My boyfriend left me for an older woman, and I am insecure. how can I get better?

[Anonymous]

I am 18 and he’s 25 and I always did my best to be the best girlfriend ever. I cooked him his favorite meals, gave him sex as much as he wanted, and I always hear how he’s lucky to have me cause of how pretty I am.
But a week ago he confessed to me that he feel in love with a woman he’s working out with at the gym, she’s a 32 years old woman! I was shock and it destroyed me! I mean... I bet she doesn’t give him 10% of what I do, plus she’s not even prettier than me!

He told me that it was like love at first sight and that he want us to stay friends, and it destroyed me. Now I hate men so much, that if I could I would be a lesbian! I swear I am depressed, I stoped working out and I don’t eat anything! He broke my heart and it’s killing me! Especially that he was my first boyfriend and I gave him my virginity

[Mantinziza]

Never bear age into relationships.
I know they may sound crazy and counter intuitive to society "standards".
I'll get more into this later

First off, you are 18 now I'm assuming you live in America when I say this but from the other comments you mentioned you were together for 6 months.

Well being that 6 months is half a year I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say you turned 18 probably about 1 to 3 months before you two started dating?

Now that is a giant red flag, he knew you were becoming legal and he moved in for the kill.
He was after something specific and you already mentioned what that was.
I know it sucks, but he could of been a major fuck wad and took your life... so glass is half full, try to look at it like that. Shit is shit, but there are worse things than losing your virginity.

This guy you're talking about is a manipulative, sneaky, mind game playing, narcissistic fuck wad.
That knew EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING, and executed it to a tee like a written down battle plan.
I'd put money on the fact that he was planning on switching to the 32 year old within the first month of you 2 dating, probably for nothing more than the fact that he knew he could get away with it, because he knew you were inexperienced, and at 18 unfortunately legal game.

It sucks, but you're better off letting that turd go.

And back to what I was saying about age in the beginning.
Don't use age as a compass or bearing factor, to try to find reasons, why, or how, or because,

For why a relationship fell apart, or even for the matter of starting one. It works both ways.

The only thing that matters in a true relationship is whether or not the 2 actually do care and love each other. Age should NOT or EVER be a factor in determining how bad or good the outcome of a situation is.

If you throw age as a factor in the equation, It won't be rooted into/or the reason behind an issue/problem.

It will just amplify the scenario in a negative or positive way depending on a whole variety of factors. and there are more negative factors than positive ones, I can't really think of a positive one at the moment but I know there are a few.

Ex, your situation you're 18 and he's 25, the 25 year old male left an 18 year old to date a 30 something old.

Now the situation is crappy as it is, but if you remove the numbers and just treat it like a relationship with a douche that went south.

- you're in a relationship and he's now leaving to date someone else that's older-

Yes still a negative statement, but at least it doesn't fuck with the head of the receiver with added information that just make it comprehensibly sound so much worse, when in actuality it's just another relationship gone south, don't make yourself feel worse by tacking on numbers that just make the situation worse.

Age has no place in a relationship it just creates more tension when something does happen.

It's kinda like stale sprinkles on you're shit sundae/relationship, you're gonna have issues and problems and you're going to have to eat you're shit sundae. So why would you eat the sprinkles with it? take em off

And FYI, I'm a 30 year old son who's father was 72 when he passed and mother who's currently 53.
Big gap, age doesn't matter as long as its real. I know another couple that has 33 years between them and 7 kids and there relationship is running strong. Hell I dated a 50 year old once a while ago.

Remove the numbers, there just stale sprinkles

[buttcrackjoe]

Feeling depressed, not eating et al is completely normal but you need to let the emotional fog fade away so you can see clearly and plot your next move. My advice
DON’T let him friendzone you! Eliminate your presence in his life dont give him the privilege of having you at his beck and call or as a regular friendship (which is nearly impossible without emotional damage) Stand your ground if he gets upset and say our Original relationship or no relationship and stick with that promise or else you will always be ‘available’ to him and low on his prize list.

We all go through heartbreak and it’s the Worst!

[Bambi786]

It's crazy because I'm going through the exact same thing. I met my boyfriend when I was and going through a really scary situation with my ex and my current boyfriend helped me navigate through it. Him and I started dating soon after and I gave him my virginity because he promised marriage. A year later he said that our culture difference (which is minimal by the way), will come in the way but he loves me and wants us to stay together just not have high hopes for a future because he can't disappoint his family. I respected that and stayed with him out of love. A year after that, so 2 years into our love sorry turned situationahip, he admitted that he is with someone else. He broke my heart and kept sleeping with me, had me cook his food, clean his apartment, sew his clothes, he made me miscarry 2 pregnancies my stressing me out during fights and smoking in my face and never using condoms. He then told me that the woman he loves has 2 children, is divorced, and cheated on her husband with him 4 months before he got with me. I was suicidal for the past 18-19months we've been together for 3 years but only our first year together was blissful. Once he made the decision that wants her over me, once I started getting depressed and gaining weight and smoking like crazy because of the loss of babies. He left me for her but is not letting me out of his life. He says he needs me and can't leave me. I'm his best friend. Crazy how people use us till we kill ourselves, and use our deaths to become better people, saying they regret wronging us. In reality, I was just easy to use. I didn't love myself anymore and he took advantage. Stay safe <3

[Bambi786]

I was 20 years old when I met him and now I'm 23. He was 25 going on 26 when we met and now he's 28 about to be 29 this winter. She's 31 going on 32. I feel ruined trust me I understand you very well.

[Thatsamazing]

The older part has nothing to do with it. So get that out of your head. There was something else to it. Anyway, you just live your life as best you can, gal. That's all there is. Keep doing things you enjoy. Good luck.

[BigDog1989]

Women get with older men all the time, how is this any diff?

[okeydoke]

How long were you together?

[Asker]

For 6 months

[okeydoke]

It sucks to be broken up with and it hurts, but ultimately six months is a dating trial period in which one is learning whether one is compatible or not. One of the reasons that he left is probably because of the age difference. It can be really difficult to connect with a teenager when in your mid twenties because the life experience and lifestyles are drastically different.
Anyway, good riddance. At least it didn't last longer so that you can go on and find a healthier and happier situation with someone you are more compatible and secure with.

[Asker]

But I don’t get it.. tbh I even dated him cause he was older and I thought that me being younger will lead him to love me more, cause I always hear that men want younger women, so the fact that he left me got a woman in her thirties made me really insecure. I would maybe understand if she was a hot 20 years old babe, and I would easily move on, but a 32 years old woman is really shocking for me!
It makes me feel like a real shit if he left me for an older woman

[okeydoke]

I don't know where you heard that, but it's not true. My longest relationship (almost three years) was with someone about seven years older than me. Why would an age difference have anything at all to do with love?
Like I said, it likely has to do with lifestyle and experience differences. He might just have more in common with her than with you. And for the record, attraction has to do with looks but love has very little to do with it.