Post-Breakup: Do I get back to her or not?

[Just_Aguilar]

I had this really wonderful relationship with this girl, we had this slight quarrel and she literally told me it was over, and besides that she wanted to concentrate on her studies, she also asked me to give her space to get over me and everything and said there would be a chance we would get back together, if she still feels the same way towards me, but that would take long, six months, a year... To keep this short, I'll skip to right now, it's been the third week or so and I've never been devastated but nevermind that. I stopped texting her so as to respect her wishes. For the past few days she's started texting me again. Well, Like I am towards everyone asides those I love, I talk formally, She began to ask me why I was sounding so formal, she had asked me that at least 3 times. So in a bid to reduce the tension, I began to talk about banal things. At first she once said she was worried about as she had travelled home during the holidays but I didn't and was worrying how I was doing, then we talked a little but I was really struggling because I didn't know what she's up to and as at the time, she was replying me well. Yesterday, I decided to be freer with her, the conversation on how she was doing and how her holiday had been going, and she started to fling one word answers at me, not like the way she used to wayy before we started dating. Sometimes I leave her messages unread and after a while I she texts me again, saying Hii, I'm just so confused right now, at first I resolved I'll get back to her after our exams in 5 mths time as that was one of the reasons she wanted a breakup. Then, after a while, I decided to move on. Now I'm just confused, I still love her really and wish we would get back together, another part of me tells me to move on and face my exams. But here she is texting me again, and I dunno if she wants us back together or not. Also, we're in the same class, and she's resuming tomorrow, she'll probably call me to help her settle in as we used to

Updates

11 mo

I should also add that before she travelled she asked me to help her get a few things, I obliged. She also called me to direct her to the bus park, informed me when she got home. And I was here wondering " I thought she asked for space"

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, this is a tricky situation for sure. On one hand, you still really care about her and want things to work out. But on the other hand, she did break things off and said she needed space. The mixed signals would be messing with my head too.

A few things to think about:
- Have an honest talk with her about your concerns and where you both see things going. Get clarity on if she wants to try again or if she's just being friendly.
- Make sure you take care of yourself too. Don't get your hopes up again until you're sure she's ready for something real.
- Take it slow if you do reconnect. Re-building trust after a breakup takes time. No need to jump right back into a relationship.
- Focus on your exams too. Having your head in the right space academically is important.

Ultimately you need to decide what feels right for you long-term. If being friends is all she wants for now, is that enough? Or is it better to move on fully? You got this either way man. Just make the choice that leaves you feeling most at peace. It'll all work out how it's meant to.

[Just_Aguilar]

You see, two days or so after we broke up. She told me that after our exams, she'd be willing to give me another chance, according to her, that she'll have a special place in her heart for me. Which probably explains why she had been texting me these past few days.

Then as for that talk you mentioned, I'll definitely do that, after our exams because truthfully, I can't be just friends with her as it is, it involves a lot of emotions which I can't handle right now.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ahh man, that changes things a bit then if before she said she'd give you another chance after exams. Girls can be so hot and cold though so who knows what's really up with her now.

If it was me bro, I think I'd play it cool for now when you see her tomorrow like we said. But also maybe text her something like "Look I know we gotta focus on school right now, but don't leave me totally hanging either. Just wanna know if I should be hopeful for after exams or if I need to fully move on."

That way you're being straight up about still having feelings but also respecting her space for school. Then you'll get a better idea what her deal is without having a big emotional talk yet.

Whatever she says, take it with a grain of salt - actions speak louder. But at least you'll have more clarity on where you stand. Don't get wound up though man, you gotta keep your head in the game for finals!

Just handle it cool and see what she does. You got this bro, whether she comes back around or not. You'll be aight!

[Gent207-2]

No do not return

What you are missing now is the selective memories of happy times, you do not miss the real version of her. The real version of her is why you left.

If you return you will leave again in a worst state then you are today. But if you stay the course and mourn the death you will be free

[Just_Aguilar]

Well, I must say that you have a point there really. But then again, she was the one who left, not me. I always tried to keep her happy.

[Gent207-2]

Then you dodged a bullet
Trust me in this, I have broken up and gotten back together countless times with plenty of partners and it never works out

[Just_Aguilar]

Oh well, it's all good.

[_Maya_]

To me it sounds like it is both of your best interests to focus on the studies and exams and then when that stressful time has passed maybe take a look at whether you think it is worth getting back together or not. I don't see any benefit in doing it when you focus is going to be elsewhere. I think the added stress of studying and exams is just going to create more problems than it does solutions. That is what she wanted anyhow. So take this time to get over the hump and then when that is all done you can think (and focus) on a relationship... whether that is with her or someone else. If it was just a minor argument that caused the breakup then there is a chance you could reconcile. Just finish up with the school stuff first.

[Just_Aguilar]

Yeahh, I understand you, but you know something funny, we used to study together with her friends, we have this study/friend group. As for the argument, she said she had lost her patience with me entirely as I was always emotionally blackmailing her and I had a low esteem because I always valued her above me because I used to call her my world and all, what I feel was the tipping point was the fact that I was really good friends with one of her friends, we walk home together, so sometimes she'd conjecture I was either cheating on her, or that I gave her friend more attention than her.
Honestly, when I did these things, I don't know or maybe didn't realise. Each time I made the effort to get better but she really had a very short patience.
Now in the meantime, she asked for space which I gave her really. But now she's back texting me, we'll probably see when school resumes. I dunno whether to ignore her, be formal or start building my way back to get back to her after our exams.

[_Maya_]

Maybe the lack of patience has to do with school and how stressful it can be. Just one possibility. Might just be her personality but hopefully not. If it were me I would wait to start building back into a relationship until all the school stuff has passed and both of you have a clear mind and not focused on other things.

[Just_Aguilar]

Alright then... I'll do just that. Thank you ❤️

[_Maya_]

You're welcome and good luck. Hope that once you two are done with school things work out for you.

[Just_Aguilar]

I hope so too, she had told me two days after we had broke up, that at the end of our exams, I could come "woo" her again, but if she likes someone else by then she'll tell me beforehand.
That's was why I was asking about building my way towards her again slowly. Also, We're both in our 3rd year in med school, so this exams aren't actually our last, just that this one comes with more pressure than the subsequent ones.

[_Maya_]

I mean... you can try but it could just push her furrher away... having the opposite effect.

[Just_Aguilar]

Hmmm... oh well, it's all good... thanks really❤️

[Nikki1989]

You are not serious about making this work. If you were, you would NOT be persisting on all the useless texting.

[Just_Aguilar]

Okay, what would you have me do then?
That's why I posted that, I could use some advice

[TommyMountainFigure]

I would have said to her..

You asked for space.. not me.. I'm doing the responsible thing by giving you what you asked for. Now let me concentrate on passing these exams.. When they're finished, and if you want to then talk about 'us' we can talk!

[BonzoInBitburg]

You need to focus on yourself so you so obsessing about her. If you get back with her, it's needs to be on your terms. She dumped you so leave her alone. If she misses you, she'll come back but you shouldn't chase her as the person who was dumped. There are better women out there than someone who dumped you

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a young girl who doesn't know what she wants. Depends how you want to play it. I might be inclined to not expect too much, not impose myself too much, be cordial, and play it by ear. It may be she'll come round, it may be she'll decide she wasn't someone else. Just don't let her keep you in her back pocket for when she'll bored or lonely. There's no power in that

[Just_Aguilar]

Absolutely. I understand you, thank you soo much. Indeed she's young.

[Princesspd]

My exes and I broke up on good terms. We remain friend with benefits.

[JHAYES317]

@princesspd those aren’t friends with benefits those are affairs

[exitseven]

Move on and find somebody new. And make sure you study for finals

[Iron_Man]

Follow your heart

[Just_Aguilar]

I will, thank you❤️

[Iron_Man]

You are welcome

[DishLady]

Give yourself time to move on.