How long does it take for the "dust to settle"?

[Anonymous]

ex broke up with me 3 months ago. this is the second time I've gone no contact and its been 3 weeks and counting. he has told me he is happier, that we will never be together and so forth... (there was a lot of anger from him, but the last time he told me all this he seemed "calm" and "mature" about it...don't know if it was an act though because it was over the phone)

i've been reading a lot about people saying that you should "never say never". that at the time, the "dumpers" believe that they really will never be with you again and that they really do feel that they no longer love you. but once the "dust settles" they could have a completely differently outlook. that no one, not even them, really knows what the future will hold.

so...how long could it take for the "dust to settle" or for them to realize that they really didn't mean what they said and what you back?

any personal experiences where you (the dumper), truly believed you would never be with someone, only to get back with them months or years later?

[Anonymous]

The truth is, with everyone it's different. It could take as long as a year for the dust to settle, and that's perfectly normal (especially if he is in another relationship).

I just want to tell you, though, that I know how you feel. I'm dealing with a similar situation - my ex dumped me for another one of his exes who came back into his life, and he hasn't talked to me in over five months. It's hard being dumped, particularly if you feel like you didn't do anything to deserve it. Remember that you're not alone. It happens to the best of us, and that if this relationship was meant to be, this guy will find his way back to you and realize what he has lost. If not, then know that there's someone better for you out there, and you will find that person, even if it takes a while.

For now, don't initiate contact with him. Let him be the one to do it, even if it takes him several months. After all, if he's not giving you his attention, you don't owe him yours.

[Anonymous]

I broke up with my girlfriend and immediately regretted it! I tried contacting her a few times but she ignored my calls and asked for space. Weeks later she was seeing another guy. So yeah I screwed up and she is still dating the guy 3 months on!

[Anonymous]

My ex just up and left after several years together, no closure, nothing. She was very shallow about it. It's been over a year and the dust still hasn't settled. I think of her daily still, but don't want her in my life in any capacity.

[Asker]

hey thanks for the answer. I have a couple questions. first, has there been any contact between you guys this past year? if not, do you think if she would contact you and explain everything, do you think you could feel different about wanting her in your life? when you think of her, is it in a loving way or are you angry? the last time I spoke with my ex he said that every time he thinks of me he feels anger. if this is how you feel towards your ex, do you think if you stopped being angry things could be diff?

[Opinion Owner]

We tried being friends and it was too hard for me. So no. I have text her Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday and got no response back, so I'm done trying to contact her. I don't think if she contacted me explaining things that I would take her back, it's too late. She's had chances. She used me. I think of the good times, and I think about how she was perfect for me. Then I get angry. I'm angry about what she did to me and how she went about it. That isn't going away anytime soon.