My ex is coming to collect his stuff tonight and I really want him to stay, or at least arrange a next visit?

I am so scared that this will be the last time we see each other, he's in the Navy so away a lot and he has a house miles away (450 miles). He has no reason to be "in the area" to pop in and I am really scared that this is it. I hope so much that it won't. Long story we have had a very busy year, bit of a whirlwind with lots of obstacles on the way, but we got through it, until the latest hurdle. I recently had a miscarriage after we'd split up, we didn't know I was pregnant when we split and when we were pregnant he was all for trying again but taking things slowly, until a couple of days ago and he'd changed his mind saying it wouldn't work out. I don't understand how he can change his mind like that? He said he wants to remain friends, which of course I will, somethings better than nothing, but I think it's more of a line than having any meaning. He was more than attentive the other night when he stopped in on his way back to work from a family funeral. He was lovely, we had a real giggle, yes we did talk about the baby, but that's it, I talk he listens. He has to be bullied into talking about feelings unless he's drunk. When we were together the other night it was as if he wanted to say things but couldn't and when I was having trouble getting my words out, it was if he was hoping I would say things for him, you know? He's been shat on in the past, and I know I have hurt him through my insecurities, but I am seeing someone about that and have been for 7 weeks now. I can feel a real difference. I just really want him to give it another chance. After I'd txt him when he'd left last time he said he still wanted to spend time with me and that he would keep an open mind to us getting back together after just being friends for a while. Again, I really hope he means it, but how can I be sure, without being sat by the phone all the time. I have done so much since we split, started driving, changed jobs, lost weight and things and he says it's a good thing, and yes, it was the kick up the bum I needed. BUt I feel like I need him there with me too. COuld he feel that as I have done all these things he doesn't feel worthy? he keeps saying I will meet someone better and that I deserve better, but I don't want that. I think he is TOPS! Even his mum thought we would grow old together, really didn't need to hear that in an email the other day, :0( Can someone please just give me some advice as to how I should approach things tonight? I have done very little/no contact for the last 6 weeks, with 2 visits during that time and a couple of conversations on the phone all of which he initiated. What does that mean? We are both in our late 20's and still care deeply about each other, I just need to know how to convince him it'll be different, and hopefully before my birthday next weekend. Last year was horrible as he was in Iraq and I wanted this one to be just us together...plus it's mother's day...I am dreading it :0(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • ok look...you have to show thru ur actions..words are the foundations of actions but its the actions that speak louder than words...hes contacted you which is a good sign...

    look give it TIME, you need to take time for youself and alazyze what went wrong in your relationship, did it end badly, who fault(usually both) but youve got the figure out what you could have done wrong...maybe you both moved too fast, maybe you were both immature, wahtever it is yove got to think of how you can change what happened...

    do not let yourself sit by the phone, I went thru ALLLLL of this the past few months and here I am talking to my ex as if we are dating again...it will take TIME nothing will happen over night

    remember it was the turtle who beat the rabbit in the race...slow and steady...

    go out, have fun, MEET NEW PEOPLE, spend money on yourself...in time it will get easier and I know he'll always be on your mind but youve got to love yourself and understand yourself before you can gicve him back your love...

    start a new hobby, start a new TV series...anything to get him off your mind...try to go out and try not to sit around and mope ok...have fun with your friends

    sorry but I've got to cut this short, I usually and pretty detailed but I'm at work - so if you need any other advice message me alright...hope this helps

    dont let your emotions get the best of you, be strong and independent, show him you're doing ok and trying to become a better person!

    GL!

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What Guys Said 2

  • Let him decide for himself. He is a grown man.

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  • You can't make someone want to be with you or love you either they want to be with you or they dont, it doesn't help that help that he is in the navy, not a lot you can do about it...

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What Girls Said 1

  • I suggest when he comes over, look really pretty. Maybe like hide one of his things, and help him look for it, and tell him that if you'll find it, you'll let him know? may not be the MATURE way of doing things, but I think that would help lol

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