What does it mean when you doubt yourself during a breakup?

Anonymous
I was raised to scope out red flags and my parents always tried to train me to be able to decipher bullshit and not to be stupid over boys. I thought I had a good judge of character for the first 19 years of my life. I was one of those people who strongly felt that I didn’t need a relationship and that a relationship was just a bonus to my life, not a necessity.
When I met my first boyfriend I felt a bunch of unexpected emotions didn’t know were possible to feel for a guy. It wasn’t like an crush I had before him, I really saw him as an inspiration. He enriched my life and made me want to be a better person. I saw him as a role model despite our 1 year age gap. I also had a lot of respect for him automatically and my “good character” meter was going off the charts. I KNEW in my heart that he was without a doubt a good person.

So when he did some very stupid shit I was extremely conflicted. I know my parents had led me to strongly believe that leaving was empowering but I had honestly underestimated how I would feel in the moment. I didn’t feel empowered at all. Breaking up with him felt like I was making the biggest mistake of my life.
Even though I knew without a doubt that he deserved it. And because of my doubt, afterwards I did a lot of stupid stuff like continuing to sleep with my ex just to have an excuse to be around him. I really hit rock bottom during that time period. I dug myself into a deeper mess by not sticking to my guns-by not leaving him even though I get that he deserved it. And he didn’t cheat but he did do something terrible. But I genuinely felt that he was a good guy. And breaking up with him felt wrong. Being away from him also felt wrong. Rarely during our relationship did I feel like I was making the right determining decisions about what I should be doing or how I should react to him.
What does it mean when you doubt yourself during a breakup?
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