Why does my ex still want to be friends with me even though he is the ones who broke up with me? And is it ok if I don't want to be friends with him?

[eames111]

My boyfriend broke up with me recently and asked if we could be friends. (He said his heart would break if we never speak again). We've only dated for 4 months, but I feel hurt and heart broken, because it was my first relationship since my last serious relationship that I felt a connection with someone. I feel heart ache and pain, because in the beginning of the relationship, he told me he felt "confident" about this relationship, and that he also felt this connection with me, which he hasn't felt with anyone else. What he said in the beginning of the relationship made me feel like ok, I can trust him and put effort into the relationship. Of course we had some misunderstanding and an argument, but nothing that couldn't be fixed, if we both talked about it and tried to make it work. But then now, he tells me he can't take this as a "serious relationship", that it's not "perfect", like his one perfect relationship that he had a few years ago (whatever that means...), and told me, "marriage, no way", even though I never mentioned about marriage, and he was the one asking me how many kids I wanted, where we should live, etc... I just feel hurt that he would give up so quickly. That after all the things he said in the beginning, he changes his mind so quickly. I understand if we've been together for a year or longer and it's not working out, but only 4 months? When he asked me if we could still be friends, it just frustrated me. I don't trust him right now and feel like, he lied to me... I thought we were a team, and here he is being selfish. I just feel like if I were to be friends with him now, it's just getting my emotional support without the commitment of a relationship. Why does he still want to be friends with me, when he didn't even try in our relationship and he knows he hurt me? And is it ok not to be friends?

[Anonymous]

It is more than okay to not want to be friends with him! Clearly his view of the relationship changed and he is too emotionally immature to follow through with the breakup. Just as you said, he wants you there for him, just without the commitment and worries of sustaining a genuine relationship with you.

It’s cruel and selfish of him, especially after all the things he said in the beginning. The only reasonable explanation was he was enjoys the IDEA of you and your relationship, and by breaking up and “staying friends”, his fantasy can continue to play out.

I strongly suggest cutting off all ties to him, even despite all his pleas and begs. It is going to hurt, but you deserve better!

[aaryastock123]

You can be friends if you have no feelings left for him but if you still like him it's better to be strangers. It going to hurt to stay as a friend with someone you love. Everyday is a heartbreak.

[redcheeks]

Being friends is fine but. Limit and draw a line. Trust your guts. Don't trust him. He's probably gonna use you later on as a side girl