Am I being strung along by my FWB?

[Anonymous]

I told my FWB that I have feelings for him and he is adamant about continuing our FWB relationship. He knows I want more from him, like an actual commitment, and this does not freak him out. He tells me he feels the same way, but cannot commit to a relationship right now. I am afraid if I cut and run I could be missing out on something, but I also don't want to stay in a relationship that is only going to end in heartbreak. Is he just stringing me along for the companionship and occasional sex, despite my honest confession as to how I feel? Would a person be that selfish to imply a possible future together just to keep you on the back-burner? How can I tell if he is just playing games with me?

[l-hedoniste]

Notice a few things: "adamant about continuing our FWB relationship," and "cannot commit to a relationship right now."

This isn't a guy stringing you along. This is a guy telling you very gently, more gently than he should, "Not gonna happen."

[Asker]

Thanks for the input. Would it make a difference to your analysis if "adamant about continuing our FWB relationship" also meant just continuing to be friends, even without the benefits, instead of ending all contact? Or is the fact that he cannot step up and commit now, regardless of outside circumstances, enough to realize it's never gonna happen.

I think us girls are stronger than guys give us credit for, don't be so afraid of hurting our feelings, tell us the truth and let us move on.

[l-hedoniste]

My analysis wouldn't change, but I should add this: he may not mean "not gonna happen, ever" but rather "not gonna happen, now."

The secret to long-term chances when it ends: don't mess up the breakup. You want to be the graceful, understanding one, when he remembers you. You're on you way there already.

Good luck.