Girlfriend of 2 years flirting with her ex?

[Anonymous]

My college girlfriend of 2 years has been flirting with her ex boyfriend from home on Facebook messages, and saw him behind my back while she was there for the holidays.

Over the summer I caught the same thing going on, confronted her about it, nearly broke up, but in the end forgave her because I love her. I told her if she did it again we would break up. She was very remorseful and told the guy that she regretted what she had said to him and didn't want to speak to him any more.

Now it happened again, 6 months later. I broke up with her, but it's still kind of in the air. I love her with all my heart and I want to forgive her and have things go back to normal, but I don't know if it's healthy. I need to grow a spine and stand behind what I told her this summer -- if she does it again, we break up.

She's clearly remorseful (again) and swears up and down that she has never cheated on me (physically, I guess she means). She has been crying for hours and her mom is coming out to pick her up, she's a mess.

I just don't get why she would start talking to him/seeing him again if she knew this is where it would lead. Especially after 2 years of a very serious relationship.

[Anonymous]

Do you know of their history at all? Like how long they dated and how long was she single afterwards before she met you? Because it sounds like a part of her still loves him if she's willing to risk a 2-yr relationship.

[Asker]

They dated off and on for a year and a half beginning in high school, and eventually broke up after a few months apart at different colleges. we met a few months later... after she had already rebounded with another guy and saw it going nowhere.

she claims she was feeling "insecure" and was seeking validation by having him reaffirm his attraction to her, after he had technically dumped her (2 years ago).

[Opinion Owner]

I guess I can understand that. There's this guy that I have no feelings for at all anymore. He pretty much led me on. And to this day, he still hits on me. Sometimes I'll talk to him just to see what he says. There's no attraction there whatsoever, but I just like an ego boost from time to time, especially when I'm having a bad day. Then give her some time to realize how stupid she's being and how much she's risking. And point out how shady she's being about the whole thing.

[Opinion Owner]

2 years is a long time. I think if you scare her a little bit she'll shape up. And if you do decide to take her back, just let her know she can't keep doing that. Tell her she has no reason to feel insecure. Remind her how much you love her.