This is just my personal drama, I have to get this off my chest...going through a divorce at 23 has totally wrecked me. And rebuilt me.
I was in a BAD relationship for 5 years, from 19-23. I convinced myself over the years that I loved this guy more than anything just because he loved me and we wanted the same things: Marriage, building a life, buying a house, growing old together, getting a cute Rottweiler. I could tell him everything, we had inside jokes, we drank and did drugs together (yep, RED FLAG!), he taught me a lot of things and I had many firsts with him (not sex). I got a tattoo after three months of knowing him. So I was all in. Classic story of girl in love with bad boy. Sigh. Well, as expected chaos insued. He just went through a divorce so we started fighting and he would push me away so hard that I cheated on him, we broke up and we got back together and I did everything to show him we could be fine: unlocked phone, always checking in, seeing him at work, kicking up the romantic moves like cooking, keeping the house clean, making sure bills were paid, massaging him, lots of sex and new lingerie, writing him letters expressing my guilt, my understanding of what I did, how I wanted to keep changing and my love for him. We ended up getting married because he said he forgave me. What a mindfuck! He actually harbored true resentment for me, to the point where we would fight EVERY weekend: him yelling at me, punching doors, he broke our tv, called me names, told me he wanted a divorce constantly, and one day he smacked me across the face. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore even though I loved him more than anything. I had no money, a car that was almost dead, and no where to go but I left. I still cry, I still hurt and I just want the day to come where I don't care about him anymore. He is still trying to mess with me, this divorce is taking forever. I still feel trapped sometimes. I want a break from love
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