Ex boyfriend wants to be friends... but why?

[bouldergirl]

My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago. We'd been together for 2 years. I thought everything was wonderful and we were living together and he completely split on me. We did no contact for the first 2 months for the most part... hung out a bit in December, then on my birthday (Dec. 18th) He called me up and said that we can't talk, hang out, text, etc.. He said it was too hard and he was sorry to have to break it to me on my birthday. So then, on January 8th, I receive a text from him saying "Hey, just wanted to drop a line and see how you've been?" I was very short and cryptic in my responses back. He called a few minutes later and we talked on the phone for about 20 min about nothing important... just caught up. He said "To be honest, I've been thinking about you a lot and I miss you." He asked me to meet up for tea that week and we did. We talked for 2 hours, again about nothing serious regarding the relationship. A few days later, we got lunch together... and this time I mentioned that I didn't understand his motive in now wanting to be friends and he was very vague. I told him it was difficult because I'm still in love with him and I'm not sure if he's missing me romantically or is just filling a void by having these little hang outs. His answer was very ambiguous. He said he was still attracted to me, and thought about it... but just didn't want to waste such a great connection between two people. He said that he feels like the break up was a shock from an electric fence, and he's afraid to go near that fence again. He said he doesn't know what he wants, but he wants to be friends. I haven't heard from him since, and it's been about a week. I think I scared him. Do you think he's reconsidering the breakup and possibly feeling like he made a mistake? Or is this JUST a friend situation? Thanks so much!

[stripes]

Oh I can see what's happening here, I ended up being in the same situation. You can never be friends with an ex because at the end of the day at least one person will always want more, there is too much water under the bridge.

At the moment he is having his cake and eating it although it might not seem like it to you. If you stay in this situation you will end up in limbo and I promise you it is the worst place to be in. You will not go from being friends to lovers again because he already has what he wants. You will be giving him complete control, when he chooses to text you or see you he can always giving you that false hope and leading you into utter confusion.

It does say a lot him wanting to keep you near because he is obviously finding it hard to let you go. The best advice I can give you is to cut him off completely. It won't be easy but all the time your around he won't make any decision because he can just string you along, cut him off show him you can live without him. At the moment he is only thinking about himself and not taking into consideration your feelings

Give yourself some value back out of his life and stay strong with no contact. At the moment he knows he can have you back in a second. I'm not going to lie there will be times where you will want to ring him and text him and feel like that's it but just have faith if he really wants you he will come running and if its meant to be it will be. After all why would you want to be with someone who isn't sure of you. You don't want him back like he is now, you want him to realize he has made a big mistake and prove himself to you.

My ex broke up with me five and a half months ago, we were together for five and a half years, he also did the whole lets be friends, stringing me along, giving me false hope thing...little did I know a few months later he had started seeing another girl. I cut him off completely, its now been two months of me not being in contact, suddenly the texts started coming and now through talking to his friends and family he has apparantly came to the realisation that he has made an awful mistake and wishes he could turn back the clock and wants to try win me back. Now if this is the case he has a lot to prove but I am so happy I cut him off regardless of the end result because I feel so much stronger and like I can think straight now.

Remember you never know what you have got until its gone.

[Confused232323]

". I cut him off completely, its now been two months of me not being in contact, suddenly the texts started coming."

Had you unfriended him on Facebook at that point? I'm just wondering if it's possible to "cut contact" and keep him on facebook or is that still too much contact?

[andie84]

I really like this answer.. this happened to me.. and cutting him off.. not letting him string me along.. has really allowed me to not live each day wondering when he will come back.. or if.. I worry about me.. and this makes me happy..

[stripes]

Yes I also took him off facebook. Keeping him on facebook will be toture for you wanting to check his profile every hour of the day checking what he is up to etc. What if he starts speaking to new girls? If you agree to be his friend then you would have to accept and be OK with that. Plus don't let him have the priviledge of knowing what your doing. Let him wonder what your doing because surely you don't want to be demoted from girlfriend to mate?

[Anonymous]

I'm glad I found this page at this moment! It's Christmas Day and my ex suddenly texted me a Merry Christmas message and we texted for a while this morning. It was me who started a conversation after the Christmas greetings, because I still like him though we can never be together and I don't want to. And now at midnight he texted me again. Yeah obviously he just wants to keep me near as a friend without reason. Now I know that all I have to do is cut him off, completely. It's so hard, but I'll try!! Thank you!!