Ex-boyfriend asked me to Thanksgiving at his parents?

[catpetter]

He broke up with my last weekend. He cited communication problems as the reason. I felt on some days he was withholding affection and love and I was feeling (appropriately) insecure. The night before he broke up he was very grumpy and Uncommunicative, and I got upset when he did dishes instead of spending time (we both are busy and get only one or two nights a week together) me after a group date with our friends where all the couples were talking about Thanksgiving plans, I had said we should make dinner for his parents to make sure the food was organic. , we had been together the longest of the group, a little over a year. He was saying he was happy with me just the day before he broke up. last night he asked me to come to Thanksgiving at his parents. Whattt? Does he regret breaking up?

Updates

+1 y

oh yeah, a couple weeks ago someone asked him if we were getting engaged, and he told me. I told him I liked our relationship and did not want to get engaged. He agreed, but one guy I know suggested that was his way of asking if i was open to it. He had told me he did not want to get married when we got together.

Updates

+1 y

I very much appreciate the input. Since both the breakup and the holiday invite are puzzling to me. I would not exit a pretty good love relationship so quickly, nor would i invite an ex to my family for a holiday.

Updates

+1 y

I went to Thanksgiving. I spent the night with him and he said he wanted to get back together before we went to his parents.

[njd5059]

Honestly I was in a similar situation as you not long ago at all actually & I was in your shoes. I had been stressed due to family issues & family health issues as well & my gf cited communication problems & that I seemed distant & uninterested in her at times. Honestly I think you guys are at the point in your relationship a little after the year mark where you are starting to experience some rough patches. He may have been beginning to feel a little distant from you & because of the lack of communication could have started overthinking/over analyzing things in his head. I think he obviously still has strong feelings for you, but there are a few things he needs to workout in his head being apart for a little. The fact that he asked you to Thanksgiving means you are still important to him and he is probably unsure of whether to completely part ways or work through the rough patch. If you still love him and want to be with him/get back with him then go spend Thanksgiving with him and really talk to him. Have a calm, no pressure, honest conversation about everything. Talk about what went wrong, how/if it could have been avoided and most importantly, if he and you think it is something that can be fixed with some work and a little time. He will feel closer to you if you open up and talk to him having a good honest conversation with him. Tell him what you were going through, let him see your point of view while also admitting openly to anything you think you could/should have done differently. Sometimes a little time a part to gather your thoughts and realize what's most important to you can do wonders for a relationship and help the two of you weather the storm through the rough waters so you can come out stronger and close than ever before while being able to communicate with each other on an entirely different level where none of you are afraid to talk about what's really in your mind to each other. Good luck! If you believe in something, don't give up yet!

[reo3utd]

Sounds like he hasn't told his parents and he will expect you to pretend everything is totally normal!

I would suggest that if he is doing it for this reason you don't go but you might as well ask him why he would want you to come when he has just broke up with you and then you may find out his full reason!

[catpetter]

Yes, i will ask him. I told him i wanted to be friends right away, since we have many mutual friends and will see each other on a semiregular basis We were always nice to each other, and I said let's have a respectful amicable breakup. I dont have time for drama.

[catpetter]

And i will not pretend to be his girlfriend.

[reo3utd]

well u not his girlfriend so if he trying to use u for his game then when his parents so so how are you two going just say well he split up with me last week!

[Paris13]

If open lines of communication was the main drain 'Reason' he broke it off with you, catpetter, and with all that I am seeing here with his boyish behavior to boot, he may be feeling Guilty now for having said and done this and after everything that has been 'Said and done' He--------Asked me to come to Thanksgiving at his parents.
I am not trying to say here that he wants things to go back to the way they were where you both were two birds of a feather... I am not seeing this. His pattern of being 'Uncommunicative,' uptight, just things that implied he didn't want to be hooked at the hip, is showing me he he wanted to cut ties and maybe be friends, if anything... he may have needed space and a time for himself..
However, it also sounds like he got a little festive and maybe sentimental and now is asking you come to Be with him and his parents so he can keep the Pilgrim peace, not have to talk turkey about anything with them about you and him and-----Happily too not have to do the dishes.
And at this point in time, allow yourselves this space, some serious time to do some soul searching. A wishbone might be nice when you carve the bird and being Christmas is also down the road, maybe by then it doesn't have to be down a beaten path neither... who knows what will happen by then under the mistletoe.
Good luck. xx

[catpetter]

You are a fun writer! and yes... mmm rather guarded communications with his introversion was a problem. meanwhile, i was pretty noncommital to anything other thsn, i loved being with him. but he did need more time to himself, at the same time, it seemed like he did not like me going to work events on date nights.

[Paris13]

Thank you, sweetie, fun with the pun... I am just sorry that this has led to a break up because being together a year, open lines of communication is important... but with someone like him with 'guarded issues,' it makes it hard. Maybe with some space, you both can figure things out and being apart everyone gets time and space.. And with him inviting you to dinner, this should make for an interesting meal... he still wants you around in his life, you may find that out a lot being apart. xx

[catpetter]

He and I were word nerds, i was were mutually amusef ny our silly puns. you made me nostalgic. :)

[Paris13]

lol... Thanks so much... It makes for good reading and to make one ponder... word nerds... I love this...:)) xx

[Paris13]

Thank you, sweetie, for allowing me to lend an ear, dear... I see the wish bone helped and it looks like mistletoe toe to show as well... so happy, I am shedding some tears...:)) xxoo

[Luthiaeel]

Maybe Or maybe he hasn't told his parents you broken up

[catpetter]

I know he freaked out and broke with me for about half a day, right after he asked me to meet his parents. and when he reconciled, he brought up me meeting them the next weekend. I have been to donner with them multiple times and every time we met it was more and more clear why we were a couple. I do reflect some qualities of both of his parents. This would have been the first holiday with them. He would not want to discuss the breakup with them. He is 27 and I am his second solid relationship.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, he's trying to get back in there. If he's not it's serious mixed signals off a guy who doesn't know what he's doing.

People who blow hot/cold are a pain in the ass, it's selfish to mess people about when you can't make up your mind.

[catpetter]

the same day he asked me to thansgiving i ran into his friends and they expressed that they were really surprised he broke up. i definitely do not like hot/cold or feeling on probation.

[Opinion Owner]

They say they were surprised but I bet they talked all about it. You should know where you stand with people otherwise nothing is equal, you're just a play thing.

[catpetter]

I know they talked about it. they repeated his reasons to me. they said they were surprised when he called and he told them we broke up. He is an introvert and spent way more time with me than anyone. He liked looking like the good boyfriend with the happy girlfriend in public.

[catpetter]

We were happy like 90% of the time, actually. But we were getting closer, it wasn't just flirting and fun, we were building our careers and dealing with family health issues.

[Opinion Owner]

Only you can judge for sure I suppose. Beware of rose tinted spectacles though. He sounds quite impulsive, which is a sign of immaturity. Even people who have been through a lot can be like this. There's nothing wrong with wanting to know where you stand and to have it laid on the line, if he can't manage that then it's not worth your bother.

If you can get it together again and agree to communicate better and it's what you want then I'm not gonna be a cynical bastard and tell you not to do it. Go for it, but don't be treated like a door mat.

[catpetter]

I like cynical bastards... as friends. when they become a lover it is too much defensiveness. I think if you are going to be in love, enjoy it. And i really appreciate the doormat comment. i tend to be very loving and accomodating, because i want the good vibes. But i must be true to myself, and i want reciprocity in love.

[Opinion Owner]

I've learned to manage my cynicism lol. It can mean you're hard work for your girlfriend and I've learned that lesson. When you're in love you want to be completely open, I feel that too. It should be that way and you get more out of it. But I think I'll always keep my core boot files protected. I can tell you're a really nice girl, the doormat comment was because that kind of treatment happens to people who are undeserving of it far to often.

[Tdieseler]

what was the basis for the break up?

[catpetter]

i was under tremendous pressure from family health problems, i was grieving and not so cool about things. he said we were having too many communication problems, and he shut down and i got insecure. and then just after he said, i love you we hardly ever fight compared to other couples, he broke up later that night after i worked all day.

[Tdieseler]

seems like he had issues of his own. and insecurity never helps. now I'm thinking his invite was probably to show you that he too has fam issues bt he focuses on you and you should do the same.. but idk.. thats just a theory. I think he feels ignored...
Also, you are dating a younger guy, there are a LOT more factors in that too... and i can explain..(been in that situation too many times) but not on here.

[jmmmfi]

I'd tell him to shove a Turkey leg up his ass

[catpetter]

he might like that. jk