Not all dad's are dead beat and not all women deserve to be mothers

[lucky840]

I understand with every situation there's different circumstances for both men and women and reasons for leaving or staying or leaving their kids behind or letting them go. but I've also watched men, especially men, get the shaft. I watched a man go into a courthouse to subpoena his ex for visitation with the kids and to get the eighteen-year-old dropped off of the support and the women in the courthouse we're so smug to him until they realized what he was there for and that he had been doing the right thing all these years. they just looked at him and assumed that he was one that didn't "want" to pay his child support. Im beside myself with the way the courts make assumptions about fathers of children. not all women are good mothers and not all men are bad fathers. but that's what society tells us. at the end of the day nobody's perfect but we should definitely give more praise to those who do what they're supposed to do or take on more than they need to or have to. and remember who's going to be the ones to suffer the most through all of this it's always the kids and then they do the same things it's a vicious cycle because they don't know any better that's what they were taught some get out of it what they should and realize what happened and would never do that to their kids but not everybody. what is it that makes society bag on men in general?

"The majority"

The topic of child care and Support came up today between my guy (of 9 years) and I. I find it absolutely unexceptable for a majority of women that have children can take them away from a living, caring, father that works himself to death to provide for them (I know some don't do shit for their kids, and they give bad names to the ones that ARE good ones). I've witnessed women taking the kids away, won't answer a phone call or text not even on holidays or bdays. then does nothing but bad-mouth him to the kids and brainwash them into believing that he just abandoned them and doesn't want anything to do with them. while the man is paying child support every week, month, year... and the can't afford to take her to court to at least be able to see them. These kids are really the ones suffering because of spiteful bitches and a system that's fucked, frankly... but the small majority of (GOOD) men, who by the grace of God, somehow get custody of their kids still get fucked by the system and still expected to work just as hard if not harder to provide without the praise they deserve and can go on with daily life and NOT bad-mouth the mothers. I've seen some women leave their kids for drugs, had prison time, or they simply couldn't handle it. (Again I knows everyone has different situations and I'm focusing on just a few) They come back 10-20years later like everything is cool.. and people don't harp on them like they would a man. especially when I've watched this man not say one bad thing about the woman for over 10 years and not once did she even call or pay 1 penny, and if she had called, the man would have been more then willing to let her talk to her kids. I know someone who takes care of 5 kids and 2 that's not biologically his, that one of his exes left with him a couple years ago when they were 2 and 5. they call him daddy and he's proud to be that for them. but how much child Support you think he gets and isn't complaining about it. (hint.. $0) she hasn't seen or talked to them in 3 years. and tell me how this next scenario is remotely "right" a man has to pay back Support on 3 kids because the state couldn't find her for 2 years. he pays over $500 a month and has no issues with this he believes they are his kids he SHOULD pay for them and if he could he would give them more personally. and the state takes his license because he owes back Support. and said if you can make a "good faith" payment of $1500 by the 30th we'll lift the suspension. oh by the way you will also have to pay a reinstatement fee and for a new id... and take time off work to go to the DMV. and don't forget you still don't get to see your kids or even know where they are... but if you want to take more time off work and pay for lawyers and court cost and still pay us.. you could probably see them when she gets subpoenaed to court next year.. maybe... meanwhile she doing and saying everything she can think of to turn the kids against the dad anyway so when he does finally see them, they hate him.. but she's not getting haggled as if she was a "deadbeat" parent. ?? WTF people!?! I do understand that everyone has a different situation,,, If we sit around and wait for the courts to right these wrongs we"ll be 4-5 generations on down the road. And who's paying for that emotiona

not all women deserve to be moms

[Anonymous]

Thank you for writing this. Every man alive today knows all of it but it's pretty sad how few women are honest enough to acknowledge these things. Thank you for being one of them.

There is a very outdated and false perception that all sexism is against women and that women still have it tougher than men. It won't change until GOOD women stand up and speak out against it, because men have no voice in the matter. When they speak they are not heard or they are belittled and called all sorts of names.

Fifty years ago it was women who needed help and they got it from all the men who recognized the injustices women faced, supported them in their efforts and stepped up to help change the world. Now men need women to return that favor and they're not doing it. Where are all the GOOD women who are willing to use their voices to do something to change the injustices against men?

There are some, as this MyTake clearly demonstrates. Thank you for that! But where are the others?

[lucky840]

I've watched this happen to friends, family, friends of family, my dad, with my other 5 half siblings (2 of which I only met once to this day,). And the men get so discouraged after a couple years of unanswered texts and unreturned calls. (If you want to see man cry...💔) Even my husband wanted to give up after about 3 years.. Him and I are still dealing with "Support" issue and the youngest Just turned 19 this year. We were able to (finally after about 5 years of fighting with mostly the state..🙄) get to see them and they moves in for the last couple years before they turned 18. And we basically just kept paying this ex to leave us alone. She would call and harass the kids on their cell phones on a Sunday at 6 am and have the whole house in tears and spitting mad..

my word of advice to him and every man that IS doing the right thing (and probably going beyond) is this.

If you give up then she wins, one day they are going to have kids of their own and start asking questions, and dont you want to be able to look them in the eyes and honestly say that you never stopped loving them and never stoped trying! I know it's hard but the payoff in the long run could be priceless ❤️

[michael1469]

You absolfuckinglutely got thay right. The absentee parent (not by choice) is not given the same options as the custodial parent get...

My daughters mother worked second shift was allow to get a sitter and have her over night, i worked first shift and was not given the same benefit of doing the same... WTF. Total bullshit.

[Questionsweask]

Listen I have been dealing with this for over a year almost 2 years now. Ill just say this , I know how much it hurts everyone involved when a mother loses her kids to the father and then the kid that was with you for 5 amazing years is now gone, and you no longer get to see them or hear from them as it is court ordered. You did nothing to cause this yourself and you would never ever hurt any child let alone this kid that was your best little buddy that you spent every day with , and to know that he deserves his father, your happy for him, yet sick with a pain from the loss at the same time. You fall apart every day missing this kid. Miss hearing him call you poppa. Miss it all now. Hoping he is okay. he once said to me when i said its okay to go be with dad and love dad and don't ever feel guilty for that as poppa will always love you and be here for you , he said I do but i love you more poppa. I hear that in my head all the time. I also have a daughter that is hurting , it hurts me. We now don't speak. I love her. Miss her too. Not sure how this will all work out. I know the dad is doing the right thing for right reasons, mom had her reasons as well. But to see how it truly effects the kids, and all that feel the loss of that child is devastating. They both lived here and because she was gone more and more and he felt it was better he live with him then here and her not here he won hands down. Then she took a turn that was not a positive direction and from there visitation was taken and soon it was just like they vanished. I can't get him or any of it out of my head. This is why i am up now, i stay so lost and hurt by the loss of the grandson that stole my heart and feel like i may die from a broken heart. Thanks for letting me get that out. I Miss you My little Buddy " You will always be in my pocket " he would say to me when he visited just before leaving to go back to his dads. He said why can't you adopt me at 5. That will make you tear up quickly. I miss that little dude but i know he has a good dad and mother figure in his life and that is important so i am thankful for that. Divorce , separation , it is always hard but it can be easier then it is sometimes id like to think. My wife of 30 years is far stronger then me but i do know she is just holding it together for me as she is hurt as well with the pain she feels from not having him, especially during Christmas as his gifts lay there on his bed yet still unopened. For me it is the playground i was just starting to build before he left and i have finished it and he has never played on it, and yet i continue to expand it all the time with hopes he will. She is my best friend and truly amazing.

[Finchie40]

Thank you for this, my ex wife cheated on me and had an affair and completely blind sided me but I busted her and had proof and I filed for divorce but the court pretty much took her side , which blew me away considering I was a loving caring husband and father and worked my ass off to provide for her and the kids , My kids even took my side and wanted to be with me but the courts treated me like I was this horrible person that I should stay married to her and accept the fact that she was screwing another man when I was completely faithful to her are whole marriage my heart was stabbed but I was the asshole. It took them a long time to finally see the truth , Men are automatically discriminated in the court system

[lucky840]

Yes. It's like as a man if you something wrong, hell... stay out too long on a Friday with your co-workers, your just as much in the wrong as if you haul off and beat her ass. In the courts eyes. It doesn't matter if you were good to her or the kids. Because your a man. It's crazy fucked up. And women are still out there goin... Where are all the good men in the world... Well y'all are fuckin them up in the head and ripping out their hearts.. at least the decent ones that are left anyways.. and y'all don't have the support that you guys deserve. I'm glad I was able to be there for my guy and be part of the encouragement he badly needed through the years. I wish all the good dad's out there could have someone.. sometimes, anyone!!! in their corner. When I was a teen I wanted to be a lawyer and do everything for free for any good dad I saw being wronged. Watching my dad go through it.. 🥺

[Finchie40]

It would be nice finding a girl that values me like I value her but my heart has been stabbed so I hold a lot of walls up now , But I been content and just living life best way I can , Good things have been coming my way and I feel blessed and very grateful for all of it , but it would be nice to have someone that makes me feel wanted and appreciated and Loved but just seems nowadays it is impossible to find so I just go with the flow and focus on myself and my kids

[b5fan]

Funny statistic, when women have a child support order they pay 30% of the time, men pay around 70.

Another lesser known fact... child support is a debt and license suspensions, etc, must stop if you declare bankruptcy. The bankruptcy court takes jurisdiction over all your debts. Most of the time you can't discharge child support debt, but you can stop garnishments, license suspensions, etc.

[lucky840]

I did not know that but my husband claimed bankruptcy a few years ago and his licenses was suspended last year because they wanted a "good faith" payment of over $500 when he was and still is paying over $450 a month on back support because they couldn't find her to give her his payments for over 2 years... And all kids are over 18 and I also heard that if the kids drop out of school that it vanquishes his payments because if they drop out they basically declare their own independence🤔🤔🤔🤔

[SjE78]

I have to say, due to personal experience with both my parents and my ex wife and what i've seen of people who just cannot be bothered about being parents to their kids, there is nothing more true than this...

the worst part is that people who do what they can and their best by their kids, get ridiculed and judged by others even the child services while those who can't be bothered about the welfare of their kids and abuse them seem to go unnoticed

[Anonymous]

After 29 years my wife left me-she announced it in a Counseling session that she had insisted we start a few weeks prior. I was told that movers had come and I would find the house half empty and our daughter gone. (My daughter was 20 and had never moved out). I have no idea what my wife said to my daughter but I have not seen her since I left for that morning counseling session. I worked myself hard during the marriage to provide for my family. My daughter had emotional problems and I always tried to be supportive. She got distant from me about 6 months before this happened; 2 mos. before my wife demanded we go to counseling (out of the blue). Its 5 years later, we are divorced and I have had no communication with my daughter despite reaching out regularly. I can only assume my ex somehow turned her against me. Its tragic and I haven't lost all hope but I'm incredibly hurt and that doesn't stop

[Thatasianlove16]

For sure no arguments here this is stuff that I would like to see more from guys. You didn’t put down all women but you showed an example where the man was in the right. This was a very mature statement so I applaud you

[KrakenAttackin]

I don't know where to begin with this. Your wildly gynocentric courts have made having a relationship with women the most dangerous thing a man can do. Once you have children, the female immediately weaponizes them to extract the maximum amount of resources from men.

Ladies, you win. You have succeeded in destroying men on every level.

[msc545]

Also, Kraken, don't forget the ultimate weapons: False accusations of child molestation, and #metoo accusations of rape - both of which only women can use - and they do.

[KrakenAttackin]

@msc545 Absolutely true. Women use false molestation and abuse accusations to get immediate control of children and the home during a divorce. The courts ALWAYS side with women. The man is forced to move out, is completely isolated from his children BY FORCE OF LAW, until he PROVES he is not a pedophile (has to do months of counseling and testing), costing money and time. During this time the women is frantically stealing assets and bombarding the man with legal documents. Even though the man is cleared of any wrong doing are there any repercussions for her false accusations? Nope, none, never. EVERY man should understand this and take it as a huge red flag and be very wary of marriage.

[msc545]

Completely true. Marriage is a horrible trap for men.

[Bananaman177]

1488

[Anonymous]

Thank you. I've not seen my daughter since she was 4, and she is now 22, thanks to her mother and a really man-hating judge. I've paid child support all that time.

[handsomelad70]

Yes, and not all men should be fathers.