After 5 years of chasing a man who I was deeply in love with, I messaged him after not hearing from him for a while to find out that he was now in a relationship. Immediately then was a rip of pain in my heart. I started shivering all over my body and immediately thought about how this was the end to everything between me and this man. This man started off being a very close friend of mine while I was in an unhappy marriage. I tried really hard to work through everything for the sake of my children, but alas it didn't work out. I and this other guy got very close, and he would pull me deep in and fill me with love and security, only days later to cut me off or treat me like it had never happened. This went on for 5 years, I blame myself for being so deeply in love that I was unable to recognise that I was being pinned along until something better came along for him. I would question him on why we couldn't be together, he would blame his mental health and battle with drugs (which I know for a fact he did struggle with) Realistically, I wish he'd had the courage to tell me, I just wasn't what he was looking for. Every time I would try and cut him off, he'd return. Thus enabling me to think that in fact, he did like me after all. That may be his mental health was the reason why he couldn't be together right now.
Realistically this isn't true. When it got into the new year, I prayed this would be the year I finally Win him, and I thought I really was getting very close to it, that was until he went quiet, he did respond to my messages, but not in the way he usually would. It was very cold and short. Not like the nights of messaging each other into the early morning talking about everything. I then realised on his TikTok account he'd unfollowed all the pretty girls he would usually simp over, and he'd started following a page based on date ideas. I think I knew what was happening here, but instead, I pretended it wasn't, and that in a couple of weeks we'd be back to messaging each other constantly like we always did. That never came.
A couple of weeks ago I decided to bite the bullet and ask him how he was, *PING* an immediate notification illuminated up my phone. My heart raced, It was him. I'd asked him he was feeling, and for the first time in a while, 'I'm actually really good...I think I knew what was happening next. 'Anything new happening in your life?' I responded. ..'Actually, you'll never believe this, but I'm now in a relationship.. I know shock horror'.. the pain hit me so hard. For 5 years this man has strung me along. 5 years.
Just please, if you are not interested in a girl/boy, and have no intention of wanting to be with them, you might want to avoid the pain of letting them down, but if this guy had just done it from the start, I wouldn't of wasted 5 years of my life that ill never get back.