True off my chest: I mindfucked myself for 5 years

True off my chest: I mindfucked myself for 5 years

This is just my personal drama, I have to get this off my chest...going through a divorce at 23 has totally wrecked me. And rebuilt me.

I was in a BAD relationship for 5 years, from 19-23. I convinced myself over the years that I loved this guy more than anything just because he loved me and we wanted the same things: Marriage, building a life, buying a house, growing old together, getting a cute Rottweiler. I could tell him everything, we had inside jokes, we drank and did drugs together (yep, RED FLAG!), he taught me a lot of things and I had many firsts with him (not sex). I got a tattoo after three months of knowing him. So I was all in. Classic story of girl in love with bad boy. Sigh. Well, as expected chaos insued. He just went through a divorce so we started fighting and he would push me away so hard that I cheated on him, we broke up and we got back together and I did everything to show him we could be fine: unlocked phone, always checking in, seeing him at work, kicking up the romantic moves like cooking, keeping the house clean, making sure bills were paid, massaging him, lots of sex and new lingerie, writing him letters expressing my guilt, my understanding of what I did, how I wanted to keep changing and my love for him. We ended up getting married because he said he forgave me. What a mindfuck! He actually harbored true resentment for me, to the point where we would fight EVERY weekend: him yelling at me, punching doors, he broke our tv, called me names, told me he wanted a divorce constantly, and one day he smacked me across the face. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore even though I loved him more than anything. I had no money, a car that was almost dead, and no where to go but I left. I still cry, I still hurt and I just want the day to come where I don't care about him anymore. He is still trying to mess with me, this divorce is taking forever. I still feel trapped sometimes. I want a break from love

True off my chest: I mindfucked myself for 5 years
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Most Helpful Guy

  • GreenPenguin
    Like you said, red flags all over the place. I like that picture on top, handle those red flags as soon as they pop. It's how we avoid a relationship like what you had with your ex.

    I hope that you won't take a break from love though. It's ok that you don't go looking for it, but when it comes along, don't turn it away just because you're on a break.

    Anyway, good luck to you on your new and better path in life!
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • BattleKitten77
    I am sorry girl. I went through something similar. For some reason even though this was my worst relationship it was harder to get over because of the mind games. I have an amazing husband now. Hang in there. You will get over this.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • NickR0795
    he pushed u away and u cheated on him.. it should be acceptable for him. He could never find true lobe because he don't believe in one. So don't worry yourself over that loser..
  • Jerre
    It will take time, but you WILL get over him. I hope you find the real dreamguy soon.
  • dbr1987
    All this bs, feeling so sorry yourself, giving yourself a excuse to cheat..
    . basically hè couldn't forgive you, but heyy, not to blame for anything
  • Teahappy
    A divorce at 23 years old? Wtf. I was worrying about school at that age
  • incelposting
    Seems like you need to make better decisions.
    This is basically your fault.
  • strutingbannana
    You shouldn't have cheated
    • Yeah, that was the one thing that was wrong with the whole story...