Finally, Why Men Do Not Want To Date Single Moms, Explained!

Part three in my series of explaning things that women often do not understand about men.

So. If you've been online, or in real life, or watched tv, or spoken to other human beings, you know that for a huge percen of men--I would personally argue at least 50% for white men--a woman having children is a deal breaker in dating. Done, not interested, thanks for playing.

A lot of women, and single moms, are puzzled and/or angered by this. After all, if they have their own job, their own place, and they are taking care of the kid just fine, why should men care? I think an explanation serves both to help single moms understand, and to help girls realize how vital it is that they not have children until they are in a committed, serious relationship with a man who will be there.

I will explain a few of the reasons, in no particular order. I should note that due to cultural differences, fertility rates, and marriage rate differences--this take applies mainly to whites. I can't speak for blacks or latinos.

1. No one likes being second or third or fourth place.

Finally--why men do not want to date single moms, explained.

I don't know about all other countries, but in the USA it is practically the 11th Commandment. For single moms, their children come first. Always, forever. It's a fact, like the sun rising in the east and setting in the west. It is an unchangeable fact that most men probably wouldn't change.

Doesn't mean we have to like it. How many single men wish to find a woman to commit to? How many women will expect that she is his number one committment in life? At the same time, he knows that single moms will definitely put the children first. When a wife puts the children over the husband, it makes the marriage more miserable for the man--and those are his kids too. With a single mom, he is second or third place to another man's offspring. It's like skipping the honeymoon and pregnancy and going straight to the wife nagging that he needs to pick up the kids from soccer.

2. Just because we're dating does not mean we want to adopt as well.

Adoption is great. I have a kid sister who is adopted from China--my mom wanted another child, my parents agreed her becoming pregnant again would be quite risky health wise, so they chose to adopt. I get along great with her and we're tight.

But there is no way in hell I would want to adopt a child myself anytime soon, if ever. Why should I? If I am single and looking, I want a woman to make a relationship with. Not a ready made family where I am the third wheel. My career is finally looking up--in a few years if I am with a great woman, I might be open to have a child. Now? No. Another man's kids? HELL no.

Let's also keep in mind that when a couple adopts, the kid is not related to either parent. Dating a single mom is a little closer to how a woman might feel if the guy knocked up a mistress.

3. Less free time/bonding time.

Let's face it. If you are just working 40 hours a week, getting out there, meeting people, dating, is hard enough to get into between the roadbumps of life like car problems or health issues, not to mention hobbies, your family committments to your parents/siblings. If you work and go to school? Ouch. You have a full schedule.

A single mom, unless she's one of those welfare mommies that work 25 hours a week and survive off of food stamps, is probably working at least 40 hours a week at work. Her child is another full time job, aside from when she literally pays another person to care for it as a babysitter or day care worker or nanny. It's like trying to date someone with a full time job and a part time job.

4. Kids deserve a stable father figure, even if the mother failed in that area.

Kids need a father figure. For many men, this discourages us from dating a single mom, because of the sheer committment. Who wants to be that jerk who dates the mom, the kids start looking up to him like a dad, and then if something happens or things go bad, he has to leave those kids all heartbroken or be stuck in misery? That's where those tragic movies about the lonesome child ending up a serial killer or carjacker or drug addict come from.

5. We usually do not want to raise another man's children.

We are biological creatures with instincts, after all. And that includes being selfish--wanting to take care of ourselves the most, and those related to us, or sleeping with us, some. And those not related to us or loving us...

Kids are a huge investment, and our instincts say that having kids is how we pass our genes along, blah blah, survival of the fittest, blah blah. What that boils down to is simply--not our kids, not our problem, why invest all our time and money and energy into some other guy's kids? It's like how you might put up with someone from your siblings or your parents, while if a coworker or person at a shop did the same thing, you would want to beat their faces into your cubicle wall, or smash a mannequin on their heads. On another, even more base level, it's a loss. Some other guy banged this girl first, knocked her up, and now he is not even stuck raising the kids. Do you want to clean up his mess?

6. We don't need to date single moms.

Literally. There are plenty of other women out there, wishing cute guys like us would walk up and talk to them. At the petstore, working at a nearby restuaraunt, feeling lonesome at church... everywhere. All it takes is a smile, a few sentences of conversation starter, and we know if she's interested. If not, we just wasted 30 seconds of our life, and on to the next one.

Due to more and more women delaying marriage/kids/relationships for career and education, most men who have any options really don't need to settle. They can easily find a girl with no kids. In 2012, 95.9% of girls age 15-19 did not have kids, 75.2% of women 20-24 did not have kids, and 49.6 percent of women 25-29 did not have kids. So even a thirty year old man does not need to settle or be accepting of single moms, at those rates, much less college age men. Childlessness at record heights among American Women

So in short? Ladies, do yourself, and the world, a favor. Don't date men unless they are good guys. And don't have kids unless a good guy is going to be there with you to be a family.


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What Girls Said 10

  • I completely agree with this, these are many of the same reasons I won't date a single father, plus I don't want any drama with the mother. I'd rather not get into a relationship with someone, even if I liked them because they have a kid.

  • haha i get what you mean here. I am a single mother for about 2 years but i have been dating guys from time to time and the main things i consider while dating are pretty much what you mentioned.

    Personally i never get my kids involved with the guy i am dating and neither do i tell them that their mom is "dating" a new guy. Just keeping it low and cool haha

    And yes i totally agree with you on less time, with 2 kids and work, i myself get quite busy with them and have less time with the guy i am usually dating. That is why i mostly keep it casual rather then all in serious relationships.

  • I agree with, and understand, much of what you are saying. But some of it is very one-sided in perspective. Here's the thing: Women don't become single mothers because they think it's going to make their dating lives easier. They're not doing it on purpose thinking that it's going to help them snag a man. Whether or not they were ever in a relationship with the father of their children, it's usually not something that they planned on or hoped for. Women become single mothers because that's just where life takes them. Because they have no other option. They are making the best of things for the sake of their children who they love. They are not oblivious. They understand that lots of guys out there won't be down for stepping into the role of father to her children. There probably aren't many women who would prefer to date a single father, either. That's just the way the world works. I don't think this is coming as a surprise to anyone.

    But that doesn't mean that single parents of both genders don't have hope of finding someone who is right for them, who will accept their children and want to make a family. It happens all the time. When you love someone, you might make a choice that you never thought you'd make. You never know.

    • I disagree. I think if women are properly warned about miseries that await foolish choices, they'll be more careful.

      They'll be cautious about who they date and sleep with... they'll be cautious about birth control and not getting pregnant out of wedlock, or at least outside a serious relationship with a good guy. Example: I literally know one girl, came from a middle class home, dating a criminal who bragged about a murder, and thought she got pregnant from him twice. Then she had a baby, and planned to be a family with him if she could, until DNA tests came back negative.

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    • I’m all for adoption in cases where it truly is what the mother/parents want. But do you really think that a single mother who wants to raise her child, and who has the ability to raise her child, should put her kid up for adoption just because the child’s father is not in her life? If there are guys out there who don’t mind if a woman already has kids- who might even be happy to take on those kids as their own- why is that such a massive problem for you? Nobody is making YOU date a single mom. If you don’t want to, that’s completely fine. Nobody is saying that single mothers don’t have options. They do have options, and they chose the option of becoming a mother, because that was what they wanted. And if you think your approval should matter more to them than their own children, then you are impressively self absorbed.

    • You are basically implying that a woman who finds herself a single mother (for any reason aside from widowhood) has two options:
      1. Get rid of her children who she loves, just so that she can make a fresh start with the next guy who comes along, or
      2. Swear off of men completely, so as to spare them the utter horror of interacting with a woman who (gasp) has already reproduced.

      That is such a bizarre, psychopathic, narcissistic view of the issue. Yes, it’s harder for single mothers to find partners. But that doesn't mean they would trade in their children for an easier dating life. It’s just not your problem. You are free to choose not to date single moms if you don’t want to, and that’s all that needs to be said here.

  • So, I agree with your sentiment, but there are two perspectives I want to bring up.

    1. I think one of the MAIN reasons that you didn't really elaborate on much is women who want the guy to be DADDY. I can't tell you how many girls I see in my newsfeed, younger than me at that, who are latching onto these guys and making them daddy before the guy knows what hit him. He's taking the kid to the park, he's literally being called daddy, he's in family photos, etc. So many women who are single moms are looking for someone to make their mistake easier, someone who will cover up the fact that she made a horrible decision about who to have a child with. It makes me sick. I mean, at least wait until he's married you and committed to adopting your child before he gets to be called daddy and is gifted with all the duties! DAMN! I'm a woman and I'm turned off by it, so I can only imagine what it does to guys! It's not your job to be daddy and a lot of women think that because you date them, you automatically become daddy. You're only daddy if you want to be.

    2. When you insert a penis into a vagina, you risk creating a baby, so unless you have remained abstinent, you can't really hold a judgmental opinion on this. Who's to say that this single mom isn't just someone who was in a loving relationship and made love with her boyfriend? What if she just happened to be that unlucky percentage of people that had the birth control fail? Does that make her such a screw up? What if the baby changed everything and the relationship fell apart? I'm sorry, but regardless if a guy is good or not, some people aren't ready for the consequences of sex. And, sometimes, when there are consequences, even the nicest of guys can run like hell. This is why I'm telling my future sons that if they wouldn't marry the girl they're poking, then they shouldn't be having sex. End of story.

    Some women really are responsible for a poor choice, but some might have been blindsided. Keep an open mind.

    • Haha considering how many girls are having sex and what a small percent have kids... It's pretty clear getting preggo is not random chance.

      And I haven't been dumb enough to put a baby in a girl... So yeah, can judge!

    • It can be. You never know what might happen with the birth control you're using.

      I didn't say if you had made a girl pregnant... I said if you'd had sex at all. Anytime you have penetration, you're risking it, protection or not. You can't judge because you could have been and might be one of those guys who gets the short end of the stick with a faulty birth control method.

      Dude... and just because a guy and a girl screw up, doesn't make rhem dumb. They took a risk and unfortunately, got consequences they weren't wanting. It doesn't make someone dumb.

      You seem really immature, no offense. Nothing is concrete or absolute and your life will be easier once you realize that.

    • Open mind my ass. Single moms are undatable to most guys.

  • 1. I seen too many parents who don't give a enough shits about their kids its nice that a single mom puts her child first before anything that what you suppose to do.
    2. Why do you think they want you adopt them ASAP lol I think they rather see where the relationship goes first if it ends it ends.
    3. kinda rude how you bash on single moms but not the dads.
    That's all I have to say.

    • I also want to add they can still have crazy boyfriends with or without kids.

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    • 2. The very nature of dating a single mom implies that you'll be in that child's life at some point. It's either acceptable, or a dealbreaker. In most cases, it's a dealbreaker. You cannot IGNORE the fact that she is a single mother. No man is stupid enough to see where the relationship goes first... and then decide later to accept the kid.

      3. He is not bashing single moms. He is stating quite accurately why men don't want single women. Not wanting to take care of someone else's mistake pretty much sums it up, without going into the other points he listed. Besides, a man wrote this. Why would he bash on single dads? He probably doesn't even know why women would not date single dads. That's for a woman to write.

    • @meowcow I don't care for your opinion whatever.

  • The good news is you won't have to worry about being ensnared by one of these undesirable single mum's. I guarantee they won't be queueing up to date you. You're opinionated, judgmental and stereotyping.

    Dating a single mum is not for everyone and that is fine, however the mum's you're describing are caricatures of council estate mum's from a sketch show.

    As a woman with a child, an ex-husband (who left me financially destitute, not vice versa), a job and a committed boyfriend I refute all your claims. I would not waste my time dating you, let alone allowing you within 10 feet of my kid.

    In my opinion girls do not want to date opinionated, ego-centric and judgmental douches but I don't write a My Take slating them because it's my opinion.

    • nigga you're 33...
      No 20-28 year old really wants to be responsible for another kid. Let alone a kid of their own.

      Simple fix... don't get knocked up in the teens.

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    • He's a cuckold because he's supporting a child the woman had with another man. Simple.

    • A cuckold is a man who is cheated on by his partner. If accepting the child of a man she was with before makes him a cuckold then you are either a disgusting cheat or a virgin. Very few people in this life have sex with just one person but by your definition it makes us all cheating scumbags. I'd recommend you get yourself a dictionary, a life and laid. Good luck with that.

  • Holy crap, my personal life is over because my ex-husband is an ass and I'll be too old by the time my kids go to college to get a date. No one wants to date a single mom. THANK YOU! I HAD NO IDEA THAT WAS WHY I COULDN'T GET A DATE!!! ALL THIS TIME I THOUGHT IT WAS MY SHOES.

  • Wow just wow. Your idiocy is simply astounding. I was getting all worked up thinking wth is this loser's problem... and then I saw this "I have a kid sister who is adopted from China..." NOW I get it. You're one of those typical rich white kids whose older parents paid a couple hundred thousand to adopt overseas just to have a reason to say racist shit at all their dinner parties. "I can't be racist, I have a Chinese kid!!!" Lmao people like you... where do I even start. And then #6, if you're so "cute" and sooo many chicks are just waiting for your bad pickup lines, why spend 30 minutes bashing single moms? It can't just be because you're obviously an idiot. I think one turned you down and this is your way of self-medicating. I mean, how DARE she turn you down right?

  • I know a couple of single moms having problems on guys wanting to commit. It's hard already for us single ladies to find a guy who wants to commit.

    • How old are the single moms kids? I would say it'd be easier for a single parent to find someone when their kids are grown up as opposed to someone whose kids are still in their single digits.

    • @bloodmountain1990 The kids are still in the single digits :/

  • Brilliant mytake!!!
    Well said, I love how true this actually is.
    :) :) :)


What Guys Said 23

  • WOW! lots of salty dudes in here. While I can see where you're coming from, single mom's aren't secret agents of hell sent to ruin men's lives. First of all your acting like single moms knew that they would be single moms all along. Life doesn't always go according to plan dude. Sure there are some girls out there spreading their legs for anyone interested and are looking for a man to hitch their wagon to. But that's far from most.
    My ex was a single mom. I knew and she made clear 2 things:
    1.) Her son came first. Always.
    2.) I'd have no responsibility at all with her son.

    If we were to get married, of course I'd help raise her son. I wouldn't mind, I loved her and I'd do whatever I could to help and build a relationship with her son. In my case the baby daddy is a dead beat who is never around so I would have had a bigger role in her son's life. The dad and I have even almost gotten into fist fights every time we saw each other. But that wouldn't make me run away like the little bitch he was. If a man loves a woman, he should be a man about it and deal with anything he has to.
    Was it hard? Ya sometimes it was. Sometimes we'd make plans but wound up not having a babysitter. But we loved each other at the time and made it work. Our breakup was mutual and we're still great friends. Dating a single mom is kind of a different ball game sure. And it's not for everyone. but it's not necessarily something to avoid like the plague either.

    • I was thinking the same, lot of salty dudes. I chalk that up to the fact that many of them can't get a date at all and the opinions of people on the net doesn't reflect real life at all. The opinions of the older men really bother me though, I'm guessing bad divorce experiences.

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    • @EnigmaStigma No, we're smart enough not to clean up another man's mess. We don't have to. Single moms are not my cup of tea. Furthermore, if one believes that you can love a child that isn't your like yours is fucking idiotic. Yeah, the moon shots were fake and 'rasslin is real.

    • @Marinepilot I wouldn't pay attention to her if I were you. She is just saying nonsense to attack guys that disagree with her. One of the fist things a woman normally does when she knows the guys are right not to want them is to accuse the guys of not being able to get laid. When if anything the guys are here are showing that they have standards, which shows they aren't desperate. That is how you know she can't support her idea with anything even resembling logic.

  • This woman did a better job explaining why men don't want to date single mothers, even though that wasn't her intent when she wrote it.

    • This girl who wrote that is more than makes the case why single men w/o should never date single mothers. It's a losing proposition anyway you look at it. No man in his right mind would get involved with a woman like this for any reason other than NSA sex.

    • @Marinepilot Those types of women commonly end up with guys that are desperate that she is neither attracted to nor can respect as a man. That is why Matt Damon gets so much crap for choosing a woman that already had a kid. Men with options normally know better than to date single moms. Women just can't stand that even men that she may deem as not good enough for her, commonly don't see her as good enough for him. It is a huge blow to her ego.

    • You're right. What galls me is that we nice guys rarely get a glance from
      little Miss Thug Rescuer. We are boring, not exciting, etc, She goes off
      with ThugBoy, gets knocked up, has 2-3 kids, ThugBoys leaves her. Suddenly
      she come groveling back to us after we're doctors, lawyers, CPAs, whatever.
      Why are we good enough now when we weren't back then? Fuck that shit.
      I'm NOT going to clean up a bad boy's mess. Why should I get the damaged
      and used years wheb ThugBoy got the prime years? This pisses a lot of single moms off when I say this Why? BECAUSE I"M FUCKING RIGHT ! And they know it.

  • Single moms are toxic to them selves, their children and society. Avoid them at all costs!!!

    Very few exceptions to this, like if the father died, but all single moms will weave a sob story about how they are a "good" one so you simply can't trust any of them. If there is one thing our society could have a little more of it's shaming of single moms.

    • Avoid them all you want, but shaming them is uncalled for. Many of them probably handle more every day than you deal with in a week. You could be a bit more respectful. Last I checked, raising your children isn't a crime.

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    • It's funny you should mention google because your opinion sounds like that of a man who googles "facts" way too much and has zero real world experience. Her body her choice? Putting it all in the woman again, seriously you sound 20 not 35. My advice to you is don't believe everything you read on the net and get out and meet actual women idiot. I mean, if you could stop bashing all of us for even two seconds. Done with you.

    • @EnigmaStigma Um I'm not bashing women, I'm bashing foolish single moms. Putting "quotes" on a word doesn't invalidate what I've said, neither do any other kind of personal attacks. "Real world women" is there some other kind? All the single moms I know are such because of their own bad choices, but that doesn't matter because it's subjective, so I have to rely on more than that, lucky for me there are solid stats on this stuff. Just because you don't like the truth does not make it any less true.

      Do you understand qualifiers and distinctions like the difference between all and some, for example? The way you have been talking to me would suggest that you do not. It also seems that you do not care about the welfare of the children or the long term effects shitty parenting has on the world as a whole and the future those children will grow to inhabit.

  • This is why I tell women not to have sex a moment before marriage. Not during engagement, not until after marriage. How to tell if a guy really loves you for who you are... Don't have sex with him. if he loves you, he will invest in you. If he just wants sex and is empty hearted, he will leave... It is a self fixing problem.

  • Great take. Let's just say I've been there done that with having a date or two with a single mom or even attempting to date single moms and there are hurdles with it, make no mistake about it.

    Like you said, raising the kid (s) is another full time job on the side from having a full time job, especially if the Mom has full custody. So getting to see each other often usually won't happen, unless your idea of hanging out or dating is spending time with her kids which I'm not down with.

    You also get to hear them boast about how "mature" and "responsible" they are because they have a kid unlike most people their age when usually 99% of the time, their kid is a result of being irresponsible like having unprotected sex.

    You're also gonna deal with them possibly postponing multiple dates due to not finding a babysitter, not falling asleep, etc. As well as potential drama if the baby daddy is still in their life.

    Single dads don't get a free pass either, they're just as responsible.

  • I'd give a single mom a chance. I had a brief fling with one and she was way more mature than most girls her age. But I have a strict criteria for dating one:

    1. She can't have more than one child
    2. Both parents must have joint custody
    3. The father must be active in the child's life
    4. I don't mind being a role model for the child, but I won't take the father's place

    • You're a better man than I am. I'll be friends with single moms and maybe, just maybe a fuck buddy. Anything more that that, no way Jose !

  • 4. There's no right or wrong, most likely both parents failed somewhere, but still 'fuck you.' lol :D

    Reasons to date a single mom. If she's about her kids, then she has no time to waste in the romance dept. That means more sex, less stress.
    Hey, moms need love too!!!

  • Well said I thought this was all common sense! I guess not so much with single moms.

  • All valid points why you shouldn't date single moms, too add a couple more

    1. Black mark that she has already possibly emotionally and financially crippled one man in her life.

    2. Single girls are better because when you are having sex it's nice to look down and not see a tummy that looks like chopped steak.

  • Dating single moms (or single dads) can wok perfectly, as long as you're not expected to step in to fill a parent role. Single moms and dads are less likely to pressure you to have kids since they already have them are not willing to have even more work. Also, they are more likely to have surpassed that silly "I want to meet the man/woman of my life, get married and form a beautiful fairytale family" phase.

    Which means you're less pressured to get married, have kids or all these things. Also, because they have to spend time with their kids they won't be clingy to you or suffocate you with their needy ways. So it's perfect for those who value their freedom and independence.

    That - as I said - as long as you're not expected to parent.

  • You put it out of the park ! That's the best statement of why men don't want to
    date or marry single moms. One thing I might have added. We aren't wild about
    dealing with psychotic ex-boyfriends or husbands who have heretofore been MIA.
    Suddenly we come onto the seen and they want to be uber daddy or hubby. We
    don't need that shit. Well done.

  • I could never do it but id like to thank all the guys who do. My neigbor is a single mom with two kids and she has a boyfriend so its really cool that he takes of them. I know some guys who lose respect for guys who do that but honestly, its flat out none of their business nor mine but its just cool that a guy doesn't care and steps in.

  • "So in short? Ladies, do yourself, and the world, a favor. Don't date men unless they are good guys."

    ... And then you go straight back to bad guys a few days later!

  • half the mothers under age 30 with kids are single moms =[

    #5. }

    • All the women I keep meeting in my area are in their early 20s and they have kids already - it pisses me off -_-

  • I don't want kids of my own, so I also don't want someone else's kids.

    That's all the reason I need.

  • wouldn't stop me if i loved her.

  • Regarding single moms

    No good deed goes unpunished.

    All shit for very little shinola.

  • Excellent take. Took the words right outta my mouth.

  • I realize I am late to the party. Good take, although you came off a bit too rude which I warrant will make this hard to swallow for most people.

  • Fantastic MyTake, I agree 100%

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