I'm Not Ready For A Relationship?

For you fellas-- is the "I'm not ready for a relationship" always a genuine answer or sometimes an easy cop-out?

(I'm in a situation, so if more detail is needed, let me know)

Thanks in advance!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Here's what guys mean when they say that:

    Non-jerk guys (that's 90+% of men), can't help but use "DISCLAIMER" or "NOTICE" language. It's only fair; they're genuinely good people, and want to play fairly and honestly (as opposed to dishonestly and unfairly).

    So when a guy thinks about a relationship, he's thinking of three things:

    (i) the sex

    (ii) the company, companionship, closeness, connection, he's going to have with the girl

    (iii) and where the relationship might go; marriage

    When guys get into relationships, they're always looking for (i) & (ii); this is called "consortium." But there are very serious consequences to men wanting consortium; namely, when women get into relationships, they're looking for (ii) & (iii).

    So a guy has to ask himself one very general question that answers both what ManAmongBoys touched on; (i) is it HER that I don't want to realized (iii) with, or (ii) is it because I'm just not ready to realize (iii) yet?

    The good news is, that most of the time, it's NOT you that's the reason; it's him. Guys don't sit around waiting to get approached by 100 female losers before they settle for one. Guys don't settle for the lesser of poisons made available to them; they actively search for and pick out the fruits that seem most appealing to them. So the chances that YOU are the issue for him not wanting (iii) is very VERY low.

    What's most likely the case is (ii). Men want to experience all that life has to offer (and by that I mean women), before they're ready to kick the bucket. However you women view marriage, understand that it's very different for men. As my father used to say, "when you say "I love you," you've just convicted yourself of murder; when you propose, you've just sentenced yourself to death; the engagement, the time between the proposal and when you get married, is you simply waiting on death row; and your wedding day is your execution."

    It's quite simple; If you've experienced sex with quality and quantity of women, you've been a sexually successful man in your lifetime; If you haven't, you're a male loser.

    And since no man wants to feel like a male loser, and since every man wants to feel successful, no man is "ready" to get married (and therefore be in a "serious" relationship that's actually "going" somewhere) until he's sexually content and satisfied (something that unfortunately; no "one woman" can give him).

    But since a guy doesn't want to mislead you, he discloses this and gives you fair notice. He's telling you; I'm all for (i) & (ii), but I just want you to know that this relationship is very unlikely to ever get to (iii); not necessarily because of you, but simply because it's not something I want yet; when I'm sexually content and satisfied in my life, only then can I start considering and "wanting" marriage; so now you can make an informed choice on if you still want to be in this kind of relationship or not.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'll clear it up for you in one word: Both.

    Many times, the unspoken end of that sentance is "...with you." Meaning, that you aren't the one, and that when the one does come around, he will definitely be ready for a relationship.

    Other times, it's genuine. He may feel that his life (career, school, etc) is simply taking priority right now and he doesn't feel he can give what need to be given to a relationship. Or perhaps he has some self-work that needs to be done first... or he just ended a relationship that he needs to forget first.

    My personal feeling has always been that for the right girl, any guy will be ready for a relationship.

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  • My experience has been 100% that when a girl tells me that it means she doesn't want me - for guys I would expect the same. Maybe he/she isn't attracted to you, maybe they don't want what you do, in the end it all adds up to not wanting YOU.

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What Girls Said 2

  • In my experience when a guy says that he's saying that he's not ready for a relationship WITH YOU. Believe me, if the "right" girl came along, he wouldn't be saying that

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  • Does it really matter? It definitely means he is not interested in a relationship with you, I can tell you that much. Now whether he would be ready for a relationship with someone else but just not you, or he only wants sex with you but not a relationship, etc., is another subject, but in the end there will be no relationship between the two of you.

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