I pushed away and ghosted my girlfriend because I am feeling depressed?

[Anonymous]

i have been having emotional issues, not enjoying thing i used to enjoy and i just feel dull toward my relationship. one time i argued with my girlfriend and I want to isolate myself so i just ghosted her. when she tried to make contact with me, i ignored her text messages. i know it wasn't the right thing to do but i just couldnt help it, deep inside i still miss her and i feel bad for the pain i caused her. now after 7 months. i saw from her facebook that she has dated a new guy and i really feel like shit and i am really crying right now. can someone please talk to me to make me feel better because it is so painful and i have no friend to talk to because i isolated myself so much that we dont contact anymore, please thank you.

Updates

+1 y

hello everyone. thank you for all your feedbacks. i messaged her yesterday, and she replied me this morning. she said what has passed, is passed. she told me to be happier and dont isolate myself too much. then she told me to take care. i think she has already moved on with her new boyfriend and I am so sad. i talked to my sister about it, she thinks that I contacted her all of a sudden is because i see her with a new boyfriend, that is why i have the urge to contact her after six months

Updates

+1 y

it is true that i felt upset when i see her pictures with another guy but that is because i never really said break up with her. all i said was told her that i need some space and sometime alone. and my sister said that is indirectly what breakup means. i really didn't mean breakup alone, i was to meant i want sometime alone. do you think she will think i contacted her because of this? because it really isnt!

[OlderAndWiser]

1. Accept the reality of this situation: she is gone and she won't be coming back to you.

2. Learn your lessons from this experience. As difficult as it seems, being in a relationship means that you consider someone else's feelings just as much as you consider your own feelings. That is something you simply MUST do in a successful relationship.

3. Don't use a relationship to try to escape your depression. Someone else can distract you for a while but they cannot cure your depression. Expecting too much from your partner can kill a relationship.

4. Being in a relationship with someone else who has similar problems may be more comfortable for you.

[Asker]

thank you for the input. i m not sure if she is hurt so bad so she want someone else as a substitute. that guy looks like the opposite type of me, in which it doesn't fit what she want because she wants to settle down and not with a bad boy type since they are not serious. i know it is a lesson learned and i am trying but this mental issue problem is not easy for me to control. i also worry that if i do get her back, i can't control my emotions and i dont fall in love that easily, this is why i am at my late 20s, she is my first girlfriend because i dont find girl just ebcause i am lonely or just for the hell of it.

[ace9881]

Hey its okay, focus on yourself and get through this, There is nothing wrong in what u did, though next time just try communicating to avoid further self pain. You will be okay mate just focus on the reason why you did this in the first place and try overcoming it. If you still need someone to talk to you can talk with me.

[Asker]

thank you. i feel like there is no going back when she is with the guy. i feel even if i do go back and explain myself, it will already be too late. she had many options to choose guys that are better than me but she chose me at the end thats how we got started and this is what i am giving back at her. i feel like i m a retarded asshole. she is always somewhat of an extrovert type while i am a 100% introvert, so during our relationship i always have this constant worry that i am not interesting enough for her and she will leave me but never told her because women hates it when men shows insecurities and weakness but this has been burning inside for 2 and a half year. on top of stress from work, i guess i just snapped.

[ace9881]

Its okay not everyone is perfect, as thefavchild said try apologizing to her, it will be off your chest and you will get some closure. And for now you can take your time off, dont be too hard on yourself for things that happened in the past, try focusing where you are, focus literally on objects , dont let your thoughts spiral into negativity, think of things that you are thankful for, coz most times we dont appreciate the things we have, hang out with friends, or take up a new hobby, listen to music, hit the gym to take out your frustration.

[Asker]

i want to apologize too but i m not sure my intention. i might push her away again since i can't control my feeling sometimes, and on top of that i have no interests in things, including a relationship but i do miss her and care about her, i dont know how to say, i still love her thats for sure, i just dont know how to apologize to her. can you please give some suggestions on what i should really say? thank yyou!

[ace9881]

Tell her the truth, tell her what you have said in the question, and apologize for not replying to her text. But do this at your own pace maybe when you have recovered.

[Asker]

ok... i will try to tell her when i m ready. i just hope she doesn't think i m bullshiting her because she doesn't think i have this issue. she do know i often dont smile a lot and always look unhappy and i m getting skinnier and skinnier. thank you very much for all your opinions man!

[ace9881]

no problem mate :)

[Anonymous]

try talking to her, if she loved you chances are she'll come back. but, and I'm speaking with experience, ghosting can really hurt. because my ex broke up with me and blocked me didn't even give a reason why. we were great but all of a sudden he just finished it off with me two weeks after a fight. girls feel very hurt they feel betrayed they feel worthless when guys do this to us. it is the cruelest thi. g anyone can do to someone who loves them. I now hate my ex because of this. but talk to her because you had some depression problems. maybe she'll understand.

[Asker]

Thanks for the comment. yes, i know i have hurt her and i am guilty of it. what if you know your ex ghosted you because he feels depressed? will you forgive him for what he has done? i just kinda snapped lately, because she did pressure me about marriage and kids, which i can't afford anytime soon and that feeling of uselessness of not being a man because i can't handle his woman's happiness. but i can't tell her or she will look down on me even more so this is why even i have ghosted her, i actually really want to talk to her.

[Opinion Owner]

omg. my ex didn't give me a proper reason but from the one message he sent me he was indirectly sayi. g the same thing. that right now he's just 20 and that I and my family and his family were expecting tpo much from him. he also is going through the same depression. but hpnestly, I hate him for this. I feel like he's weak and he tppk me for granted and that he's not man enough and he got scared because of responsibilities. I look down on him. I dont know if your ex is of the same thinking. maybe she doesn't feel this way. but exact same thing led my ex to break up with me and I hate him now. but don't give up. try talking to her. if you can get her to forgive you. because I feel if he apologized to me enough I MAY be able to forgive him. but I just want him apologizing and I won't take him back. but maybe your ex is different. she may forgive you. there's no harm in trying.

[Opinion Owner]

my ex said to me that we all are expecting too much and that he didn't want to marry until he's settled but after all the pressure from his parents and me, whereas I never pressured him I just loved him but i guess he took my love as a pressure too. he broke up with me. and I just think of him as weak and worthless and that he isn't mature enough. I know he's depressed but I dont think I care why he made me depressed. he indirectly took all his depression out on me. but hey im me. maybe your ex has a different personality. do give it your best shot and leave it upto fate

[Asker]

this is really hurt and confusing for me. i do want to apologize and explain myself but after 7 months and now she is starting to dating someone and look so happy, i am not sure what is the point of telling her at the same time. also, even if she does come back to me, i dont know what else i can offer her because i afraid i will suddenly acting all sad and moody to her and financial burden is causing me pain. i am just so confused. we are men but we are also humans too so we are vulnerable.

[Opinion Owner]

don't worry. and don't give up. she may look all happy with someone but chances are she still wants to be with you. I know I really hate my ex too and I dont know how long it'll take for him to realize what he did. but believe me if he starts apologizing I think I will give him a chance because sometimes, when I'm not all filled up with hate, I still have feelings for him. but mostly im filled with hate for him. but you should try. talk to her apologize. you don't know how badly she could be waiting for your apology.

[thefavchild]

if you feel bad got what you did, don't be afraid to go back and just apologize. I would also try and talk to friends or something if you can, and reach out in any way. I'll talk if you want, or if it's really bad you could call a hotline. you could also just get out a piece of paper when you stop crying and draw it scribble, depending on which you think will help. it really works, I promise.

[Asker]

thank you. from a girl's perspective, would you feel it is a burden if you know your boyfriend has depression? do you even want to have anything to do with him / if you have many suitors, you wouldn't want to waste time to deal with an emotionally unstable guy when you can have a good time with someone normal?

[thefavchild]

hell no. I'm actually currently dating someone with major mental issues, and it doesn't change anything for me. sure, it makes me with more, but that's because I'm concerned for their well being and I love them. if you end up with someone who acts like depression is a huge setback with dating you, it's not. there might be some people out there who just aren't willing, but I see no point in that.

[Asker]

i see. your boyfriend is lucky he has you by his side. if i do apologize, what should i tell her besides i am sorry? i know she is happy with someone else and doesn't give a damn about me apologizing now, and i am not sure do i even want to get back to her because i dont know when i will push her away since i can't control it and i dont feel like i enjoy anything now, even a relaionship, but i still miss and care about her. i m just so confused. can you please give some opinion? please thank you!

[thefavchild]

yes, and I am very lucky to my girlfriend. I would say something along the lines of "hello. I know it's been a while, but I just wanted to apologize for shutting you out. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm glad that you found someone else, and I hope you are happy. I hope you can forgive be, if there is anything left for you to forgive. thank you."

[thefavchild]

put it in your own words, and make it so that it fits you and what happened. hopefully it'll feel like a fresh start

[Asker]

thank you so much! i just hope she doesn't see this as an excuse and not convenient just when she has dated someone. but i can't control the results, at least knew just because i ignored her doesn't mean i dont care. i will try to work up the courage to tell her. thank you again!

[thefavchild]

no problem my friend. I hope I goes well!

[Anonymous]

When you feel good try talking to her. I have a mood disorder as well where I need my alone time so when I feel good I let people know I do have my off days. It's better than her thinking you are cheating or something. Feel better hun ❤️

[Asker]

thank you. i just feel really bad, i have been isolating myself due to having no interests in things, even a relationships and start to get more depressed since i see her with someone, and it is when i feel the need to talk to her. i certainly hope she won't think that, my father cheated on my mother, thats why our family life is so hard so i despise cheaters. i feel really down that i will not do what my father did but i still ended up hurt my girlfriend. how would you to her, like what should i say beside i am sorry? because we haven't talked for 7 months and suddenly pops up will look awkward. thank you for your opinion!

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah no problem, but make sure not to feel down about your problem. People understand but you have to explain what's going on. I cancel so many plans with friends and I've lost so many but the people worthwhile usually stick around.

[Asker]

thank you. i will try, as much as i feel i am not getting her back, at least she knows the truth. i just hope it is not too late since it has been 7 months and she has started a new relationship recently. i feel it is a pity, you know, i know she is loyal and she is the only girl out of 27 years of my life that i am positive that i want to marry but i always have this uncontrollable worries that she will leave me. i work so hard because i want to raise enough money so we can have a life together but my desk job isn't paying much so i have to work part time so sometime i worked 7 days a week, full and part time combined. this insecurities, depression and energy draining life style is really killing me.

[Opinion Owner]

Don't lose hope, but learn to be honest instead of shading people away. Let them know before hand, you don't have to be specific, just say something like, "hey just to let you know I have some rough days so please forgive me in advance"