How do you convince two people to not break up?

[Anonymous]

As if I didn't have enough problems already, now I have a couple of my few remaining friends that's talking about breaking up.
I think it'd be a shame because I played matchmaker for them and things seemed to go well.
I've spent a good part of the day talking with both of them on the phone, inviting them to think about it throughly and occasionally raising my voice to make a point. Both seemed unconvinced and I said that at least I'll organize a meeting with them and try to mediate the situation.
My fiancée says that my efforts are admirable but to not bother too much with them either, but I want to try everything before declaring defeat.
What else do you suggest I can do?

Updates

+1 y

From what they told me they actually decided to give it another try, and this makes me happy for them.
However, since my fiancée and other people made me notice I got too involved with them, I'll let them do their thing and also stop inviting them around or talking with them as often as I used to.

[Investigator]

"I think it'd be a shame because I played matchmaker for them and things seemed to go well."

This is generally why dating within one's close friend groups is not advised. If their relationship fails, 1) your social circle will shrink because 2) they will both come to see you as a poor judge of character and compatibility, since they got together on your recommendation and that was turned out to be a bad idea. Also, of course they would go well initially; if you've just met someone and are in the beginning stages of dating, you don't yet know about all their "obvious" faults and idiosyncrasies that become painfully apparent in hindsight. Every new partner is like a new journey of wonder and possibility... until you have to wake up and realize fantasy is not reality.

"I've spent a good part of the day talking with both of them on the phone, inviting them to think about it thoroughly and occasionally raising my voice to make a point."

The fact that you are trying--and failing--to keep them together means you are in damage control mode. If they can't stand each other, then no amount of discussion is going to change the outcome. What's done is done; what remains now is to see how this affects the groups dynamics.

To answer the question given, you can't... especially since you are the reason they got together in the first place. Perhaps somebody else would be more successful, but it sounds like they simply aren't a good fit regardless.

[lostin123]

To be honest I think it depends on situation! My girlfriend came back from holiday and basically I’m not so many word said we have to break up and I had to put word in her mouth because she didn’t know what she want I was always there for her and tried to talk things through but she just wasn’t bothered she made that decision on her own she say but I highly doubt it because her friends don’t know the truth I also said that to her that don’t tell to people that we were both unhappy because it’s not the truth. I don’t think she actually understands what is she doing.
I think you are a great friend and if you can talk to them both give it a try and what they will do later we’ll that’s up to them. We were together 6 years and she just called it off like that simple!

[Asker]

I'm sorry this is happening to you, it's really messed up.

[lostin123]

You don’t have to be, I will be fine!
I will be free like a bird in the sky! 💪 🙏

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Don't.

They have a right to do what they wish. You trying to "convince them" is just making you look terrible, alienating both of them, and making this worse.

You do not have any right or any grounds to involve yourself in this.

Your preference of their relationship is not important.

Offer an ear, offer a shoulder to cry on, offer to listen and to respect their process.

And see a therapist. If this isn't a huge flag for being over controlling, I don't know what is. You have zero control over others' relationships. Especially you, given your current and previous experience.

[Asker]

I'm just trying to help them out if they really want to break naturally I'll let them do.
But this will put me in the uncomfortable position of deciding who to keep and who to cut off since I won't be able to keep both of them.
My fiancée says that I'm just wasting time and made a point about how they both aren't really good friends and the help they gave me is superficial.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Your discomfort doesn't matter. And you can still be friends with both of them.

I've kept mutual friends from my breakup with my ex.

But really, your discomfort doesn't matter one bit. Let them do what they will.

You won't have a choice between them if you keep this up - they'll both leave you.

[Asker]

I see your point.
My fiancée said I should be the one leaving them, but I'll let them do.
For now I just left them in my peace and did not take their calls.

[lanadelrey25]

You sound like a great friend, even being the couples counselor when needed. I think the meeting was a good idea and to definitely try that. If it still isn't working out, then I'd suggest doing nothing more. There's nothing you really can do to make two people stay in love if they just aren't in love any longer.

[Asker]

Thank you, I'm trying to my best to help them clear up because I think they have a good chemistry.

[lanadelrey25]

That's understandable, but don't exhaust yourself!

[honestGUY45]

I don't think the defeat is yours to claim. Your getting them together didn't come with a guarantee (Unless that's what you told them), so you're not liable for their success. If two people cannot get along, then it's best they go their separate ways before things escalate to a point of regret. Staying together under the added pressure of outsiders isn't helping their relationship either.

[Asker]

I still want to try to help them out with it, without any pressure.
Although I know that some people for various reasons don't want to displease me so maybe my interest is making them feel somewhat pressured, I'll let it go if they don't want to go on.

[honestGUY45]

You're a good man, Charlie Brown.

[AlienParasite]

I'm sorry but... it's their relationship, not yours. It's ok to feel sad because you like them together, but you don't actually have a say in it, because you are not part of the relationship, is not your relationship despite you help it to happen.

I'm sure that they must have reasons for both to agree to breakup. And if both agree it's weird for you to try to stop them, and seems selfish to try to make them stay together when they don't want to.

Just try to be there for both of them when the breakup happens, and make clear that you are friends with the two of them and you are not willing to teka a side, if that's what worries you.

[Uptowngirl88]

I agree, he needs to mind his business. He's too invested in other people's personal affairs rather than his own

[hahahmm]

They know more about each other than you do & not everybody is compatible.


Step back & start minding your own business unless both people ask for help.

[Asker]

I understand, but their relationship is my business too.
If they break up, I won't be able to rely on them.

[hahahmm]

You’re more worried about them breaking up than they are & that’s a sign that you’re wasting energy- whenever you care more than the other person (s).

[Asker]

I get really invested in my friends' lives, sometimes too much but most of the time it helps

[centerline]

you can't talk them into NOT doing it...

very few people are compatible for very long, and only if EACH of them is willing to drop the egos and the nit picking and find some respect for each other again, will be the ONLY way for it to continue to work out for them...

too many people lose respect and start name calling and playing the blame game, and there is usually no going back...

so let them live their life the best way they know how, which my be apart from each other, because all you can do is get in the middle and end up without either one of them as a friend... and probably be considered the "bad" guy for getting invloved... everyone likes it when you get involved as a matchmaker and it works out, but NO ONE likes it when someone gent in the middle of their arguments... because you CANNOT do it without taking one side or the other...

[triff]

not knowing the reasons for their break up it's not easy to understand As much as you are keen to mend the problem Sometimes it's best if they sort it out themselves You don't want to tie them into a situation where neither talks to the other one Because they are so fed up one or both cheat when they are faced with compliments Àffection and charm elsewhere All the things they would have had at the beginning So leave them alone If they separate the chances are they will miss each other and reconnect

[winterfox10]

Just leave them be, Jean. You were the match maker, but it's not your responsibility to be their glue.

[Asker]

I want to at least try.
Plus since I put them together their break up would be a personal defeat for me.

[winterfox10]

Part of the reason you got into the situation you did is because you take too much onto yourself. Just leave it; life will be better

[Ecco939]

I would say this is really not your problem to fix. You played match maker but you are making the mistake of getting too involved, especially where your pride is concerned. In the end a relationship is between the two of them and breaking up or not should be their decision. A relationship is like a garden that must be tended by two people. If one of them is not fully on board it will cause nothing but strife. You should leave it to them.

[HowAwkwardToBeAlive]

If they don’t want to be together anymore then let them move on. Don’t force them to stay in a situation where they aren’t happy or where they aren’t comfortable.

[Gwenhwyfar]

You’re doing the right thing. See how the meeting goes.

[Asker]

Thanks, I'm trying my best.
They seem to have a good chemistry and helped me out with my relationship, so I want to pay them back.

[Gwenhwyfar]

Awesome 😊

[Poppykate]

I have always thought that couples should give counseling together to other couples.

[Asker]

My fiancée isn't too interested in them even though I asked her

[Account]

I understand tha you want to help them, but keep out of it for your own good. It is none of your business and people tend to blame others when they have to deal with difficult situations.

[grapefruit11]

I don’t think it’s really healthy to be THAT involved in a relationship that’s not yours. If they want to break up, your opinion doesn’t really matter. It’s THEIR lives. It’s not about whether you think they should be together. I understand that you’d be sad if it didn’t work out but you don’t have the right to decide for anyone else who they will spend their time with.

[madgoat]

The meeting is a good idea but if that doesn't work, I think you've done as much as you can.
You cannot hope to understand the intricate nature of their relationship from the outside, nor the intricacies of their individual personalities that build the relationship.
It may be bad timing, it may just have been a pipe dream of yours, they'll either work out their differences or they won't.

[The_unknown_memer]

I think your fiancee is right , because sometimes the best option is to break up

Do you know what they are fighting about? If it's something repairable then I guess you can try to help the.

[Asker]

They are arguing for something really trivial in my opinion, so I think there's a good chance to fix the problem.

[Keyboardkat]

What should you do? You don't need to do anything. You cannot run other people's lives for them! You can perhaps give advice, but that's all you can do. And you have no need to feel guilty, like you "could have done more" to keep them together! It's not your responsibility. They need to work it out for themselves, one way or the other. The most you can do is provide a shoulder.

[Reesep]

I'm gonna be real honest, your kinda out of moves, as a person outside the relationship you only have so much you can do, if you have already gotten them to talk and they still come to the same conclusion, valiant as what you want may be, it might not be the right thing for them, I would just support both of them as they go through this, and im really sorry, I know this isn't what you wanted to hear

[DeeDeeDeVour]

I used reverse psychology on my friends and it worked. At first, I couldn't be believe how simple it was. Regardless, it worked.

[Pummel]

I would tell them "if you two break up, I'm gonna hold my breath until you guys get back together" .

I am not sure what it is that you are asking. I hate seeing couples break up over something trivial.

[Anonymous]

Aw I know someone like this.. he mediates his besties when they’re in a rough patch. That’s sweet of you

[iseekpinetrees]

Honestly stay out their business. If they dont work they dont work and should just move on with their lives and find someone else that can make them happier.

[Jamie05rhs]

You're awesome, dude. That's really great of you to make an effort to try to help your friends.

[Dongtai]

If someone on the outside has to convince them to stay together that might not be a healthy relationship

[cjgsu]

If ya gotta try to convince 2 people not to break up itz prbly best they do

[riah2]

Tell them that the good things always out weigh the bad. If you truly love the each other then its worth fighting for

[Asianguy123]

There is nothing you can do. it will only make it worse

[Anonymous]

Funny that you seem much more involved and energic about other peoples relationship rather than your own

[Amyrella]

By showing them why they got together in the first place

[Angelo75]

If they don't WANT to stay together... well... it's a pain.
Because they are the ones that have to put effort into "behaving".

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Simple, tell them to break up & hopefully reverse psychology works.

[Happy_pizza]

ADD SUM PARKLE TO THEIR SEX LIFE BY HAVING A THREESOME WITH THEM, THANK ME LATER.

[Bananaman177]

By force.

Point a gun at them and make them hug and kiss, and MEAN IT!!!

[OceanMelon]

I wrote a whole plan down, but then I realized it was illegal so I erased it.

[kamalravi25]

Set up a meeting and let them play 36 questions game.

[okeydoke]

It’s their lives and if neither of them want to make it work, it’s frankly no e of your business.

[Cozzy81]

If you love something let it go. If it comes back it's yours. If it doesn't it never was.

[msc545]

Not sure you can - or should really.

[Uptowngirl88]

I'd stay out of it

[Uptowngirl88]

You need to mind your business and focus on your own relationship. You're too invested in someone else's life

[0112358]

Why do they want to break up?

[Massageman]

Listen to your fiancee. It's not your monkey.

[princessde]

Don't. They ain't meant for each other.

[InferiorElegy]

I don't, I try to convince them of the opposite.

[badfurday2020]

You don't it's up to them

[postaldudePL123]

I eat cookies and mind my own business.

[CrazyRay43]

It’s not your job to