Pre-Deployment Breakup?

Iv'e been dating this wonderful man for about 4 months about to be 5 we have had the most amazing time when we are together. We met about three years ago we hit it off really well. There was chemistry so and so we hooked up. We talked for a bit after because he pursued me for a bit but then after a while we just fell off it wasn't because of each other we just got busy with our lives. He was in the military then and he still is now. So when we saw each other again in December we both just kindof knew we would pick off where we left off and like I thought it did. We were super excited to see each other for some reason and so the first night at my aunts house we had ran away from everyone and we had sex. Anyway after he went back to Houston he got on a bus to head back to Fort Bliss in El Paso we didn't know that he had a stop at Dallas and so when he found out he called me right away and told me we had to meet because he had to talk to me. We had talked about how we wanted to be in a relationship and I did too but I was still doubtful which I always am because I am careful in who I trust. Anyway he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes then he asked me again when we met that night. He said he wanted me to understand what I was getting into. I said yes because I knew it would be hard but I was willing to try. After that we talked on the phone whenever we could while he was away at the field the I visited him in February 24th stayed the weekend and we were awesome! He told me he loved me for the first time & took me to places he'd never took any girl and I know its true because I know this dude from way back. Now when I asked him why he wants to break up he said "well im about to leave and imnot going to keep someone waiting for me and I dont want to wait until last minute , i have made up my mind its something I've been thinking about. I honestly just want to wait until im out the military.. plus if you join i doubt we will be stationed together".
After two days of asking if we were gonna talk about it he answered back saying "We are just give me some time ok". I simply sent him a message saying what I felt about the situation and I loved him and that if time was what he needed then I would give him that. I ended it with I love you and Ill talk to you later babe. This was yesterday.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He just doesn't want to end up as one of the guys that ends up a fool that gets cheated on during and after his deployment. Im also doing the no relationship until Im out thing. I've seen countless relationships fall apart, pre, post, and during deployment.

    A good friend of mine takes leave after deployment to get married, I see him a month later and he's single after his marriage. I ask why, and he simply says "her boyfriend".

    He made the right choice in my opinion. Someone would've cheated be it you or him.

    • Yeah, I understand his fear with that because he told me he had been cheated on in every single one of his relationships since he joined three years ago...
      I do think our relationship can work I see it all the time but then again I see what your saying. 10 months is a long time... but I just don't understand how someone can just break up after having felt and all of that and just drop it like nothing. Regardless we found each other again even after two years I am willing to wait for him regardless how long you know? I asked him if he still honestly loved me and wanted to be with me and he said yes but he wasn't willing to do that to me. He also started talking about all the stress he's been under which I know has actually been a lot..
      But are you doing that no relationship thing until your out in hopes of being with someone you have already met? You don't have to answer I know it's a personal question.

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    • Yeah that makes sense.
      That's the only thing that's keeping me comfort that if we are really meant to be the we will find our way back. We will be older and wiser right now were two pre-adults in love. I mean once you find something and someone that makes you feel this good you don't want to let go because you don't know if you'll find it again. We haven't broken up technically but I am preparing myself for the worst. I am joining regardless and that's what makes him think about our situation a lot too but lots of couples do it. I don't know what he's thinking exactly but regardless like you said life moves on I can only hope for the best.

    • If you join changes are you won't be together honestly.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Sweetheart... he is playing you. Trust me. Been in 14 years. Move on.


What Girls Said 1

  • I'd let him take the label off. Dousj is right, most fall apart. He's trying to let you be open to date, so you're not cheating and ruin things completely. When he contacts you again tell him you understand and support his decision. But ask if you can write/stay in touch.

    Don't "wait" for him. Go on living, if it's meant to be it'll all work out, but I think you'd regret putting your life on hold. You'll know how special what you have is of you know you come back together by choice rather than obligation.

    • Yeah that's what I am going to end up doing whenever he calls or if he ever does! Regardless I am going to see him again because our lives are pretty tied together. So whether we like it or not we will see each other again maybe that's why he doesn't want to risk losing what we have and end up resenting each other. I don't know... but I have been moving on since I posted this and trying not to think about it helps. Regardless I know he's doing his job and he 's being deployed so there is a lot of "what if's " but I wish he would tell me what he's thinking like he did before. It just sucks how we were doing good he was opening up and then BAM he closes up on me!

      I still love him I can't imagine when he won't matter to me anymore but if God/destiny/universe or whatever wants us to be together we will... although It will be difficult for me to trust him again. Regardless I will keep on with my future of joining the army as officer and well time keeps moving.

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