Break Up & Divorce

I'm married but can't stop thinking about another man?

Met this guy at a work conference and we immediately connected on many different levels. I've been married 18 years and never had a single inclination to step out...until this guy. We spent hours talking about life, love, the future (he's in the middle of his 2nd divorce) Really left with 0 expectation I'd ever hear from him again. I did...on the flight home. He's a few years younger and I am extremely attracted to him physically. I asked him not to pursue me or play me for sex...I had too much to lose...with a marriage and a child. I'm a successful business person...He has a good job...neither of us we're motivated by money. We talk, everyday afterwards...and text. He's a talker and likes attention; however, I couldn't always give that as it wasn't convenient to talk on the weekends. I agreed to see him after a few weeks and met him and things took a more physical turn. We really connect on many levels…and the encounter was exhilarating. Afterwards, I felt terrible guilty for what I had done. The entire situation is totally out of character for me… a person who always did the right thing. I couldn’t stop. We continued to talk and text. We met each other a second time but this time we were caught. My husband couldn’t reach me for a few hours he went to my office and read my emails and found out the entire scenario. I did finally answer the phone so we didn’t get caught together but my husband did show up and “take” me home. My husband was convinced I had a breakdown, that I was crazy. And honestly, after that night, the other guy became like an addiction. We agreed to cool things off but literally two weeks later I saw him again, which was very reckless on both our parts. I became someone else in the course of a few weeks. He literally didn’t know what to do with me, I was facing so much stress at home that I began to drink, take pills and send very rambling non sensible texts. My husband was onto the whole scheme and he and “the guy” started to communicate. Literally, they talked about me via text and phone. This went on for months. The guy never said a word to me after this. He wouldn’t take my calls, answer emails or text message. At this point I really, really just wanted him to say to me he didn’t give a hoot and played me. He never would and never has to this day. I ve tried to put the marriage back together but I think of this guy every day. The conversations we had the connection we made was very deep…in a very short period of time he took a piece of my soul. I saw him recently at a work event. I didn’t make eye contact because I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable but I literally could feel him from across the room. Is this real? Or is it something I can’t have? I don’t like to be told NO. I really just want him to tell ME the truth about how he felt then and how he feels now. We talked about fate bringing us together and how none of it made much sense but it was amazing, what do I do now?
I'm married but can't stop thinking about another man?
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