So my boyfriend of 5+ years, always had the 5 o clock shadow look when I first met him. He might grow some facial hair here and there (hunting season, etc) but never so long I couldn't stand it. But for the past two ye
ars it's been a battle between us. he's let it grow to the point where he looks homeless. I've tried everything to get him to shave. Withheld sex, physical contact, I've even told him how unattractive it is to me. like so unnatractive I can't even look at him durring sex cause its such a turn off. Can't kiss him cause I get grossed out or worse hair in my mouth. He uses products so it breaks my face out. I am just not attracted to him. It's been a two year fight now, and I'm growing tired and my patience is growing thin, unlike his Grizzly Adams looking face. 3 years of love, passion, and awesome sex. Has all come to a hault. Can someone tell me why my opinion matters so little? Why he would rather grow an atrocious beard and hurt me? And act like he doesn't care? Sex for me is aweful, physical contact is aweful... why would he rather me become distant from him then just shave off the dumb beard? Now before I get the comments saying how selfish I am... I have tried to compromise with him. Hunting seasons or even just a few months out of the year of his choosing. I could deal with that. But now I feel so disrespected at this point. Two loonnng year
s...
He won't shave his beard. NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM THIS WAY! What do I do?
End it. Seriously. He doesn't listen or care about you. Yes he can do anything he wants it's his body but doesn't mean you have to like it and doesn't mean he shouldn't listen and hear you. he's being foolish and disrepectful. Any decisions as so minut as this is needs to be discussed in a relationship. A relationship is a two way street. And I agree he looks homeless and if he cared half of what he does for his beard for you, he'd shave it. Find a man who listens to you and takes your advice and concerns.
Thank you! So im not crazy to be feeling The way I do! I do feel disrespected and almost as if my worth is so little to him, he isn't even willing to make a sacrifice, that could not only make me happier, but also him... in the way that I'd be able show so much more love and compassion to him. Hed rather create a distance. Not to mention ourcsex life would be so much better, because id enjoy it so much more, and want it so much more. I've tried to compare it to, if i did something he was turned off by in bed and he asked me to not do it agsin, i would for him cause i want him to enjoy it... It's the same thing, right?
You're welcome! And goodness no you are crazy for the way you are feeling. This is way passed "it's just a beard" your worth is little to him, that's what I was getting at. He feels his wants are nore important than you are in the relationship which exactly how a 3 years of a good relationship can come to an end and why you should end it. he's nothing of "us" at all and only himself. he's a selfish person who honestly doesn't deserve your love and patience. You've dealt with this for 2 years! 2 God damn years. Like get the fuck over yourself dude! At this point it's almost like he's purposely not listening to tease you or mock you. Yes that's the exact same thing
Agreed. We've actually been together a total of five years. I think he feels so confident I would never leave him because we live together, and we have a five year old daughter. I'm so tired of being made out to be the bad guy, the selfish one. The one that needs to change Iit try harder. I need to show more love and compassion but if I say the beard gets in the way of me doing that, I'm petty and pathetic?
Me: "Maybe there is something I can do to become more physically attractive to you and I can work at it and once I achieve it you can shave your beard. I just am running out of compromises that I can do to make you want to do this for me. Two years is a long time to ask the same question."
And I'm watching our sex life and passion becoming more and more distant. And I can't in my right mind figure out why it's so important to you to want me to be unhappy and unsatified. Maybe you should just break up with me if you think you'll never change your mind on making this work with me, or compromisingCause like I said I'm running out of ideas, and all this is doing is making me feel like I'm not valued in this relationship one bitI would make any sacrifice for you, and I have before... I just don't get this anymore. The more I think about it the more I think I'm just not good enough for you. Because I've tried to force myself to feel differently about it, and just accept it and wait it out til this whole phase passes. Because I do love you very much. And maybe sex isn't so important, that not having it means we are over. But you know what is important. Feeling loved, valued and respected. And maybe you dont feel that from me, and you probably won't believe it but..."
Me: "but I really do wanna show you... And hold you and hug you. But kissing is just pecks cause I don't want it on my face, hard to be sexual when I can't even kiss you. Hugging and holding you is hard cause its touching me. I don't know. I give up I guess. It sucks loving someone so much and having something physically keeping them apart.
His reply:The fact that you think I have a beard to get you mad... or to prove a point is absurd.. I dont... I want you to be happy... I also think a beard shouldn't change how you feel or act towards me... like really... if I was critical of you to gain weight. And treated and loved you less until you did... that'd be fucked uo.. this is a head scratcher for me... I re all feel like you say you love me... but really you might be confused. . I'm not sure what to think of it honestly."
With holding sex to get him to shave is a passive aggressive move. Not cool. You're lucky he hasn't left you. Just tell him you really don't like the beard and politely ask him to shave it. If he refuses then you have a choice to make: can you learn to love the beard or not? If not, then you have to leave him and find someone else.
I agree. I don't want to do this. And it's not so much "with holding" rather its more like a lack of being turned off by it. Not being able to enjoy kissing him leads to a less passionate and good sexual experience, not to mention lack of foreplay. Just has become a non desirable experience... and a non rewarding experience for me.
I dont think it looks bad at all. I, personally, am into the facial hair. I'm sure if you talk to him or bring it up often enough, he will eventually do it for you. Good Luck!
Thank you for being to only adult who understands you can have a difference of opinion with someone and not be rude about it. Thank you for your well wishes. I have tried talking, im not sue talking is helping. And accourding to the well mannered gentlemant that have commented he should just dump me for something i can't control. So...
Men are immature. Lol Don't listen to them :) My husband and I have the exact opposite problem. He has to have a shaved face for his office job. I love his facial hair. So we compromise. He lets it grow out when we go on a long vacation (he bitches about it) but he does it. Maybe try the same thing with him. Have him shave it once a year, or trim it down significally every so often.
I have tried this actually. Tried to compromise for even just a few months out of the year he could keep it shaved for me and I could deal for the rest of time. I've talked and asked Nicely about it. I don't think I'm being unreasonsble...
Then I'm at a lost for words for ya girl :) I'm not sure what you could do. If he loves it and makes him feel good (men actually care more about their bodies and appearances than we think) then try learning to love it.
yeah I'll be honest, is beard is more attractive than you. I mean that's a great beard. he should just go find a new girl, obviously you aren't that great.
Well hed certainly be happier with someone else at this rate. Just As you are not attracted to me for my face... I am not attracted to beards... So it's one in the same. A physical apearance. So the comment is completely hypocritical.
So if a girl prefered you with a 5 o clock shadow vs full grizzly adams, you'd just leave her? How about this, would you wanna kiss your girl if she had a beard? Would you wanna go down on her with a never trimmed bush? Now imagine that same bush but on her face... tell me that's a turn on for you please?
Why would my girl have a beard? That's irrational, And some people don't mind a bush, and why would she have pubic hair on her face? Those are some stupid points.
It is an absolute turn off for me. Annoying doesn't even cover it. Please see above response, where I explain its not so much with holding, then rather a lack of being turned on or satisfied sexually because of this.
ok you have to know something. when a guy gets attached to his beard then it becomes really serious. if he shaves it its like losing his manhood. when he is ready he will shave it himself but you cannot force him into it coz he thinks he is a bad ass alpha male with it
I get that. But it's been two years. + its not his first beard ever. Sure maybe he prefers to have one. And I'm not asking it to be gone forever at all. I've tried compromising for maybe a few months out of the year, just so I can get out all of my built up sexual tension and then he can do what he wants with it.. I can understand certain times of thexyear, winter months, hunting etc. I just think my opiniomm should be worth something to him, and that pleasing me sexually should be at least considered over his facial hair... is that so wrong. I mean we are supposed to be in this relationship together. I told him to pick a feature of my body he doesn't like, such as my thighs touch and are thick, so I will lose some weight and do squats and if I finally obtain a more attractive look, maybe he could shave for good faith, and we could make a deal like that... win win right... he won't even go for that. And I've truly been trying to lose weight, dress nicer, etc.
Also he has made it clear he despises short hair cuts on women, so I would absolutely never consider getting one, because I want him to be attracted to me. Now luckily for him, I prefer my hair shoulder length at its shortest... but I would hope for the same respect. He isn't even willing to compromise on his beards length with me...
nope you do not get it. losing weight or not cutting your hair is not the same as losing his manhood. it is like Thor is giving him the power to lift his hammer and swing it! I dont understand why you cannot be satisfied sexually because of the beard it is not that bad plus it does not assist the penis in penetration that's just no sense.
I am for sure. I've done everything to try to compromise with him, for two years. I'm not a monster. I've asked him what can I do for you to make it so you'd want to do this for me. How else can I compromise? Any specific ideas?
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