Help - I've been leading my girlfriend on?

[Anonymous]

When we first started dating everything was great, it was exciting. Over time I've begun to realize that we really aren't compatible (I know they say opposites attract, but this is just on a whole other level).

Thing is I really love her, I can see that she deeply cares about me and I really don't want to hurt her.
In the past few months I've just treated her as everything was normal in hope that I'd change my mind about her not being the one for me, but that's not the case, I still feel like she isn't.

I wish she wouldn't care about me so much, I'm starting to feel constant guilt and it's starting to make me think the time may be to break up, it will hurt me so much to see her cry, but I don't think I can continue on like this...

Old Drake really resonating with me now...

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

Where do you want to get in the relationship before you confess your feelings? Are you going to roll on for another year before clueing her in?

I think its best to let her know what you are experiencing being in this relationship and what you see for your future.

Holding off will make this worse in the long-term. One of the first questions she will ask "Why didn't you tell before now?". Get it the table and discuss it.

[Asker]

I was hoping I could pull back slowly, I thought maybe it wouldn't hurt her as much instead of suddenly breaking the news to her. I even thought about talking crap about myself so she might lose attraction for me.

You're entirely right. Do you think if I just tell her how I'm feeling and then tell her that I'm always going to be there for her and ask her what her thoughts are, do you think saying it like that would minimize her pain? I really don't want to use the 'breakup' word.

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

I think you should tell her how you are feeling. I am not sure there is a way to minimise the pain because if she's into you, she's going to feel like crap however nice you are about it. I think your approach sounds good but be prepared for her reaction and stick with your plans no matter how much she may cry or be upset.

[Asker]

I see, hopefully she won't take it too harshly or at least recover quickly. Thanks a lot for your help.

[thatkidmeys]

You really should tell her about how you're feeling. It will hurt her but it'll hurt her more if she finds out that you've been feeling that way for sometime and you didn't tell her. Your honesty matters.

[Asker]

Yeah I see, thanks a lot.

[shelligurl]

Man, do her a favor, do you're self a favor, and make it quick and painless by cutting her loose. And don't cave.

[musicman626]

This was literally me three weeks ago. I just had to do it. Just try to explain to her as much as you can about why you're doing it and hope she'll understand. If you do break up with her just remember she's going to cry and going to hurt because its a break up but that doesn't mean you have to feel bad. Depending on how you want to go about it you could even stay friends with her

[Asker]

I see, thanks a lot of the input man.

[slatyb]

If you know that you can't stay with her, you should break up ASAP. The longer you wait, the more hurt she will be because you will have wasted more of her precious time. Yeah, she's going to be sad and angry but you have to do it now rather than later.

[Asker]

You're right, thanks a lot man.