For you fellas-- is the "I'm not ready for a relationship" always a genuine answer or sometimes an easy cop-out?
(I'm in a situation, so if more detail is needed, let me know)
Thanks in advance!
Most Helpful Guy
Here's what guys mean when they say that:
Non-jerk guys (that's 90+% of men), can't help but use "DISCLAIMER" or "NOTICE" language. It's only fair; they're genuinely good people, and want to play fairly and honestly (as opposed to dishonestly and unfairly).
So when a guy thinks about a relationship, he's thinking of three things:
(i) the sex
(ii) the company, companionship, closeness, connection, he's going to have with the girl
(iii) and where the relationship might go; marriage
When guys get into relationships, they're always looking for (i) & (ii); this is called "consortium." But there are very serious consequences to men wanting consortium; namely, when women get into relationships, they're looking for (ii) & (iii).
So a guy has to ask himself one very general question that answers both what ManAmongBoys touched on; (i) is it HER that I don't want to realized (iii) with, or (ii) is it because I'm just not ready to realize (iii) yet?
The good news is, that most of the time, it's NOT you that's the reason; it's him. Guys don't sit around waiting to get approached by 100 female losers before they settle for one. Guys don't settle for the lesser of poisons made available to them; they actively search for and pick out the fruits that seem most appealing to them. So the chances that YOU are the issue for him not wanting (iii) is very VERY low.
What's most likely the case is (ii). Men want to experience all that life has to offer (and by that I mean women), before they're ready to kick the bucket. However you women view marriage, understand that it's very different for men. As my father used to say, "when you say "I love you," you've just convicted yourself of murder; when you propose, you've just sentenced yourself to death; the engagement, the time between the proposal and when you get married, is you simply waiting on death row; and your wedding day is your execution."
It's quite simple; If you've experienced sex with quality and quantity of women, you've been a sexually successful man in your lifetime; If you haven't, you're a male loser.
And since no man wants to feel like a male loser, and since every man wants to feel successful, no man is "ready" to get married (and therefore be in a "serious" relationship that's actually "going" somewhere) until he's sexually content and satisfied (something that unfortunately; no "one woman" can give him).
But since a guy doesn't want to mislead you, he discloses this and gives you fair notice. He's telling you; I'm all for (i) & (ii), but I just want you to know that this relationship is very unlikely to ever get to (iii); not necessarily because of you, but simply because it's not something I want yet; when I'm sexually content and satisfied in my life, only then can I start considering and "wanting" marriage; so now you can make an informed choice on if you still want to be in this kind of relationship or not.3