself with good company and do things that you enjoy, it cheered me up ;*)
  • heartbrokenmth
    UUmmm...just asking...and please write me back because I'm going throught the same heartbreak. Okay we went out for 2 years and he broke up with me he has a new girlfriend now. But we broke up 5 months ago...pathetic...i know...believe me I'm ashamed of myself. How long did it take you to get over your ex??
  • Reeses-pieces777
    It wasn't that long actually. It was about a few months, but it could have been shorter to save me the heart-ache I went through *sigh*. I think though in reality, no one goes through all these steps, the main thing in the end is to be yourself again, being happy, which I am right now. I haven't had that many relationships, I've been mostly my whole life 'the observer' and not the 'participant', however hopefully will find the guy of my dreams ;*) yeah, sorry,I type too much lol
  • pianojess
    Thanks so much for this article, our stories are so similar it's scary! I'm slowly getting over the betrayal and the heartbreak esp. since this was my first serious break-up but I do believe we are both stronger and better off!
  • Reeses-pieces777
    You're welcome. After a while, I've just forgotten my ex-bf who did this to me. I've been quite busy with school and work in general so, it's been a positive thing that I got over my ex-bf. I wish your daughter the best ^_^
  • Reeses-pieces777
    Youre so welcome ;*). I was told that too, go and meet OTHER MEN. uuuughhh. I just had my heart totally smashed into an uncountable number of pieces and I didn't think going out with another idiot was going to change things lol. Take care ;*)
  • The-Nash
    I thought it was really cool you did martial arts and used the punching bag. That was pretty creative. And I'm like you after a long relationship, lol. What went wrong, head to the gym, keep busy, and start fresh.
  • Reeses-pieces777
    Yes it takes a while definitely-there are details I've left out to make it a little more 'cheery'. I wrote this like around the time I first joined this site...
  • xmywristx
    Wow. Your awesome. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me almost 4 months ago and I'm still heart broken. Plus, he has a new girlfriend of about 3 months. But to hear that you got through it on YOUR terms makes me feel like I will too. People tell me to date other guys and stupid stuff like that. But you make it clear the best thing to do is to work on yourself. Plus, I have a I can work on our relationship too. Thanks girl!
  • dfg456
    Maybe you could try to find a guy that does tae kwon do, guys that practice martial arts are usually more disciplined (Being disciplined was mandatory in my class) and he probably won't cheat on you.
  • roadkingp
    Congrats for your efforts. I also took around one year, still tears fill up sometimes, but the number of happy moments have increased.
  • Reeses-pieces777
    Thanks ^_^ I'm very flattered you found it helpful. Obviously, I've been through it and it hurt a lot, but I'm ok now I think lol. Ok, take care
  • lindaliz1
    Thanks for your article. I will take some of these suggestions to my 18 year old daughter. She broke up with her boyfriend 2 1/2 months ago because she found out he cheated on her. She was so in love and obviously devistated. It was so hard watching her lie in her bedroom crying. After she dumped him he never made an effort to apologize or contact her in any way. He knew he was guilty (several mutual friends saw him leave a party with another girl).
  • Standingpretty
    This eirely reminded me of something similar that happened to me, it feels so weird reading this, but anyways, good article.
  • Reeses-pieces777
    Well I think if it's rebound, she'll eventually figure things out. if you really love her, then wait. if you chose to , you know the consequences.
  • dbackdave
    Wow I am a guy who she broke up with and started seeing a guy the next night.. than 4 weeks later they declared they were a couple on Facebook...we were together for 14 months... I so hate it..I wish I had her back it was mostly my fault I pushed her away. I have this heart felt letter do you think I should send it or just let it be...I am sure its a rebound but maybe not never know with those...
  • Hercules
    Well thought out. I can see you've put a lot of time into the dynamics of relationships and moving on. How long was the relationship if I may so ask?
  • xtine21
    Thank you so much for this!I logged in hoping to maybe find some sort of directional help. and I've found that within your article. My boyfriend of 3years recently cheated and broke up with me. And they are already a couple. To know he's happy makes me mad. It was also my first break up, and the pain I've been feeling is something I neva new could possibly even exist. I've been feeling very lost and your article made me feel alittle as ease..youve saved a broken heart&soul& thank you again! :)
  • bffffflove
    We thanks for posting this...It helped ex hates me(Idk why) and now I see that as a good thing...I can't be his friend aymore because it hurts me to much. Anyway thanks for posting this.
  • chrissyla8706
    Thanks for the article, it was really helpful.