My girlfriend wants to transition to male, I don't want to date a male, what should I do?

My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months now, she's the first girlfriend I've had, and I am 14 as of posting this thread.

However, she for the past 3 months has been telling me she fells as if she "is in the wrong body" and that she "wants to be male"

This is a big problem for me, as I am 100% straight and have absolutely no intention of dating a male or even considering to date a male. I am not Bi either.

What should I do? She seems suicidal at times and breaking up with her may fuel this desire to commit. I don't want her to feel bad or feel as if she has lost everything either.

This is too much for my 14 year old self to handle, im in the relationship situation of a 20 year old.

What should I do? Break up with her? Or keep going?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Take her to counselling.

    Not only would it stabilize her break downs and suicidal thoughts but it might also help her clear her mind whether she wants to be male or female.

    A lot of people are unsure of their gender, and it switches from time to time, but transitioning costs lots of money and a lot of thinking - especially at a stage with lots of changes, puberty.

    Share your thoughts with her during counselling. Tell her you love her, but you can't possibly date a male. Consider calling her "him/he" and see if he's more comfortable with it.

    Respect her wishes as of now, and tell her how you truly feel about dating him if he's transitioning but be gentle.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Talk to her psychologist.

    Have you told her that you can't handle to date a male, even when in love with said person?

    In the last 2 years I saw a lot of confused girls changing from being sure to be gay to strait to bi to asexual to... some want to transition for a while as well and then not anymore.
    Most of them revert to being hetero or bi (who knows if they really are) in the end.

    • I've told her that I cannot see myself dating and or marrying a male. She has responded with things along the lines of "I don't understand why I'm like this" and "I wish I was born a male."

      She has talked to her psychologist many times about her feelings and suicidal thoughts, and her psychologist has encouraged her to transition. Now, I can't fight a psychologist, and I will let her do whatever she wants to do in life. But i'm not sure how I will go about the transition and future break up without having her commit suicide.

    • That's what I meant with talk to her psychologist. He knows her and should be able to help you to find a good way to break up. But I guess if you already talked to her about it she knows what might come.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Please look for testimonies of detransitioners. Gender (as in sexual stereotypes, expectations that women should be this and that, meek and quiet and wearing heels and pink and whatnot) hurts! Maybe she feels that she's not conforming to the stereotype, but that doesn't mean she should be submitting her body to irreversible changes! Studies also show that feeling of being born in the wrong body is often accompanied by mental troubles which do not end with the transition

  • break up. she'll just bring you down. let her know its not because you don't love her, but because it's not something you signed up for, and she can't expect you to.

    If she threatens to hurt herself or whatever, just know thats the mental disease talking. Depression is destructive and if it's not something you have to deal with, I suggest not. Trying to "fix" depression or "be there" for someone with depression is taxing, and often leads to your own feelings of failure, resentment, and uselessness, since it is not something you can "make better."

  • Man, talk to her and tell her how you feel. You can't neither force yourself to change your sexual preferences, nor put yourself in a situation you don't want to be. Leave her if that's what you really feel and tell her parents about how she seems suicidal and that you're afraid that she may hurt herself as you have broken up recently. Wish you good luck ;)

  • Break up


What Guys Said 0

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