My Separated wife is coming over for dinner. How should I act?

[Anonymous]

My wife and I seperated about 3 months ago. We have been together 9 years married for about 8 months. she left me for another guy.. We also have 2 children together. There has been a lot of off and on texting between us. she's been using the Hot/Cold treatment with me. She still flirts with me, sometimes lets me kiss her and other times she ignores my calls texts or just acts like she doesn't want 2 get back together. Yesterday i convinced her when she comes to get the kids on Sunday to stay for dinner she agreed. then I asked if she we could fool around she told me she did kinda miss that. My question here is when she comes over how should i act towards her? She lost trust and connection towards me. How can I get that back so we can get back together?

[btbc92]

Okay this is not working at all. She, number 1 committed adultery in your marriage. So naturally she already lost trust and connection with you. At that point, you need to figure out wither or not you want to get a divorce because you are entitled to that. This separation isn't doing anything. Separation is suppose to help you to grow on your own as a couple and come together when you two are looking to move forward in your marriage. Not for her to be seeing other people. Find a way to raise your 2 children. If she don't want to be a wife to you let alone being your wife at all to have sex with other men. Let her go. She either stop seeing this guy, and come back home to be a devoted wife and mother, or it's done. Put your foot down and give her the ultimatum. Because you two have children and you need to be more concerned about their well being, because it sounds like to me your wife doesn't give a crap. Just wants to run around. Do not tolerate this! Be civil and respectful, but you need to do this now! Or your leaving this marriage. Because neither you or the kids deserve that. I don't agree with divorce, so hopefully she will make the right choice, or prepare for the tough road ahead. I am so sorry you have to go through with this, but her doing this for a month is ridiculous, you need to put a stop to this NOW. A. S. A. P, and do not wait. Please reply back or update if you need to ask more on that issue.

[Asker]

I understand that i have to give her a ultimatum... but how do i go about doing so? What do i say how do i act? Again she uses the Hot Cold treatment.. I will admit I kind of pushed her in the direction to leave by never really listening 2 her emotional side of things. I just got caught in life stresses. How can i go about showing her that I've bettered myself? I just want my family home safe.

[btbc92]

@ Asker Don't worry about the HOT COLD treatment. The main thing is getting the point across. you tell her in a respectful manner whenever you can, that She has the option of yes or no to stopping what she is doing. If she doesn't like what you have to say. It's done. Finished. The marriage is over and your decision is final. Anything that she has to say or want to do after that, she can take it up in family court. Either way, she is committing adultery. It doesn't matter how she feels at this point, its what she is doing wrong, it is what is effecting your children overall now. That is the issue. It has nothing to do with you. No matter how upset or mad a person get's, getting involved with another man or woman during marriage is still adultery.

She knows better. If she wanted to separate because of what you may have said or treated her, the separation as I said before should ONLY be for that. What you just said: bettering yourself.

[btbc92]

@Asker Because it sounds like to me she just doesn't care anymore. If you want, you can explain to her that her actions is causing a lot of tension and hurt for you as I'm sure it is for the kids. That is the main thing as well, the children. How does she actually feel about the marriage, her children, YOU as her husband. Ask her if she wants to submit to you as your wife, or not? That means, you are the head over her and the kids, you lead the family in leadership as head of the household, and she as your wife submits to you in all things, and provide insight and guidance when you are feeling down and low. She is your help mate. Ask her what do she really wants. And then you take it from there if she so much wants to work it out. But then that means she can't be going around having sex with other men. She is supposed to be doing this with you and only you. That is her vows that WAS her vows when she married you. Because when she did this no matter how mad she was, she tossed it out.

[Asker]

Okay and one other thing is she i asked if she still loved me she either tells me dont or stop but won't give me a yes or no answer. I take that as she does and just won't say it. Am i looking to far into this? She even texted me today and told me i was right that the situation she is in now isn't as simplistic as she thought it would be and she doesn't know how to handle it.. All i told her is i have some ideas and that she knows how i feel but its ultimately up 2 her and that i promised to talk about it more tomorrow when she comes over for dinner and she was completely okay with that

[btbc92]

@Asker If she can't give you a straight answer she is playing games without her even knowing it and it is not funny. She has to know what she want. Nobody is going to wait for her to make a decision, when she was the one who walked out. This is serious. Marriage is serious. If she can't make the commitment then it needs to end somehow. Either get professional counseling or that's it. She is doing this to herself and it is not your fault. Don't ever believe and feel that it is. Overall you need to tell her. Because this is not a game. She knew what she did wrong, and she needs to make a choice.

[Asker]

Just updating we had the dinner it went okay.. I gave her a ultimatum. She has until 12 oclock tonight to deside what she wants if i dont get a response from her by then its over she's outta my life

[btbc92]

I'm glad it went well and thanks for updating to see how your doing. I'm very proud of you for taking that step. I know it had to be hard at some point to do it. That was very brave of you. Overall I pray things go in the direction it needs to go. Hopefully she will make the right choice.

[imanf7]

you poor thing
just have some self respect and leave that bitch alone

[Anonymous]

U said she left u another guy. Where is this guy gone lol? I don't like muddling in the past so I'd personally take it as a chilled dinner if things escalate then then so be it. After that give her the same hot cold treatment she gives to others. But that's just me.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Dude, fucking run. Slam her, give her the best dicking you ever have and then don't call her, and leave her to her own devices

[Anonymous]

just act normal