Girlfriend keeps trying to make me jealous. Why? Please help me!

[adamretex81]

My girlfriend sometimes tries to make me jealous. When we go out sometimes to a party or clubbing, she avoids me and talks to other guys. Sometimes for a long time. Last night she talked to a guy for about an hour! She never does anything with these other guys. She is loyal and is with me. We are close and have been together for 4-5 months. But she is trying to make me jealous. Why is this? I ignore it and not make her think like I care. Because the first time she did it, I made a big deal about it and we broke up for a week. So please help...

Updates

+1 y

so I brought it up. she said I was being immature. we had another argument.what if next time she's talking to someone, I go right up to her, take her hand and ask her to have a drink with me or dance with me. Something like that? Good or ba

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+1 y

she dumped over a month ago. has a new guy. he's fugly. and its a long distance thing between them. cities are about 2-3 hours aways.

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+1 y

i've been on know contact for 3.5 weeks.

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+1 y

she wanted to stay friends but I said f off

[chris88]

Dude, I'm pretty sure you don't want this girl back. I just went through this not long ago. I had a girl...whe was a 9 in the looks dept...funny, smart, sex was awesome, all of this. But, I had some of the same problems, almos exactly, that you're having. I went through that, "i want her back" stage...but I knew I had to get past it. There really are great girls out there, and I don't think this is one my friend. YOu may also have to face facts that you are a bit "infatuated" with her, don't confuse this for love.

Anyway, I made it past that stage although I miss having that girl in my bed, I sure as holy hell don't miss her fliriting with other guys in front of me, disrespecting me...etc. I don't deserve that, and YOU don't deserve that. Moreover, even if you did want her back, you need to back off and live your own life before she comes back anyway. The same steps to getting her back are the same steps to moving on in the beginning. You need to put the brakes on..this means no emails, no phone calls, no facebook..in fact, take her off your facebook. TOugh at first, but it gets easier. Next step, start doing self improvment. Change your look up, start working out, start studying something, a new hobby...improve yourself. This will help you with your own self image. Also, start dating again..nothing serious, but go out with girls, talk to girls. YOu'll realize there truly are more fish...ones that wont' do that crap. I have an ew girl for example...I never have that "what is she up to now" thing when she's not with me. You know that feeling I'm sure...deep down, really wondering what she does when you're not around..i know you know. You want to get more of that? go back to it? no you don't...girls don't change.

.also, remember, you're a man. With age, your stock goes up. This flirty ex of yours is going to melt like an ice cream cone over the years. Just htink, someday she'll be a wrinkled old mess with the same crap attitude, wodnering why guys do't flirt with her anymore. You, my friend, wre fortunate enough to be born a man. We age like wine, they age like milk. You need to work on your "inner game"...i don't think you believe you deserve better. This chick has shattered your self esteem. You need to believe that you deserve better. If not, you will project neediness...the death nihl for dating.

[adamretex81]

bro, I never got a chance to thank you for this long answer. thanks a lot. I appreciate it big time. hope you're doing well. take care mate.

[chris88]

of course she dumped you. You were spineless and let her walk over over you. She had no respect for you. I guarantee this "fugly" guy at least acts like he's got a spine, which is why she's with him and not you. Look, I'm not trying to beat you up because I've been there before. But honestly, do yourself a favor and grow some balls. Also, we're always blind to our own situation...but look at your post..."she is loyal"...then "she talked to another guy for an hour"..."She avoids me" folowed by "but we're close"...yeah so close that she flirted with other guys, treated you like crap, and dumped you. Don't make this mistake again. I'm 30..if your age is correct, your not much younger than me. We don't have the excuse of being a teenager.

[adamretex81]

yeah were abt the same age. And yes you're right. so now how do I get her back "grow balls" etc.. you seem to be right on the money with my situation, so I cud use your advice. please help me get her back..

[adamretex81]

i shud add..i was very nice to her and her family. I was clingy and always available to her.

[2sides2luv]

I don't think it's the real thing.

I think that your girlfriend likes you and is physically attracted to you at the least, but I don't think that she's really in love with you. If she did, she wouldn't run off to talk to a guy for an hour when you're so available your in the same room.

And I honestly think that if you know her, you'll be able to see what she's capable of. If you think that she's capable of flirting with other guys only to make you jealous, then it's probably because she saw you flirting with another girl and wants to get back at you, but if it's ongoing it's either because you flirt with girls and she has a huge issue with it and is very competitive OR she just likes flirting with other guys for her own fun and frankly doesn't care about you. If you don't think that she's capable of it, (which I honestly think she is, or she wouldn't be calling YOU immature for her constant flirting with other men), then you probably have nothing to worry about and should just find a way to get her to only want to flirt with you.

Who knows, maybe she's not the one at fault here, not that I'm saying you are, but it might be a possibility. If you really like this girl, maybe you should add some options to this equation. Maybe you should find a way to light up her spark. But if whatever you try still doesn't work, it's probably because she's simply not that into you.

It's okay if this relationship doesn't work out, because you'll probably have many others. You should break it off like a gentlemen, (If you choose to), so she knows what a valuable gem she's lost.

If you REALLY want to make this work, you have to do everything in your power to make it work. Observe/Ponder on what she's interested in, and maybe do something special for her, maybe even do something that will make her cry like there's no tomorrow, and she'll definitely love you more because she'll see that you have a very sweet and romantic side. But do something kind of daring so she knows that you can make her life more exciting than any of the guys she flirts with could ever make it.

Wish you luck and hope everything works out. :)

[adamretex81]

thank you so much

[Anonymous]

She wants to know you care & also wants to keep you interested. We are told men need to know we are wanted by other men to keep their attraction to us. If no other guy wants us, then why would our boyfriend want us, at least that is what Cosmopolitan says, lol. In a world where women dress like tramps & men stray so easily, a woman does whatever she can to keep her man interested. It sounds like she's playing games, but really she is just doing this because she cares. She doesn't want to lose you, please be understanding.

[adamretex81]

lol cosmo

tell me some more tips you got from cosmo.

thnx for your answer. I appreciate it. It gives me clarity. But I'm the type of guy who would never stray/cheat. How could I have conveyed that to her. I care about her so much and want to be with her.

Btw-sadly she broke up with me. she met some other guy. sort of started seeing him. I don't know how that's going or if its over . she hardly texts, never calls. He lives in another city and is so ugly. Does your strategy reverse? if I do it ?

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like your better off without her. Find a girl who deserves you.

[adamretex81]

she has started msging a lot more now. texting and even asked to talk. what's the reason for this according to cosmo? I've been using minimal contact. will it help if I get another chick?

[Opinion Owner]

She isn't following cosmo rules here, so I don't know. She must be doing this all off the cuff.

[DishLady]

You did the right thing. Girls like that are never happy with what they have. She was trying to show you that she's a hot commodity, that she can get any guy she wants so you should feel flattered that guy is you. (It's a horrible game. I'm glad you're not with her anymore.)

[adamretex81]

thank you. but I do terribly miss her. and I've seen her around and even talked to her twice. she's no longer with that guy. I've got a girlfriend by the way. what do you think about me hooking up with her again. I just want her to want me again and then me being the one who rejects/dumps her..

[DishLady]

Don't do it. You'll only be volunteering to have her cull your heart out with the same bad habits. Going back to the ex is always a temptation, but at this point you know she wasn't good for you AND it's not really fair to your current girl.

You see, the charm of attraction for the type of girl you're talking about (to verify that she can get whomever she wants) is two fold. (1) She'll flirt with other people to make you jealous; (2) she'll flirt with you to show up your current girlfriend.

[adamretex81]

youre right..i'll just make her feel like crap by flirting in front of other girls and being with my girlfriend. I've heard girls want what they can't have.. is that true?

[DishLady]

I think you should step away from the player and not worry about making her feel anything at all. Just have your life. Really.

No, girls don't all want what they can't have. There are just certain types of people (guys and girls) who have that *home wrecker* tendency bopping around inside them. Once you've tagged them correctly, just avoid them.

[adamretex81]

okay I'll try what you suggest and will let you know how it works out. thanks.

[Anonymous]

this this mentality in girls that make them think that by making you jealous that you want them more. or it can be just total disrespect, she's pushing your buttons. if its that inappriopiate for an exclusive relationship, there no excuse. she disrespecting, you have to ask yourself whether you gonna put up with it like a loser or ditch the hoe and find a better girl that respect you.

it may suck emotional-wise if you love this girl, but for your health , you need to know when to ditch the rotten apples.

[adamretex81]

thanks you're right. its really disrespectful. she dumped me over a month ago anyways bro. sucks. I'm not over her totally. haven't gotten a new girlfriend either. she dated some fugly guy.

[Bo-Belli]

Bad idea, she likes you but you are not the one who she wants to spend the rest of her life with. She wants to party but doesn't want to be alone so she has you with her. I know it might hurt but I say you just walk away and leave her alone for the mean time until she can grow up. It will be better for you and maybe she will realize what she has lost.

[adamretex81]

thanks. Maybe you are right. Maybe that's the only way. But she texts sometimes. And when I start going out and forget about her, she will text more. And I have a strong feeling when I meet someone new and start dating she will become a little jealous. Because we have common friends, she will hear about it. Then when she is into me, what do I say? Do I agree to go out when she asks first or continue with another girl and make her work for it. I'll tell the new girl that I'm not 100% over ex

[Bo-Belli]

That's because us women tend to want to draw you in whenever a man is distant. She is afraid to lose you at the same time but she will walk out as soon as she finds someone that she thinks is a better fit for her. She isn't sure if there is a guy out there that would want her enough to be in a relationship, hence her insecurity. She would rather be with you than to be alone. If you want to continue to be a part of this game it's totally up to you...

[Bo-Belli]

But make sure that you maintain your distance emotionally from someone like this, if you choose to "stick it out." Worry about your feelings first, not hers, always, but continue to be yourself. If you do this then she will still come knocking on your door but it might make her realize that you don't want to play her games.

[adamretex81]

you were spot on about what you said before. Guess what. She dumped me again today. And told me she met another guy 10 days ago. has been hanging a lot with him and likes him too. And she kissed him. She told me she wants to try it out with him as he is seriously interested in her. What do I do? Pls help. I still love her. I want her back so badly. Pls help.

[Bo-Belli]

Ask yourself, "why do I love this person?" If she doesn't fit everything that you value in a person for yourself then it will be much easier to get over her. If your answer is something that reflects your insecurity like "b/c I can't get anyone to feel the same way she felt about me" then that is a lie, Trust Me. So either way, like I said earlier, work on yourself, better yourself, start working out perhaps or pick up a new hobby, don't do it to get her back but to pick yourself up.

[Bo-Belli]

She chose to go behind your back instead of just being honest. Someone like that is not worth it, in my opinion. Don't expect her to come back to you unless something goes wrong with her new relationship. Don't be her back up guy. Us women like a guy that we cannot walk on, so never put yourself in a doormat position if you want her to respect you.

[adamretex81]

thanks for comments. I know things are going bad with new relationship. Its evident. She tried to hook up with me. I refused. I don't want to be the back up guy or a door mat. What's the best way of doing that. no contact? getting a new chick etc..? And when she does come back for me (which I am pretty sure she will), what do I do? Refuse in the beginning? Eventually I want her back but with respect for me. Not the doormat or back up guy. And on my terms.. Lemmie know pls. Thanks.

[adamretex81]

cool I don't wanna be a door mat or the back up guy. what if she does come back, then do I just say no..make her suffer a little bit? make her regret it? And then maybe if she really really shows it, I get back with her?

[Bo-Belli]

Just refuse, no contact would be healthier. Go out have fun, not necessarily get a new girl, but just go out to get your mind off this girl. The drama relief will make you happier and in the process she might take you more seriously and want that for herself. If you come to the point where your relationship is back together just remember to hold your ground and if she doesn't learn then simply let her go because she's not for you. There are a lot of confident/faithful girls out there.

[adamretex81]

got it thanks. let's say she decides to come back and wants to be with me. How do I make it on my terms? DO I accept right away, delay it, say I'm not ready, or just flat out say no its not gonna happen. You know, to make her chase me and fall for me hard. Cause I want things on my terms. No other guys for her, just a commitment to me.. Please advice best way to ensure the break up doesn't happen again. I don't want to screw up once more. Thanks.

[Bo-Belli]

Do what you think is best...I can't give you all the answers. You know this person better than me. Keep in mind that you cannot force her to change unless she realizes things for herself and she makes up her mind to be faithful. She doesn't seem to be in that position yet, so that's why I'm telling you to move on. You can try playing hard to get but that might make her give up, but again I don't know her, you do.

[Bo-Belli]

Your minds are in different levels and it's not going to work until she grows up and makes up her mind about what she wants. The same goes to you. You didn't do anything wrong the first time, you just wanted something different from the person you were with. You can't be controlling either, so it's important for you to have self esteem.

[StudyinBones]

Just ignore her and watch her behavior. If all she is doing is flirting, remember that you are the one taking her home at the end of the night. If she is doing more than flirting, than I would seriously question what she does when you are not around. If there are other girls around, why don't you flirt with them and see how she likes it.

[adamretex81]

Thanks. I will

[chris88]

this is terrible advice. the whole "at least she's going home with you" is complete crap. Never be with a girl who flirts with other guys. Her self esteem is low and she's disrespecting you in the process.

[Bo-Belli]

She's probably bored and wants attention from other guys. Women that are very insecure tend to do this a lot. Or she could possibly be taking it out on you for something that you did...so check with her and talk about it seriously. Don't accuse her of anything or act controlling.

[adamretex81]

Yeah she's very insecure. always asking about her clothes, her make up and mostly if she looks fat. So how exactly do I talk to her about it. Or is it best to pretend that I don't care. hence showing that I'm secure and not jealous?

[Bo-Belli]

That's a hard question, because ultimately it should be up to her to come out of her own insecurity. A lot of women look to men for that comfort. The best advice that I could think of is in to let her know how much you think she is attractive to you no matter what..with no makeup on, with whatever she has on, etc. by doing sweet things. Hopefully she comes around and realizes that she has someone valueable in her hands and won't try to get other guys attention. Good Luck :)!

[Bo-Belli]

Also, don't flirt with other girls because that will only make it worse by making her feel even more insecure. Don't get into a circle of playing games if you truly care about this girl.

[Anonymous]

I see some other girls on here put on here that is a way to test their man...a woman would not do that. Either way, do not let anyone disrespect you. From what I have seen on these boards, if you need to logon to this website because you are questioning your girls behavior, she is probably not the one for you!

[adamretex81]

so what do I do about ie? tell her not to disrespect me and to f*** off?

[Opinion Owner]

I'm pretty big on giving people a second chance. If it bothers you, I would tell her. If she does it again after you told her the way it makes you feel - I would look at it like she just spit in your face - dump her ass. If that happened, would you seriously want to be with someone who could give a fukc on the way you feel?

[Anonymous]

I think she is doing this to push your buttons...And she seems like the type of girl to not be in a serious relationship.. You should be direct with her let her know this is bothering you and if she can't understand then she do not have your best interest at heart..And you need to let her go

[adamretex81]

i did. she said she's just very social. But I could tell its just to push my buttons. anyhow we broke up. but maybe you can tell me, why would she want to push my buttons? what's the girl "testing"me for exactly?

[Opinion Owner]

some girls just like see the reaction you give them "A person who loves drama"

[ILOVEAMP]

Alrighty then, she is talking to other dudes? Wow complete faithless, she should be with you, talking. Or doing something with you, then with other men, my big brother had a problem with his WIFE doing this bull hockey. He loves her a lot but she, in my perspective, doesn't love him, and she is a flirting machine. You should leave her, or tell her if she really loved you, she would be by your side and talking to you rather than with other men. She is not the one man, move on.

[adamretex81]

thanks

[Anonymous]

She's just trying to get some attention from you. Because you're not freaking out about her flirting with other guys, she just keeps flirting with more guys and more guys. Maybe next time you go out to a club flirt with her and get her to dance with you or whatever. she just want some affection and attention

[adamretex81]

Thanks

[adamretex81]

Should I try flirting with other girls?

[Opinion Owner]

Nah, you should just flirt with your girl!

[adamretex81]

So I brought it up. she said I was being immature. we had another argument.what if next time she's talking to someone, I go right up to her, take her hand and ask her to have a drink with me or dance with me. Something like that? Good or bad?

[Opinion Owner]

I think its good

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she might be insecure about your feelings for her, and is trying to get some sort of response or reassurance from you. Speaking a bit from experience here, good luck!

[adamretex81]

thanks

[destinee]

from a girl prospective maybe its becouse she thought you did something or just wants you more into her

[adamretex81]

thanks. I didn't cheat on her, and she knew how much I was into her, I miss her. I refused to stay friends haven't talked to her in abt a month

[likewoahhh]

she's probably trying to make sure

your feelings are real.

[adamretex81]

She said she has strong feelings for me. says she really likes me and is attracted to me. thinks about me when I'm not with her. misses me when I travel. she's very affectionate, kisses, hugs and holds my hand often. however, she said she didn't feel it would work out long term. said she doesn't know why but had a feeling. She asked if we could be friends because she wants me in her life forever. what does this mean. she wants to meet the right guy for marriage so flirts and goes everywhe

[likewoahhh]

Maybe she wants you to fight for her.

[adamretex81]

So I brought it up. she said I was being immature. we had another argument.what if next time she's talking to someone, I go right up to her, take her hand and ask her to have a drink with me or dance with me. Something like that? Good or bad?

[likewoahhh]

Yeah, that may work :)

[adamretex81]

Thank you.

[likewoahhh]

Tell me how it goes !

[brunettebelle]

Some people might get a little thrill from that. That is good get a better person.

[adamretex81]

i got another chick. but the one came back. now I'm with both. basically, I've learned when they try to make yo jealous for the thrill, you shouldn't care at all. that'll make them want you more.

sadly, I'm playing 2 girls at once. hopefully I'll make a decision soon

[destinee]

im s sry really bu there are plenty of other women out there good luck

[adamretex81]

thanks for the comforting comment. but I really really like her and even though there are other girls out there (nice ones) I jut want to be with her. and its killing me inside that she dated another guy. I can't wait around hoping she'll realize she made a mistake chosing him over me. My freinds say no contact and forget about her. But I want to do something. I fell as though I must do something to win her back. any thoughts / ideas..

[ohnoshmoozilla]

Whenever I try to make a guy jealous, it's usually just my way of testing him to see how much he cares. In my mind, if he gets angry, then he cares and doesn't want to lose me. Maybe she just needs to know that you care?

[adamretex81]

Thanks. but if he does get angry, doesn't that show a girl that he's insecure and/or jealous?

[ohnoshmoozilla]

Sometimes we like for our men to get jealous? Sometimes we just don't like to admit it.

[adamretex81]

Thanks. but I told her I wanted her to spend more time with me when we go out . to a party, club or bar. but she said that's the way she is and she is social and likes to meet new people and talk to others. that's fun for her. I explained my feelings. but she said I don't get her and that's the way she is.

[arkhan]

My girlfriend trying to make me jealous she was texting with another guy on whatapp for about one hour and when I asked that she is busy or not she replied me that she was busy she even update that I am not handsome

[destinee]

wow then have fun and look 4 tht perfect 1 ok

[allen_88]

your just being insecure.

[kevinfeng]

She just want you can take care of her more.

[2hawt4u]

mwerojo