Guys, So, when I broke up with my Boyfriend two weeks ago I didn't expect him to not want to be my friend afterwards. What now?

[BahamianBombshell]

Two weeks ago I broke up with my Boyfriend. He wasn't a very romantic guy and I had to beg him to do simple Boyfriend tasks that would probably come naturally to others. I think there are better suited men for me to date and better suited women for him. He's a good looking guy, so I know he'll get another girl in no time.

I told him that lately I feel really independent and for the first time in my life I don't feel the need to have a boyfriend. I haven't seen him in a week, and I felt OK. I shouldn't feel OK with not seeing my boyfriend. Our relationship is missing the excitement it had in the beginning. I value his friendship and I don't want to lose it but I understand that after this he may not want to be my friend for a while.

However, I was NOT prepared for the result of breaking up with someone who turned out to be MY BEST FRIEND. He expressed no emotion when I broke up with him! Oh my God! He won't talk to meee. I'm so depressed! Breaking up with my Boyfriend revealed how few friends I actually have. I feel SO LONELY!

It's not loneliness in the MEN department, its loneliness in the FRIEND department. Relationship or no relationship I get attention from guys, but so few girl friends! My mom warned me not to break up with him until graduation so I don't have to see him at school afterwards, but even though he's not always the most affectionate guy, I know he LOVED me and it would have been wrong to continue the relationship if I don't want to be with him anymore and then schedule an exact time and date to dump him. How much time do I need to give him to initiate any reconcile of friendship with my Ex?

We would have made it to one year this month, he was my companion and our relationship was so real and now he won't even talk to meeee. :(

Updates

+1 y

What confuses me most is that half of the responses on my question are so ANGRY towards me. You guys don’t even KNOW this kid. We had a great relationship, but it was not perfect in any shape or form. I asked how long until I can try to reconcile a friendship, and a decent amount of answers are aimed to make ME feel like sh*t. This is my first time breaking up with anybody. Maybe it’s the language I used when I wrote my question? In the future I’ll be more prepared for those responses.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar situation. My girlfriend broke up with a few weeks ago, and led me to believe we would be friends afterwards. Yet the last time I reached out to her, she responded, but wasn't very friendly. I'm new to the area I live in and she was not only my girlfriend, but one of my best friends, I told her everything. It hurts. I wish her and I could still talk, but apparently at least right now she doesn't want to. My guess is your boyfriend is hurt, and unfortunately some people can't be fri nds with ex lovers, at least when the break up is still this fresh. I'd give him at least a month if not 2-3 to process the break up before trying to be friends. Do you regret ending your relationship with your bf? Does realizing how much a part of your life he was make you want to try to reconcile?

[BahamianBombshell]

The break up was totally necessary. It’s wrong to play pretend and fake feelings for your partner while you’re in a relationship. I know I made the right decision and did not want to put it off for graduation. I broke up with him the right way, to his face in the privacy of my living room. We had a very REAL and close relationship. I don’t want to throw away our bond, but I’m not feeling the love anymore and he needed to know the truth. I want to be friends, we were amazing friends. It hurts that he’d throw away the entire connection. I think you’re right, I gotta give him time. If he thought this break up was EASY for me? he's DEAD WRONG.

[HereIbe]

Well, boo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo for you. You are just getting what you earned.

[BahamianBombshell]

Should I have stayed with him and cheated? I don’t get it. I thought I did the right thing. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[Opinion Owner]

I think you did the right thing if that's how you felt. But you just have to understand that you broke up with him cause you felt it was what you needed to do, now he feels that he can't interact with you cause that's what he needs to do. I guarantee you he is extremely hurt by what happened, and it will probably just take time for that wound to heal. However, you have to respect his wishes if he doesn't want to be friends. Not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever, unfortunately.

[BahamianBombshell]

You’re right. I have to get use to this. I should respect his wishes and understand his feelings. I have one month of classes with him left. I was hoping I could text him on graduation and wish him a great career and something like:

“I hope you can find it in your heart to give our friendship a chance. This isn’t to make me feel better, but I value your friendship and the memories we shared mean everything to me.”

Or maybe I’ll just leave him alone.. IDK!

[Browneye57]

You're finally seeing a basic difference between men and women.

Women connect emotionally.
Men connect physcially.

Unless he's some kind of beta-orbiter that's just hoping to get back with you, what is the point of being your friend? YOU were hoping to put him in the friendzone, but any upstanding guy that has his shit together at all doesn't stand for that. If you don't want him then end of story.

You have more to learn about man-woman romantic relationships. So date. A LOT. Just don't have sex with them all. This way you'll actually gain enough experience to be able to discern whether they're a match or not, whether they're worthy of your investment in time and emotion.

[BahamianBombshell]

That’s what my mom said. 😂

[Browneye57]

Age and wisdom trumps youth and treachery. :)

[Browneye57]

On update...
The bottom line is that you have rejected this guy. Period. So expecting some kind of relationship to continue is, well, completely naive.

I don't place blame here either way. Likely it simply was just not a match. But you have to be realistic about man-woman relationships and the difference between men and women. Men are not really looking for woman friendships - they are looking for a companion. A sex partner. A life partner. If they have their shit together at all they already have plenty of 'friends'. The vast majority of them and most fun ones will be guys. Same for girls. Show me a girl that has all male friends and I'll show you a maladjusted individual. Cuz she has trouble relating to her girlfriends, and thinks she can be just like, or 'one of' the guys. And the more girls try to be like guys the less guys are attracted to them. Real men really are looking for real women.

[mohammad_zahdeh]

I totally get what you're saying because i've been in the same boat and i know how much it hurts when you want them so much and they dont reply back. Tbh the best way i forgot about her was with my friend. So you should find a friend that would make you forget about him and move on. At least thats what i did

[BahamianBombshell]

Great advice, thank you. Clearly I’m going to have to make an effort to get out there and meet girl friends. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[Defboy69]

I think you handled the situation appropriately and did all you can do. You can only control one half of the situation. You have no control over how the other half of the equation will deal with any given situation. You're also under no obligation to shoulder the burden of someone else's drama. Let that go and keep moving forward. Don't let that kind of drama hold you back. Maybe you'll cross paths again in the future and you'll receive a better reception.

[Defboy69]

I also think you have done a great job of maintaining your poise and composure with the haters out there.

[BahamianBombshell]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I’m taking this feedback and running with it! Clearly he was filling a friendship void I’ve had for longer than I realized. I need to go out and make girl friends.

[BahamianBombshell]

I need to make girl friends so I don’t have to come on here and get bad mouthed by strangers 😂

[Defboy69]

Exactly.

[Lirik]

Looks like you acutally dont feel ok without him. And since you said he loved you i think that ignoring you is his way to cope with the breakup because being your friend would probably hurt him even more so he just chooses to cut all ties with you and get over it.

[NucDylan]

He's not talking because he's hurt, and talking to you hurts him more. Hell, you are the one that hurt him, so logically he's going to be staying away. When bad stuff happen people think of themselves, so just as you want attention, he doesn't want to give it. Rather leave him alone and get a cat or go party a lot or something to fill the gap for now

[BahamianBombshell]

THIS IS GOOD ADVICE. THANK YOU.

[NucDylan]

Just about your update: the post can be misread as being fairly selfish, and a little cold in how you handled the breakup. Note I'm not taking any sides, but it's more clear to me that you don't have any negative intent. Many guys here have been hurt before and they will lash out based on their experiences, and not really yours

[BahamianBombshell]

I will admit, I am OVERLY sensitive. This is my first time returning to internet resources for help since 2015. So I’m not use to people being so blunt and emotionally opinionated toward me. I should know better, I’m 22. Thank you for the feedback. In the future I will word it differently and consider how my question will be perceived by others! I too have been played and heart broken MANY TIMES. I broke up with my ex the way I wish I had been broken up with, to my face, not over text, given a clear reason why, not left clueless, give the opportunity to express my feelings whether they were good or bad, he decided not to share. But I have to realize, no matter how I broke up with him - He was gunna be hurt. I didn’t expect him to be happy about it. But I didn’t expect him to act like I don’t exist. Lesson learned.

[NucDylan]

Anytime. And don't take aggressive Internet opinions to heart, they don't know the whole story and can't therefore come to a justifiably angry answer. Stay positive 😊

[soccer990]

Honestly any woman that I really cared about and didn't work out, we are not friends. Some people are friends with their exes but it doesn't work for me. If I was in love or really cared about them, the only way I can move on is cutting them out of my life. Otherwise I'm constantly thinking of what could have been or how things could have been different. Living in the past is no way to live. He may be the same way.

[loveslongnails]

Your timeline makes no sense... you broke up with HIM two weeks ago. Then you said " I haven't seen him in a week, and I felt OK. I shouldn't feel OK with not seeing my boyfriend. " Uhh.,... if you broke up with him TWO weeks ago, he's not your boyfriend any longer, so what does the rest of your sentence have to do with it?

[BahamianBombshell]

Prior to breaking up, we had SO MANY SNOW STORMS I hadn’t seen him in a week. During that week I enjoyed my independence, and decided that I wanted to break up with him. Now it’s two weeks later and I never expected him to act like I don’t exist anymore. We are both adults, why can’t we be civil?

[HereIbe]

He IS being civil. The problem is that you are evil and self-centered. You THREW HIM IN THE TRASH and are now WHINING about how he doesn't ADORE the experience.

[BahamianBombshell]

So what do to suggest?

[loveslongnails]

When you dump someone who you feel is incompatible with your needs, don't expect to get the "rest" of him that was good for you. You dumped him... he wants to move on. You not ONLY should have expected it, but you should REspect it as well. Move on and quit whining.

[BahamianBombshell]

Easier said than done.

[loveslongnails]

That's totally irrelevant. Has it occurred to you that he doesn't WANT to reconcile a friendship? YOU dumped him because he wasn't romantic enough for you... which hurt HIM. Now you want him to care about you like he did before? Not going to happen. Let me say this again... you dumped him because he didn't fulfill YOUR needs. Guess what? YOU don't fulfill HIS !!! Let it go. Anything else is pure selfishness on your part.

[BahamianBombshell]

It was a one year relationship, he was a huge part of my life. How am I suppose to just forget it like it never happened?

[loveslongnails]

You should have thought about that before you dumped him. If you gave it your all to try and get him to give you what you MUST have, and he couldn't, then he's not the one for you, so move on. You want it both ways. You made the decision. Are you doubting it, or just feeling lonely and sorry for yourself? YOU did this based on his lack of "boyfriend skills" ... so what kind of sympathy are you expecting here?

[BahamianBombshell]

Understood

[loveslongnails]

Basic boyfriend skills are something you should notice within a few weeks, certainly within a few months. Did you stay with him too long? If you need that stuff, please make sure you find it early on with your next man, ok?

[BahamianBombshell]

In the beginning he said he would do those things and it never came to fruition. I got too comfortable.

[loveslongnails]

For your edification, a man never has to "say" he'll do those kind of things... he just does them. If it's not his nature, he will feel forced to do it and hate it. If you require a certain amount of "romance", be sure you pick the right guy. In the long run however, you will learn that love isn't about romance... it's about so much more. Anyway, nice chatting with you and best of luck :)

[Kuraj]

If the breakup isn't mutual, you should never expect the other person to remain in contact with you.

[BahamianBombshell]

You’re right about that

[superking75]

Agreed

[10dsw]

Why would he stay friends with a girl who doesn't want to be in a relationship with him...

The majority of men don't want to have female "friends" because female friends are of no benefit to them.

[OpenWine]

looks like you hit a weak spot. he gave a damn about you and he's not comfy anymore.

tho you really have no friends?

I mean I don't have many friends (real ones) but 1 really good one and being lonely is not an issue I mean. you get freedom a lot of

[Guy2809]

Of course he won't talk to you and he shouldn't. You shouldn't look for him either. If you broke up then move on, don't play that game juat because you feel lonely. Let him move on as well.