5 Reasons Why Father's Day Is Not For Single Moms

[EllieLexis513]

Each year, several single moms try to acknowledge themselves on Father’s Day, and for the life of me, I don’t understand why. Other single moms don’t understand it, either. Here are some reasons why you will never be acknowledged on Father’s Day and why it’s insulting real fathers that you attempt to do so.

Also note that while I myself do not have children, these reasons were compiled by myself and three of my single mom friends, each with more than one child.

1. You’re Not A Father

Probably the most glaringly obvious reason, yet, it is the one that is most ignored. You’re not a man. You need to be a man to be a father. Despite what some people tell you to make you feel awesome about doing it by yourself, you’re a single parent. A SINGLE, meaning “one”, parent cannot be both a mother and father. Impossible.

2. You’re A Mom

And that should be enough for you. Mothers are awesome, at least, mine is. Don’t try to be Superwoman and be both a mother and a father because it won’t work. Children should have a positive male role model in their life, even if it’s not someone you are romantically involved with. But even if that never happens for a child, which for some, that is true, moms should be celebrated for being moms. Not fathers.

3. Father’s Are Not Acknowledged on Mother’s Day

And they don’t want to be.

4. The History Behind Father’s Day

For those of you who don’t know, which I’m sure is most people reading this Take, Father’s Day was originally created for a single dad of six children who had to cope with being alone and being the sole provider after his wife died. It’s a bit insulting to then include mother’s on that day designed for men who own their responsibilities, which, last I checked ladies, is something we’ve been wanting men to do. It's even more insulting when you realize how hard it was to get Father's Day accepted in the U.S. as it took longer to gain momentum than it did Mother's Day.

5. You Being A Single Parent May Be Your Own Fault

This reason doesn’t apply to everyone. Some mothers are single because their loved one passed away, was shipped overseas, you simply aren't together anymore or what have you. But some of you just had kids with the wrong man. Unfortunately, it takes two to tango, and if the father's not in your child's life, well...I don't know what to tell you. And we all make mistakes with the relationships we choose. I know I have. But you can’t then claim that day for yourself because, even if he’s not around, you are still NOT THE FATHER. You are the MOTHER. Nothing more, nothing less. You don’t get an extra pat on the back for doing what you are supposed to do which is take care of your child.

There’s nothing wrong with being a mom. There’s nothing wrong with being a single mom. But there is something wrong with trying to take a day away designed for men who do it by themselves, as well. And you may not think it, but single fathers have it just as hard, as do fathers where the mother is present. So just be a lady and let the men have their day. You have already have yours.

[hellionthesage]

I personally would agree with this and would also point out that as one person I saw on youtube point out "I was raised by a single mother but you know what, I didn't ask her to divorce my father and then ensure he never got visitation rights" ie 80% of divorces are filed by women, almost always no fault, and women get custody of children over 80% of the time so if she is a single mother raising her children their is a good probability that its her fault for either A: deciding to have children with a worthless man (really that is why women held out on sex to ensure that the guy they where interested in was serious about them) or B (and the most common): She divorced him and took his children from him (their is a reason why male suicide doubles after divorce while a womans does not) so yeah its moronicly stupid that we have to have this discussion at all, that our society belittles fathers so much that the one time they get acknowledged for all they do (like working more hours and giving away everything they earn to the families (women in the US comprise 80% of domestic spending despite the majority of income being generated by men, theirs a reason that these women are able to spend more money then they make)) and our society sees them as having so little value that it then gets hijacked by mothers because every other day of the year isn't enough apparently to acknowledge their contrabution. Its actually quite dispicable really. Good mytake.

[Carefuloutthere]

"Just be a lady and let the men have their day" As a single mother, I completely agree.

I didn't even realise some women did this. When I see things like this, I cringe because not all single mothers are bitter, not all single mothers want to bad mouth their ex, and not all single mothers feel the need to shove it other peoples faces all the time.
I think all single parents (and parents who are together, for that matter) are superheroes, but there is no need to be obnoxious about it. Just keep doing what you're doing, the rewards are right there, not being slapped on the back by strangers.

Father's day does make me feel sad. My son has just turned two, and his father has only had one Father's day with him. Last year he was in prison, and right now we're waiting on a court date and things aren't great with us, so it doesn't look like he's going to be around this time.
I don't feel sad for me, but it's broken my heart for my little boy. It makes no difference to a two year old, but it's still there.

Funnily enough though, what's happened with my ex has given me so much respect for fathers. My dad wasn't around either so I never gave fathers a second thought, now I give them a lot of thought and kids with good fathers are the luckiest kids.

I know it's early, but Happy Fathers day to all the awesome dads out there!

[loulou32]

What a crock of uniformed shite, single mums dont think they are a replacement father - but they do happen to juggle two roles as well as finances, work, home & life, that is just fact.

If you were in a job doing a dual role simultaneously, im sure occasionally you would like some recognition for that work, or pat yourself on the back, even if you volunteered to do it (reference to "it's some women's fault") only for them they don't get to come home and chill, it's 24/7.

Truth is as a society we are conditioned to believe that this role is more natural to women and yet not a man (single father) who society would hold in a higher esteem than the woman, simply because he is a man raising his kids alone, no that is comendable even honourable, yet single mothers are stigmatized for doing exactly the same.

Why Is it any skin off your nose? that someone wants to post a pic or say well done me on (oh no) the wrong day! who I'm sure is doing their best and juggling their way through a tricky situation.

I feel this post says far more about you as a woman, and 1 day in the world we live in this could be you! As know matter how careful you are and regardless of education, money, religion or race, life is life, you can't control it, it happens, people die, get divorced! So let's hope these very words don't come back to haunt you one day!

[EllieLexis513]

Lol, you'd be shocked how many single moms think they are playing a duel role. Also, if you actually took the time to read this, you'd noticed that this wasn't a Take on my opinion, but reasons gathered by several of my friends who have children who are sick of hearing other moms wanting credit twice. And it's not uninformed, especially reason number 4.

I feel this response says a lot about you as a person, and if you're a single mom who is that bitter over not getting two days to herself, you a very selfish person. And even if you aren't a single mom, you are still quite selfish. What you are conditioned to believes is not what's always true and anyone who thinks that isn't 'conditioned', they're brainwashed. And your response really has nothing to do with my Take at all. You make it sound like Mother's Day doesn't exist and only Father's Day is a real holiday.

If you're a single mom, you don't deserve Father's Day. You have Mother's Day. Be happy with it.

[ManOnFire]

Dayum, this was the bomb. It's so true. I get sick of hearing single moms trying hail themselves on Father's Day too. It's already bad enough that society wants to make men apologize for all the bad dads out there before we're allowed to have ONE day set aside for us, and then single moms like that want to crash the party.

I did know about the origins of Father's Day, as I once wrote about in the gender book I've been writing for years. I also know that the woman who created Mother's Day later on denounced it and thought we shouldn't do it anymore. Most people definitely don't know that one.

[EllieLexis513]

Yeah, I remember learning about Mother's Day in college. She got mad because it was becoming too commercialized when it wasn't meant to be.

[ScorpioMoonChick]

I totally agree.

This is the same reason why I refuse to hide behind the "I'm a proud, independent woman" mask or poke fun at my ex. I also just hate it when my family tries to say that my son looks like me (when he looks just like his dad) or that they purposely talk about how my ex is a jerk, and that "a dick is just a dick."

The reality is that my ex will always be his dad, and if I'm upset about it, well that's too damn bad, I just have to keep that to myself.

Tbh, this is why I cried recently though. It kills me, that he's going to turn 1 and his dad is out there, doing whatever.

[EllieLexis513]

Yeah. Well, I can understand like a toddler doing something for you, especially if they take any summer day camp classes or something where they make gifts for their Father so they don't feel left out. I'm talking about moms who truly believe they are both a mom and a dad when they aren't.

[Queen_naki5]

I agree. I think the reasoning behind it is because single mothers have to be both mother and fathers, however, single fathers don't get Mother's Day acknowledgment. It's only fair. I guess if you had a crappy father, acknowledge other men who you've seen through the years who were good men. Maybe your uncle, your brother, your stepfather, your male cousin and/or grandfather.

I knew a girl who's mother was a single mother, but her mothers father (her grandfather) had been in her life and ultimately got all of the Father's Day love every year. There are great fathers/Men out there who don't have to actually be your biological dad.

[heavensgift2girls]

I agree, but just like how there are women that can't stand the fact they aren't allowed in the men's room, these women want to muscle their way into fathers day. They can't stand the idea of men and women being different or separate at all.

These women have lost their minds, if they think they deserve any recognition on fathers day. I can't wait until this fad that gender is a social construct is finally over. I can understand not supporting gender roles, but that doesn't mean we are exactly the same, or that we should pretend that gender doesn't exist.

Also I don't want to hear a lecture from anyone about how gender and sex aren't the same thing by some know it all smart ass either. Sex is most often used to mean intercourse and therefore the common way to refer to if someone is a man or woman is by using the word gender, and everyone knows it.

[samhradh_leannan]

It's true that single dads aren't appreciated on mother's day, so unless we change that, single moms shouldn't get special treatment on father's day. BUT. If your child doesn't have a father in their life, and you have to fill both roles, I see no reason why it's wrong to get some extra appreciation on whatever day wouldn't normally be for you- and that goes for both moms and dads.

The reason why you are a single parent is not important under any circumstances. Having a child with the wrong partner doesn't mean it's "your fault" you're a single parent. There is no "good" or "bad" reason for being a single parent. You're a single parent because you're a single parent. End of story.

[redeyemindtricks]

Good take. Agreed 100%.

Just for the record, I have NEVER heard a single mom actually try to co-opt Father's Day, even though there are a few single moms in our circle of friends. Perhaps this is something that (thankfully) is largely confined to the internet?
Or at least they don't do it 'round here, lol.

[EllieLexis513]

I know a lot of single moms who do it all the time, BUT I have noticed it's like women in their 30's or older. I have like one friend who is my age who does it all the time.

[redeyemindtricks]

Weird.

Maybe they just... keep their traps shut, around me and mah squad lol

I *have* heard a couple of them get bitter when Father's Day comes around (bad memories, bitter divorce, etc), but, that's a different animal.
This whole notion of "Imma claim both Mother's Day AND Father's Day as mah own" is honestly a new one for me.

[EllieLexis513]

I can say that I've only heard about women doing it like the past few years, but that's it.

[Hopefuldreamer8]

My mom did this for us, but it wasn't because she wanted to be acknowledged as a father. She only did it when we were little kids in school. Usually in primary school, they had us make gifts for Mother's Day and then Father's Day. Just so we wouldn't feel left out, they let us make gifts on Father's Day too to give to mom. Our dad died so it wasn't my mother's fault.

[EllieLexis513]

Yeah, that was the point in number 5 because I know not everyone is a single mom because they're baby daddy ditched them or whatever. And little kids I get.

[Unit1]

"5 Reasons Why Father's Day Is Not For Single Moms"

Have we degenerated so much now, that we don't know that father's day is for fathers? >.<
My faith in humanity is completely lost.

[EllieLexis513]

Truthfully, I only heard about single moms doing this like in the past couple years, and I don't really think a lot of them do it honestly.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

I was thinking the same thing 😂

[bcromartie]

#1 was more than enough. I agree with you. Females cannot be fathers, only mothers, unless they are lesbians, but that's really complicating things. You know what I mean. Or I presume you do. Maybe you don't. Maybe no one does. Oh Jesus why am I even here?

[99percentangel]

I feel like single mothers do this because they want their children to feel like they have somewhat of a father.

[EllieLexis513]

A mother cannot replace a father, though.

[99percentangel]

I know that but it makes the children feel as if they have some sort of a connection to a father. I grew up with just my mom and I loved the fact that she acknowledged herself on Father's Day, made me feel as if I had a certain father role model.

[FallOutBoy2001]

For me, if I were to have been raised by only my mother, I would have rather her had me give a male role model I'm close to a gift for Father's Day and celeberate with him, instead of celeberating my mom twice, once on the wrong holiday

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Exactly.

Single mothers have mothers day, just as single fathers have fathers day.

[JustinTheGreat]

I don't see how it's a big deal. If single parents want to be acknowledged on those days, I don't see why that's a problem. Like who cares?

[BlahBlahBlahs]

What if your mom wanted to celebrate her bday on yours and forget you
How would that make you feel? Basically the same concept.

[JustinTheGreat]

@BlahBlahBlahs Thats different. If it's a single parent and there's NO DAD, then there's nobody you're "stealing" the holiday from.

[BlahBlahBlahs]

There is ALWAYS a dad. Whether or not the dad knows he has a kid or runs away is different. But moms are not fathers. Look at the definition of father
fa·ther
ˈfäT͟Hər/
noun
1.
a man in relation to his natural child or children.

"A man" not a woman.
That's like me saying I am going to celebrate "gay pride" even though I am not gay.
I mean you can do it but it's just weird.

[JustinTheGreat]

@BlahBlahBlahs If I said to someone "you don't have a dad" and their response is "I do have a dad, he just ran away when I was born and he doesn't what anything to do with me" that's called not having a dad.
When you're a single parent it's like your both the mom and dad. Usually parents have different responsibilities when it comes to their kids. Like maybe the mom is out shopping while the dad I dropping their kid off at soccer or something. Obviously if you're alone you can't do both at the same time and you need to juggle all these errands and you have DOUBLE the responsibility. So it's almost like you have the job of BOTH parents.
And saying it's weird for straight people to celebrate gay pride is like saying it's weird to celebrate when your best friend wins some kind of championship. You're celebrating because you're happy and proud for that person

[BigJake]

Excellent mytake. I didn't think women like you (i. e. those how don't hate men) actually participated on this site.

[BlahBlahBlahs]

Lol I have been wondering myself why there are so many haters on this site

[dwiller943]

So true. Father's day is for FATHERS; as in, MALE parents.

[00Lelouchxx]

Lol that's sad as hell your slapping your child with lies Lol.

In on this floor right now.
Shout out to all the lonley girls

[Izzex3]

Lol.
I have no problem with single mother's who want to be acknowledged or celebrate Father's Day and I have no problem with single father's who want to be acknowledged or celebrate Mother's Day.

[LittleFinch]

Then why do we bother calling parents things at all? Why bother differentiating between a female mother and male father? Father's Day is special for fathers only, as Mother's Day is for mothers only. Each has their day, within a month of each other. That should be enough. Honestly the fact that this is debatable is ridiculous.

[LittleFinch]

I should say that IDEA that this is debatable is ridiculous.

[Izzex3]

@LittleFinch Because if certain people don't have them we just call them both.
My mom and dad aren't technically my mom and dad, but they "act" like my mom and dad and raised me. So am I not allowed to call them mom and dad because they technically aren't?
When it's mother's Day at school and the teacher makes you make your mom something, but you don't have a mom. She's dead. You just have your father. You can make your father something instead because he you can say he was your mother and father.
If people want to celebrate those days and be acknowledged then let them.
You're right. It is ridiculous getting fussy over single parents with kids who want to acknowledge them on both days.

[EllieLexis513]

It's one thing if like a 5 year old just wants to do it just because, but I'm talking about mom's who think they deserve two days just because they do everything alone. Your example has nothing to do with my Take at all. It's not about the perception of the child. It's the perception of the parent. You can do NICE things for anyone on any day. It doesn't have to be Christmas to get a gift. It can be April 2nd at 3:15pm and it's still appropriate to get a gift. However, to expect people to be proud of you for being a single mom and praising you for it is a little ridiculous.

[Izzex3]

What I said was in response to Little Finch's comment.
I already said in my original comment that I have no problem with both single moms and fathers wanting to celebrate both days if that's what they want.

[EllieLexis513]

Which, again, was not the point of the Take lol

[Izzex3]

Okay, lol.

[LittleFinch]

First off, I never said anything about people who aren't your birth parents. Secondly, my father has served as both mother and father to me most of my life because my mom was barely a mother to me. Have I ever given him a mother's day card? No. Just because you play the role meant for two parents doesn't mean you ARE another parents. My dad's been forced to fill the role of two parents, but that doesn't make him my mother or motherly-figure.

[Izzex3]

@LittleFinch Read your first two sentences.
Apparently the correct terms mean something.
Obviously they "aren't" technically their mom and dad. They are aware of that. Doesn't mean they can't celebrate the day that's meant for parents.
Just because you don't do it doesn't mean others don't.
Two of my friends always give their fathers gifts on mother's day.
We treat him that day and give him whatever he wants.
That's just what some people do.
Get over it.

[bobbyxx]

That is because it has to all be about women. They have Mothers day. Fathers day is for fathers.

[phil2]

That's why there is a mother's day too.

[alice55]

It's quite rude honestly.