My ex said he'd commit suicide, run away and won't eat when I broke up with him. am I in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

I broke up with my ex two months ago, and when I did he kept sending me messages saying he had suicidal thoughts, that he'd run away and he hadn't been eating. I feel terrible despite all the he's done (SA) i feel responsible and im unsure if im in the wrong. I wish him well but yesterday he was taken by someone because he hadn't eaten for two days. im so terrified and I don't know what to do but I don't want to talk to him. I just keep thinking if he does actually do what he said he thought about, would I be responsible for it? when I asked other people, they said im not responsible and I understand that. but the fear doesn't go away.

for context, he had low self-esteem, he was jealous and wanted me with him whenever he could have me. I couldn't say no to him if he wanted something because he'd be sulky and he used to check my groupchats whenever he got ahold of my phone. and also the SA. he also has autism if that has anything to do with it, but he used to say he couldn't imagine a future without me and he'd be nothing without me.

[Ozanne]

You are NOT responsible for someone else's actions. Breakups happen minutely in the world, and most people know how to take it and move on. But when someone plants guilt on you for it, with something as severe as their life--that's plain wrong and manipulative, even if they follow through and do things that harm themselves.

My advice is to ONLY notify his parents once, telling them you received these messages, and that you hope they can get him the help he needs. Wish them well, and let them know you are not getting involved further. Just remember that any sort of attention you give this is going to please him. He'll be sitting there thinking, "Oh she loves me... she just called my parents... " But make sure it stops there. People who do this will try it again for a little more attention from you. This is why I think you should tell his parents so they are informed, and that you are washing your hands of this and will not be responding to anymore threats.

No parents to call? Then call the police in his area, and tell them you've received information that he's going to harm himself, and also make it clear to them that this will be the only time you're reporting this as you are breaking contact with them after this.

This is a serious situation that is going to test you. This person wants you to save their life. They want contact from you. They made this whole ordeal about the breakup, which of course you were involved in. But understand that this is NOT your problem anymore, and will only get worse if you soften things up thinking you're the only one who can help them.

(Note to all: If anyone is feeling like they are seriously thinking of harming themselves, please go online and find a crisis line in your area to get the help you need.)

[SueShe]

His behavior is the one of a manipulative person that will go to great lengths to try to make you feel bad so that you get back to him.

Your life comes first because if you get back with him, he will always use this trick to get you to do what he wants.

If you have character, then you don't listen to these words because you are not doing yourself a favor. You would indicate that you are weak and that you can be manipulated at will. Walk away and don't look back.

A person that wants to commit suicide does not go and claim it out loud and clear for the entire world to hear.

This is a difficult decision but you have to think of yourself and your own future first.

[slatyb]

"My ex said he'd commit suicide, run away and won't eat when I broke up with him." Emotional blackmail -- the last refuge of an abuser when all their other controlling behavior stops working.

You have no obligation to respond to this in any other than by leaving. THEY ARE NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. What he said? That's HIS PROBLEM, NOT YOURS. He doesn't to control your life by threatening self-harm.

For your own safety and sanity, get out and stay out. Block him. Do not respond to any further attempts at contact.

[Summeroflove]

Then you need to call 911 and report someone is a danger to themselves and others. Someone who acts like this isn’t worth being in a relationship with.



He knows you’re a good person and is trying to emotionally manipulate you. But you never know. Let him be committed.

[Rei13]

It isn’t your fault and you shouldn’t let him make you feel that way. There are people who will threaten that and hurt themselves as a way on punishing and controlling you. You can only control your own actions however and not his. If you’re truly concerned about him acting on it either call 911 on him, who cares how he feels about that, or send screenshots of those messages to either his parents or whomever else he is close to in his life and let them deal with it. He is no longer your responsibility. I would completely cut contact with him/block him as well for your own emotional well-being

[inhua]

this wouldn't be an issue if he had more options and therefore the ability to possibly cheat. I'd tell him your his ex for a reason and he shouldn't get so attached to someone who doesn't care about him

sounds kinda harsh but it's the only way that will keep him out of suicide

[HelpfulWoman]

thats a really common manipulation tactic. and an easy reason why that needed to end.

[Anonymous]

He is lying. It's a form of mulipulation. He thinks by telling you these things it will make you take him back. I'm guilty myself of doing this

[zagor]

Don't let someone emotionally blackmail you.