If I explained everything he did to me my ex would sound like he had no heart. I don’t think that was the case despite the fact that he really broke my heart. I don't know why I keep thinking of him lately. He was my first love so it’s not like I thought I ever would forget him. After everything that happened I hoped I would... but I thought about him a few times this week. They were happy memories. I know that even though we share some of our lives/love with these people memories of exes are supposed to be shredded.
I tried.
I even felt like I hated him for a while which supposedly was the right thing to do since I started seeing “444” everywhere after I developed a strong anger and dislike towards him. I even saw him in person and ignored him when I walked by, as if he were just a stranger.
I still love him.
I know I do. I also know that there is no reason left to love him. I have a great reason to stop loving him and I tried to but I can’t just stick to it. Because randomly, sometimes I think of him. But I’m fully aware that he doesn’t deserve it.
So the problem is what am I supposed to do if I have no interest whatsoever in trying to see him again? I don’t want to seek closure, I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to talk to him. I just want to fall in love with somebody else.
And I’ve tried that too. But every guy I meet doesn’t make me feel anything. Mostly I don’t feel cared for. My ex was the only guy who ever made me feel like I mattered to him and then he eventually ripped the rug out from underneath me but I figure if even he could do that, then will anybody love me?
I love myself to death. I love myself more than my ex. I was comfortable being single for years. But I also think that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be done with this part of my life. Because for as long as I stay single, I never reached that feeling of indifference that I’m supposed to feel towards my ex. But forget him anyway.
I just want to force myself to move on
I tried.
I even felt like I hated him for a while which supposedly was the right thing to do since I started seeing “444” everywhere after I developed a strong anger and dislike towards him. I even saw him in person and ignored him when I walked by, as if he were just a stranger.
I still love him.
I know I do. I also know that there is no reason left to love him. I have a great reason to stop loving him and I tried to but I can’t just stick to it. Because randomly, sometimes I think of him. But I’m fully aware that he doesn’t deserve it.
So the problem is what am I supposed to do if I have no interest whatsoever in trying to see him again? I don’t want to seek closure, I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to talk to him. I just want to fall in love with somebody else.
And I’ve tried that too. But every guy I meet doesn’t make me feel anything. Mostly I don’t feel cared for. My ex was the only guy who ever made me feel like I mattered to him and then he eventually ripped the rug out from underneath me but I figure if even he could do that, then will anybody love me?
I love myself to death. I love myself more than my ex. I was comfortable being single for years. But I also think that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be done with this part of my life. Because for as long as I stay single, I never reached that feeling of indifference that I’m supposed to feel towards my ex. But forget him anyway.
I just want to force myself to move on
