My boyfriend of 5 months and a good friend since last year committed suicide today (5 days after our official break up). I broke up with him because I was not happy at all. He always emotionally controlled me. And said he loved me. I loved him too but only for the first 4 months. Since last month only I know how I felt in the relationship. He used to threaten me with suicide everytime I tried breaking up (in the last month I tried breaking up with him twice but he threatened suicide and i'd always give in) Although he never really had the guts. We are 17. And this is a crucial year (academically) for our careers. He used to be a brilliant student but since this relationship , he kept me a priority (which I never supported and I PLEADED him to study) and he never let me study. It bugged him when I kept my academics prior to him. I ruined many of my exams because of him. He used to get mad at me for so small issues (I didn't reply to his I LOVE YOU texts if I was busy. I didn't say I love you whenever I was in a hurry) and I was the one who always tried to avoid fighting with him! He was not a perfect boyfriend either. But I never complained because I didn't want to fight!
And now when I finally decided to care for MY LIFE AND CAREER , I broke up with him.
I mean he was always super depressed most of the time because he had lousy parents who never care for him (thats what he told me I never met them) and so he emptionally dependent on me which is NOT healthy. But is this really my fault? Should I feel guilty for choosing my life over him?
before you answer I would request you to read a few of my previous questions regarding him.. they'll make the situation clearer for you. Thank you for you time.. i really need some answers right now
Most Helpful Guy
Your boyfriend chose to make this unfortunate choice of his own free will. No one, and let me say NO ONE is ever worth your life. This is not your fault. That being said, this man from what you have said seems to be the most insecure person I have ever heard of. And he exhibited classic traits of a very unstable personality. He sounds to me like he suffered from low self esteem and massive insecurity. He used you to justify his existence, and blackmailed you into staying with him. He further used you just to make himself feel better about who he was, and be damned your feelings. You were absolutely right to want out of this unhealthy and horribly one-sided relationship. If this man loved you he would have shown you the right love and encouragement for your academic studies. He would have given you your own space. Being in a relationship is not about dominance, or power, it is about two people coming together to share their lives, and because together they make a damn good team and are a stronger team than they are individuals. This was not the case in your relationship. Take heart however, it sounds like you bent over backwards to be the best girlfriend you could. The bottom line is your boyfriend chose to throw away the most sacred gift of all: life. And he made this choice by his own free will. You cannot blame yourself for his mental instability. This is not your fault. You sound like a woman who has a lot of empathy and cares for people. This makes you a good person. But being responsible for his death? NO! Again, he chose to walk this dark path by his own free will, and you had no control over that whatsoever. If you are still having issues coping over this, I would suggest seeing a counselor. It is important not to bottle up your feelings, let them out. They need to come out. You have more people here to support you than perhaps you think. I mean look at all of us here giving you advice and support right? Stay strong and take heart!11
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