I keep cheating/wanting to cheat?

Hey. My circle of cheating started in, I think, 2011, when I became more and more distant with my boyfriend (then) and stopped wanting to be in a relationship with him, but stayed, because I was afraid of being alone. I was having a pretty hard time in many other areas of my life and he still somehow gave me energy to keep going.

I ended up cheating on him with a guy I met online. He didn't know about my boyfriend. During this time I broke up with my boyfriend and soon after began a relationship with the guy I had met. We were really happy, but again got a bit distant and I cheated on him with the guy I am with now.

And now I notice the same pattern. We've been living together for almost a year now and spent pretty much every day together. I do want some time of my own, but I can't have it now that he doesn't have a job here yet.

I don't want to cheat on him with just anyone. There are currently two people I have "fixated" on, that really interest me and I feel attracted to. But for now there hasn't been a possibility for me to cheat, which is good. I really love my boyfriend. We have some issues, but I love him, and I know he wouldn't cheat on me. I trust him like that. But I think I would be okay with cheating on him if he didn't find out. If he did, I know it would hurt him greatly and he might even hurt me physically for causing him such pain. If I did cheat on him, I would keep it an absolute secret.

I am in no way proud of what I've done. I even feel bad for the second one (not first because he cheated on me too and we were hardly TOGETHER when I did what I did), because he's one of the best people I've met in my life and a very close friend of mine still. And I am 100% sure I would feel bad about cheating my boyfriend.

I don't have the motivation to stop, because cheating is what I feel like I want to do in these situations. So I would like to analyse myself and see where this is coming from. Ideas on where to start?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think cheating is your mechanism to avoid responsibility and to avoid conflict. Instead of dealing with things, your easy way out is doing something that will provoke a break up. Instead of sorting things out with your first boyfriend and making both of you aware of the bad situation of the relationship and consequentially dissolving your union, you decided to cheat on him because "he deserved it" and because "you wanted out anyway". It's like signing up for a course you want to be in and halfway the term you realize it is not what you want, so instead of unsubscribing, you still go to class and purposely fail every homework and exam. Like arranging a meeting with a friend and you realize you don't want to meet them because you're lazy, so instead of calling to cancel the date, you just don't show up.

    It's time for you to face things. It doesn't matter if you're not even "very in love", it's about doing things right. You can't cheat your way out of a relationship every time it gets difficult. That's not what mature people do and you should start behaving appropriately. You also can't justify your behavior with "he did it first". Just because one person was a cunt to you doesn't mean you have to be a cunt in return or that you'll be excused of being a cunt to others.

    You don't have a motivation to stop because you don't believe that being a good person and actually talking with your partner is going to pay off. You're behaving solely on your instincts and impulses, but you know, unless you were born anencephalic, you are capable of being rational and smart. Face your problems, there is no need to fear. Talk to people and always be honest with yourself. It helps to really think about the roles being switched, in the end you are only fooling yourself more than anybody else. Because you think you're cheating on life, but you know the feelings will eat at you in the end.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • Honestly, I think you need to get out of all relationships all together, don't think of yourself as a victim, you are in fact a perpetrator.

    you need to completely cut yourself off from any romantic entanglements and seek help from a therapist or psychiatrist, you need to learn to take responsibility for your actions and learn some restraints.

    when I'm with my girlfriend at the beach and I see a girl with a slim waist, huge tits and bouncy blonde hair, of course I'd like to have sex with her, but I have the restraint and common sense not to throw away a good relationship over a quick fling.

    so long as you have the urge to cheat and you find yourself going for it with someone else, take a step back, go home, and think about your life, you don't need to be coddled, you don't need to be told "It's not your fault" it is entirely your fault and 100% your own problem that you keep dragging others into.

    fix your shit, or you'll end up as one of those women with 12 kids and no man wants anything to do with you because of your reputation as a serial cheater.

    • I thank you for an appropriate answer even though the subject is what it is!

    • i second what he just said

    • this isn't something that can be solved by sugar-coating and beating around the bush.

      don't make excuses, if he gives you shit over this, remember that you DO deserve it, but just try and fix yourself, learn to restrain yourself, learn to just go home WITHOUT some other guy.

      I've known girls like you my whole life, and every single one, EVERY. SINGLE. ONE has at some point gone "men are assholes" and "why are there no good men in the world?" and all i can reply with is "there are good men in the world, but they go after women who aren't toxic to them"

      and trust me, feminists say that there is nothing to be ashamed of for cheating and being called "toxic" but some women are called "toxic" for a reason... don't be toxic, fix your shit.

  • Just break up and stop being a bitch.

  • all i read was slut, slut, slut, slut

  • You're just not a good person if you have no motivation to stop cheating. It shows that you're selfish, immature and put your personal satisfaction above other people's emotions. That's sad and it's a shame.

  • If you claim to love him as much as you say then don't do this to him..he doesn't deserve that if you honestly feel like you need or want to cheat so bad. End the cycle now or it never will end..

  • Ha! "I didn't break up because I didn't want to be a loner"

    I think cunt fits perfectly here.

  • As far as you are making other guys happy in bed...no one cares...we are men and we can find decent woman for ourselves if tried. It is women who suffers.
    You don't have bright future for yourself though until you don't wish to change.
    This habit of cheating will also be continuing even after marriage and may carried till you have grown up kids. This seems common trait among young western girls to me and many have noticed that.
    But this isn't surprise for me, after watching movies like American pie, i came to know how western women could be like.
    Well best of luck..there can't be any motivation on this. Though you can visit psychologists.. They will keep your secrets and help you out for solving your obsession.

  • Well a good idea would be not to do that


What Girls Said 4

  • If you don't believe in fidelity then don't be in a relationship. You're going to do a horrible thing, and karma will come back to you. What if he DID cheat on you? Would you be okay if HE kept it a secret? What if one of you gets an STD because you were unfaithful?

    Be single, and you can sleep with as many guys as you want. Don't depend on him for stability and cheat on him, you're just using him if you put it that way. Do the right thing.

  • It's normal to desire sex from othee guys sometimes but you should never act on it while you're dating someone. Your motivation should be knowing how much it would hurt your boyfriend if he knew what you were doing.

  • Then don't get into relationships. you don't need to be in a relationship to have sex or does hurting a person by lying to them turn you on? if that's how it is, you need psychological help to deal with this.

    • Yeah right...what she can simply do is to avoid relationships. She can have friends with benifits. This is absolute madness if she goes in relationship and cheat like hell.
      It is an compulsive obsession in which cheating on someone turns her on. It us a fantasy which she clearly makes true.
      Yes visiting a psychologist is the only solution she has...hope she does.

  • You are a





    And oh karma will come back to you

    And you will die of loneliness one day

    Hahahaha and you won't get married ,

    And you will grow old alone with no one,

    Now bye bye , i have a fiancee to cuddle with,,,

    Oh ops sorry didn't see you there

    • Lmao
      Fuck face? Fan of Russell Peters? Haha

    • Yep i am , but i didn't know he said that

    • Heh, yeah I could guess there would be replies like this, but yeah. :D That's just funny.