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You're probably checking out if she's plotting anything new against you. That's totally fair. She felt unappreciated. But took her revenge way too far. For the best it didn't work out. Better she's spewing venom far away from you. Had you married her, she'd be cutting the brake lines or putting Lysol in your orange juice. Women like that are at their best when struck by lightning, falling off a cliff, a boulder falling on top of them, and vultures greedily eyeing their next meal.
@ObscuredBeyond I deduced that she most likely cheated on me a week before she dumped me. I know she was involved with a guy she met through her new job (through FB). What she did with him is absolutely none of my business AFTER we broke up. She can spread them all she wants at that point. But I think she did it right before and felt guilt about it. Instead of fessing up she decided to fixate on all my worst qualities to justify her crap. That’s how guilty people act. They either break down in remorse or they go extreme lengths to justify their shit. The reason she stuck in my mind so long is truly believed for a long time she was different. I’ve had other women do stupid crap but with her i didn’t see this coming. Anyway all I wanted all this time was 20 mins of face to face conversation for closure. That’s not happening though I had to accept that.
All I wanted once in 2007 was a simple phone call. "No. I'm not involved in the project anymore, or anything to do with you. Should never have entertained the idea. Find someone else who is more worth your time to talk to."That's all the bitch had to say. Over the phone. Once. Instead, she tried to turn my life into a CBS drama, over a bunch of crap that never happened. She wasted my time, the time of several police detectives, and even got her employer to be an accessory to frame up. All to personally destroy me, because I couldn't help her with one chemistry assignment! She was just using me for free tutoring! I thought she was a friend. After that day, I was a lot less naive.
It’s always easier for the dumper not the dumpee to move on.
@guesswhoseback Generally, that is indeed the case. In my case, with that relationship, I can't say for sure who got hit harder, but I can tell you that I was hurting for almost 2 years post the relationship. Longer than the length of the relationship aswel.
Well the dumper has to live with cognitive dissonance. They might question or regret their decision. They have to live with their choice. But dumper was also in a position of power. They ultimately made the choice to of whether or not the relationship should continue. They came to a conclusion (right or wrong) they were going to be better off without the other person. They were ready to be alone again and/or run the risk with a new person. The dumpee on the other hand is often caught off guard and feels powerless and less valuable. That’s a really shitty feeling. I broke up with my last ex and don’t regret it at all. How she REACTED at the time (threatened suicide) scared the hell out of me but also confirmed that things would get worse down the road. However I do have one regret about that one. I dated her for the sake of being in a relationship and not because I had strong feelings. That was wrong. Very wrong. Women do this shit to guys all the time (I was used as a placeholder once) and there is no justification for it. I won’t ever lead someone like that on again.
@guesswhoseback Yeah, in many cases that is indeed the case. In my case, despite having the power, she did see it coming. She just didn't like it. And it was also for her the idea of being in a relationship and having someone to constantly give her validation that made her want to be in a relationship rather than actually putting in the work to maintain it properly. Thining back objectively, the "love" she had for me was not the love for me as a person, but rather how I made her feel. I also feel no regret dumping her. Long story short, in my case, I was dealing with the post-trauma of emotional and mental abuse from her and her racist family. But I knew in mentally and in my heart that I didn't want her back. And I still don't. I get the idea that people understimate the fact that even the dumper can suffer from the break-up despite being the one to initiate it.
@TruthBringer good insight there. I was the exact reverse position 7 years ago. She dumped me but I knew it was coming. I owned up to not reciprocating the effort she put in the relationship at the time. Truth is I didn’t want to be in a relationship at that time but she did absolutely nothing wrong. If I would of met her 3 years later I would of taken a knee. But at that time I had to figure out my bs by myself. But she did something egregiously insensitive and malicious a few weeks after we split. THAT took me over 3 painful years to get over (I ultimately forgave her). It taught me a very hard lesson to never underestimate a woman’s scorn (hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn). Society approaches that dynamic that comically and dismissively. But when you are a male recipient of it there is absolutely nothing funny about it.
@guesswhoseback Perhaps you keep yourself accountable and feel guilty for the act, but ultimately, she seems to have shown you not to be worth the guilt and pain. That I'm glad for you. In the end, I think it's only a good thing that which has happened. That you didn't do it to a girl who truly was good even after the end. I can't imagine the guilt that I would befall myself if I happened to tear a girl's heart out if she happened to be a gem. Too bad that I still had to endure the pain from beginning to end because of all the crap I've had to go through during the relationship...
The difference between winners and losers and haves and have nots is how they react to shortcomings. It is human (and appropriate) to feel a period of grief, regret and pain after making a bad decision. Also as men I think we need to (privately) process our uglier emotions like crying. Unfortunately we obviously can’t do that publicly (you and I had a good discussion about Thai earlier) but discreetly. But it’s a healthy thing to do. Truth is I can’t even get myself to cry anymore (even if I wanted to). I haven’t cried over heartbreak in over 12 years now despite having plenty of it. Anyway after that’s emotionally processed you have to make a decision on where to go. Have a game plan to make better decisions in the future. I know I will never lead someone on again just because I’m lonely. Also at least with my last ex I can look back and know without any regret I did the right thing breaking up with her face to face. It was tough as hell. I knew she was already in a shitty position in her personal life (horrible family). But I gave her the respect of doing it face to face and let her scream, yell and go ballistic for over 2 hours. At least she got closure and can look back knowing she got to say what she wanted to say. But would of I been as mature in my early or mid 20s? Tbh I was late to the game with relationships. I probably wouldn’t of handled it better back then. But it’s never too late to do the right thing. Just because I was never given that opportunity (given full closure) doesn’t mean it’s okay got me to treat someone else that way. Some people (usually women) try to justify their shitty behavior towards one guy just because a different guy screwed them over in the past. That’s wrong and immature (loserish) thinking. Anyway you are ahead of the game from what I’ve read about you so far man. Keep up the good work!
Soooo.. if you're the one stalking, it's out of curiosity. If a MAN is stalking his ex, that means he isn't over them? What a nice double standard. Maybe, just MAYBE, men who stalk their exes can also do it out of curiosity? Did you think about that?
@TruthBringer I'm not stalking my Asian ex in the middle of watching Asian porn of women who closely resemble her... I know this from looking at internet history. Ha ha ha. I have never met a man who has stalked an ex just out of curiosity, but I've seen many women do it. I have never seen a woman pause in the middle of porn watching men who resemble their ex to pull up their ex to finish jacking off to.
@wolfcat87 So the few people who you somehow are sure are doing these things now respresent the majority of men in your eyes. Still flawed logic.
@TruthBringer You are really determined to twist what I am saying and put words into my mouth. Sounds like a personal issue of projection more than any real issue with what I said.
Sorry sweetheart, but you're the one who generalized men here, not me. Like I said, when you stalk your exes, it's out of curiosity. When men stalk their exes, they aren't over them. And yet I'm the one "projecting". Also, learn the difference between 'stalking' and 'obsessing' over an ex. Watching porn video's of people who "look" like your ex is not stalking your ex. It does not fit the definition. Try again.
I didn't twist anything. I've come with a comparison of a narrative which you've put forth and you haven't even refuted it. In turn, you're actually going forth in it by claiming you've never witnessed a man stalk out of curiosity. Which is a logical fallacy. I've experienced the opposite of what you've experienced. I've experienced men who do it out of curiosity and I've experienced women who do it because they are not over their ex. On top of that, there are dozens of articles out there advising women not to stalk their ex while not being over them. So the narrative you put forth is not factual, but subjective.
@TruthBringer "for some people maybe. My specific words were "In my case" and "when I see". So, you're either twisting what I said and putting words into my mouth, or you are not very good at reading comprehension... Learn to read instead of acting like an illiterate nut who makes everything about him. Clearly, this is a YOU issue. You're the only one generalizing. You're so blinded in this crazy, egotistical, insecure frenzy you've entered that you have not managed to read what I actually said properly even once in all this silly, petty ranting of yours. Get over yourself.
HAhahahah the level of projection is palpable. Even with those key words added, you're still generalizing. It may still be a subjective generalization (which I've already mentioned being subjective), but you're generalizing. You said in your case you're a curious person. So the"in my case" is referred to being a curious person. You've mentioned when YOU SEE men stalking. That means you're experiencing something and then proceed to generalize without putting a disclaimer. Sweetheart, your gas lighting and backpeddling attempts have failed.
This is so far the best answer given
And I am not interested in ever searching his instagram againI am not like in love anymore cause I am not sad but I will always care
Once or twice a year: and then 20 years later.. that's a shining example of someone who is hung up on their ex.
Especially 20 years later I would put such behavior in category of being curious than being love sick.
I'm hung up on my ex, and have looked her up once or twice a year for 20+ years now. As she does me I'm sure. We both screwed up and regret it (we talked a few years ago), but now it's impossible to be together, so it's longing and regret on the menu.