I've been with her for over a year. And for that year, I never saw any infidelity, like out with other men stuff like that but well.. Except for Lie's about what she did. I want to trust her... But I'm having a hard time.. Am I just being insecure, or is this just an instinct coming from a guy who went through that "Getting Cheated on" scenario already.
So My girl is on Vacation in Europe. Before she went there, she told me that her Ex-Boyfriend lives there but will be going to New Jersey. So I believed her...
1st day of her vacation we talked over the phone about how it is over ther. 2nd day, same thing.. 3rd day samething... 4th day, she told me she's going to a different city with some friends to meet up with old friends... and so on... 1st week on her vacation, I called her and asked jokingly.
Me: "So did you meet your ex-boyfriend there?"
Her: "Yeah, I'm with some friends right now... Ill tell you later"
Me: "oh, ok.."
Me as Me.. I let my loved ones be independent, I don't like caging them and telling them no lets talk about it now... Plus, she's on vacation, I don't want to ruin it for her... So I waited for her call... And she didn't call.. I had to texted her if she's able to talk. and then we talked...
She was basically telling me nothing happened. She and the Ex just talked and stuff... So I believed her.
Couple days later, She called me and I was glad she made an effort... Then she started telling how she's frustrated how her bestfriend keeps avoiding her... So I told her, maybe he has a girlfriend... THen she said yeah, but she's in greece... Then I said, maybe his girlfriend doesn't want him to go out... Then her reply shook my world... She said "well, She's not gonna know if he went out".. I was like, "Wow, that's not a good way of thinking things" and then, she started telling me that her girlfriend knows he goes out because he posts it on Facebook... which doesn't made sense to me anymore. she said "she's not gonna know if he went out" and then "his girlfriend knows he goest out"...
Am I being paranoid? Is this "Getting cheated on before" mentality kicking in even though probably my girlfriend hasn't done anything wrong?
I don't know what to believe... My brain, or her. Advice please.
Most Helpful Girl
Okay, well the good thing is your girlfriend is still talking to you. I think in a way you are being paranoid, because of your ex. Remember this, she's not your ex she's someone different. Your ex is your ex for whatever reason.. that means they are in the past. Her ex is her ex for whatever reason, I know she's 4000 miles away and that's gotta suck but you have to trust her.
Keep in mind while in this different country their time zones are different and she's on vacation and she's still making time to talk to you. That's a good thing. The worst thing you can do is drive someone else away from you and into the arms of someone else. Meaning, if you keep pushing and getting upset over the little evidence you have due to past baggage you may potentionally ruin your relationship. Jealousy is an ugly beast.
Therefore, I think you may be worrying a bit much. I do understand where your concern is coming from because there is an ex involved. If she said nothing happen you can either chose to believe her or chose not too but the thing is this... all healthy relationships deserve trust. That's one of the key components to a good standing solid relationship. If you question a person and get paranoid you will only do more damage than good. If you confront her and tell her you don't want her to see the ex who also happens to be a FRIEND, then you will make her feel like you guys don't have a solid foundation. You have to let go of all the baggage with your ex, relationships can't overcome ghosts.
You have to believe your heart, your brain is going to over think this to death and you'll know in your heart. If what she said about the girlfriend thing upset you approach it in a CALM resonable manner. Say to her, "i know she won't know but still he should respect her enough to inform her that you guys are just friends and you are in town on vacation. You would want me to say that to you too right?" and that way she becomes aware that its not just her wanting to spend time with her friends it puts her in the position to have to think. Just simply say to her I understand you guys wanna go out and have fun.. but I know you wouldn't like it if I did that to you. It would make you feel like I don't know I was doing something wrong. Shell get it hopefully and shell think about it.
Best of luck! I hope that helps some! just try to relax because people who want to cheat will cheat no matter what. But don't be the reason someone steps out on you because you push them away and shut them out. that's all! You can only be responsible for you. Don't be your biggest enemy.0