Why is my ex so cold towards me?

[Anonymous]

He ended it 2 weeks ago kind of unexpectedly. when i saw him earlier in the day he was loving and sweet.. totally himself. When i left he told me he loved me and couldn't wait to see me again in a few days.
A few hrs latee he dumped me over text. Just saying it was over and no explanation as to why.
He won't return my texts for the most part. he finally responded when i askex for my stuff but he just left it on porch, doesn't want to talk nothing. im so hurt by this, he's in his mid 40s and this not the thing id expect from a grown man. especially with all the amazing things we did and had so much in common. our kids also got along. its heartbreaking. advice?

Updates

+1 y

We were together 2 years.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone hate you or is there a rival for him? I mean, just out of the blue with no explanation after two years… that's almost unthinkable. The only thing I can come up with is that someone told him a bullshit story about you and he was dumb enough to believe it without fact-checking. It doesn't sound like you had any reason to believe he was immature or something, was there? Could he have started using drugs again? Are your kids and his old enough where yours can do a little reconnaissance with his? Not that you want them dragged into this, necessarily. But I can understand that the no explanation part would hurt. I'm sorry for you.

[Asker]

The only thing i can think of is that we had discussed moving in, he's not ready because of how things went with his son's mom. He said lets revisit this topic in 6 months to a year. I was just going to move closer.
I do think he has commitment issues since his son's mom broke up with him in kind of a similar way (packed up and left with their kid though , with no discussion while he was at work.)
My daughter is old enough to understand she's 12 and is baffled at why he did this too and she's hurting. His son is almost 8 and doesn't even know we split (i heard this from mutual friends) he just keeps asking his dad where i am. His dad says im working a lot. His dad is apparently not good with confrontation since , if he was unhappy, he couldn't tell me for whatever reason. And now he can't explain to his son either. I don't know. More than 2 weeks has passed im still reeling. If he could've just talked to me and ended it person, it would have hurt but i could've acceptec it by now.

[Asker]

And i mean just that day andthat weekend we all had a blast. I have pictures of all of us happy and laughing. he's hugging meand i look back at it thinking that doesn't look like a guy wantimg out...

[Opinion Owner]

Wow. I'm really sorry. I get it. Breaking up is bad enough, but surgically via text with no explanation. Have you thought about confronting him in person? Would he flip out on you if you told him he owes you an explanation at the very least? Maybe it's some latent mental health issue.

[Asker]

Im still going to move to his area, since its cheaper. Im going to give it sone time and maybe try to contact again in a month and see what happens.
I got my stuff from him yesterday and no face to face. I text him if we coukd meet and talk. No response.

[Opinion Owner]

OK. Giving it some time is probably a wise thing to do. Best wishes for your happiness! :-)

[Asker]

Thank you so much 😊

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you for MH. Good luck!

[DrRex]

Did he explain why he's breaking up with you? If not then just leave him, fuck em. Let him be free. Who cares what the reason is, don't chase him if he doesn't want you

[AbyRose39]

It's over.. he gave you your things back.
Doesn't matter if your kids got along.
You are not married.
Go to church, temple, meditate
Therapy.. get busy being busy with your new life... move on

[ihateheroicleishin]

Selfishness.

[ihateheroicleishin]

Here is something that I have observed that has never ever failed me. Avoid people who are impulsive. Restrict them from entering your life. People on impulse have poor cognitive function (much like a child ) they do anything they feel is easy or pleasurable in the moment, and like a child they lack the ability to perceive cause and effect.. Because they lack this ability and are openly destructive to themselves, they will unfailingly be destructive to others. Impulse control cannot really be taught. You have it, or you lack it. You cannot simply fix a certain area of the brain we've yet to understand.

[Asker]

Hmmm very insightful. He used to be a drug addict 10+ years ago. I think that mindframe kind of goes hand in hand. I kind of can see that. Thank you

[ihateheroicleishin]

One of my favorite quotes is from the late Dr. Maya Angelou.. "When people tell you who they are, listen to them. They know themselves much better than you do. If a person says I am mean, or I am selfish... or I am unkind.. the second you reach out to say oh no, you're not those things PAP! They get you." It's an art form, navigating people like a chess board.. takes a while.

[bloodmountain1990]

Has he been seeing someone else?

[Asker]

Ya know, i thought about that... but i really dont think so. Especially seeing how he's been since the split (well from what I've heard from mutual friends) he's been bitter, angry, depressed, he's unkept not shaving etc and that he seems paranoid. All that behavior i can't see another woman being involved. I don't know.

[bloodmountain1990]

He broke up with you yet he's bitter, angry, and depressed?

[Asker]

Exactly... either sone mental issue, or i did some unknown thing... I don't know its all very weird.