How to convince yourself that your ex is never coming back?

[Anonymous]

I have read shit tons of articles on how to get your ex back, what to do what not to do. Nothing seems to work and eventually all you're left is with moving on. So my question here is how do you convince yourself into thinking your ex is never coming back? How do you break this hope for good? I seriously need some answers because I am at a point where I am losing myself and taking this heartbreak harder than ever! Please help.

[Anonymous]

My honest philosophy:
I see all these posts about EXes... Why does my ex not like me? This and that about an ex... should we get back together...

An EX means.. in the past. In my life, after any break up, an EX is out of my mind. I move on almost immediately and never think of, try to contact, check up on, etc...

Breakups happen for a reason...

I'm not talking about someone who moved away... I'm talking about relationships that ended due to cheating, abuse, incompatibility and such...

Who CARES about an EX? Who cares about what an EX thinks of them?

Then "breaks"... what's that all about? all this is is an admission you can't commit in a relationship. Taking a vacation from a relationship isn't going to fly.

ALSO... getting back together after a breakup.. or chasing someone to get back together... sorry folks, the same issues are gonna be there.

This "closure" What's that about? No such thing... So what? It's over.. there is your closure.

Move on... where you found one guy/gal, there will always be more.

[sayban26]

You need to realise that every relationship is affected by choices. If they chose to leave you once there must have been some thought behind it, and there's no guarantee that he won't leave you again. Most relationships are about compatibility and the determination to hold on when you don't think you can. Instead of hoping for them to come back. Work on yourself pick up a new hobby. Travel. Soon enough you may end up meeting someone else who will make you think "Why was I ever with him?". Keep faith and move on. Life has a lot more ahead than you are holding on to.

[ChevelleBaby]

By asking yourself, how do I love myself enough to know that I am worthy and capable of finding a man better than the one I can't seem to let go?

A man who sticks by my side for better or worse and helps me help this relationship progress and grow. Once you figure out that answer, break ups will feel like a lesson learned rather than a heart break.

If you are wondering about a man and when he might be coming back or if he is ever going to come back, you have lost control in yourself as a woman and allowed yourself to become emotionally and mentally dependent on someone else rather than yourself.

During this time, work on you. Help strengthen your weaknesses and accept that things and people in life aren't forever. We are taken from each other every day and that's not in our control.

When you think a man is the reason for your security, sanity, and happiness, that's when you'll feel like you lost yourself.

[Asker]

wow your opinion really hit me hard! thanks!!! i am just so hurt that he loved me once so much he even came back to me and proposed and now after the breakup i reached out to him after 3 months because i got into a crazy car crash and he said i am sad that you didn't die, i wish you had. it really hurt me so much the reason for his hate is that he thinks i spread lies about him to his friends. This is not true at all. i tried to explain it to him he thinks i am in the wrong. i dont know what to do? if i do back off and do my own thing do you think he will come back?

[ChevelleBaby]

You are slipping again. Hold onto your value and stop letting this man talk to you and treat you like anything less.

He doesn't deserve you. You should feel thankful that he might not come back. Ill tell you what, he will come back under one condition, if you let him walk all over you and screw with your head more than he has. That's the only reason he will come back.

You will attract trash if you treat yourself like one. I know you are so much better than that. I was in your position before and when I go back and read how I sounded talking about such a scum, I was embarrassed as a woman.

One day, you'll look back and wonder why the hell you even gave him a chance.

[Asker]

you're right. because when i started addressing my concerns he used to make me feel guilty for not listening to him. how can i get over my break up? i honestly am tired. my soul is tired. i have wrecked myself completely. this was my second accident after the break up and i was hospitalized. He has screwed with my mind so much and now i am into a habit of stalking. i am tired, my soul is tired. please help me. i dont wanna feel this pain anymore. I dont wanna have this hope that he will come back. I don't know what to do. i do good one day and the other day i am miserable and fall out and start to miss him...

[ChevelleBaby]

I know how you feel coming from an abusive relationship where I felt guilty for being myself, walked on eggshells, beaten up for nothing. Im getting over it by working out and bettering myself as a person. Picking things I hated about myself and worked on them.

Do I think about him sometimes? Yes, but only because that's normal to after an abusive relationship. Its the dependency that is still there and I know by the time I am done building myself, that feeling will go away.

Seems like you were emotionally abused in that relationship. One of the hardest things to get back is your mind.

Working on yourself and focusing on you is the only way you can move on. I live my life in fear, watching my back because no restraining order or prison has kept me safe from him. I have accepted the fact that I could get killed by him or associates of his because I chose this man over my own self and well being.

[ChevelleBaby]

Please do not make the mistakes I have made. Taking him back and thinking things got better. It took him 2 and a half years to lay hands on me. Never thought he would. It started emotionally abusive, it ends in murder or suicide. Trust me.

[Asker]

omg i am sorry for what he has done to you. I really feel for you. assholes like him should be castrated! how dare he!!! but honestly you're one of the most wisest woman I've ever talk to and i am glad you're doing so well and you're at this level in your life where you realized that you're better off without him i honestly wanna achieve that! I've had it with all these headgames and mental energy that i am unable to focus on one thing even while i am driving. This is truly sad that how much power we let them have on ourselves! never again i am going to promise myself that! never again i will let any man treat me like this! i have completely lost my mind he even told me i am a loser and a failure thats why he has left me. He said i will never become a doc and he is making 6 figures while i am doing odd jobs. His words still hurt me so much. I really really truly wanna move on for good and not even worry about if he will come back or not. This is really hard for me.

[Asker]

please share with me how exactly you started changing your life around and what you did. ill be honest i have no friends at all. the ones i have theyre either in long term relationships or married with kids. whenever i ask them to hangout due to their priorities they can only see me few times in a month or two. it breaks my heart even more when i go alone to do things i see couples i end up going to the bathroom and start crying for my misery. it just fucking hurts!!!(

[ChevelleBaby]

I have a routine. I follow this routine every single day. That helps me focus on what needs to be done at all hours of the day and now I am at the point where if I skip doing something, I get thrown off. Disciplining myself is what I do. I wake up, have coffee with my mother or by myself, I go take a walk OUTSIDE (fresh air is very therapeutic), come home make my lunch (add the calories, fats, carbs, protein... etc), do house chores, gym, go home make dinner, hang out with my parents (parents are the greatest friends to have), go back to the gym or out with friends if they are busy then I go out alone or watch a movie. I surround myself with positive vibes. Funny movie, funny people, make new friends, laugh as much as I can, I draw, listen to music (nothing sad), study, plan my future, anything positive nothing negative. I also don't do things my ex and I did when we first broke up. That's just torture. Now I am able to do those things and I spend my time praying for people like him.

[ChevelleBaby]

Basically finding some things to do and focusing on the details of it. Train your mind back to normal. If I walk, I count how many cracks in the sidewalk I have walked over, I have a fitbit so I continuously check the progress I am making, I do anything as small as that giving my mind no room to think about him.

[Asker]

Wow you go alone to the movies? I don't know why I never felt I could do that alone. I am sorry love you've been through so much and I am very happy that you made this progress for yourself! I am gonna start doing that for myself too from this point on!!! I am not gonna let my self delude in this break up anymore I Am a valuable human being and I have had guys before who treated me so nice and I do deserve better. Thanks for your uplifting words! I am sure great things are on the way for you. When did you break up with him? How long have you been doing this routine?

[Asker]

by the way I just added you couple mins ago. I'd like to be friends with you. You seem so wise I love this positivity about you!!! Where are you from?

[ChevelleBaby]

You are absolutely right. Keep speaking highly of yourself and be your own motivator. Don't give up. If you could handle that asshole for as long as you did, getting over him will be nothing. I willadd you when I get back home. I am about to start driving. Feel free to message me anytime you need a friend

[Asker]

Thanks love I will most definitely! Thanks for motivating me really I am going to stop moping around and take control of my life and do things that I love. But yday I saw his friend at the gym and I kinda gained weight after the break up he saw me and laughed and left I am sure he told my ex. This kinda shit makes me go back to shit feelings and I cried again.. how do I cope up when things like that happen? How can I feel
Confident again?

[ChevelleBaby]

It seems impossible to get out of that funk and do it but that's where disciplining yourself comes in. Force yourself to just get up and do it. Don't think about it. Your confidence will boost as you are building yourself up. Once you start working on yourself, everything else will come into place.

[ChevelleBaby]

He is going to be sorry when you are done working on yourself physically and mentally. Use his ignorance as motivation to work out. That's the best revenge when your ex sees how great you are doing without him.

[Asker]

I don't think he cares at all or will even keep tabs on me. He hates me every way possible. I didn't do shit today. I am so unproductive I am letting this shit suck me in. God I hate myself I am feel so depressed and unaccomplished at the moment I feel like killing myself :( I have these swings like one day I am doing great and other day I am sitting here stalking him and crying.. this sucks ughhh I feel like I am losing interest in everything even my goals and all.. it all seems useless

[ChevelleBaby]

Think about it this way, he is the one who caused you to feel this way, to cry, to feel worthless, to screw up your life, so why would you want to even think about someone like that? Its going to be hard, really hard. I believe you are strong enough to get through this. Stop dwelling and start doing stuff for yourself by yourself.

[Asker]

You know what hurts me the most. Is that I have this hope that he will come back. I know now when all the bridges are burnt why do I still have this hope? Why can't I accept it?

[ChevelleBaby]

It is going to take time to repair your mind. Stop hoping he will. That's like saying you hope someone completely screws your life up. Focus on YOU.

[Asker]

ok so you know how i reached out to him a week ago about the accident and how he replied and then i replied back saying i didn't do the fake profile thing spreading rumors. Anyway, so last night he completely deleted his whatsapp like his contact is no where to be found. I even checked with a friends number he has deleted his account. I thought he changed his numbers but he didn't because one of my friends called him as a random number. Do you think he's thinking about the email i wrote him and possibly deleted his whatsapp? he's been traveling a lot to random states and he works full time in IT, so they need whatsapp for IT.. i m not sure why he would do that?

[ChevelleBaby]

why do you even care? You are only torturing yourself.

[Asker]

I don't know why my heart is not being settled to let him go. I feel like this is not the end! I really want him back I honestly cannot focus at all on anything

[ChevelleBaby]

because you haven't tried to focus on yourself. Like I said before, you have to force yourself to work on you. Discipline yourself.

[Asker]

i am trying i am working out and all.. but its the thoughts that are torturing me so much!! i dont even stalk him anymore:(

[ChevelleBaby]

You're going to think of him. Its going to be hard, never said it was easy. Start by going to a gym other than the one he goes to. You have to force yourself to work on you. That's the only way you can get out of this otherwise you will back into his trap.

[Asker]

i dont go to his gym. its just the thoughts that he is always on my mind

[ChevelleBaby]

He will be. That's how it is after abuse. You have to be stronger though. One day you'll feel too drained out to think about him.

[Asker]

I know it's been a while but like I said I'd update you. So here it is, you told me if I don't pay him any attention he will think of me or whatever. Recently I found out he left the country and I have no idea where he went. His number isn't working and I can't even ask his friends otherwise they'll be like it's been 6 months and she's still not over him yet. I was doing so well up until this point. It's like I went back to square one :( I just wanna know where he is! I don't know what to do. Can you suggest something?

[Jassssmine]

I think it's more you have to have the mindset you don't want them to come back. Trust me, having been through it, you broke up for a reason. Clearly something wasn't working. As soon as you start to look at it positively I. e. Look at what I learnt from this experience, I'm much better off after the fact, that's when you'll start to move on.

I spent a year chasing my ex only to realise how much of a dick he was and how much I change do to try and suit him. I was scared of being alone, but slowly and surely started to see things that, 'in the moment' I didn't see before. I realised I was a Better person than that. Get yourself back on the bandwagon and you'll be fine. Go on tinder, it's always a bit of fun haha... you never know who you'll meet!

[Asker]

How long ago was ur break up? And did you ended up finding someone else? And did your ex ever come back to you?

[Jassssmine]

This was a few years ago now.
Yeah I did after... actually on tinder haha
No and I'm really glad they didn't. Only after did I realise how much time I wasted chasing them for no reason

[Asker]

oh wow yeah i know i can move on but i am unable to do so... we supposed to get married. it just hurts how he is accusing me that i made fake profile and talked shit about him to his friends. i just dont know anymore :(

[Krystal821]

It took me a few years to realize he wasn't coming back. But now I'm thankful he didn't. He's not good in relationships. He's a good friend and father, but that's it.

I'm sorry if you're having a hard time. My divorce was the single most difficult thing I've ever been through. I was raising my daughter who at the time was 8 months old. Over the period of the next year, although I took care of her, I do not remember that time. I have pictures I took that don't even jog my memory. That is the only thing that still makes me mad and sad 9 years later. So much lost time with my daughter.

Hang in there. It will get better.

[Anonymous]

I have been in a 8 year relationship and months ago we broke up. It didn't hit me till the 3rd day. I was devastated. even thot about ending my life. I forgot how how to live. 2 months passed by.. i still wasn't able to stand on my own. My ex completely cut off all ties with me. Which killed me even more. Finally after 85 days, i stared talking to someone (mainly to forget my ex).. something magical happened, this person was so similar to my ex that he was able to make me forget him. But i found out this isn't loving him but my excuse to find my ex in someone else. So slowly i forced myself to know this guy better and like him for who he is.

[Opinion Owner]

Finally i got my life on track. Its been 4 months. And i am finally happy. Last Sunday, my ex messaged me on facebook. Saying he misses and wishes there was a way for us to get back together. Even in some parallel universe 😂
As much as my heart jumped, i cannot hurt this person who helped me through out this situation. Anyways my point is, you cannot get over or forget someone who you love so dearly. Its not possible for most human brains. But it doesn't give u an excuse to stop your life! Get out there. Find a person who has similar interests as u. Try to become friends with them.. than slowly think about relationship or what ever. Reason why i am saying become friends 1st : when you are friends, expectations are less so that will give u the window to share all your feelings etc and which in most cases create stronger bonds etc.
If you don't force yourself to move on... you will be stuck forever. Cut him off completely. Get him out of your head!! Get a good night sleep!

[Opinion Owner]

Wake up in the morning and say "today is a new day"... trust me, you will see drastic change.
I hope you feel better
Good luck

[Asker]

I am really glad you're doing so much better !!! But I kinda fucked up my own shit. This guy broke up with me first in November and for a whole month he didn't talk to me then he came back and proposed to me and met my parents and told them he's ready to marry me. Then after a month he gave his moms excuse and dumped me. I reached out to him after 3 months explaining all the misunderstandings he said he moved on and then told my friends to tell me to stop contacting him I got pissed and told him to talk to me directly then we both got into a fight where he called me out on my career and said I am a loser that I have no real goals and I can never become a doc and he makes 6 figures and he blocked me everywhere after that. Then last week I got into an accident I reached out again he said he hates me so much and he is sad that I didn't die and he doesn't care about it and wished death on me. He said I spread rumors and lies about him to his friends that he's a hoe and a rapist.

[Asker]

I am
Not sure where this all coming from? And I tried to tell him I didn't do any fake profiles to talk to his friends or whatever he claims and to that he goes I don't believe you now get lost. I have been hurt so much it just kills me I got into an accident twice after the break up and last week I completely totaled my car and was at the hospital. I really need help and he's unable to understand. Do you think if I do my thing and move on he will come back?

[Opinion Owner]

Im sorry to hear that. Don't do this to yourself. But once he sees u move on, trust me it will trigger something in him which will most likely lead him to get in touch with u. Don't do it for him.. do it for yourself. Also if he loved you even a bit, he will remember you and will try to contact you. It's just a matter of time. Don't lose hope.

[Anonymous]

I was in this situation in the past. I can understand the pain of not enjoying life and just getting through each day until you think he'll come back. The only way I finally came to the realisation that he wasn't coming back was by asking him out straight, did he ever see a future where we'd be together again and he said no. The pain is very difficult, it will feel like the initial break up again for a bit but after that it really does get better and a new wonderful happy life will begin. Never let a guy tell you he doesn't want you more than once. Be strong girl 💪❤️

[Asker]

He has some misunderstanding that i am spreading rumors about him after the break up. I reached out to him again because i got into a very bad car crash and to that he said he hates me a lot and he is sad that i didn't die and he wished i died. I was so hurt, he said i spread rumors saying he's a hoe and a rapist. i never did and i am not sure where is this all coming from? i dont know whats going on anymore. i feel so lost and hurt...

[Opinion Owner]

It doesn't sound like this guy even deserves you then. Look, I get that it's very hard to see right now but you want someone who loves you and will look out for you. One day you will realise that him breaking up with you was a blessing in disguise.

[Asker]

he broke up with me once before where he didn't talk to me for a month and then he came back after a month saying he missed me a lot and want me back i gave him a chance and in less than a month we fell through again and its been 4 months since we have been broken up and now he is being very spiteful and hates me because of this mess! i just dont even know how to stop making him hate me or even an apology would suffice it. how can someone ever wish death upon someone? no matter how much someone hurts me i would never wish that upon them until and unless theyre putting a knife on my neck!

[Opinion Owner]

Remove yourself from him completely. He is extremely unhealthy for you right now so drop him from your life completely and go out and be a success in your own. Try new things, reach your goals, be happy and that will be the greatest revenge of all. Trust me, get away from that guy NOW. Know your worth, never low somebody to make you feel so small.

[Asker]

I was going to be married to him that's why this is hurting me so much. He met my parents and all we even decided the date. This is really hurtful how he went from respecting me so much to hating me like this. I feel so lost and my soul is just so tired at this point.. I have not being concentrating on my life I have become a wreck after this break up. This was my second accident I have gained weight I didn't even apply to grad schools :( how can I forget him every time I go out I think of him. It's like I am there but cannot seem to forget him. He's on my mind constantly. I miss what we used to have before.. those memories and everything.. this is painful :(

[Anonymous]

I had this, I just couldn't get over him. But I did. I discovered this site named postmalesyndrom and it really helped me. I will leave some articles of her below and I hope it helps you too.

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[drearyroses]

Omg I did the same thing as you a year ago! I even subscribed to a daily email on how to get your ex back. Nothing works, like what you said.
I suggest you go out with friends. Lots of friends. You'll slowly forget him and hopefully (I'm sure you will!) find someone better :)

[LovelyAddiction7]

What I do after a break up is cut off all ties completely. I delete his number and erase him from all mu social media. You can also make a couple of exciting changes to your life, doesn't have to be anything crazy. You can always talk to new people to get him out of your mind.

[MaineEvent]

I've been in that denial phase for a year. I did everything, become friends with him again and eventually try to rebuild what was broken.
But what woke me up was when he actually showed signs of interest to my best friend while knowing I still liked him. I realized that it was a losing battle and I have to give up for myself.

Sometimes you just have to see how happy he is with someone else because he wouldn't be that way with you again :(

[Anonymous]

Get a rebound-fwb! It's okay as long as your rebound doesn't expect more from you and if you don't accidentally fall in love with him.

What also works a little: tell your girlfriends everything about him that you can't stand. Research has shown that talking positively about a crush with friends increases the amount of feelings you have for that crush. Convincingly doing the opposite may help reducing feelings instead.

[Asker]

Girl he isn't talking to me because of that because he is assuming that i spread lies and rumors about him that he's a hoe and also a rapist. I reached out to him last week coz I was in a bad car crash and he said he's sad that I didn't die and wished I was dead..

[mjz00]

Hi, so it sounds like you have tried to get him back? who initiated the break up? how long ago? has he given any little signs he may come back? What would you say is the most hurtful thing he has done to you? xx

[Asker]

He initiated the break up 4 months ago. I thought it was due to a misunderstanding we were going to get married and all and out of the blue he broke up giving his mom as an excuse. Then he told his friends I was pressuring him into marriage which was again not true because he broke up first time in November and for a whole month he didn't talk to me and he came back and pursued me again and said wanted to marry me. Anyway so I reached out to him in March and he was very rude and mean to me he called me out on my career saying I am a loser and he makes 6 figures. Then I was also mean and said some mean things to him too and he blocked me everywhere. Then again a week ago I got into a pretty bad accident and I emailed him and he said to stop and that he is sad I didn't die and he wishes I was dead. He also said I was spreading lies and rumors about him that he sleeps around and is a rapist. I was very hurt and now I just wanna move on. I don't know what's going on anymore or how to even explain

[TrumpSupporter]

Realize wasting your energy on this person is like sending shit into a black hole and you need to send that energy elsewhere to find someone else you can ACTUALLY be with. You're just passing up actual chances by wasting your energy on your ex.

[Chanel1981]

The question is, why do you want him back? Everything happens for a reason, best to move on to someone more deserving!

[Mega_illuminati]

try and indulge in some activities. Hiking, etc. More importantly, try to get some pet. It helps a lot.

[Ruchit13567]

look everyone have a different opinion. but at the end you are the one taking decision. and let me tell you one thing that whatever you choose to do just dont gone regret it. thats the key for happiness

[Warmapplecrumble]

Date other men and find another crush or lover, simple really :-)

[es20490446e]

https://youtu.be/tmIgQktGml0

[sumeet04]

simple it is...
accept the fact he is gone and he did it knowingly.
and you deserve a better life..
i can help you more if you want to talk.. reply

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

It will only take time. How much time? I don't know.

[DorianGrey417]

In my experience, fuck his best friend. Breaks all emotional ties. But that's just me. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

You don't "convince" yourself you accept the fact that your ass isn't wanted.

[chieechuu]

Keep calm and move on... He ll come back for sure