How do I convince my girlfriend to stop being jealous?

[Joner]

My girlfriend is jealous because she thinks I would start chasing for a girl we both know and I had ones a date with long before I started dating my girlfriend. On the date I realized I'm not interested so I let it be. Well, she doesn't believe me and she wants me to tell her the truth but she doesn't believe me when I do. I have told her that I love her (which I am sure about and I really do love her) but she doesn't believe me. So have could I proof it? Please help me

[usagichan]

This happened to me; my ex had originally hooked up with my friend, and when after a few emails she stopped responding, me and him ended up connecting. That was nerve-racking enough, but then he would mention her off-handedly, even though he swore up and down he had no interest in dating her, and had choosen me.

For one, DON'T bring her up casually (even my ex saying something like," We should get and my friend together!") If you ever see her socially, make sure it's in a big group. You can be friendly, but spend as little time with her as possible. (And mention THAT to your girlfriend," was there, but I didn't talk to her much cause I was too busy chatting with and doing ."

This 'll seem petty, but it does help; compliment your girlfriend, and tell her why you weren't interested in the other girl. My ex could never really tell me why he stopped being interested in her ("Yeah she's hotter, but I'm more attracted to you") and THAT drove me up a wall. Explaining your thought process might go a LONG way.

Finally, the fact is, the girlfriend just needs to stop being jealous. I broke up with that ex about two months ago, and even though I still have feelings for him, I've finally gotten to a good place in my self esteem to STOP being jealous of the friend. When me and my ex talk, I even mention hanging out with the friend. It changed not so much because HE's done anything, but because I'm finally learning how to be self-confident and recognize that even if a boyfriend might have been initially interested in someone else, I'm the one he choose to date.

[Yea_I_said_it]

I know this was posted two months ago, but I figured I'd still post my side of this question cause I've seen both sides. To preface: I'm a jealous girlfriend...big time. And sometimes I wish my boyfriend would give in and just dote on me when I get jealous but honestly he would just be supporting my insecurities, which is not what I'd ever want in a relationship and it's unfair to find someone who does do that. It's like supporting a drug addict. It's exhausted for the supporter and "life threatening" for the addict. Jealousy is an insecurity. Period. I have come to terms with mine and have decided it's not who I am or who I want to be...and I am facing those demons. I see what my jealousy does to my boyfriend and I hate it. Love is about building one another up and the jealousy I had, really for no reason because in my heart of hearts I know my boyfriend adores me and I can trust him, the jealousy, was tearing us apart. Personally, I think if someone has issues and they really love someone they will look in the mirror and interject within instead of project out. I love my boyfriend way too much to let jealousy ruin it...and I'm more than willing to face my baggage I've been hauling around for this one. Plus...baggage is just too effin heavy to carry around for any longer than a week.

[cclovely88]

Ok...heres the girls point of view...

Why are you talking to this girl if your not interested? She's might feel she's not getting anything from you...as far as emotionally, mentally and physically. I'm not talking about sex...but the things that matter above the physical to women. To women what matters is emotional. I think you should show her that your interested in her and only her...observe her every time you guys are together and do special things for her like: be creative and do little things that you notice pleases her...like put sweet messages in her inbox on facebook, call her in the middle of the day because your miss her, when other females are around kiss her and let it known physically to the other girls and her that your her main focus .You might not be paying enough attention to her or as much attention as you think... A happy her equals a happy you. An if you love her as you say and if she loves you at all...She will appreciate your effort...even if it is cheap and cheezy...Women like it when men try and its aparent that theyr'e trying..it doesn't have to be expensive to please a women emotionally and mentally.

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

The number 1 thing you shouldn't do, is have to prove yourself. If she sees that she can get you to prove yourself to her, she's gonna use that to control you subconsciously.

If she gets jealous, and doesn't believe you when you tell her something, tell her she can go f*** off. Seriously! Tell her that! She's being a bitch so you have to treat her like one, even if you do love her.

Sometimes we have to be mean to the people we love in order to open their eyes and make them come to their senses, but if I were you I would give her the feeling that if she doesn't stop being jealous and start showing you a bit of trust, you're gonna leave.

Don't let her control you like this, man. If she thinks you would start chasing another girl, that is HER fault - NOT yours. So why the F*** should you have to get so worked up over HER problems? There is only so much you can do - and that is to be honest. If you're always being honest, giving her attention, and doing your best to be with her, and she STILL feels like you're gonna cheat on her, that's your cue for leaving her.

Some people just aren't worth the effort, man. Be careful with jealous girls. It's part of who they are, and it rarely ever changes. The max you can do is make them TRY not to show it, but chances are it's always going to be there.

[usagichan]

But by "being mean to open her eyes," isn't HE trying to control HER back? I'm not saying she deserves to be jealous, and he just has to take it... But your advice seems to want to shift the balance of power completely the OTHER way, instead of finding a mature balance in which they both compromise. She shouldn't be as jealous, and he should be more understanding.

Just my personal opinion. I think once you date someone, their problems ARE yours, and visa versa.

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

No, I'm not trying to shift the balance of power the other way. Besides, there IS no balance of power in this situation. She is being irrationally jealous, and he has to show her that it needs to stop, because this form of jealousy shows a BIG amount of mistrust, and it is uncalled for. Meaning he hasn't given her any reasons to make her act like that.

How is that shifting the balance COMPLETELY the other way? Once she stops being jealous, they can both be happy. He won't have any extra power.

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

Besides, he's been MORE than understanding. If he keeps having to prove himself, the girl is just going to use jealousy to control him more and more. And yes when you date someone, their problems are your problems, but there's only so much you can sacrifice. Lack of trust when they haven't even done anything wrong isn't one of them.

[usagichan]

I think there are degrees. The thing he "did" was date a mutual friend-if this guy's relationship is still fresh, that can take a while to get over. If they've been dating 3+ months and she's still moaning about it, then yeah, she's being unreasonable. But I think there are certain actions guys do that CREATE mistrust, and he might not be as upfront with her as he needs to be.

[Phoenix52]

How about you correct your grammar? It sucks.

By the way, there's no need to convince your girlfriend. She's just playing this game with you to see just how LOYAL you are to her.

Oh, by the way, why on God's green earth, would you tell your girlfriend you love her? I personally wouldn't love my girlfriend for this kind of annoying behavior.

Tell the b*tch to stop being jealous and insecure. Oh, as a matter of fact ... the next time she brings this other girl up, throw it back in her face. "So who else are you seeing? Are you f*cking some other guy behind my back?"

I've heard this kind of crap before - the girl accuses her boyfriend of cheating on her, when it was HER who was cheating on him. She feels so guilty about it that she has to do any bullsh*t antics to feel better about herself.

And for the love of God, don't listen to these girls in what they posted. They don't have a d*ck so they can't provide any real male advice. All these girls want you to do is give her power and control in the relationship, in which you'll blow it.

[michellebeyonce]

Well jeeze cranky mcgee, no wonder you're almost 30 and alone. how pathetic.

[Phoenix52]

I'm currently in a relationship, after dating various girls for the summer. So what now?

[Joner]

Haha

I live in Finland and am finnish so I'm just glad you understood me

thanks for the advice though

[rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]

Welll .... girls should give this advice because we know how girls think !!!! .. and its true your almost 30 and alone !! ... even though your in a relationship but with these behaviours your relationship won't last long !!!!!!! ... and stop judging people .. mind your own business !!!

[mbb2010]

Really beyonce, cranky mcgee? Seeing as your just 16, I would hold your tongue before you lable someone else "pathetic". And indeed phoenix's answer is a bit harsh... sometimes the harsh actions are what is needed to either solve the problem, or else find out what the problem really is. Oh and grrrrr.... do you REALLY know what girls think? Because I know you've seen or known girls that are either totally insane or you have no earthly idea what they are thinking.

[jessicafrigginmarie]

tell her that she is beautiful everyday! I know this because I am jealous when my man stares at other girls. We just fell insecure, notice when she goes out of her way to look extra sexy for you, and always remind her of how amazing she is and just how beautiful she is, even without makeup and getting pretty. Girls LOVE compliments. No matter how long y'all have been together 10 years or 2 months, NEVER STOP TELLING HER SHE IS BEAUTIFUL OR HOT. We never get tired of hearing it. also, if you have a tendency to check out this other girl, if you can't help it, try not to make it as obvious. let her know exactly why you love her and you you can't see yourself wtih the other girl. and the biggest no-no of all, never, ever hang out with the other girl when your lovely dear is not there.

[moretolife]

You can't prove anything that she will never believe. And in a relationship trust should be automatic not have to be proven otherwise. Sometimes we (women) will believe a lie befre the truth because the lie fits better in what we want to believe we know about men (from what we were told that all men are dogs and they lie) So just tell her if she is making you feel uncomfortable because lack of trust will eventually push a person away. If she doesn't trust you, could it be for a reason? Maybe a past event made her this way about you, just try and reassure her but don't make it a main thing in the relationship

[vmw2008]

The issue lies with her, not with you. I could understand the jealousy if you had cheated or if she had found you flirting/texting with this girl while you were together. But she has no right to be acting so jealous over a date you had before she became your girlfriend. Everyone has a past. I think your girlfriend is very insecure and its a problem she has to work out. You could drive yourself crazy trying to prove your love for her, but she probably still won't believe you and you'll begin to resent her. In my opinion, you either trust someone or you don't. And if you don't trust someone, you shouldn't be dating them. If the jealousy becomes too much and you've done nothing to provoke it, I think you should find a new girlfriend with more confidence.

[swagger]

Mate I had this. I tried to put up with it. I tried to prove myself. I tried spending money on her. I had a child with her.

She never changed and because the doubt was in her mind she went round sleeping with everyone.

That was the worst relationship of my life. She is still the same 8 years and 5 relationships on. She is now shacvked up with another guy with baby number 2 on the way and still arguaing and cheating her way around and I see these pooor guys fall into the same old trap. Getting into debt trying to prove themselves.

The only good thing that came from this was my Daughter and this loony uses my precious girl against me.

I advise to stay well away from a life of hell. She will never let you live this girl down. If it wasn't this girl she was focusing her attention on it would be another such as a girl you work with or a friends girlfriend. It's relentless and it sucks the confience right out of you! Don't fall into the trap

[TornApart]

tell her if she can't trust you that maybe you may need to over think the relationship. tell her jealousy is bad in a relationship, and that she needs to trust you more. and that you care more about her than any other girl :)

be stern about it, but assure her that she is the only one for you. well if you feel that way about her

[whatwhatwhat]

oh man that's why I hate jealous girls and I'm a girl

ok just simply say (don't give attitude, don't raise your voice) just simply say look if I wanted to be with the other girl I would but I want to be with you, I'm being honest and I would not be waisting my time. It's not hard to fool girls especially the really dumb ones, so just tell her to stop and let her know jealousy can push away a partner and cause a break up.

[m3TALchick]

I've been in that situation with my boyfriend. It really helped when he tells me that he loves me and goes out of his way to do things for me. I know he loves me but I get paranoid sometimes. Just be there for your girlfriend when she needs you and help her when she needs it. She'll trust you and start realizing that its true.

[answerme]

Unfortunatley, if she's a jealous/untrusting person by nature there's not much you can change about that. You can try cutting down on contact with this other girl (which you really shouldn't have to if you've never done anything to otherwise make your girl jealous) and continue to be a faithful boyfriend

[Labongas]

the best thing to do is: when she asks you questions and seems jealous. reassure her every single time that she's the only person you love and want to be with & that she doesn't need to worry about anything because there isn't any other person like her.

Proving is useless until she's realized that what you feel for her is true. Though, proving that you and that girl are long gone and are just friends could be good. bring her out one night having that girl along and sit by your girlfriend the whole time, make her feel that she`s much more special than the girl sitting on the opposite side (which is the girl you went on a date with before). At this point, if you`ve shown that she's the special person in your life, she`ll def understand and trust you.

by treating her as a special person, do things that you would normally not do and they should be sweet and sincere, not out of the blue (just because you have to do it to show that your loyal to her)

goodluck!

[rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]

first of all ... tell her everything that happens with you .. never hide anythng from her ... be honest with her and NEVER cheat on her because that's what guys are go0d at ... anyways

here is the 2nd thng .. to stop smth you dnt like you have to give a same reaction and that would be like that ... act the way she acts .. be jealous and do what she does and trust me she'll stop !

[Phoenix52]

Worst advice possible. Guys don't need to tell a girl sh*t about anything because it's not her business.

[rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]

Soo your sayin I gave the worst advice huh !? ... well if you have a brain you might wanna thnk more about it.. read his problem carefully and my advice even more ... what I meant is he shud be honest with her and tell her everythn hpns regarding that girl !

so why don't you go get a brain and write your own advice other than judging othet ppls advices ...

tc :) and have a life :)

[espellette]

@pheonix52, why would you have a girlfriend if you're not willing to let her be your 'other half' and tell her everything? that's what partnership should be about.

[AkilJoseph]

Personally I don't think she will ever stop being jealous.Thats how girls are,even if its one percent its always going to be in the back of her mind.I think that's her job and you should really start worrying when she stops being jealous.Am a guy and when this is happening am jealous and scared am going to get hurt.Especially is its happen before.

[camcam]

I would prove to her you love her by not talking to other girls and buy her flowers one night and take her out to dinner, go on a fun vacation that you'll both enjoy (make sure you don't bring any kids or friends) guys seem to be jerks in front of their friends, kiss her in front of other girls she thinks you like. (she'll love that. but no makeout just a sweet kiss on the lips will show her you care) be sweet and apolize for things that arn't your fault. always make her happy and she'll do the same.(:

[Phoenix52]

Why should he prove his love to the girl? The girl NEEDS to earn his love. Apologize even though it's not his fault?

This answer pretty much says she doesn't 'get it'.

[michellebeyonce]

my ex swore he loved me and said he would never leave me for this one female friend because he had no interest in her. then he dumped me and started dating her. maybe the same thing happened to her and she's scared it'll happen again. for maybe you seem really interested in this other girl when you're not. girls are gonna be scared of that stuff because of bad experiences and horror stories. we gotta watch out for ourselves so we don't end up duped.

[espellette]

Yea that happaned to me too. it makes you very cautious in the future so you don't get mucked around like that again.

[Anonymous]

If stems from her insecurities, low confidence, low self esteem, low trust, bad exprience past relationships etc...

If she is accuse you of cheating chances are she is doing to either find out or she is cheating on you and is haveing guilty feelings...

[springzst]

all the girls are jealous. she is jealous because she love you. does she love you? or she just want to find an excuse to dump you? find out it. if she loves you, you have to treat her well and do not speak to the girl she is envy of.

[mj56789]

tell her you gonna broke up with her if she's not trust you because trust is the important in a relationship well we have the same problem my ex is being like that that's y I broke up with him

[girlgirlgirlwoman]

Be an open book about everything. Don't hold back any details and give her a reason to believe there's something you need to hide.

[ThatGuy69]

ucanchiqun or whatever the f***.. stupid f***ing answer. you're obviously a controlling girl and I wish I could give your stupid response a million thumbs down

[frazzle]

insecure?

tell her that she has to accept that you chose HER, no one else

[ladyrara26]

crazy alert !

if there's no trust in a relationship its bound to fail !