I think that if a guy stalks his ex on social media it definitely means he isn't over her. Guys take breakups hard. If he is the dumper it means he feels a lot of regret.
I think women are more likely to stalk an ex out of curiousity. They aren't serious about getting back together but they are fantasizing about it. The more intense they do it then the more the feelings are still there.
Either way... if an ex partner (it does NOT matter if they were the dumper or dumpee) is stalking an exe's social media it means there is still residual feelings. It is a good sign.
The solution is continue no contact. If they like a post or comment on a post or something. continue to ignore all social media comments by them.
The only time you reply to an ex is if they say something significant about wanting to "catch Up" or "meet up' again. "I miss you" or "I love you" or "happy birthday" is not significant. There has to be a mention of wanting to meet up again along with something sincere.
In my eyes it means you truly care about that person and you just want to see how they are doing or coping with the break up. But at the same time jeaulousy might take over I. e. if that person is taking it better than you are or moving on faster. Just be sure when you do look that person up keep an open mind about it and be literally happy if that actual person has moved on or is doing ok. And I think stalk is to much of a harsh word if you just wanna check up on a person. Just saying no offense.
First off, why would I still be on my ex's social media? After I break up with anyone, I burn that bridge!!! All social media and aspects of their life? GONE. But that's just me.
As for your question? Not necessarily. You could be checking up on them and seeing how their life is going- are they doing well or poorly. Basically you're being nosy. But typically most people go to their ex's page because they're not over them, or want to see have them move on yet... especially if they're seeing someone, yet you're still single.
Generally speaking, people who stalk their exes happened to be he ones who haven't gotten over them. However, that doesn't mean that just because you're stalking your ex, means that you're not over it. There are nuances at play here. There are people who have gracefully moved on with their lives and have no unresolved feelings who stalk their ex out of curiosity. It You can be in an even better relationship and enjoy your life and still be curious about the person you used to share memories with.
Although it's always best to NOT stalk an ex, regardless if you've gracefully moved on or not. But there are people out there who are still curious. Especially when it comes to reflecting back to see. An ex who happens to be a 'loser' in the end validates the break-up even more.
Some time ago, when I last stalked my ex, I found out that she was WORSE off compared to when we were together. And she is in a state that I am happy I broke off the relationship despite it had hurt me a lot in the past. While I'm actually in a much better state than I was before. It gave me confirmation that all the self-doubt that was inflicted on me by myself and her family was undeserving and that I had more positive influence within that relationship than negative.
So short answer: In many cases, yes, but not with everyone.
@guesswhoseback Generally, that is indeed the case. In my case, with that relationship, I can't say for sure who got hit harder, but I can tell you that I was hurting for almost 2 years post the relationship. Longer than the length of the relationship aswel.
Well the dumper has to live with cognitive dissonance. They might question or regret their decision. They have to live with their choice.
But dumper was also in a position of power. They ultimately made the choice to of whether or not the relationship should continue. They came to a conclusion (right or wrong) they were going to be better off without the other person. They were ready to be alone again and/or run the risk with a new person. The dumpee on the other hand is often caught off guard and feels powerless and less valuable. That’s a really shitty feeling.
I broke up with my last ex and don’t regret it at all. How she REACTED at the time (threatened suicide) scared the hell out of me but also confirmed that things would get worse down the road.
However I do have one regret about that one. I dated her for the sake of being in a relationship and not because I had strong feelings. That was wrong. Very wrong. Women do this shit to guys all the time (I was used as a placeholder once) and there is no justification for it. I won’t ever lead someone like that on again.
@guesswhoseback Yeah, in many cases that is indeed the case. In my case, despite having the power, she did see it coming. She just didn't like it. And it was also for her the idea of being in a relationship and having someone to constantly give her validation that made her want to be in a relationship rather than actually putting in the work to maintain it properly. Thining back objectively, the "love" she had for me was not the love for me as a person, but rather how I made her feel. I also feel no regret dumping her. Long story short, in my case, I was dealing with the post-trauma of emotional and mental abuse from her and her racist family. But I knew in mentally and in my heart that I didn't want her back. And I still don't. I get the idea that people understimate the fact that even the dumper can suffer from the break-up despite being the one to initiate it.
@TruthBringer good insight there. I was the exact reverse position 7 years ago. She dumped me but I knew it was coming. I owned up to not reciprocating the effort she put in the relationship at the time. Truth is I didn’t want to be in a relationship at that time but she did absolutely nothing wrong. If I would of met her 3 years later I would of taken a knee. But at that time I had to figure out my bs by myself.
But she did something egregiously insensitive and malicious a few weeks after we split. THAT took me over 3 painful years to get over (I ultimately forgave her). It taught me a very hard lesson to never underestimate a woman’s scorn (hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn).
Society approaches that dynamic that comically and dismissively. But when you are a male recipient of it there is absolutely nothing funny about it.
@guesswhoseback Perhaps you keep yourself accountable and feel guilty for the act, but ultimately, she seems to have shown you not to be worth the guilt and pain. That I'm glad for you. In the end, I think it's only a good thing that which has happened. That you didn't do it to a girl who truly was good even after the end. I can't imagine the guilt that I would befall myself if I happened to tear a girl's heart out if she happened to be a gem. Too bad that I still had to endure the pain from beginning to end because of all the crap I've had to go through during the relationship...
The difference between winners and losers and haves and have nots is how they react to shortcomings.
It is human (and appropriate) to feel a period of grief, regret and pain after making a bad decision. Also as men I think we need to (privately) process our uglier emotions like crying. Unfortunately we obviously can’t do that publicly (you and I had a good discussion about Thai earlier) but discreetly. But it’s a healthy thing to do. Truth is I can’t even get myself to cry anymore (even if I wanted to). I haven’t cried over heartbreak in over 12 years now despite having plenty of it.
Anyway after that’s emotionally processed you have to make a decision on where to go. Have a game plan to make better decisions in the future. I know I will never lead someone on again just because I’m lonely.
Also at least with my last ex I can look back and know without any regret I did the right thing breaking up with her face to face. It was tough as hell. I knew she was already in a shitty position in her personal life (horrible family). But I gave her the respect of doing it face to face and let her scream, yell and go ballistic for over 2 hours. At least she got closure and can look back knowing she got to say what she wanted to say.
But would of I been as mature in my early or mid 20s? Tbh I was late to the game with relationships. I probably wouldn’t of handled it better back then. But it’s never too late to do the right thing.
Just because I was never given that opportunity (given full closure) doesn’t mean it’s okay got me to treat someone else that way. Some people (usually women) try to justify their shitty behavior towards one guy just because a different guy screwed them over in the past. That’s wrong and immature (loserish) thinking.
Anyway you are ahead of the game from what I’ve read about you so far man. Keep up the good work!
Ha ha ha, for some people maybe. In my case, I'm just a curious person. Most of the time I'm not thinking of any of my exes. Occasionally one will pop up in my head, and I'll think what are they doing now? Are they alive? Doing better or worse? Then, I will go stalk their accounts for a moment and forget them again soon after. There were a few exes whose mothers hated me. I always wondered if I was the issue or if their mothers were, Their sons are all failing miserably in life now. So, that means their mothers are idiots who messed them up. On the other hand, I just got prettier, wealthier, and am living the dream. It just reaffirms the path I am on and reminds me of how blessed I am that those boys/men are no longer in my life. Sometimes people leaving your life is the best thing ever. I shudder to think how they would have dragged me down with them had we stayed together.
On the other hand, when I see men stalking exes they really are not over them. Especially when you see their porn history match up to the woman they are stalking. Eww much?
Soooo.. if you're the one stalking, it's out of curiosity. If a MAN is stalking his ex, that means he isn't over them? What a nice double standard. Maybe, just MAYBE, men who stalk their exes can also do it out of curiosity? Did you think about that?
@TruthBringer I'm not stalking my Asian ex in the middle of watching Asian porn of women who closely resemble her... I know this from looking at internet history. Ha ha ha. I have never met a man who has stalked an ex just out of curiosity, but I've seen many women do it. I have never seen a woman pause in the middle of porn watching men who resemble their ex to pull up their ex to finish jacking off to.
@TruthBringer You are really determined to twist what I am saying and put words into my mouth. Sounds like a personal issue of projection more than any real issue with what I said.
Sorry sweetheart, but you're the one who generalized men here, not me. Like I said, when you stalk your exes, it's out of curiosity. When men stalk their exes, they aren't over them. And yet I'm the one "projecting". Also, learn the difference between 'stalking' and 'obsessing' over an ex. Watching porn video's of people who "look" like your ex is not stalking your ex. It does not fit the definition. Try again.
I didn't twist anything. I've come with a comparison of a narrative which you've put forth and you haven't even refuted it. In turn, you're actually going forth in it by claiming you've never witnessed a man stalk out of curiosity. Which is a logical fallacy. I've experienced the opposite of what you've experienced. I've experienced men who do it out of curiosity and I've experienced women who do it because they are not over their ex. On top of that, there are dozens of articles out there advising women not to stalk their ex while not being over them. So the narrative you put forth is not factual, but subjective.
@TruthBringer "for some people maybe. My specific words were "In my case" and "when I see". So, you're either twisting what I said and putting words into my mouth, or you are not very good at reading comprehension... Learn to read instead of acting like an illiterate nut who makes everything about him. Clearly, this is a YOU issue. You're the only one generalizing. You're so blinded in this crazy, egotistical, insecure frenzy you've entered that you have not managed to read what I actually said properly even once in all this silly, petty ranting of yours. Get over yourself.
HAhahahah the level of projection is palpable. Even with those key words added, you're still generalizing. It may still be a subjective generalization (which I've already mentioned being subjective), but you're generalizing. You said in your case you're a curious person. So the"in my case" is referred to being a curious person. You've mentioned when YOU SEE men stalking. That means you're experiencing something and then proceed to generalize without putting a disclaimer. Sweetheart, your gas lighting and backpeddling attempts have failed.
This is complicated. I have one ex that split up with me years ago but at the time I wanted/needed her too. I had serious issues to figure out in my life.
I also owned up to not doing my part back then. I didn’t cheat but I failed to reciprocate the effort she put in the relationship.
But when we split I thought we made an agreement to have mutual respect for each other. However I was wrong. Dead wrong.
For the longest time I wanted just 20 mins of closure about something very extremely malicious she said to me after we split.
It was so nasty I couldn’t even believe my ears at the time. I figured she was speaking out of heartbreak and feminine scorn. I figured she would of apologized about it later (while making it clear we were split up).
You can apologize to an ex without having an agenda for something else. I truly thought she was mature enough to understand that.
But again I was wrong. So I find myself checking up on her on social media time to time. It’s been a few years now and I know I shouldn’t do that. But I do and I wish I didn’t.
You're probably checking out if she's plotting anything new against you. That's totally fair. She felt unappreciated. But took her revenge way too far. For the best it didn't work out. Better she's spewing venom far away from you. Had you married her, she'd be cutting the brake lines or putting Lysol in your orange juice. Women like that are at their best when struck by lightning, falling off a cliff, a boulder falling on top of them, and vultures greedily eyeing their next meal.
@ObscuredBeyond I deduced that she most likely cheated on me a week before she dumped me. I know she was involved with a guy she met through her new job (through FB). What she did with him is absolutely none of my business AFTER we broke up. She can spread them all she wants at that point.
But I think she did it right before and felt guilt about it. Instead of fessing up she decided to fixate on all my worst qualities to justify her crap.
That’s how guilty people act. They either break down in remorse or they go extreme lengths to justify their shit.
The reason she stuck in my mind so long is truly believed for a long time she was different. I’ve had other women do stupid crap but with her i didn’t see this coming.
Anyway all I wanted all this time was 20 mins of face to face conversation for closure. That’s not happening though I had to accept that.
All I wanted once in 2007 was a simple phone call. "No. I'm not involved in the project anymore, or anything to do with you. Should never have entertained the idea. Find someone else who is more worth your time to talk to."
That's all the bitch had to say. Over the phone. Once. Instead, she tried to turn my life into a CBS drama, over a bunch of crap that never happened. She wasted my time, the time of several police detectives, and even got her employer to be an accessory to frame up. All to personally destroy me, because I couldn't help her with one chemistry assignment! She was just using me for free tutoring! I thought she was a friend. After that day, I was a lot less naive.
I stalked my ex for confirmation on what happened between us because I didn’t get closure. After finding out everything that I needed to know I felt so betrayed but I also felt like the truth set me free. After a while I would continue to look at his page thinking something would give hint to whether he felt any guilt about how he treated me or if the girl he cheated on me with gave him a taste of his own medicine. He didn’t seem to be doing good and that didn’t make me feel better... surprisingly. I just felt like it was a shame that things went the way they did. I looked at his social media for months out of just wanting more “closure” however I honestly didn’t need more. I began to realize that I was doing unnecessary stalking when I honestly no longer cared. I knew what I needed to know, I didn’t get a single bit of pleasure from seeing him doing bad, and seeing him do good or post his accomplishments didn’t make me feel anything either. I was indifferent to him. I guess I was still looking out of curiosity if something would change or give tell to the information I already knew. I decided I was tripping and should fall back and let it be. I haven’t looked at his page in a while now
Not over them in the sense that you're not prepared to just enjoy your life for what it has to offer. You're looking back to compare contrast your lives/relationships/appearance now.
If you're competing with an ex on any level whatsoever you are not over your ex.
If you can truly say the most you've thought about your ex was a passing positive memory then went on about your day. Or a passing thought of how your new guy is better and how happy you are now. Then you can say you're over them.
People who are over their ex don't have to consider if xyz means if they're over them or not
I occasionally find myself checking up on an ex or old friend. I don't consider it stalking though, it's just seeing if they are doing well.
Checking someones social accounts multiple times a day, week, month is obsessive. It's okay to check up on an EX once every few months, at absolute most three times a year. But honestly if you're doing it that much there is definitely some sort if lingering feelings
Nope, I don’t stalk him. He was blocked on my FB for a while, but not anymore. He occasionally likes my IG posts, as my account is public. He is my ex husband. I know what he’s up to anyway as we have children and they talk. Nothing I’m interested in by the way.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
People are not trustworthy if you don't trust them keep an eye on them if you trust them nonetheless
No not really just means you are just not ready to forget them like I use to check out the social media account of a girl I previously dated and she did not really care not unless I was doing real accurate stuff like messaging her flirterously or poking her obsessively until she just responding in question why do I keep poking her on facebook or instagram
Kind of. Me and him still see eachother's (whatsapp) stories but that is it I am not on instagram or twitter or anything so I haven't checked there except one time I am moving on but part of me will always think of him, it is natural
It varies. I remained good friends with some of them. There's really only one that I'm not over. And that's the one who has the Chinese government after her ass if she steps even a little out of line. Her and I never stood a fair chance.
Definitely not over that ex. Why else would you want to show interest in them still? Example, do you lookup a car you don’t like clothing you’re not interested in? Nope.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I don't know why I read this as "still talk" and not stalk. I don't stalk anyone on social media lol. I am actually still friends with my ex ona nd off social media tho and do talk to him from time to time on there. I am over him tho. He's married.
If you RARELY check that’s fine but if you do it often we have a problem. Considering you two are no longer friends, maybe check whenever you stumble on their profile that’s fine
Absolutely true! Now, not being completely over someone doesn't necessarily mean you want to get back together, but they are in fact still on your mind (which gives you power over them).
Depends how frequently you do that. If you check one, two times in a year their account it's not really a problem. If someone does it two times weekly, the person is definitely not over their ex.
I'm hung up on my ex, and have looked her up once or twice a year for 20+ years now. As she does me I'm sure. We both screwed up and regret it (we talked a few years ago), but now it's impossible to be together, so it's longing and regret on the menu.
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