So easy.. I've been ghosted by my 1.5year boyfriend. No signs, no texts, no explanation... It hurts and I still wonder why.. (almost a month without contact, although he said 'this is not a break' before ghosting)
I want to ask you:
If you ever ghosted someone, why did you do it?
If you have been ghosted, what did you do to get over and move on?
--- I try not to find the reasons anymore, try to think that good person will not do this to me instead --- but it doesn't work as much as I expected.. so I to know how could you get over it
Why did you ghost or how did you move on from ghosting?
Why did you ghost your girlfriend/boyfriend? And for people who have been ghosted, how can you get over it and move on?
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
My last girlfriend broke up with me by ghosting me. I was going through a very difficult time personally, basically I was overwhelmed by depression, stemming from academic stress due mostly to the fact that I was almost certain I would fail two classes that I had to pass that semester or get dropped from my program. I would go visit her every weekend and the last weekend I was with her, I was really distraught and explained how I was at a crossroads and needed her support more than ever. I wasn't like this before so she had never dealt with me like this. I was very attached to her then and had difficulty leaving and making the hour drive back when I had to.
After not very long, I tried calling her when I needed to talk, and she never answered. I texted her a lot too, and she just left everything on seen. This continued for a few days, and I started to panic thinking she was going to dump me. All I got was a text saying "sorry I've been busy" and that she was too busy helping a different friend, all weekend and next, with various trivial and easily avoidable activities, despite my saying that I needed her.
As soon as I told her I was done with finals, she initially agreed to have me over, then flaked and cancelled, ostensibly for a similar trivial excuse. The next day, she broke up with me over text, basically saying that she is too busy and doesn't need me in her life anymore. You know, exactly what a depressed person at a crossroads wants to hear. I never talked to her again.
That was almost a year ago. I did end up passing all my classes, so thankfully that all worked out.
But this ghosting thing she did left me afraid to try dating again, at least for a while, because I don't ever want to go through that again.
I've tried getting back out there, but every single girl I had been talking to since then has done the exact same thing: we chat for a while, it seems like it's going great, and then she abruptly ghosts me as well out of the blue. This has been incessant and happened regardless of if we met in person or online. The most recent such ghosting was a few days ago, with somebody that I was talking to for a while and in fact was very confident with until then.
Ghosting is why I have anxiety issues, depression, very low confidence, and trust issues. And also, how drunk me found this site in the first place.
Don't worry. This is very common more than you think. People lives now are all in social media. They would even break up with you over a text. It's not about you but most people had experienced this no matter how they look, or their personality is like. Just try to improve yourself and life and good things will happen to you
I understand your college situation because I failed exam 2 times so I can't study here anymore so I have to move to another city, change my major. Its hard.. my ex, ge didn't understand and never supported me
Please dont think that it's your fault. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!! You did everything well. Try to built your confidence again, be with friends, do something you love.. I know it's hard being ghosted but you can get over it. Just dont care the people who doesn't care you. You have friends, family, pets who trully love and care about you.. But if thing is really bad, you could go to meet the therapist maybe they can help or give some advice.
I know the point you mentioned about afraid to love and to begin with relationship again, because I feel it too. Its like it feels really bad for wondering why this thing happened, whats wrong, blablabla.. and feels bad that he ignored me worring if he was fine, no accidents or something.. like we were left alone in the dark.. with no clues..
Try to think positive and do things that you love to do before you dating her, or do something new, learn new language.
I've tried everything. I've tried to get out there but that is limited by if my friends join me, if I go to a bar alone I get so self-conscious I can't leave the counter, let alone try to introduce myself to anyone. I've tried dating apps and my luck is terrible. I'll talk to my friends about it (after a few drinks) and they'll sympathize but it's not like they can do anything about it, hell half of them are even worse off than I am. I have been to a therapist in the past, it was less than unhelpful. Same with a peer therapy group. I was on antidepressants for a year and a half when I felt similarly in the past, and that did lessen the depressive symptoms but just it also completely changed my personality in a bad way so I'm not doing that again.
It's a recurring problem I've had as far as I could remember. I always had an extreme fear of rejection, as I was usually excluded by my peers growing up, and was always rejected by any girl I showed any interest in. It wasn't until the end of high school that I had my first kiss.
I had my first relationship freshman year of college, with an older girl who figured me out pretty quickly and decided to "rescue" me. However it was an emotionally abusive relationship, and the abuse continued off and on for a while after we broke up. It took long enough to build confidence from that one. My last relationship made me begin to finally feel confident with myself, and when that all faded I'm back to square one.
I'm sure in the near future, I'll have a great conversation with somebody I meet, keep chatting a while, get my hopes up, and then she will also ghost me and the cycle repeats.
Sorry for the life story but I don't think time heals with me, it seems to do the opposite.
I doubt you really wonder why. When there's a failure in the relationship it's no mystery, so trying to explain it further becomes pointless. No, if it's done then just move on. More discussion won't fix it.
Yes I wondered why. But now I dont want anything from him anymore.. he ghosted me so it seems like he's dead.. so it doesn't make sense try to talk to the dead one :) I'm happy now. I am the one I used to be, but with more memories. I dont regret because at least I was a good girlfriend and I did my best
Well that's all good, however you don't 'DESERVE' anything, that's a false notion. No, you get what you get for the effort and work you put in. Just like everybody else. We have this whole generation that has been told all their life they deserve stuff - it's all a lie. It's created the whole entitlement society. Like they're owed something. FAIL
I ghosted someone who was a narcissist and a douche ass hole and i did it to peg him down a nouch for his douche self-esteem. I did it to like say, you aren't that amazing and I can easily drop you. Seriously this guy was huge piece of shit. We met each other and just started talking and all he did was talk about himself and I pointed it out and he was like, "Yeah you should feel grateful to be talking to me." And then I dropped him. He texted me like trying to start a conversation the next day and I did not reply ever again. I remember it really bothered him because he showed up at work a couple of times just to stare at me. (I met him at my job)
I've been ghosted. I went on a first date with a guy. We ate sushi and it was an awkward date but I didn't want to give up on it. We texted week after but then he just slowly ghosted and we eventually stopped talking.
I was really sad and hurt. I was thinking, "How dare he and why?" I was thinking that I was really bad on the date so that's why he did it. Or maybe it was because he joined the navy and he was soon going to be shipped out to boot camp. Or maybe it was because he was Asian and I am white and I heard Asian parents only want their kids dating/marrying their own race. Not to generalize all Asian people but just stating what I heard. It doesn't mean it's 100% true. But yeah it really hurt my feelings. At one point I texted him when he was ghosting me, I said something like, "If you are done with me then just tell me instead of ignoring me. I don't like immature guys who can't voice their opinion. It puts my mind at rest to know what happened." And it was a huge waste of time sending that text because he still didn't reply and it destroyed me even more. Then I rebounded even though we were on dating terms not relationship. My brothers girlfriend convinced me to go to the mall and ask guys for their number. She came with me with her friend. I went up to this muscular guy at a protein shake place and talked to him briefly and asked him for his number. He turned me down and told me he had a girlfriend which made me feel even worse. Then I walked around the mall basically in a sad trance. I went into Hollister like an hour later and started talking to this cute guy. After a while I asked if I could have his number and he said sure. He was really smiling a lot at the time and maybe looked a little awkward. I remember his name was Jordon. I added it to my phone and never texted him because I just did it to boost my self esteem. Plus I don't know if he was really that into me anyway, could have been a fake number who knows. But it seemed like a real number. And after that i just forgot about that Asian guy.
It's funny tho, mine is Asian too but grew up in germany and I'm Asian as well but just be here for studying. I asked him if he likes Asian girls or something when he flirted me and he said no, he just.. liked me (hahaha) and I told him I was afraid of guys because my father was not so good to my mom and my guys friend they always cheated on their girlfriend.. I told him in the beginning that I am soooo afraid and he told everything's gonna be fine. I asked him to tell me honestly, if he want to, dont lie and if he meets someone else he could tell me so we can break up..
Look, year and a half later he ghosted me. Now I'm afraid of guys even more :( it feels really bad and hurt. Eventhough I think that its ok, I'm gonna be okay but sometimes it just pops up in my mind.. I dont know what I did wrong.
I guess, like an Asian, guys are taught to keep their feelings whatever it is, or maybe he is too sensitive to tell you something that it could hurt both of you..
In my case, I think he avoids the confrontation because he doesn't know how to manage the rejection/disppointment.. and maybe he thinks that it would be better to leave this way.. but for me, it's like he left me in the dark, no clues, no ways to go :(
So right now your self esteem is normal again, great to hear that :) I think when we were ghosted it's worse than normal break up. I mean with break up you know whats wrong and why..
Otherwise my self confidence is gone too, and I dont know how to reboost it because right now I study abroad and dont have any friends. He was my boyfriend and almost the only best friend here. Thats why after he left me I felt really bad. Its like I dont have anyone :( And I have to move to another city, its quite hard. I'm not confident at all..
I did it to someone once waited until he was out of town at work emailed him and then blocked him from everything... it was the crappiest thing I’ve ever done and I was a chicken... he was way sweet and I still to this day I don’t know why I did it except I woke up one day and said I don’t want to do this anymore and I didn’t want to see his face or have to explain why because I really had no reason for doing it. Sometimes I think it’s self sabotaging...
On the other side maybe in their own way they tried to tell you before but you weren’t getting it
Nope, he never talked something like that to me before.. he was sweet and cute and then after I told him I have to move. He just said ok please leave him alone he wanted to think something... And boom! Disappeared..
(Yeah we should have met after that day but he told me he was not ready, but this is not a break.. and that was the last text from him)
I really don't stress it too much. And If I really need to know I have no problem finding them to ask. I usually give them time before I confront them face to face. Since I prefer that vs texting. Make for a short convoy too and straight to the point.
well, give it a little time. And then maybe perhaps ask him if it is possible to meet somewhere open where he will feel comfortable. Explain you won't take up much time. And he not entitled to not answer any of your questions but would like some closure. And have the three main question you need ready. The key comes off as defenseless as a kitten.
I find with men it best to keep it short and to the point. No blame games.
I went to his place couple times but he didn't let me in although he was there (lights was turned on)
I'm thinking about texting him again like.. "I think it's rude not to say goodbye, but seems like you dont want to meet me anymore, we haven't talked about us yet... ... xxxxx I dont know if should text him or what should I text
Humm that still early. I would wait as hard as that sounds. But it will give him time. Men do not keep time as women do. But I think if you back off and give him a chance to really see you "gone" it will clear the air some.
But I would not send him anything as hard as I know that will be. At this point just vent as much as you need to safe people who don't know you guys and hold it together. I would do any goodbyes right now.
I dealt with it by realizing I can improve my prospects by changing myself before i date again - by putting the focus on me and not on the person I was dating - I was able to get over him.
Awww ok I get that, thank you. And do you have some kind of trouble after that? Like afraid of being loved, being ghosted again or afraid of relationship?
I’m not that scared because he disappeared twice before ghosting me the last time so I knew he had a habit of disappearing when his life got too difficult. If it was somebody different I would expect different behaviour.
Aww ok. For me, he has never disappeared. And there was no signals at all. Like I said he told me its not a break and we will meet again on Monday... Of course that Monday never comes. He was always good to me so I didn't expect at all that he would do something like this to me and it really hurts
Yes it will fade.. now it hurts not that much anymore, but still wonder if I should text him to say goodbye before I move... But just thinking about it. I hope a little that someday he will contact me before I go (1April)
I was once ghosted by a woman after an incredibly good first date but I would not compare that experience to your situation.
Most likely, he met someone else and either cheated or wanted to cheat and felt too guilty about what he had done to you, so he took what was the easy way out for him.
I don't know how you move forward from that kind of mess. I suppose talking to a close friend on a regular basis might help some. Do you have a friend who is supportive?
I dont know him anymore, I just think that he's afraid of confrontation with me.. actually it would be fine if we could talk about closure or something.
Yeah I did talk with my friends and they help me a lot!
I just found out that why do I care the person who doesn't even care and respect me. I have like hundred of people who really love me! So that's it. I stopped thinking and being sad. Make myself happy and smile because I deserve to!
I live in a country where witchcraft is prevalent. You all people may be living in the occidental world but I live in an oriental world. Let me tell you my story.
I happen to meet a woman during an end of year party organised by the company I once worked for on December 2017. We became acquainted through mutual colleagues. Luckily or unluckily we didn’t work on the same project. She initiaited the relationship where I just considered her as a friend. We had our first date on July 2018. Later, she introduced me to her mom and her so-called brother and nephew. I never introduced her to my parents as she is 9 years older than me. I live in a country where age gap in dating and sex is an issue. I never had any feelings for her except for the lust. She wasn’t so much pretty neither.
On January 2019, I left the company for good. She felt bad about it. I had to pursue other ambitions. Then, I decided to keep in touch with her. We met again in March and in April 2019 we reached the so-called advanced stage. Despite not being able to fulfill my lust completely, I discovered that the so-called nephew is in fact her son. It was then I began to remain distant. For more than a year, I interacted very few times with her via messaging and maybe one or two phone calls.
On July 2020, I decided to pay a visit to her house and it was the last time I did. Another revelation I discerned was that the so-called brother is actually her husband. During all these times, she pretended to be a divorcee without any son but thank God I discovered the entire truth. Now let me ask you to ALL OF YOU who will read my comments!
DO YOU THINK THAT DIRECT OR INDRECT CONFRONTATION WITH HER WOULD BE ANY SOLUTION? On top of that, such kind of women resort to witchcraft for their selfishness.
IF WE MEN GHOST, IT IS FOR SUCH KIND OF REASONS. I realised that such women are cunning and direct confrontation with such foxes would worsen things. WE ARE NOT JERKS AND COWARDS! If that woman didn’t lie to me from the start, such events wouldn’t occur. NOW DON’T BLAME ME FOR THE LUST!
I was recently ghosted by someone who I thought I could trust. We exchanged the L words, planned our life together and one morning I woke up, checked on him because he had been quiet for few days, I found out he blocked me everywhere. It destroyed me.
I cried the whole first day it happened. The second day I went on with life like nothing happened. I didn't reach out. I didn't ask why.
I set up this mentality that he didn't ghost me and blocked me. Why? Because he never existed. I imprinted it in my mind that he does not exist. I blocked him everywhere he has not blocked me off yet. I told myself I don't need this kind of person in my life. If they didn't respect me enough to give me closure, I don't want them in my life. That's how I got over it.
One text to break up with me, no warning, no signs, no easing into it.
She said something about her mum not wanting her to have anything to do with me.
Then no contact. Never really found out what happened. All I know is that I was happy, then I was extremely unhappy in a very short span of time. No idea how to deal with it, just do ones best not to suicide I guess.
Right now I am the happy person! I mean really happy that I am single again.. With the time it feels better, I am better.. he just doesn't care so why should I care? Thats it
Be happy and smile, because I deserve it :)
/At least I was the good girlfriend to him, no regret :) I did my best
Well I'm not exactly the happy person. Being single is not a position I want to be in.
Time helps, but whether or not she cared wasn't the issue for me. I cared about her and then she was gone, basically like she had just randomly gotten hit by a car and died. Just gone. That hurt. I cared about her and getting ghosted didn't change the past. So I'm sorry but that rationalization doesn't fly in my book.
I need things to be happy and smile about. That's why I pursued the girl. Doesn't matter if I deserve it, it doesn't just magically come for no reason.
I did my best, I did everything right by her as far as I can tell. I don't regret that part. But it doesn't mean everything is hunky-dory, it was never about who was at fault. It's simple I wanted her in my life, one day she was, the next she wasn't and I feel loss. Blaming her with excuses doesn't change that or help.
Almost a year. Things at are better now, but it’s not something I’m ever going to treat like it was totally fine and laugh off, that’s just lying to myself. I can forget about it and get on with other things but it’s not going to be okay and all smiles if I do remember it. A lot of people do that stuff and try to be all smiles to trick themselves into feeling better. I just deal with it honestly.
People who ghost are cowards. It's an extremely anti-social behavior. Just have a quick conversation and end it cleanly. If they don't accept it and get neurotic and stalk you, then block them.
I think that he's afraid of confrontation and I dont have any chance to talk to him about closure anymore because he never contacted me.. so I assume that it's end...
I don't ghost anyone. And would never do that to my partner anyway. What he did was cowardice. Maybe there was something that he didn't want to say.. I don't know.
It's good that you would never do that because it feels really bad and it hurts :(
I guess he didn't want to say that we should break up because ldr maybe won't work. (I move around 3-4hours away, but I told him I can visit every 2-3weeks) or maybe he is afraid of confrontation.. but at least he should have text, I dont know.
But there is something I'm sure about is he doesn't care me that much, people who cares won't do this thing to partner ---thats what I've thought
I dont know. Never did it, it was never done to me yet but my cousin has been ghosted by his girlfriend one day she just disappierded and wrote him i always get what i want.
Maybe you are right, since we were together, I've never been upset. Everytime he cancelled our nights, dates I just said it's okay, its fine :) But right now... Maybe I could forgive him but won't let him be in my life or be around me anymore :)
Its funny because my last texts that he read was 'never mind, you can take time, whenever you are ready just tell me'
And I didn’t regret it or miss him even once. He on the other hand still follows my social media and thirstily likes all my posts on Instagram 😂 guess you don’t know a good thing until it’s gone really turned out true for him
And do you have some kind of trouble, like.. afraid of having relationship again, afraid of being loved, being ghosted.. or self-esteen or self-confidence?
Not from this, I really can’t deal with being ignored it really kills my vibe so when someone I initially could have cared about does it I just lose those feelings really quickly
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