My girlfriend cheated on me and lied to me for 5 years about it. What should I do?

First of all hello ladies. I'm just gonna start by saying thank you for any comments or help in advance. I know I'm just gonna sound like a real creep or something but I can assure you I'm not now with that out of the way let us begin...

Me and my Girlfriend haven been dating a little bit over 5 years and I recently have been thinking about settling down and getting married. Everything was fine until my birthday. I go out drinking with our friends and her, everyone leaves early and goes home but me and one of her friends (lets call her Z). Z lives a block behind my house and me and her have become close friends through the years so taking her home is no night deal. On the car ride home in a drunken haze Z confesses to e that my Girlfriend cheated on me over 4 years ago and could not keep that secret anymore "your a great f***ing Guy and you don't deserve to be lied to for all these years". Obviously I was in total disgust that (A) she cheated on me and lied to me for over 4 years about it and (B) that her two best friends knew about it the whole time...her best friends are Z And O...I confronted all three of them my Gf, Z, And O the following day only the finally realize it was all true...my girlfriend broke down into tears and gave the same typical "got caught cheating boyfriend routine" I'm sorry blah blah blah I love you blah blah blah...in my stupidity I forgave her...but I never forgot what I felt that day...in September it will be my one year anniversary of my heart being broken and flushed down the toilet...I have never done anything to anyone to ever deserve this...I'm a 29 Guy who strongly believes in karma...now to make matters even better her friend O has been making strong sexual passes at me..now before you all judge me..let me say this very clear...I have NEVER CHEATED IN ANY RELATIONSHIP...EVER...I am as loyal as they come and will be stick with you through everything but this is a new alley way for me...now I'm not gonna sit her and tell you that her best friend O isn't hot...she's a knockout in my eyes but then again I'm a ugly fat ass...either way I've got a tough decision to make should I sleep with O as payback for what my Grrrr did to me and if so how do you think O will react?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know this question is old, but I am gonna answer anyway. First off it happened 4 years ago and if you can actively remember how your relationship was than I would guess that things were not satisfying on some level. Cheating is not the end of a relationship. Having an long term affair is another story, but she cheated and you move on. Yes it hurts to find out, in fact if sucks big time. Revenge cheating only makes it worse. My partner cheated on me for a period of time. It was awful to find out, but when we looked at the situation and some of the things that were said by me to him then I realized it was both parties at fault. It is never one side completely to blame, unless the person has a sexual addiction or is just a compulsive cheater. If she can open up to you and tell you why she cheated you can learn a lot and your relationship can grow. It has been 20 days since you posted this, so who knows what kind of drama could have gone down, but trust me it may be worth it too look into the big picture not just one event.

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What Girls Said 32

  • I think you should get out of this trouble (by this I mean your relationship and her friends)...

    Revenge won't make you feel better, neither will change how dishonest your girlfriend was/is (by the way, she said that she loves you, but I totally doubt because I don't see how someone that loves the partner can cheat... =/ Truth is that she didn't respect you..)

    Your ideas about her friend, will only bring MORE problems, and you would become a cheater too...

    So what's the point?!

    If you think you didn't deserve this, and you can't forgive without thinking about revenges, broke up and move on. Good luck in your decision.

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  • Oh no no no no love, you can't stoop down to her level. You either gotta forgive her totally or dump her sorry ass. No in betweens, and that is the hardest part... I struggle with that too. Was the years spent with your woman regrettable or enjoyable? Yeah, being cheated on was a tough cookie to chew on, and those feelings will probably never go away. But here's the deal, you gotta look at it at face value. If you still love her, and want to marry her, you gotta put the past aside. But the glory of this is, your in the right, you did nothing wrong -- as of yet, so If you feel that what she did was unforgivable- don't waste your time trying to hurt your feelings. You just gotta trust your heart, some people can forgive cheating, and some cant.. Which one are you? best of luck dear.

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  • Honey, I spent 4 years with a cheater - he lied and contacted girls behind my back - pretended he was single on an online dating site. We were engaged THREE TIMES. Finally I kicked him to the curb. I didn't even have to ready your posting to know that you need to get rid of this toxic woman. She is playing you. If you have not moved on - PLEASE DO. I know it's hard - you are so emotionally involved but if you let your HEAD make a smart decision. you will look back on this and wonder why you didn't leave a LONG LONG time ago! Hugz.

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  • yeah I've never cheated on anyone either. I've been cheated on so I know how the hurt feels, how it takes time to get over that person but I never could forgive him in the end though.

    i'd honestly just let her go and find another one. seriously

    i don't like liars

    i caught one of the guys I dated about him dating another girl at the same time, I was not happy and he was not happy at the end of it either. cheaters don't win in the end.

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  • NOO! don't lower yourself to what your girlfriend did to u! that O girl has always liked u. I knew it from when you started saying she told you in the car about your girlfreind cheating on u! because only soneone that likes you would say something so late. if she saw you wanted to marry her she wanted to change your mind. and I know it hard and you prob want to have sex with O jus for payback AND because she's hot but dude don't do it! if anytyhing dump your girl if you can't live with it. but don't let taht girl keep teasing u! she's doing it too because she knows you were mad and can prob do it to get back at your girl. and she likes that you are loyal and wants to break that!

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  • LEAVE

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  • 2 wrongs really don't make a right, don't lower your morals to hers. what goes around comes around in the end. leave her tho if you can't forgive her, or you will end up bitter x

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  • Hell no you don't sleep with anyone if you love her! It happened 4 years ago and as long as it hasn't happened recently and doesn't happen again, just let it be. 4 or more years ago, think about that, you both have matured and grown closer since then. You were still in a "newish" relationship then. Just bite the bullet if you love her and do what you should do... Forgive! But DO NOT EVER, and I do mean EVER, throw it up in her face. Good Luck!

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    • I'm sorry but I have to disagree with you here. Women are so quick to tell other women to dump their man if he cheats but as soon as they find out it was the woman who cheated, suddenly it's all about forgiveness. Whether a person cheated yesterday or 10 years ago that doesn't change the hurt and pain their partner will feel when they find out. Even though she cheated 4 years ago it still hurts because she kept it from him. Just because the relationship was "newish" doesn't excuse what she did.

    • And I think if she truly loved and respected him she would have told him the truth because it's not fair to keep things like that from your partner. No he shouldn't ever cheat to get revenge because that would make him just as bad, but he's not obligated to forgive a betrayal. He even called himself stupid for doing so.

    • I'm a woman that has been cheated on, and I didn't find out for 7 years. I forgave because he was truly sorry, and because the bible tells me to forgive, so do not place me in the catagory of the women you are speaking of.

  • No. You should not sleep with O - think about it, the friend of the girl you cheated on, who knew she was cheating and didn't tell you.. Coming onto you for a rebound, this does not sound like a clean girl. Be aware of your emotional and mental state, and use your best judgment as you see fit for yourself but I strongly suggest that you avoid this type of thing. As you are the faithful and honorable type, in the long run it may hurt you more to use a girl like that, even though she may be asking for it. You are better than that - you stay better than that, don't sink to her level.

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  • NO ABSOLUTELY DO NOT SLEEP WITH O!

    At the moment, you have the moral high ground. All you are doing if you sleep with your girl's friend is bringing yourself down to her level.

    It doesn't matter if you are angry, stay true to yourself. Would you usually sleep around? No. So don't change now!

    It happened to me too. After a year, I moved on. I loved him yes, but that just wasn't something that I could build a relationship on. There are plenty of others out there! You sound like an awesome person, so go searching, be yourself, and don't change for anyone.

    Good luck!

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  • don't do it dude it's not worth it believe me, I am a girl and I have been dating my boyfriend for about 5 years now! every time I'm alone with his one friend he kisses me, I never told my boyfriend but I never kiss him back in fact I kicked his ass out my flat the last time he did that and he never came back. I feel bad about doing that and I don't think getting even is the best thing to do, maybe move on with our life and get someone who des. you for you! my boyfriend treats me really bad when there is other people around and sometimes when we alon also but I don't thin anyone even he des. to be cheated on, its crewl and "slutty"

    P.S I do feel slutty even if I didn't do anything. do the right thing and be the better person!

    GOOD LUCK!

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  • k so its been almost a year since you found out and you're still devastated. its not going away, its making you want to do things youd never do, to hurt her, to boost your self-esteem (which you know it wont). you need to just get out while you still have some sense of pride.

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  • Doing that won't make the situation any better, and you'll probably feel like sh*t. I'm sure it would make her jealous, but why not just leave her and find a good relationship. If you're willing to cheat on her, you lose the right to ever be mad about what she did to you.

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  • Okay I'm not in the age range from 25-29 bu like to believe that I'm pretty muture for my age. So this is my opinion. If she cheated on u, she doesn't diserve someone as sweet as u. However if ur thinking of cheating on her for payback, that's wrong. But ur right she still cheated on u. but if you cheat on her, you have droped to her level.There's an old saying "if you fight fire with fire you will get burned" If you sleep with her best friend she's likely to find out. and you would regret it for the rest of ur life. So in my opinion, Don't sleep with O to get back at ur gf. Because you WILL regret it...

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  • No payback as that won't help, what was her excuse? If not good enough I would for sure leave her no matter how much you love her, you deserve better. She should have told you to begin with, then explain why. We are human and we all do mistakes but come on what did she expect! Hope it helps

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  • Revenge is never good because it doesn't only hurt you but also hurts O and your girlfriend you should try to get past it or if that's all you can think about maybe you're not supposed to be with your girlfriend because that's the only thought you have of her now

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  • Two rights make a wrong! You have to question her "friends" motive for revealing her friends secret after all this time. You are not at fault for her cheating, but the answer isn't in her "friend"! The best revenge you can get. if that's what you're into at this point"...is to get on with YOUR life. Leave her friend in the shadows where she belongs! Because if she would betray her "friend" she would betray you in any imaginable way.

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    • Two rights make a wrong? I'm not trying to be mean. I just want to know if that's what you meant to write.

  • Sleeping with O will only mean you lowered yourself to your girlfriends ways.Revenge only makes you look as bad as the person you're seeking revenge against:)))

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  • You need to forgive her and get over it so you can move on with the relationship or get out of the relationship if she is not trustworthy. Sleeping with someone else will not make you or her feel better. The cycle of cheating will never end. Sorry there is no gray in this problem its black or white. You are either 100% in the relationship or 100% out.

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  • Leave. It's simple. She lied for 5 months about it. Trust me she'll do it again. Those types are hearless. Definately move on.

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  • O is a horrible friend and if I was a guy I wouldn want to f*** a girl whod do that to their so called best friend shows you what kind of character she has

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  • what should you do? ditch that bitch. cheating isn't good revenge, don't even think about it...makes you look probably worse lmao...pretty easy question to answer

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  • No ...don't sleep with her. Or have any contact with

    The best thing you can do right know is to forget about them ...especially your girlfriend :)

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  • if he still z v other man...dump her man...she won't change...but if that is history and she didn't do it again..then forgive her if you wan...

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  • she doesn't value you. she WILL do it again. break up

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  • If ur thinking about cheating on her, you don't love her. Just leave her already.

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  • It's been five years. Forget about it.

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  • THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES.. DONT DO IT ESPECIALLY IF EVERYTHIN IS FINE WIT UR GF

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    • Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnn

      Any1 else's heart skip a beat when you saw the brown haired girl

  • noooooooo! I understand that you are angry and you totally have that right. She was so wrong for doing that but walk out of the relaionship with her looking like the ass and not you too being even. And I agree with lilxmamaxbad. O is a horrible person for coming on to you but you will be no better ifyou sleep with her.

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  • Don't do anything out of revenge, its not healthy. Look at Hamlet from Shakespeare. Haha. That might be a big stretch but really, payback isn't going to help you move on with your life.

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What Guys Said 20

  • So your girlfriend cheated on you. And here is Z, confessing it to you while O tries to pick up your sexual interest in her by being flirtatious.

    These girls have hit rock bottom in my view. I guess when you meet your girlfriend's friends, they somehow share the same thoughts and do the same routines, and think it's legit despite how bad it is. They evidently have no morality, and no respect for other's feelings. I'd say they're selfish - they go for what they want and don't care whether it affects anyone else.

    At first I thought you should bang the crap out of O. Seduce her and take her to bed. Tell her lies that you broke up with your girl. But come to think of it, that will make you just as bad as them. You will drop to their level and drama will come your way. O will tell your girl about it, and then sh*t will hit the fan.

    The better choice would be the logical - dump your girlfriend and start moving on, right now. She threw the 5 years down the drain - time to find a new girl who'll take it seriously and respect you. Drop all ties with O, Z, and your ex. They're not good enough for your company.

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  • I wouldn't do anything for revenge. If you feel like the relationship is worth saving and trust can be re-established then I would try and work it out. If you cheat too, then you'll be no better than she is although it might feel justified at the time. You'll look back and realize that it would be an empty victory and regret it.

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  • Hello..

    ASK HER flat out why she would tell you NOW and hurt you like this.. she MUST have know telling you would cause you pain.. once you have your answer then you need to move on.. YOU CANNOT marry a women you cannot trust its just that simple.. you will spend the next 50 years sleeping with one eye open..

    find the strengh to do so and walk away..

    Good Luck.. your going to need it

    - Chris

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  • Are you in love with each other? If not, sleep with hot girl.

    Did she cheat more than once? If so, sleep with hot girl.

    If you haven't slept with hot girl yet... you have the upper hand on a girl who loves you. You need to let it go if there's going to be any future with her.

    The fact is that you feel like you're owed sex with a really hot girl. If you just forgive her and let it go... which means NOT bringing it up when it suits you... she will probably never forget that. I'm guessing she would be more motivated to please you.

    If you sleep with the hot girl then you and your girl will fight and break up... and by the time that happens you will have thrown away a lot of sex. Is it worth it? See questions 1 and 2 for the answer.

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  • O is some sort of prize, going after her best friend's man like this. NO DOUBT she'll tell EVERYONE about it, so be prepared for that.

    My advice would be to steer clear of O and also dump your girlfriend if you can't get over this event that happened 4 YEARS ago...

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  • yes f*** the friend, not to get revenge because your a man, you like this girl and your girlfriend should mean absolutely nothing to you, f*** the friend even date her if you want, you have to have some boundaries in your relationship you obviously don't like the cheating and on top of that she lied to you for five f***ing years, you should enforce your boundaries even if that means leaving. she has no no no none respect for you, why? because she doesn't have to, have some self respect...

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  • Over 4 years ago?

    Think about the statute of limitations and prescription in Penal Law: link

    Prescription is only non existent for crimes against Humanity, usually when judged by international courts)

    Committing the same 'crime' doesn't help anything.

    I did put myself over it and pardoned that girl. (I did more than pardon her , but that's not the subject here)

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  • She cheated once 4 years back and her friends know about it. How was your relationship at that time? How do you know that she has not cheated after that? How do you know that she will not cheat again?

    All these doubts will keep plaguing you.

    Break up with her and go out with O.

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  • if you belive in karma then what is the difference between your girlfriend and you! their won't be in any differince

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  • "An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind" -Gandhi

    revenge only adds more. forgiveness washes it away.

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  • Just leave her on the street like the rest of your trash and never look back. Revenge, jealousy, spite, and all of those sorts of things are only going to make you look stupid and petty (and rightfully so).

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  • You believe strongly in karma and yet your first instinct is revenge?

    I'm sorry but you disgrace the belief of karma. DO NOT DISHONOR YOURSELF.

    Be a man, take it, and either dump her or forgive her. You can't patch a torn heart by tearing another hole.

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  • Well what happened? What did you decide?

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  • Yes definitely cheat on her and let her catch you in the act. After all its only fair. And remember there are many fish in the sea.

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  • You've got 2 choices. That's all

    A) Dump the lying whore

    B) Screw her friend O. Over and over and over. Let your girlfriend find out, and see if SHE GIVES YOU THE SAME FORGIVENESS THAT You GAVE HER

    then all will be well don't listen to any of these stupid girl responses man I know what I'm talking about

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  • Stay away from her. Completely. Anyone who is going to cheat on you for that long, will do it again.

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  • Dude. If she's hot go for it. Don't get petty and get caught in the tit for tat game with your girlfriend though.

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  • just leave her and move on. that sucks I would still have feelings for her sure but I couldn't allow myself to love her

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  • Its not really a problem you have a free card, you can stay with her and sleep with other girls now its a win situation...and she can't really complain because she is a hypocrit if she does...

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  • here is what you send her an anonymous email. of you and a girl .. obviously, not her.. having sex . in the email write something claiming ur that girl in the pictures. and that you have played her into having sex with you blah blah and then left her.. probably she will believe this thing... then later some time she will decide to confront you ... you see how she will react and act the way she did when you caught her ... make it look like its multiples of girls .. anyway if you dnt want to cheat on her you can search the net for such pictures... in the end you see if she forgives you ... if she doesnt.. then you confess and break up with her :D... that's just an idea :P

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